Busted!

[tedsweettangv]

If you were not having sex with her, and you were seeing hookers, she has to shoulder some of the responsibility. If you are just a horn toad, then she is screwed because you will do it again.

None of that really matters, and she might be a wonderful person and not rub your nose in it, don't hold your breath. The big thing is no matter what, she won't ever trust you again. Why would she? You have proved yourself to be untrustworthy, that sort thing is almost impossible to regain.

I am not judging, do what you want, I don't care. It has nothing to do with any moral judgement about sex. Once you have betrayed a person's trust on something they consider a big deal, regaining it is more that an uphill battle.

 

[dipitydoo]

If you were not having sex with her, and you were seeing hookers, she has to shoulder some of the responsibility. If you are just a horn toad, then she is screwed because you will do it again.

None of that really matters, and she might be a wonderful person and not rub your nose in it, don't hold your breath. The big thing is no matter what, she won't ever trust you again. Why would she? You have proved yourself to be untrustworthy, that sort thing is almost impossible to regain.

I am not judging, do what you want, I don't care. It has nothing to do with any moral judgement about sex. Once you have betrayed a person's trust on something they consider a big deal, regaining it is more that an uphill battle.

thanks tedsweettangv, I understand what you're saying about losing someone's trust. I am dealing with the fact that as you wrote, it will be extremely difficult (if not nearly impossible) to regain her trust completely.

I understand how most people say that if I did that before, I will do it again. History repeating. I agree to some respect, but sometimes there are things in our life that make us do a 180 degree turn, and I believe this is one of those things for me, although knowing the outcome for the future is not something we can do...

thank you for your words.

 

[eurhythmia]

I've had my fair share of close calls. Sounds like this gal is worth keeping around. I think many women would have tossed your busted ass onto the street.

And on another note:

Krustee, you are either a moralizing half-wit or just trying to stir things up. I suspect the former is the case. In my view it is our culture and beliefs of monogamy, christian values, etc. that is fucked up.

 

[Lesbian Hunter]

Why the hell -
is it you were seeing another woman (& a hooker at that) when you are in a supposedly committed relationship with another?



I don't know about wishing you luck -
in my opinion YOU fucked up & should voluntarily quit the relationship as you have no idea what "committed' & "faithful" means.

You reap what you sow & you live & learn.

Get over yourself. Do you think everyone who poons is single? I'm sure he knows that he's the author of his own fate, but cut the guy some slack as he deals with his wife.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Krustee, you are either a moralizing half-wit or just trying to stir things up. I suspect the former is the case. In my view it is our culture and beliefs of monogamy, christian values, etc. that is fucked up.

Agree with you 300% there.

All of our expectations out of relationships and monogamy are ridiculously unrealistic.. Right from the start we are a set up to fail and makes it so any kind of real honesty about things as time goes by, is impossible. It forces us to either act on it and do so in a dishonest way, or even if one chooses not act on it, the fact remains that he/she is still needs to be dishonest about even having had the desire in the first place.

Our whole mentality is just fucked. It's easier to ignore and pretend it isn't there, than it is to say it out loud and discuss it honestly. Monogamy might be right for some people, but I would suspect that out of these people, the ones who are being truly honest with themselves or their partners, are very few. If by marrying someone it meant never to talk to someone of the opposite sex again, I would think that a few years down the line, the conversation would be hella boring and revolve over the same topics over and over again. IMO same with sex to some degree. We are just programmed to think as sex as a huge deal, something you 'save' for someone you love; we're told that unless it 'means' something' , it's bad. It's BS. Sex itself doesn't need any love involved. It can be a variety of different combinations. And you'll still always have a type of sex & intimacy that you only find or want with that person.

But having that with someone doesn't mean you'll never want to explore other things. It shouldn't mean that you should have to be completely dishonest about having that desire, whether you choose to act on it or not in the end. Keeping quiet and lying about it doesn't mean it isn't the one you feel.

One day hopefully more people will stop buying into the BS that we are taught to believe is 'right', maybe more people will actually start to think for themselves, question what they've simply accepted as beliefs and speak up about it. Then maybe more people will actually start to be honest with themselves and others about it. Until then I guess we'll just keep our heads in the sand, just cause that's what we're taught so it must be the right thing to do.


Yup.. sorry... another post that ended up way longer than I was going for.. oh well.. I just think it's so insane of people to expect what they expect out of marriage & monogamy, and I don't understand why it's supposed to be better to be dishonest about it, because it's 'easier' that way. Meh.


Sorry ya got caught.. but maybe it's your chance to be honest about more than just your pooning and hit the real reasons and issues behind it.

 

[eurhythmia]

... I don't think it's in our genes to be monogamous. Men and women have different sexual strategies but for neither does it include being faithful to one partner life-long. For men it entails much more promiscuity than for women. The point is that if I'm right then you'll be fighting your own biology for the rest of your life.

Ain't no easy answers fo sho!

An honest appraisal of our genetic disposition unfortunately dictates a dishonest strategy of satisfying our biology. The secrecy and dishonesty, breach of trust?, is necessary to avoid inflicting hurt and suffering to my SO. Maintaining a monogamous sexuality would be a suffering imposed on me.

Again, the culture needs to change and adapt. Not us. We are the advance guard. The standard bearers. Perhaps we should be awarded the Honour of Canada medal for our courageous efforts.

 

[dipitydoo]

there are so many factors in this we don't know that would play into the success or failure of trying to work things out.

And there's been a lot of good advice passed out--kudos to Miss Bijou for her post--but in the end you should do a real assessment of where you want to go long term with your relationship. I would strongly advice you to find a good counsellor, someone who would not be judgmental of your behaviour. An impartial 3rd party can really hear what's going on--assess the dynamic as it were.

You need to find an honest answer to the question of whether you'll ever go off the reservation again, long term.

Personally, I don't think it's in our genes to be monogamous. Men and women have different sexual strategies but for neither does it include being faithful to one partner life-long. For men it entails much more promiscuity than for women. The point is that if I'm right then you'll be fighting your own biology for the rest of your life.

Ain't no easy answers fo sho!

hey reddog thanks for your input. "The wheels are in motion" already, I have searched outside help and as I mentioned, it is only the beginning of a journey.

I am mostly aware of the issues surrounding what happened, the difficulties in being happy, satiated and excited in a monogamous relationship. Sex is definitely a complex thing when you factor in all the extra bits and pieces like emotional, moral and ethical values that are imposed upon us or tacitally accepted.

I just desire women so much, I find them so beautiful and the fantasy of being able to be physically intimate with them is extremely strong in me. It is not easy at all to have to deal with such a strong desire and an equally strong desire to be a good man with and for your partner. Sometimes I start thinking about whether or not an open relationship would be a better option, but it is a great unknown... I associate open relationships with a type of person that I am not intrinsically attracted to, but maybe I am just being hypocritical.

This is such a great topic when you're just discussing it to figure out what your take on things is, but it becomes so much more difficult and overpowering when it touches you directly and every comment, every opinion, every decision you have dictates the outcome of your life as a human being.

Thanks again for the insight.

 

[Krustee]

Krustee, while I realize you're stating the fact, you are still being an ass.

I agree- Krusty, what kind of a Dickhead are you??
What an asshole statement to make.

Krustee - until you've walked in another man's shoes, you should consider getting off your high horse.

Get over yourself. Do you think everyone who poons is single? I'm sure he knows that he's the author of his own fate, but cut the guy some slack as he deals with his wife.

Who said this was his "wife"??

A bit judgemental, aren't we?
Seems to me that none of us, who frequent hookers, not to mention a hooker review board, should be casting many stones when it comes to women and relationships.....eh?

I have a rule I live by -
IF I'm in a "committed" relationship I do not fuck other women - PERIOD!!!

Ya wanna fool around? - fine...
Don't give a FALSE sense of monogomy to your woman (SO).

It's quite simple really

He suffers from a superiority complex. He's superior to everybody in what he considers the "in-crowd" in every way- just ask him.

And THEN, If you're not careful he'll start bragging about his (alleged) Beamer and expensive watch and how he gave an SP 50 orgasms on St Patrick's day just to show you how important he is

And dippitty I sympathise.

Why do you sympathise do you get busted often?

I've had my fair share of close calls. Sounds like this gal is worth keeping around. I think many women would have tossed your busted ass onto the street.

Well if she's "worth keeping around" is she not worth being honest with?

What exactly is her "worth"?

Where is the line that you don't cross? - (beating her?)

And on another note:

Krustee, you are either a moralizing half-wit or just trying to stir things up. I suspect the former is the case. In my view it is our culture and beliefs of monogamy, christian values, etc. that is fucked up.

Yes, you got me pegged eurythmia - I'm "a moralizing half-wit" you can easily look back through my posts on this board & tell my IQ is sub double digit.

Oh & as far as that moralizing thingy I assume this is your intended vernacular:

mor·al·ize Pronunciation [mawr-uh-lahyz] Pronunciation verb, -ized, -iz·ing.
–verb (used without object)

1. to reflect on or express opinions about something in terms of right and wrong, esp. in a self-righteous or tiresome way.
2. to explain in a moral sense, or draw a moral from.
3. to improve the morals of.

Do you disagree with the terms right & wrong or the fact that I inferred to them in my commentary?

Agree with you 300% there.

All of our expectations out of relationships and monogamy are ridiculously unrealistic.. Right from the start we are a set up to fail and makes it so any kind of real honesty about things as time goes by, is impossible.
It forces us to either act on it and do so in a dishonest way, or even if one chooses not act on it, the fact remains that he/she is still needs to be dishonest about even having had the desire in the first place.
Our whole mentality is just fucked. It's easier to ignore and pretend it isn't there, than it is to say it out loud and discuss it honestly.

Gee Bijou - that is an interesting way of looking at things.. ???

So, if we apply that same logic to - oh, let's say your property taxes on your home... then as soon as you deem it ridiculously unrealistic to be paying the burgeoning increases in property tax you simply send them what you wish it was instead?

Let's for practice say it out loud & discuss it:
You need to pay ALL of your property taxes!

Why - because YOU were the one that decided that YOU wanted to buy that house in that neighbourhood!

Monogamy might be right for some people, but I would suspect that out of these people, the ones who are being truly honest with themselves or their partners, are very few. If by marrying someone it meant never to talk to someone of the opposite sex again, I would think that a few years down the line, the conversation would be hella boring and revolve over the same topics over and over again.

Another stupendously original & egoistic thought.

My GOD woman, your on a roll!!!

So, monogamy is right for some & not others???
OK - but what if your partner want's a committed relationship?

Do you just say yes KNOWING your gonna cheat on them?

Ya know, when I was married, I was allowed to talk to other women, there was no problem with that at all -
I just could not FUCK them!
(do you see the difference?)

IMO same with sex to some degree. We are just programmed to think as sex as a huge deal, something you 'save' for someone you love; we're told that unless it 'means' something' , it's bad. It's BS. Sex itself doesn't need any love involved. It can be a variety of different combinations. And you'll still always have a type of sex & intimacy that you only find or want with that person.

But having that with someone doesn't mean you'll never want to explore other things. It shouldn't mean that you should have to be completely dishonest about having that desire, whether you choose to act on it or not in the end. Keeping quiet and lying about it doesn't mean it isn't the one you feel.

Yup - we agree on this - SEX is a big stigma for people but should not be.

Religion has played a big role in this but religion has played a big role in the history of mankind so why not sex too?

Sex is good but anyone who has seen Caligula or studied their history will know of the perils of illicit sex the disease & the mental derangement that can result in intemperance.

Have we learned nothing from the past?

One day hopefully more people will stop buying into the BS that we are taught to believe is 'right', maybe more people will actually start to think for themselves, question what they've simply accepted as beliefs and speak up about it. Then maybe more people will actually start to be honest with themselves and others about it. Until then I guess we'll just keep our heads in the sand, just cause that's what we're taught so it must be the right thing to do.

Yup.. sorry... another post that ended up way longer than I was going for.. oh well.. I just think it's so insane of people to expect what they expect out of marriage & monogamy, and I don't understand why it's supposed to be better to be dishonest about it, because it's 'easier' that way. Meh.

One day hopefully we won't need laws & locks on our doors because all the people suddenly developed a conscience too!

Wishfull thinking Bijou but NOT reality!

Why is it so frikin difficult for people to have some FUKING intergrity & honesty???

If you want to see & sleep with multiple people in your life find a partner who is OK with that.

Don't lie to a girl or guy & tell them your faithful then go fuck some street ho the next day!

What is so insane about marriage?
Two people are in love with one another & decide to commit to one another - HEY!!!! -
that's their choice if you don't want to make it -
DON'T make it.

Quit trying to devaluate others relationships because it does not fit your ideal!

Sorry ya got caught.. but maybe it's your chance to be honest about more than just your pooning and hit the real reasons and issues behind it.

YES!!!
Be honest for fuck sakes & tell her that you probably will end up sleeping with other women again because that is just the way you are.

That -
or you could decide to develop a backbone & some integrity so that when you give your word to somebody it actually means something.

Just a thought!

there are so many factors in this we don't know that would play into the success or failure of trying to work things out.

And there's been a lot of good advice passed out--kudos to Miss Bijou for her post--but in the end you should do a real assessment of where you want to go long term with your relationship. I would strongly advice you to find a good counsellor, someone who would not be judgmental of your behaviour. An impartial 3rd party can really hear what's going on--assess the dynamic as it were.

You need to find an honest answer to the question of whether you'll ever go off the reservation again, long term.

"off the reservation"
What the hell does that imply?

LOOK folks, if ya don't want the constraints of a committed relationship then DON'T enter in to one!

Personally, I don't think it's in our genes to be monogamous. Men and women have different sexual strategies but for neither does it include being faithful to one partner life-long. For men it entails much more promiscuity than for women. The point is that if I'm right then you'll be fighting your own biology for the rest of your life.

Ain't no easy answers fo sho!

Not in our genes??
So your a doctor I assume?

- HOGWASH!

Animals in nature have been documented to have life long mates - here are a few:

• Gibbon apes
• wolves
• termites
• coyotes
• barn owls
• beavers
• bald eagles
• golden eagles
• condors
• swans
• brolga cranes
• French angel fish
• sandhill cranes
• pigeons
• prions (a seabird)
• red-tailed hawks
• anglerfish
• ospreys
• prairie voles (a rodent)
• black vultures

So what is it about the above listed animals that mate for life that is so unnatural?

Are we beneath the above animals in our ability to control our naughty bits?

We should have a national Beaver appreciation day!

The day our national mascot, the Beaver, is honored & held in high esteem due to it's ability to keep it's nether regions in check.
But I see that as being a bit self abashing as we recognize a marmot having less promiscuous habits & more integrity than ourselves.



God help us!

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Again, the culture needs to change and adapt. Not us. We are the advance guard. The standard bearers. Perhaps we should be awarded the Honour of Canada medal for our courageous efforts.

Whoa hold on there, cowboy.

I don't think you are doing anything avant-guard. Quite the opposite, you are continuing what has been done forever; pretending that monogamy is where it's at, but going ahead and playing secretly. I'm not judging in the least bit here, I do understand that coming out of secrecy would rock the boat, hurting someone in the process.... but you are merely contributing to keeping the myth of monogamy and not contributing to any change for the future. Not saying you should be doing this, but just pointing out that you are simply contributing to status quo on the situation as it's always been. So I disagree with your comment; culture needs to change and the only way it can is if we change...

Change will only happen when there is some honestly and don't keep this a secret, which I'm don't think is going to happen any time soon. Maybe on a small individual scale, but certainly not for the masses anyways.

I think most people probably realize monogamy won't work for them when they're already knee deep in situations where they've committed themselves and promised monogamy to someone who isn't likely to take the change of heart lightly or agree with it either. There is way too much on the line for most people, which is understandable. But it means no changes... and that means secrecy... which means no courageous efforts and no medal for you or others like you, my dear.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Honestly Krustee, I really don't have time to sit here and comment on all your babble. I will tell you that you definitely misunderstood some of my comments or the point I was trying to make.. you are way off. (WTF do taxes have to do with my comments? )

I'm not in a committed relationship so that isn't a problem I'm faced with, but I do question our beliefs about monogamy because I'm sure there will be some point in the future when I'm faced with having to decide what I can expect and what I can offer myself. And I don't want to go into it pretending it is for everyone. When I have been in a relationship, I have always been honest and faithful, BUT I have also never been married or in a relationship for a long time so I can't really comment from experience.

YOu can say monogamy works for you and that's fine. But just because it works for you, it doesn't mean it's for the entire human race. Refusing to acknowledge that fact and judging ppl for their choice doesn't solve any problems, it just gets you to feel and pretend you're better than everyone else out there, it just makes you one of those people who need to pretend monogamy should work for everyone.

Gee Bijou - that is an interesting way of looking at things.. ???

So, if we apply that same logic to - oh, let's say your property taxes on your home... then as soon as you deem it ridiculously unrealistic to be paying the burgeoning increases in property tax you simply send them what you wish it was instead?

Let's for practice say it out loud & discuss it:
You need to pay ALL of your property taxes!

Why - because YOU were the one that decided that YOU wanted to by that house in that neighbourhood!


Another stupendously original & egoistic thought.

My GOD woman, your on a roll!!!

So, monogamy is right for some & not others???
OK - but what if your partner want's a committed relationship?

Do you just say yes KNOWING your gonna cheat on them?

Ya know, when I was married, I was allowed to talk to other women, there was no problem with that at all -
I just could not FUCK them!
(do you see the difference?)



Yup - we agree on this - SEX is a big stigma for people but should not be.

Religion has played a big role in this but religion has played a big role in the history of mankind so why not sex too?

Sex is good but anyone who has seen Caligula or studied their history will know of the perils of illicit sex the disease & the mental derangement that can result in intemperance.

Have we learned nothing from the past?


One day hopefully we won't need laws & locks on our doors because all the people suddenly developed a conscience too!

Wishfull thinking Bijou but NOT reality!

Why is it so frikin difficult for people to have some FUKING intergrity & honesty???

If you want to see & sleep with multiple people in your life find a partner who is OK with that.

Don't lie to a girl or guy & tell them your faithful then go fuck some street ho the next day!

What is so insane about marriage?
Two people are in love with one another & decide to commit to one another - HEY!!!! -
that's their choice if you don't want to make it -
DON'T make it.

Quit trying to devaluate others relationships because it does not fit your ideal!


YES!!!
Be honest for fuck sakes & tell her that you probably will end up sleeping with other women again because that is just the way you are.

That -
or you could decide to develop a backbone & some integrity so that when you give your word to somebody it actually means something.

Just a thought!



"off the reservation"
What the hell does that imply?

LOOK folks, if ya don't want the constraints of a committed relationship then DON'T enter in to one!


Not in our genes??
So your a doctor I assume?

- HOGWASH!

Animals in nature have been documented to have life long mates - here are a few:

• Gibbon apes
• wolves
• termites
• coyotes
• barn owls
• beavers
• bald eagles
• golden eagles
• condors
• swans
• brolga cranes
• French angel fish
• sandhill cranes
• pigeons
• prions (a seabird)
• red-tailed hawks
• anglerfish
• ospreys
• prairie voles (a rodent)
• black vultures

So what is it about the above listed animals that mate for life that is so unnatural?

Are we beneath the above animals in our ability to control our naughty bits?

We should have a national Beaver appreciation day!

The day our national mascot, the Beaver, is honored & held in high esteem due to it's ability to keep it's nether regions in check.
But I see that as being a bit self abashing as we recognize a marmot having less promiscuous habits & more integrity than ourselves.



God help us!

 

[eurhythmia]

Whoa hold on there, cowboy.

I don't think you are doing anything avant-guard. Quite the opposite, you are continuing what has been done forever; pretending that monogamy is where it's at, but going ahead and playing secretly.

Damn! I just picked out the perfect jacket to pin my Order of Canada. Yeah you're right. Guess I'm just a rationalizing, gutless swine. If I had any balls I would unfurl a banner on the steps of the VAG and profess my sordid proclivities to all who would care to listen.

Alas, I do not have those kind of balls. So with my tail tucked firmly between my legs off I go back into the sewer.

P.S. Krustee, you may want to consider recalibrating your meds.

 

[Krustee]

P.S. Krustee, you may want to consider recalibrating your meds.

Why???

 

[Krustee]

that people not quote Krustee when replying to him. It's such a pain to have to scroll past him once that any more is too much.

Seriously now reddog, why would you not want to see it again?
Hell you did'nt bother reading it the first time so why are you perturbed about scrolling past it again?
I suggest you just continue with your struthious ignorance lest you be enlightened.

In my previous posts I neglected to wish you luck--you need it--we all do.

Yes he will.

I suggest all you folks see a movie which covers this subject in a comedic satire on relationships between the sexes.

The Tao of Steve



Relationships are based on trust -
PERIOD

 

[lenharper]

i would say...

... that based on Krustee's various postings that he has a lot to learn about relationships and the dangers of taking an absolutist position on both matters of the libido and the heart.

 

[Quarter Mile'r]

Why???

Simple........so you can poon like the rest of us and have no
bothered conscience about it. That way, life is grandeur.

But maybe in your case, it's delusions of grandeur.



................QM'r

 

[island-guy]

Poor Krustee...

Give it up guy, you forget the simple fact that if only single guys pooned, many escorts would lose a substantial portion of their client base...

You also forget that a great many of the pooners on this board are in a firm state of rationalized denial that what they are doing (lying to and cheating on their SO) somehow isn't wrong. Gotta wonder how they'd feel if they found out that said SO was selling her body to strangers behind their back on CL.. Aren't double-standards fun?

So, do you REALLY think you're going to get anywhere with your arguments?

There are those who lie and cheat and there are those who don't. Everyone has to decide for themselves which one of the two they are gonna be.

I just wish they wouldn't fuck up the heads and hearts of all the really nice girls out there and leave them to those of us who don't lie and cheat.

 

[Krustee]

Considering he's a self-admitted stalker I would have to say you are correct in that assessment.

(Of course he says it wasn't stalking because it wasn't illegal when he did it.)

Mars_Man

 

[Krustee]

... that based on Krustee's various postings that he has a lot to learn about relationships and the dangers of taking an absolutist position on both matters of the libido and the heart.

Here's an idea...
watch the movie Indecent Proposal
& tell me if there are any messages in that movie that hit home for you.

 

[bigmoe69er]

Why the hell -
is it you were seeing another woman (& a hooker at that) when you are in a supposedly committed relationship with another?
I don't know about wishing you luck -
in my opinion YOU fucked up & should voluntarily quit the relationship as you have no idea what "committed' & "faithful" means.

You reap what you sow & you live & learn.

This board should be a source of positive regard and constructive conversation for the man. He does not need what appears to be a lecture from a member of the religious right.


---Dr. Moe

 

[Krustee]

This board should be a source of positive regard and constructive conversation for the man. He does not need what appears to be a lecture from a member of the religious right.


---Dr. Moe

Maybe you should read what I wrote in response to similar comments to yours here.

I think you'll find there is no religion involved in my perspective.

Honesty, integrity, honor & character - but no religion.

I have a rule I live by -
IF I'm in a "committed" relationship I do not fuck other women - PERIOD!!!

Ya wanna fool around? - fine...
Don't give a FALSE sense of monogomy to your woman (SO).

It's quite simple really


So, monogamy is right for some & not others???
OK - but what if your partner want's a committed relationship?

Do you just say yes KNOWING your gonna cheat on them?

Ya know, when I was married, I was allowed to talk to other women, there was no problem with that at all -
I just could not FUCK them!
(do you see the difference?)



Why is it so frikin difficult for people to have some FUKING intergrity & honesty???

If you want to see & sleep with multiple people in your life find a partner who is OK with that.

Don't lie to a girl or guy & tell them your faithful then go fuck some street ho the next day!

LOOK folks, if ya don't want the constraints of a committed relationship then DON'T enter in to one!



God help us!