Busted! Need alibi.
- Thread starter eurhythmia
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Well that is what is really fucked up: marriage = monogamy. After a few years together sex does become routine. One partner usually has a stronger drive than the other or one gets fat or just being together can dull the sexual attraction.chilli said:
Wives are not always glamour girls. One sees their wife at their best and at their worst. That's life. There is much more to marriage than sex and money. A soul mate, for one.
For me, the concept of monogamy is, and always has been, a social control mechanism. And as for sexual morality - it is a prison, mostly a woman's prison.
Actually when I was married the sex got better and better as the years passed by.eurhythmia said:
I never once cheated although I was tempted more than a few times (why do women go for married guys? lol) - I never ever even considered pooning until after my divorce. (I have a lot more money now too)
So again, marry a chick that makes you hot for her, grow old with her, love her for all you got - honestly guys it's more about you and your choices than you are caring to admit.
If she chunks up you picked wrong. If she doesnt put out, you picked wrong, if shes uninspiring in the bedroom you picked wrong, if she's mean and a nasty bitch - you guessed it - you picked wrong.
NEVER EVER settle.
In my mind there is a big differance between a married man having a girlfriend (affair) then one pooning around. As I said in my mind! I would think that GIVEN a choice a wife would rather have hubby poon then have a girlfriend. I would think that the differance would be between being emotionally involved vs. just sex.CJ Tylers said:
But, there are few wives that would even consider such a choice.
My suggestion, you said your story leave it, see what happens. Remember you KNOW what is going on, she is guessing. It is your concieous that is eating at you. Now can you live with that? If so, learn from you mistake and do a better job next time. If you can't then you will have to address it somehow.
One possible suggestion if you think this may cause a split - is that you tell her that you will be seeing a doctor because you have a 'problem' and are considering joining Sex Anonomous. The downside is it may end your pooning career but you'll be saving $$$ all around.
look at it this way, if there were jigolo houses everywhere and your wife would go visit a few a month (year?) cuz she wanted something different. then one day you find out and she says "would you rather have me poon or have me have a boyfriend?"nube said:
what would your answer be?
now before anybody jumps on me for that thought, i'm only putting it out there. i'm from the school of "do as i say not as i do", so to me it's okay to have sp's when you're a man, your wife shouldn't have those options. maybe unfair but i wasn't put on this earth to be fair, i was put here to.....actually i have no idea why i was put here.
I think that school of thought is horseshit. I have encouraged my SO in the past to fuck other guys if that is what she wants/needs. She is always coming home, she chose not to go there on her own so we did some swinging. She felt uncomfortable and chose to stop that........she doesn't stop me from pooning, doesn't even ask me to. Gets pissed if I'm indiscrete or spend to much cash but otherwise is okay with it. So I say ya go for it, its just sex after all.kalel said:look at it this way, if there were jigolo houses everywhere and your wife would go visit a few a month (year?) cuz she wanted something different. then one day you find out and she says "would you rather have me poon or have me have a boyfriend?"
what would your answer be?
now before anybody jumps on me for that thought, i'm only putting it out there. i'm from the school of "do as i say not as i do", so to me it's okay to have sp's when you're a man, your wife shouldn't have those options. maybe unfair but i wasn't put on this earth to be fair, i was put here to.....actually i have no idea why i was put here.
I'm from the 'honesty is the best policy' camp....
However, it sounds like that ship may have sailed. You are correct, many gentlemen are open about their visits with ladies because both partners view honesty as an integral part of their relationship (even moreso than sex....which can be viewed as simply recreation). I think you would be hard pressed to find many woman who are actually happy about their husband visitng with ladies....however, there are quite a few who realize that men are not monogamous by nature, and prefer to have it in a controlled environment with a professional companion.
If you prefer to continue with hiding the truth, your lie will have to be in line with the messages she heard. Besides, if she is listening to your messages to begin with, you are already on her radar for trust issues.
Keep it simple, and definately don't accuse her of snooping. Something like "I'm arranging a stag for xyz and called a few escorts from the Province to see if they danced as well"
However, it sounds like that ship may have sailed. You are correct, many gentlemen are open about their visits with ladies because both partners view honesty as an integral part of their relationship (even moreso than sex....which can be viewed as simply recreation). I think you would be hard pressed to find many woman who are actually happy about their husband visitng with ladies....however, there are quite a few who realize that men are not monogamous by nature, and prefer to have it in a controlled environment with a professional companion.
If you prefer to continue with hiding the truth, your lie will have to be in line with the messages she heard. Besides, if she is listening to your messages to begin with, you are already on her radar for trust issues.
Keep it simple, and definately don't accuse her of snooping. Something like "I'm arranging a stag for xyz and called a few escorts from the Province to see if they danced as well"
People shouldn't be robbing, murdering or plundering either, but it will go on regardless.chilli said:
If it feels good, do it!!
So Randy, let me get this straight, what you're saying is that if I kill you and take all your stuff it's okay as long as I feel good about it? Okay, I guess... you're kind of asking for it.Randy Whorewald said:
The sad part is that I won't be around in twenty or thirty years to see if Grape still is of the same opinion.Grape said:
Iwannarocu said:
Okay, I see your line of thought. You're right! But when I initially picked her I picked right - now that things changed I see that I picked wrong.
That's why I think a marriage contact should be for a specific term say 5 years with a renewal option. Just think, if it were a 'requirement' by law a 5 year term - all the specifics would be ironed out like a prenupial and without the awkwardness of discussing it. Just think of the grief that it would prevent, not to mention the court costs and court time it would save.
I'm not sure which facet of this thread is being addressed here, but I figure it is about it being OK for men to poon, but for their SO it isn't.Sin...Eh! said:
In my case, my SO isn't interested in sex with other men, nor women, nor other mammals. I also know that being straight with her would be emotionally devastating.
I am strongly attracted to women and desire many - you know the cliche, once you've seen one women naked you want to see all women naked.
Frankly, I want my cake and to eat it too. 'Cause when this long, dark ride comes to an end I do not think one is particularly satisfied with having lived a 'moral', uninspiring life of mediocrity. Life is to be lived. It is the things you didn't do that one regrets and God be damned.
, it's the things you didn't do.
I have no idea about what you think "morality" entails; but I do not follow how you equate morality with mediocrity. So is it only the immoral who live full exciting lives of accomplishment? Is it the self-centred and indulgent who find inspiration?eurhythmia said:
Wallowing in self-indulgence may provide you with some short term satisfaction but I don't think you will find much inspiration or lasting happiness there. While I agree that one should follow one's inner bliss (which has more to do with giving rather than taking), that path is a far cry from pursuing the pleasures of drug-like selfish instant gratifications. As one moves through life, those gratificatons increasingly diminish in power and then you are really left with the empty shell of mediocrity. Then as time's march is heard louder everyday, you will truly understand "the things you didn't do".
Morality & Free Will
Few people truly have free will - they do only what is, or they think is, expected of them whether it be choice of profession, marriage and class, religion, etc. (I know too many unhappy and constrained attorneys and doctors.)
As an example, consider an artist (painter, musician, or actor, your choice); all good artists have a shard of ice in their hearts. Indulgence and selfishness is a prerequisite to free will and the creative act. Of course, society finds such an attitude uncomfortable, to say the least. And so society constructs rewards and punishments.
OK, I feel like I'm really about to go tip toeing through the tulip field, so let me take a breather and ponder a little more.
In a qualified word, yes. I think one needs to clarify what is meant by 'morality'. On one hand it is a code of acceptable conduct. On the other it is a constraint on free will.Sonny said:
Few people truly have free will - they do only what is, or they think is, expected of them whether it be choice of profession, marriage and class, religion, etc. (I know too many unhappy and constrained attorneys and doctors.)
As an example, consider an artist (painter, musician, or actor, your choice); all good artists have a shard of ice in their hearts. Indulgence and selfishness is a prerequisite to free will and the creative act. Of course, society finds such an attitude uncomfortable, to say the least. And so society constructs rewards and punishments.
OK, I feel like I'm really about to go tip toeing through the tulip field, so let me take a breather and ponder a little more.
