Dating an SP. Anyone else?

[AFFan2026]

So I'm in a long distance relationship with an SP and was wondering about other people's experience, if any, regarding the situation. We started out here in Vancouver, but she travels internationally for the most part. After a few sessions in Vancouver, we clicked really well, and she wanted to see me outside of work and we started up. I have never paid for any of her time while we have been dating. She even paid for the vast majority of our dates in Vancouver when we were out. Not going to lie, the initial feeling was quite thrilling given the fact that so many people pay for her time, while I didn't have to. I've since flown to see her a few times, and she will generally pay for accommodations and our activities. Its been fun and stressful at times. I care about her a lot, but each new destination brings a whole different set of anxiety.

Like I'm definitely not the best looking guy nor the richest guy. I've seen what some of the guys on here will spend on her, and wow you guys are in a different tax bracket. I'm sure she doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I guess there is worry about a lot of things. I understand just breaking it off would be best for my mental health at times, but, like I said, I have caught some pretty heavy feelings. How have some of you navigated these kinds of relationships?

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Well this has been covered ad infinitum.
New Pooner, the search bar can help you find older threads on this same topic which has been discussed at least 3 maybe 4 times since I have been hanging out on perb.

 

[John Aston]

So I'm in a long distance relationship with an SP and was wondering about other people's experience, if any, regarding the situation. We started out here in Vancouver, but she travels internationally for the most part. After a few sessions in Vancouver, we clicked really well, and she wanted to see me outside of work and we started up. I have never paid for any of her time while we have been dating. She even paid for the vast majority of our dates in Vancouver when we were out. Not going to lie, the initial feeling was quite thrilling given the fact that so many people pay for her time, while I didn't have to. I've since flown to see her a few times, and she will generally pay for accommodations and our activities. Its been fun and stressful at times. I care about her a lot, but each new destination brings a whole different set of anxiety.

Like I'm definitely not the best looking guy nor the richest guy. I've seen what some of the guys on here will spend on her, and wow you guys are in a different tax bracket. I'm sure she doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I guess there is worry about a lot of things. I understand just breaking it off would be best for my mental health at times, but, like I said, I have caught some pretty heavy feelings. How have some of you navigated these kinds of relationships?

You haven’t identified the problem. I would try to enjoy the ride. You live once.

 

[Newuser505]

I had a similar situation. Just remember the saying: a candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast.

Enjoy it bro.

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Like I'm definitely not the best looking guy nor the richest guy. I've seen what some of the guys on here will spend on her, and wow you guys are in a different tax bracket. I'm sure she doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I guess there is worry about a lot of things. I understand just breaking it off would be best for my mental health at times, but, like I said, I have caught some pretty heavy feelings. How have some of you navigated these kinds of relationships?

Can you tell us what is it that makes you uncomfortable, that worries you?

 

[Bang4thebuck]

I could never date a SP. There are so many potential issues and complications it wouldn't even be worth considering for me. I'm also not a very trusting person so I'd just assume they're trying to play me for my money the whole time.

 

[ChromeGasCap]

In order to commit you have to value the other person.
Men do not share that in which they value, which is why men never let another man ride their motorcycle, as an example of this.
It is not insecurity, it is biology in that a man naturally wants to protect that which he values.
If a man values that women, it will over time eat at his psychology, knowing she is frequently with other men.
If a man is ok with the knowledge that a woman he is close to is frequently with other men, that man does not have a high value for that woman.

 

[Larry's Torch]

(snip)
I'm sure she doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I guess there is worry about a lot of things. I understand just breaking it off would be best for my mental health at times, but, like I said, I have caught some pretty heavy feelings. How have some of you navigated these kinds of relationships?

I was in a similar situation. However at first there was always an expectation of payment; but at a drastically reduced rate. It began to turn into a fwb situation and the feelings on my part were getting stronger. Always in the back of my mind was the thought that she would eventually find someone else and would just disappear one day leaving me with the emotional mess to clean up. It didn't feel stable or like a committed relationship. The attention from a younger, attractive woman was amazing! Over time a realized it wasn't something that would last and eventually broke it off. It wasn't easy and a big part of my mind was fighting this every step of the way; but my stress levels dropped as I was no longer worried about her leaving out if the blue.

 

[AFFan2026]

I was in a similar situation. However at first there was always an expectation of payment; but at a drastically reduced rate. It began to turn into a fwb situation and the feelings on my part were getting stronger. Always in the back of my mind was the thought that she would eventually find someone else and would just disappear one day leaving me with the emotional mess to clean up. It didn't feel stable or like a committed relationship. The attention from a younger, attractive woman was amazing! Over time a realized it wasn't something that would last and eventually broke it off. It wasn't easy and a big part of my mind was fighting this every step of the way; but my stress levels dropped as I was no longer worried about her leaving out if the blue.

I guess this pretty much nails it on the head. Like she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, and guys are throwing everything at her to try to date her. She shows me some of her DMs. She shows me some of the client messages and such. She's pretty open about it all and wants to reassure me, but I don't think I have anywhere near the self confidence to think I will be able to keep her. Especially given the distance. I can separate her from her work. Its just a means to an end. She wants to get out of the business in another year and a half and is working towards that. There really is no expectation from me to support her or anything.

I guess it really comes down to worrying about her safety as she works across the world. There is worry that, while I don't care that she has sex for money, she interacts with guys on a daily basis that could potentially just cause her to up and leave me. Investing my own feelings only to get hurt when everyone else would say what else did I expect to happen? That kind of thing. It's great in the moments we are together, and even in "normal" relationships the same things could happen. But I don't know.

 

[ChromeGasCap]

I guess this pretty much nails it on the head. Like she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, and guys are throwing everything at her to try to date her. She shows me some of her DMs. She shows me some of the client messages and such. She's pretty open about it all and wants to reassure me, but I don't think I have anywhere near the self confidence to think I will be able to keep her. Especially given the distance. I can separate her from her work. Its just a means to an end. She wants to get out of the business in another year and a half and is working towards that. There really is no expectation from me to support her or anything.

I guess it really comes down to worrying about her safety as she works across the world. There is worry that, while I don't care that she has sex for money, she interacts with guys on a daily basis that could potentially just cause her to up and leave me. Investing my own feelings only to get hurt when everyone else would say what else did I expect to happen? That kind of thing. It's great in the moments we are together, and even in "normal" relationships the same things could happen. But I don't know.

Sounds like you truly value this woman.
Try not to get too much in your head, and be open about how you are feeling to her.
Before opening up though, I would advise giving a lot of thought to your discussion and do a lot of introspection, as men we tend to not communicate our feelings very well.
Just because you have the feelings and concerns that you do, does not mean the outcome is predetermined.

 

[Larry's Torch]

It can be really tough navigating this type of situation. The 'feels' can make it difficult to figure things out a lot of the time. If she has an exit plan in a year or so then that shows she's thought this out and isn't just doing it until she can't handle it any more. I'm not saying you should end this or not, clearly your choice, but my feeling is if it has the potential to turn into something long term after she retires then you both should discuss putting it on hold until she does so and then pick it up afterward. If you both feel the same way about each other at that time, then give it a shot.
Disclaimer: This is "free advice" from a random person in an internet forum. 🤨

 

[MB Mod]

So I'm in a long distance relationship with an SP and was wondering about other people's experience, if any, regarding the situation. We started out here in Vancouver, but she travels internationally for the most part. After a few sessions in Vancouver, we clicked really well, and she wanted to see me outside of work and we started up. I have never paid for any of her time while we have been dating. She even paid for the vast majority of our dates in Vancouver when we were out. Not going to lie, the initial feeling was quite thrilling given the fact that so many people pay for her time, while I didn't have to. I've since flown to see her a few times, and she will generally pay for accommodations and our activities. Its been fun and stressful at times. I care about her a lot, but each new destination brings a whole different set of anxiety.

Like I'm definitely not the best looking guy nor the richest guy. I've seen what some of the guys on here will spend on her, and wow you guys are in a different tax bracket. I'm sure she doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I guess there is worry about a lot of things. I understand just breaking it off would be best for my mental health at times, but, like I said, I have caught some pretty heavy feelings. How have some of you navigated these kinds of relationships?

You do understand that PERB is an escort review board and not penthouse forum? I fail to see any reason to post this unless you’re going to try and promote your “friend” well guess what that’s been tried many times before and they are all in perbatory!

 

[AFFan2026]

You do understand that PERB is an escort review board and not penthouse forum? I fail to see any reason to post this unless you’re going to try and promote your “friend” well guess what that’s been tried many times before and they are all in perbatory!

I mean. This site is for people who engage with escorts and SPs, so wouldn't you think this is where I would find someone that has dealt with this or is dealing with this and I'm asking for their experience in it?

 

[LusciousLouis]

You do understand that PERB is an escort review board and not penthouse forum? I fail to see any reason to post this unless you’re going to try and promote your “friend” well guess what that’s been tried many times before and they are all in perbatory!

I see value in this discussion. You may not but isn't this the lounge where we hang out, pour a glass of scotch and smoke cigars and talk about things that are on our mind that may relate to others in the room?

 

[harryenjai]

To give some perspective, you say that you don’t care that she has sex for money and that it’s a means to an end. That’s how you rationalize it, that there are no emotions involved. Well, she picked up feelings for you during initial paid sessions with her, and it stands likely that she may encounter someone else she picks up feelings for who isn’t a flight away. Sorry, but I don’t think this is going to end well.

 

[AFFan2026]

To give some perspective, you say that you don’t care that she has sex for money and that it’s a means to an end. That’s how you rationalize it, that there are no emotions involved. Well, she picked up feelings for you during initial paid sessions with her, and it stands likely that she may encounter someone else she picks up feelings for who isn’t a flight away. Sorry, but I don’t think this is going to end well.

Yes. This is what I said. Me not caring about her job is saying that I'm not defining her by it. I'm afraid that her daily interactions with other guys will one day cause her to see one of them as a better partner. Having said that, this is pretty much the basis for any jealousy. Even in a "normal" relationship, any interaction with someone else could also result in this outcome. It's just putting trust into the other person to not let it happen. Obviously, sex is a different level than just talking to someone regularly and that kind of thing. That's why I started this discussion.

She had daily and weekly clients while here. She has international clients that will fly her out. Like it's a lot going on with her, but she reassures me that she loves me and wants a future. Its just a lot to process. I'm pretty new to even using escorts, so this is a whole other ballgame.

 

[Forum mod]

Yeah, this is a horse that's been beaten to death, buried, exhumed more times than necessary to be beaten again and reburied. Closed.