Any serial cheaters out there?

[kso_wiz]

Sometimes I think people get pretty judgmental on our various indiscretions, the fact is people are imperfect and so are relationships.

There are many married or committed relationship people out there who for whatever reason no longer have a spark (shall we say) or passionate intimate relationship any longer.
They may well have other parts of their relationship which gives them reasons to remain in the relationship.

I feel like you are over-simplifying my question. For sure those are some of the arguments used by people who have cheated.

"I'm cheating because I need to, to stay in this relationship".
"I'm cheating because she doesn't provide for my (emotional|physical|fill-in-the-blank) needs".

I'm sure there are plenty of situations where the "cheating" is justified. Just as sure that there are plenty of situations where the cheating is just not. I'm not trying to sit in judgement on the topic, I'm just trying to understand what I consider to be the cognitive dissonance of the latter case.

I'm not asking about the case where...
No sex in a marriage for x years. Especially with kids. Sure, both parties can fuck outside the marriage anybody they want. No problem. Go outside the marriage in order to stay inside the marriage. I get that. If I'm in that situation, I will do, precisely, that.

I'm asking about the case where...
she stares into his eyes and says these are the eyes she wants to stare into when she's on her death-bed.
Then she fucks and falls in love with somebody else. In 3 short months.

I suppose in that case, to get from point a to point b, you either have to be completely powerless to the urge, or you have to work up a list of grievances against your 'soul-mate' so that you can start working on soul-mate 2.0.

 

[kso_wiz]

You suggest that full penetration is the worst form of cheating. I'd say that multiple "i love you's" is worse than a little slipping and sliding.

And the worst of all is all-of-the-above. With a healthy dose of "what's wrong with you that justifies me doing this". With a finishing flourish of waiting till he goes "all-in" emotionally, then inserting the knife and twisting it with the knowledge of the infidelity.

 

[LADY-VIA]

why is monogamy complicated.

one man one women or well for some of us anyway
but two men or two women if you prefer

what is so hard to understand about that.

oh believe me I understand completely.... the concept is an easy one to get and as for the priest comment I made I was joking I know very well what they are trained to deal with. I did grow up in a very religous family I attended church weekly and even sang in church choir.

 

[jesuschrist]

Paying for sex and calling that cheating? For one thing, paying for sex is too easy. It shouldn't even get honourable mention in the world of cheating.

On the other hand, if you find yourself cheating on the person you're cheating with, you deserve a gold medal and a helluva lot of complications!

 

[blazejowski]

To be honest, I never cheated EVER (and believe me, I had the chance) before I got into the relationship with my current SO, who I've been with a good dozen years. We had great sex, we had fun, but she changed, and the sex got boring and routine. I tried everything I knew of to spice things up, nothing worked. Sent an email to a well known escort out of frustration on an email address I rarely used. A few months later, the little lady stumbled across it (forgot to clear my emails) and she freaked. Spent the next year living in a virtual hell, getting blamed for everything and anything.

Got tired of being a punching bag, and figured, well, what the fuck - I was in trouble for attempted cheating, might as well do it. Which I did. Figured I would be wracked with guilt and shame, but it felt great. Which brings me to the present. I never feel guilt, never feel shame. I just look at it like scratching an itch I have....

Only truly sad part is I don't think I could ever be in a monogamous relationship ever again...

 

[blazejowski]

On the other hand, if you find yourself cheating on the person you're cheating with, you deserve a gold medal and a helluva lot of complications!

Heh. I have a wife, a girlfriend, and a mistress. And I still see SP's.... nice, eh?

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Monogamy: So many discussions and articles on this topic (here are a few samples). Seriously, isn't monogamy just one big cruel joke?

http://tomenunite.blogspot.ca/2010/08/monogamy-is-joke.html

http://blogs.menshealth.com/married-woman/monogamy-its-laughable/2011/03/02

http://thefreshxpress.com/2011/09/rethinking-relationships-is-monogamy-natural-or-cultural-2

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081101160257AAm1R6p

 

[kso_wiz]

Pull back the claws funny drunk Lenny.

Are you criticizing me for picking a target rich environment like Perb for my question? Of course there are serial cheaters on this board. That's why I choose to post my question here. Doh!

Why did I specify more than one partner? Because, somebody that has cheated on just one person, can reasonably rationalize that all the fault lay with that person.

I'm looking to see if the rationalizations change once the cheating has been done on multiple partners. Maybe it gets a little less about faulting the cheated partners. Maybe not.

 

[Tugela]

Pull back the claws funny drunk Lenny.

Are you criticizing me for picking a target rich environment like Perb for my question? Of course there are serial cheaters on this board. That's why I choose to post my question here. Doh!

Why did I specify more than one partner? Because, somebody that has cheated on just one person, can reasonably rationalize that all the fault lay with that person.

I'm looking to see if the rationalizations change once the cheating has been done on multiple partners. Maybe it gets a little less about faulting the cheated partners. Maybe not.

When someone cheats, it is never the fault of the person being cheated on. The cheater has free will and chooses to do what they do. The "fault" is solely theirs, only weak people blame others for the choices they make. If they don't like their relationship they can allways walk away, it is not like they are legally bound on pain of death.

 

[GATSBY]

When someone cheats, it is never the fault of the person being cheated on. The cheater has free will and chooses to do what they do. The "fault" is solely theirs, only weak people blame others for the choices they make. If they don't like their relationship they can allways walk away, it is not like they are legally bound on pain of death.

/
+1. Not sure if this has been brought up as I'm too lazy to read previous posts, but do most of you consider visiting the 'ladies' cheating?

 

[Tugela]

If you are married or otherwise in a relationship, of course it is.

Pretty sure that most marriage contracts don't have a SP loophole in them

 

[kso_wiz]

When someone cheats, it is never the fault of the person being cheated on. The cheater has free will and chooses to do what they do. The "fault" is solely theirs, only weak people blame others for the choices they make. If they don't like their relationship they can allways walk away, it is not like they are legally bound on pain of death.

Yep, +1. This helps. It was my perspective as well. I thought, what a cowardly way for her to break the relationship.