And 'What If ...' the SP falls for a Pooner?

[JessicaPrabbit]

You know ...theoretically speaking?
Does she:
a) Give him a key to her house giving him unlimited access to her front and rear entrances?
b) Tell him when it's good for her it will be good for him?
c) Explain that he should continue (or at least start) seeing her as a client and hope it's just a passing feeling?
d) Tell him to write his long overdue review and realize your just another ...?
e) None of the above?

Anyone?
Jessica

 

[Rod the bod]

Stop seeing him. As alinburnaby says keep going with your game plan and when you have achieved what the business has to offer you call him up, explain that you've left the business and see if the magic is still there. The other big thing is if he knows how you feel. Huge male ego thing if you've told him. He will be so high on it - probably that he won't know how he really feels either. Best to stop seeing him until the whole SP element is gone.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Yup. These gentlemen said it perfectly. Just bad news.

My 2 cents: Run!

LOL

 

[island-guy]

a) Give him a key to her house giving him unlimited access to her front and rear entrances?

Let me know when to come by and pick it up.

luv you too, babe




(Yes, I'm kidding.. never met the girl)

 

[jackperb]

Why is it when I read threads like this that the assumption seems to be that only immature loosers are capable of caring about and falling in love with an SP and by corrollary (sp?) the only person an SP might fall for is an immature looser? Isn't it just possible that a mature rational loving individual might find the woman who works as an SP to be fascinating, interesting, and worth knowing personally, even falling in love with? That she just might be a person he could love for who she is? I realize the pitfalls and difficulties of trying to maintain a real relationship in this environment but I don't think you have to be a looser or psycho to think a relationship is worth pursuing. Nor do I think it impossible for a stable emotionally grounded individual to maintain such a relationship. In fact, I've found that the biggest obstacle isn't with the person who loves the SP but rather with the SP who won't allow herself to believe that such an individual could actually love her.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

"What I'm trying to say, is it seldom turns out well to have a relationship with a pooner/client."
It seems, at least to me, equally unlikely that it would turn out well to have a relationship with a 'Non' pooner/client.
Translation= "If you are single upon entering the industry you will be single until your goals are reached" ?
Risks in life are always there are they not? Do we stop feeling and trying because we are afraid of the potential for failure based on others results?
Is it really the wisest choice to fold our hand in a game we have yet to even begin playing because the majority before us fell victim to higher odds?
Thank you for your input, experience and willingness to share.
Jessica

 

[jackperb]

I'm sure that there are men who are capable of having a relationship with an SP and not seeking to destroy her on the boards when the relationship is over. However, that man doesn't post on these boards.
When the guy is a regular on these boards and is constantly trying to have a "relationship" with SPs, he meets my definition of "immature loser." When that "immature loser" has a stable of identities and you can tell the status of the relationship by the posts those identities are making, it's fair to assume that you are watching another SP make a mistake.

Fair enough Alin. I think what I edited from your post is probably key. Your definition is IMHO spot on but then again, I wasn't arguing that a relationship with such a person was a good idea. I think the more relevant comment is the first one, that the person who is capable of such a relationship isn't plastering it all over the boards when it fails. Instead he graciously steps aside and says nothing publicly, although I can think of one circumstance when such a person might make a public scene and that is when a diversion is needed to stop gossip.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

"Girl" ...well now, if I wasn't theoretically smitten over a pooner already I'd gush all over you for the compliment. Aw, who am I kidding? I'm still going to gush all over you. ..."Girl" ...blushing. Oh btw, you can pick it up anytime. I mean really, it's not like anyone else would want a copy.
Love you too island-guy.
Jessica

Let me know when to come by and pick it up.

luv you too, babe




(Yes, I'm kidding.. never met the girl)

 

[LittleAsianGuy]

actually the sp should explain to him to see other sp and the clients feeling will probably just pass. When he's boning something younger n hotter he wont look back.

c) Explain that he should continue (or at least start) seeing her as a client and hope it's just a passing feeling

 

[jackperb]

"What I'm trying to say, is it seldom turns out well to have a relationship with a pooner/client."
It seems, at least to me, equally unlikely that it would turn out well to have a relationship with a 'Non' pooner/client.
Translation= "If you are single upon entering the industry you will be single until your goals are reached" ?
Risks in life are always there are they not? Do we stop feeling and trying because we are afraid of the potential for failure based on others results?
Is it really the wisest choice to fold our hand in a game we have yet to even begin playing because the majority before us fell victim to higher odds?
Thank you for your input, experience and willingness to share.
Jessica

Very well put. Sometimes we simply need to take the risk if we want to actually live. Nothing in this life is more certain than the regret we feel when we are too timid to take a chance when we know in our gut we should. Just because the risk of failure is higher doesn't mean the attempt should not be made. I have had relationships that failed as I'm sure we all have but while they lasted those relationships were a source of great joy and even the pain of the failure is something I would not deny myself for it is through not only the joys but also the pains that we learn and grow.

 

[jackperb]

actually the sp should explain to him to see other sp and the clients feeling will probably just pass. When he's boning something younger n hotter he wont look back.

c) Explain that he should continue (or at least start) seeing her as a client and hope it's just a passing feeling

Crudely put, but you speak great wisdom grasshopper.

 

[Ghostwheel1969]

The definitive post on the subject. Thank you, Al.
And there is more to say about it all, but I think this is enough to remind us that crossing from business into personal relationship is fraught with pitfalls and dangers.

Tread carefully!

xoxo
Nina

And thanks to you, Nina. Al did indeed get it right. There's a point where things turn from professional to personal, but it's up to the individuals, and the circumstances, to dictate that.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

Yes Nina, Fairy tales sometimes do come true. I will keep looking to the stars for inspiration of just that. What you say makes sense, the way our lives are set up, it's likely not possible to maintain any sort of healthy relationship while in the industry. Of course, having entered this industry at the age of 41, with experiences of unhealthy relationships when I was a secretary, a cashier, a manager, a trainer ...well, maybe relationships can't give us what we yearn for no matter what we do or who we are.
I guess in a tiny place in my mind I thought it would be somewhat easier to be around a guy if he was a client who continued to see other SP's. I thought that because at least then we would share a very important understanding of human needs at a level not all understand and I thought that would somehow make it possible to work out. I know I was wrong.

I am a very tolerant person with few needs., so easily and simply satisfied and equally, let down only when someone lies to me. Truly all I am looking for is someone with whom I can be honest and in return who will be honest with me.

And so I wait. I am working within a detailed time frame to attain my goals. It is clear that the goal of finding someone to fall asleep with will have to wait.

Thanks for the input and thanks for the honesty.
Jessica

 

[edmontonsubbie]

Yes Nina, Fairy tales sometimes do come true. I will keep looking to the stars for inspiration of just that. What you say makes sense, the way our lives are set up, it's likely not possible to maintain any sort of healthy relationship while in the industry. Of course, having entered this industry at the age of 41, with experiences of unhealthy relationships when I was a secretary, a cashier, a manager, a trainer ...well, maybe relationships can't give us what we yearn for no matter what we do or who we are.
I guess in a tiny place in my mind I thought it would be somewhat easier to be around a guy if he was a client who continued to see other SP's. I thought that because at least then we would share a very important understanding of human needs at a level not all understand and I thought that would somehow make it possible to work out. I know I was wrong.

I am a very tolerant person with few needs., so easily and simply satisfied and equally, let down only when someone lies to me. Truly all I am looking for is someone with whom I can be honest and in return who will be honest with me.

And so I wait. I am working within a detailed time frame to attain my goals. It is clear that the goal of finding someone to fall asleep with will have to wait.

Thanks for the input and thanks for the honesty.
Jessica

I said a very bad word. I logged into perb....saw this little missive....and typed quantities of brilliant thought. Only to have it disappear when I pushed the wrong button. O.k. fine, I said two words.... I pluralized the first and followed that one with "sake". Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed the respondents.....Nina, Al, et al.....

Now, I realize there must be some sort of gremlin in my puter. I have been diligent in scanning it but....something is messed up. Or, I pushed the wrong button. Most likely the case, but I won't rule out the possibility that the porn I download contains crap within it. The internet is a single man's best friend....well, other than his pillow and Mrs. Palmer.

Now I am typing this out in wordpad and plan to paste it back in. Smart eh? You betcha. Fool me once....etc etc etc....I forget how that goes, but it's apropo.

So, Miss Rabbit, thinking about your "theoretical" friend gave me pause to think on similar friends. I am a fan of historical thinking....not to mention philosophical wanderings....there should be a Ph.D. available in Philosophically Interpreting History...but, perhaps that's too constraining. Nah, it would be perfect. I would enjoy having a beer or two with the graduates.

I have fallen in love a time or two with an SP....who hasn't. You guys offer a degree of intimacy unavailable by other means. Fucking someone is an extremely intimate encounter. Even, as in my case, not fucking them....but, spending time with them....blurs the horizon. And, it leads to thoughts and swirls about..."what if?".....

Pragmatically, I think the only way your theoretical friend could make this work would be to have an understanding that the work you do...is just that....work. The partner would have to have the mental toughness to accept that, likely not an easy task...but doable. Just reserve the heartfelt kisses and hugs for him/her....know he/she will be on shaky ground and have doubts....and work on reassuring. Not an easy task, but likely required. I am foolish enough to believe it is possible. Set and share your joint goals....then get busy to making them come true. In the face of a juvenile moment, that's how you justify what you do. "I am doing this so that we can do XXX"....whatever XXX is. Just don't forget to tell him you love how he loves you when those moments arrive.

I just got word that my Tork DX2 unicycle has arrived....that, coupled with the eflite CX2 electric helicopter will form the basis of my gift to my youngest graduate of high school. Momma will find it "impractical!!"...but, that's o.k. It's my job to instill the fun of life....at least, I have taken it upon myself to do so. There is time enough to be important.

She's a cool kid and she loves her dad. I could ask for little more from life. Even though I do so daily....I am weak that way.

cheers,

eddie.

 

[Ride My Mustache]

Jessica, it can work out for you. Been there, done that, just didn't get the t-shirt. (I guess they don't make t-shirts for this sort of thing.) When the relationship fell apart, I didn't slam her on any board I'm a member of. Never even mentioned her. So it's not true that every guy will do this! The most I have ever said is to recommend to other guys not to seek a relationship with an SP because it is very hard to do if you don't have the right attitude.

Seriously, the key is to pick an honest and emotionally mature guy. And you have to be honest and mature with him as well. Keep the drama and jealousy out of it, and talk everything out in the beginning. Make sure he understands your goals and agrees with them, and make sure you understand and agree with his. This isn't the time to hold anything back in hopes that it will just work itself out eventually. (It won't.) Discuss and set fair parameters for your relationship that are workable. (No, if he expects you to leave your profession for him, that probably isn't workable in the long run unless you are ready to leave it anyway.)

If you find you both are on the same plain, there is no reason it can't work. Sure, my relationship fell apart, but up until the end it was happier (and lasted far longer) than most conventional relationships. What more could I have expected? Even though the relationship is over, we are still best friends. How many conventional divorced couples can say that?

Finding the right guy (if you haven't already found him) might be hard, or might never happen. But if you do find him, yes it can work!

 

[JFF009]

How do you not allow yourself the opportunity to be in love?

Who knows if it will work out. Who knows if any relationship will work out. None of us do.

There are advantages and disadvantages to "pooner / SP" relationships.
I mean there would be no awkward "So, what do you do for a living?" moment. If you always want to be truthful with your SO how do you have that conversation with someone that knows nothing about this industry.

Sorry, but I'm a bit of a romantic. My advice may suck, and I would never suggest you even consider it, but I would encourage anyone to pursue if they think that there might be even the slightest chance of a relationship that could end in true love. That feeling when your stomach just won't settle down because you know you're about to see that special someone again. Those feelings need to be acted upon...even with full knowledge that everything could very well end in heartache. Having that feeling for a short time is better than never allowing yourself to have it at all.

 

[jackperb]

Well, I had almost retired from the scene of battle here until reinforcements arrived in the form of eddie, RMM, and JFF. Thank you for saying the things I had been trying to say but wasn't quite able to put into the right words. I think most of what those three have written can be boiled down into a few concepts that are really universal and apply to any relationship. Communication - open loving communication can do so much to avoid problems or resolve them when they arise. Consideration - or a certain level of empathy, to understand what your partner is feeling and take action to reassure and comfort when needed. Maturity - of both parties, to help smooth over the inadvertant irritations that happen along the way and stay focused on what really matters.
I thought the comments from RMM and JFF about the joys that can be part of the relationship and how much better it is to have really lived and felt those joys, even if there was also pain, were both touching and essential. My sig has two statemens in it. One of them is directed at those who set up an image of what they think they want even though that image is flawed because it is missing elements fundamental to their happiness, and it is also directed at them to remind them that often what would make them happy is right in front of them, if they could only see it. The other statement in my sig echos what JFF wrote about the need to act on feelings. I don't think you will ever regret having acted on those feelings even if they end in failure half as much as you will regret having not acted on them at all.

 

[Bad Santa]

Love, laugh, live and regret. That's what life's all about, ain't it?

 

[island-guy]

If your goal is to have someone to fall asleep with, what's wrong with a no strings attached friends with benefits deal?

Or, if the client you are smitten with is really into you, you could always go for some sort of sugar babe deal, or go with him on a vacation or something, if he's single.

Just because a typical romantic relationship would be a problem doesn't mean that you can't be friends, and there aren't a lot of guys out there not interested in sleeping with their female friends (especially one as hot as you).

Sigh.. I'd have showed up for that key already, if you weren't so far over in Eastern Canada.

** Eastern Canada begins at Saltspring Island.

 

[jackperb]

If your goal is to have someone to fall asleep with, what's wrong with a no strings attached friends with benefits deal?

Or, if the client you are smitten with is really into you, you could always go for some sort of sugar babe deal, or go with him on a vacation or something, if he's single.

Just because a typical romantic relationship would be a problem doesn't mean that you can't be friends, and there aren't a lot of guys out there not interested in sleeping with their female friends (especially one as hot as you).

Sigh.. I'd have showed up for that key already, if you weren't so far over in Eastern Canada.

** Eastern Canada begins at Saltspring Island.

Who says he has to be single to go on a vacation with him? lol