Best approach to session requests

[MikeyLikey99]

I’m just getting started in this pastime and wondered how you fellows (ladies are more than welcome to chime in too) approach any requests for a session. I gather that some guys just show up and go with the flow, and some go in with particular activities they’d like to indulge in.

I fall into the latter group, and I’d like to hear your suggestions on you handle this tactfully. It seems kind of crass to just rattle off a string of acronyms like you’re ordering your burger with fries and a drink (“yeah, I’ll have the BBBJ with DT and a side of BLS”). Maybe a bit of role-play, maybe a specific type of dirty talk, something specific you want to do….how do you communicate it openly and “politely”?

 

[GeeBeeP]

I've always been a "go with the flow" guy. However, now and then I have had something specific in mind but feel exactly the same kind of awkwardness you're talking about. I'll be grateful to hear the replies, from both SP's and clients.

 

[wintersurfer]

Ask ahead of time, it’s their business chances are they won’t take (whatever your into) it personally…

 

[Hazel Mei]

My answer is based purely on myself and I do not speak for other providers. Personally, I do not like it when I get thrown a laundry list of things the gentlemen want done during a session. It's rude, definitely crass, and frankly also a bit unsettling.

I do like to enter the session with an open mind, and go with the flow. Nothing is sexier than a mutually enjoyable date where we both satisfy each other. If there is something you would like during the session, for me, it is okay to ask or guide me in that direction when we are on a date.

What is not appreciated is if a gentleman pushes me roughly, and when I put up resistance, am being pushed even further. It's a sure fire way to ruin the session and ensure you will never get a booking with me again.

If there is something that you have your mind set on and really want, I would approach it before the session. This can be a politely worded text or email, along of lines of, "I would really like to explore some ___ during our session, would that be alright?" Being respectful definitely will go a long way. We can often tell when a gentlemen is doing their best not to be crass, and it's always appreciated 😘

 

[nscamper]

My $0.02, and everyone is different, but I'm a mix of go with the flow, though there are certainly things I may have in mind. (With SP or civilians)

You're right, I wouldn't blurt out a laundry list, but nothing wrong with suggesting and asking for specific things as your date progresses.

"I've always wanted to...." (Roleplay such and such)
"I really like...." (BLS.... Dirty talk... Etc)
"Are you ok with...." (Deepthroat? Roleplay?)
"I'd like to try..." (Specific position)


Worse that can happen is they say no. 🙂

If you don't get through your list, you MIGHT be able to book another session 😉

 

[westwoody]

Reviews of the person you are interested in often give a good idea of her services.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

Reviews of the person you are interested in often give a good idea of her services.

This is true, and this community is such a great resource.
My question isn’t so much about what is offered but more about how to ask for what you’d like without being offensive to the lady. I’ve seen a grand total of one SP at this point so it still feels a bit odd to ask for specific things and I’m looking for guidance on doing it the best way

 

[MikeyLikey99]

My answer is based purely on myself and I do not speak for other providers. Personally, I do not like it when I get thrown a laundry list of things the gentlemen want done during a session. It's rude, definitely crass, and frankly also a bit unsettling.

I do like to enter the session with an open mind, and go with the flow. Nothing is sexier than a mutually enjoyable date where we both satisfy each other. If there is something you would like during the session, for me, it is okay to ask or guide me in that direction when we are on a date.

What is not appreciated is if a gentleman pushes me roughly, and when I put up resistance, am being pushed even further. It's a sure fire way to ruin the session and ensure you will never get a booking with me again.

If there is something that you have your mind set on and really want, I would approach it before the session. This can be a politely worded text or email, along of lines of, "I would really like to explore some ___ during our session, would that be alright?" Being respectful definitely will go a long way. We can often tell when a gentlemen is doing their best not to be crass, and it's always appreciated 😘

Thanks Selene - I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/suggestions

Also, thanks Nscamper - that seems like a good approach.

 

[blakealridge]

It’s so difficult because services a provider offers to one person they may not offer to another: rimming, deepthroat, even DFK can be easily ruined by the way a client behaves. Going in with expectations is a recipe for disaster, IMHO

 

[jamasianman]

OP your due diligence will serve you. If you want something specific, do your research. If its an outfit request, prebook to see f she can do it. If its a specific act, look up info from reviews. Also be prepared for disappointment, as some things can go wrong or things may cost extra.

 

[blakealridge]

I’m honestly starting to think that there are two kinds of clients: the ones who have a word salad list of things they want us to perform, and the ones who want to spend time with us. One is demanding and one is collaborative. I prefer the latter, and those sessions are often when I end up adding in services I may not be interested in with the former type of client. Try changing your mindset and see where that can get you 😘

 

[Banged_Up]

In my experience communicating is one of the key things that will get you where you want to go.
The first part of this is actually reading the providers advertising. Most good providers list what they do provide. As I read it this is the #1 complaint from providers, people that don’t read advertising. Could be a tie between that and hygiene but that’s a separate topic.
If your desires are outside “vanilla” then try someone who leans more towards fetishes. Your standard provider isn’t likely to do things like pegging, sounding, CBT, etc.
Fetish oriented providers often have a list of things they dabble in. This is the fun part, for me. In the initial contact I will copy and paste that list and put a ✅ or a ❌ beside each activity and a brief explanation.

example,
Sounding ✅ - yes please, but be gentle.
golden showers ❌ - no thanks, not my thing.

I have had great success with this approach. Providers seem to appreciate the effort and clarity. I don’t say what order I’d like to experience each act, I leave that up to the provider. They are often happy to plan the session, makes sense, they are the professionals.
The other part is to just do your homework. The search box here on Perb is your friend. It may not get you directly where you want to be but it will get you in the right direction. Recently I found a lady that offers a one hour session of just doing DATY. If you see the pictures of this lady you will see how this would be a great way to spend an hour, super sexy lady with a beautiful pussy. (Ondreeah, Tryst).
Basically, it’s on you. Communicate, research and bye crikey use your words. Most providers love what they do and don’t mind discussing details, don’t abuse that for the sake of a jerk off session though.
I will almost guarantee you will find what you are looking for, as long as it’s safe and not illegal.
I have checked off almost every one of my kink boxes in the last few years by just being open and communicating.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

I’m honestly starting to think that there are two kinds of clients: the ones who have a word salad list of things they want us to perform, and the ones who want to spend time with us. One is demanding and one is collaborative. I prefer the latter, and those sessions are often when I end up adding in services I may not be interested in with the former type of client. Try changing your mindset and see where that can get you 😘

My god I could not agree more. Collaborative SEX. What a concept. As it all flows, little extras pop UP into play in a very organic way. But the word salad types just may not have had the bandwidth to get that. A theme can work but not a shopping list. My opinion for what it's worth.

 

[westwoody]

Best to consider your first session a “meet and greet”, trust and confidence come with time.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

I’m honestly starting to think that there are two kinds of clients: the ones who have a word salad list of things they want us to perform, and the ones who want to spend time with us. One is demanding and one is collaborative. I prefer the latter, and those sessions are often when I end up adding in services I may not be interested in with the former type of client. Try changing your mindset and see where that can get you 😘

Thanks for your thoughts on this Charlee. I didn’t have a “word salad” in the session I had, and I had a great time for sure Don’t things work more on a continuum? I’m sure there are people that come in with their “word salad” requests/demands and make it a demeaning, miserable session for the provider, and others that just accept whatever is offered without ever asking for something they may want but are too shy to ask for. If someone really wants to eat a single strand of spaghetti together and end it with a French kiss, did their research and the provider they chose is known for it…does it make for a bad or demeaning session if they very tactfully ask for it?
I’m just exploring this topic and asking for advice specifically so it’s a nice session for all involved

 

[golferjohn]

Worse that can happen is they say no.

That's not even close to the 'worse that can happen'...

Best case scenario is your partner is a supreme actress and you wouldn't have a clue that she's on full-cringe until you're out the door. More often than not, you've fouled any mood that might/could be there and just torpedoed your session.

Bottom line, this is an interaction involving two human beings (often meeting/seeing each other for the first time), so a bit of 'bridge-building' might be in order before laying-out the expectations list.

 

[grizzly]

When communicating with a lady I've yet to meet, I would ask her what her restrictions are so I won't cross any boundaries. If there are anything she restricts that are on my no fly list, I would thank her for responding and suggest we wouldn't be a match. Keep in mind, there's not much on my no fly list. My suggestion is, if you're into something specific, is to visit a few ladies. Find someone who you think would be up to your desires and ask them if they're willing. If you're a gentleman and treat her with respect the first or second time, they often lower their guards and are willing to open up to your requests. It's a bit of a process but the ladies are humans too, not just a commodity. With the right lady, whom you've created a rapport with and has gained your trust, often times will go the extra mile. A new lady, right off the hop, not so much.