A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts

[FunSugarDaddy]

It's hard to imagine anyone adding any enlightment to this thread. It's been going around in circles for a day or two now.

Bottom line, I think Jessica did us all a favour by bring up this topic, and she shouldn't get beat up for the choice she made at the time.

That said, she should also learn from her mistakes and if she's in this situation again, I would hope she'd just tell someone's wife that they should discuss this issue with their husband. And like someone else said, the bottom line is that it was he who screwed up by leaving his phone lying around with incriminating info.

So on that basis, she didn't out him, she just didn't help him and took away whatever small out he may have had. Not that it was much.

 

[hang5507]

21 Pages later............. brutal!

I agree with everyone regarding discretion..

Still some hurt people out there and I hope they close this thread on my 200th post.

Regards

H

 

[oilfieldtrash]

Well.. I dont think JPR should have said anything. With her doing that it kinda makes it hard to go out like Malroney. Deny it to the fuking end, no matter what. She only thinks, she did not know for sure until JPR confirmed her suspicions. That is all they were, suspicions. She can think what she wants, and atleast he had a chance untill he was ratted out!! I thought this hobby was supposed to be "discretion assured", kinda blows that theory out of the water. I mean isnt that why we participate in this hobby. There is alot to be said about "I am sorry I have no comment". WOW..
I am sorry I have never met you JPR you sound very nice but.... Discretion is a big factor in this whole hobby any well you just blew that bridge rite the fuck up. Maybe if you were a girlfriend or something like that it would have been a heartfelt gesture... BUT... you arent, you are paid for discreet companionship... I know if I was the fella who's wife called you I would definately be pissed rite the fak off. You can say he did it to himself which one can not argue but where tha fak is the discretion here OMG!!
I was thinking of seeing this lady but im not sure i will now, my SO is snoopy and if she busted me I definately do not need a SP ratting me out, weather my SO called her or not. "I'm sorry i have no coment and cannot recall the fella you are talking about. Im sorry have a nice day. Bye!!!!"
I dont know but thats just my 2 cents.
everybody has their opinion on this and well that is mine!!

Cheerz!!!

 

[lenny]

at the risk of beating a dead horse/bunny


Jessica if i was your employer, you'd be fired. Your first mistake could be forgiven but refusing to listen to your more experienced colleagues (and their patient comments) is unacceptable.

So her first mistake is forgivable, but not bowing down to a few ladies in this thread
is the unforgivable sin?

Jessica certainly comes across in this thread as one who is very willing to listen to
all and to learn, and has replied for the most part with a lot of grace, unlike many
of her detractors. It seems that getting feedback was her intent in starting the topic.

She also has recieved support for what she did from many people, probably including
some who have been clients of this business for a long time.

There may not be an employee handbook for this job but there is an unofficial code of conduct and you're not listening. Discretion is rule #1 and if you can't manage client/provider confidentiality, this work is not for you.

In this case that seems rather irrelevant, since the cat was already out of the bag. If a SO
already has the SP's phone number, pic and website in front of her, it would be foolish to
deny the obvious, that she is an SP.

Furthermore, BTW, I would think there are higher laws in the universe, like honesty and compassion.

Any SP put in a situation resembling this should also give weight to her own personal safety and
peace of mind, which is far more important than any client's confidentiality. And {Ms Prabitt}
should not have to be subject to "dead bunny" type of remarks like yours.

For all it's worth i suggest you drop this subject immediately, you're digging yourself a psycho-crater of a bunny hole.

Comments like this and the bunny reference above are inappropriate, to say the least.

 

[Pillowtalk]

It's hard to imagine anyone adding any enlightment to this thread. It's been going around in circles for a day or two now.

Bottom line, I think Jessica did us all a favour by bring up this topic, and she shouldn't get beat up for the choice she made at the time.

That said, she should also learn from her mistakes and if she's in this situation again, I would hope she'd just tell someone's wife that they should discuss this issue with their husband. And like someone else said, the bottom line is that it was he who screwed up by leaving his phone lying around with incriminating info.

So on that basis, she didn't out him, she just didn't help him and took away whatever small out he may have had. Not that it was much.

You know, if she just admitted her mistake, and realized that indeed she has learned from her mistake and won't do it again, that would be great. ESPECIALLY since she started right from the beginning claiming to ask for advice.

Well, she got advice from sps who have been put into the same situation, from her peers (working, experienced, professional sps), who all came to the same conclusion and offered the same advice: do not talk to anyone about a client for any reason.

To tell you the truth, I think it is pretty clear she not only is willing and able to talk to a client's SO, but also often talks freely about her other clients during sessions, here online or with other sps. A gossip? This is not the right business for a gossip monger. She also divulged the handle of her client, which just kind of illustrates how easily she would give up anyone of you, if only to prove herself "right". She has "permission". Uh huh, according to her she has permission.

She didn't say anything to the SO that the SO didn't already know? Uh huh, yeah she did. She confirmed knowing the client, and then further dug the knife into the SO's back by carrying on about how much better she (JPR) must be than the SO because people pay to spend time with her.

Don't try to tell me she was trying to do anything other than that, because a more compassionate person would not have spent time on the phone with this SO confirming her worst fears, and emphasizing her own inadequacies.)

@ apple juice, don't waste your breath on lenny. He is either trying to show how obtuse he is, and will never 'get it" or is just trying to enter into a debate with a bunch of nonsense statements.

@JPR, just how long did it take you to find a definition of discretion that would suit you? You searched and did not find this, the ultimate definition of why this word is used in this situation:

dis·cre·tion Noun /dis kreSHən/
Synonyms: noun: discreetness, prudence

The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information
she knew she could rely on his discretion

I loved the example used to show the intent of the word. Pretty obvious your client could not rely on your discretion, to avoid revealing private information.

Also good examples:

knowing how to avoid embarrassment or distress; "the servants showed great tact and discretion"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

delicacy: refined taste; tact
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

 

[Vibe9]

How did she KNOW it was me? Vanessa dear ...SHE DIALED A PHONE NUMBER WHICH SHE FOUND ON HER HUSBANDS PHONE AND THE NUMBER MATCHES WHAT APPEARS ON MY WEBSITE. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS LOOKING AT MY WEBSITE. IN ADDITION TO THAT SHE SAID SHE COULD SEE A PHOTO OF ME ATTACHED TO MY PHONE NUMBER ON HIS PHONE ...WHICH MATCHES MY PHONE NUMBER ON MY WEBSITE ...WHICH SHE JUST DIALED AND LIKELY HAD APPEARING ON HER PHONE SCREEN ...AND I ANSWERED! Good Lord woman, put this together would you please so I need not repeat myself again?

Answered hoped for: "I dont know how my number and website photo got onto your husbands phone. Perhaps you should discuss it with him. Bye."

He left the phone where his wife could find it so he should have the ball of crap dropped into his lap. However, the answer above would not have confirmed anything and left it up to him to discuss the matter with her.

I have hobbied in the past exclusvely with SWs for this reason alone....

 

[Sydney]

I am surprised how many people suggest just hanging up. That is very rude. And there is no sense denying being an sp when your number has been dialed. Most of us have numbers that are linked to us professionally.

I have been in this situation a few times and it never occured to me to say anything but something along the lines of "I do not confirm or deny who my clients are to anyone. I choose to not tell you if I know that person or not. I am sorry that I can not help you. I will not answer your questions." It's not lying to say that.

 

[frustyj]

My opinion, I think you committed a cardinal sin by ratting out your client. I certainly would never look you up for this reason.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

I am surprised how many people suggest just hanging up. That is very rude. And there is no sense denying being an sp when your number has been dialed. Most of us have numbers that are linked to us professionally.

I have been in this situation a few times and it never occured to me to say anything but something along the lines of "I do not confirm or deny who my clients are to anyone. I choose to not tell you if I know that person or not. I am sorry that I can not help you. I will not answer your questions." That is the truth.

I think most of us agree that your response is the most logical one in terms of a reply.

I too don't really under why someone would just hang up, that's not only rude, it could lead to an escalation of the situation, if a scorned woman was to go on the rampage.
Hell she could even try getting the cops involved if she were pissed off enough about it, especially if this was a massage parlour, and she had some kind of proof that sexual activities were taking place. Best thing one could do in this situation is punt it back into their court and tell them you have no idea if you seen this guy or not, as 1/2 the people I sent pictures to never follow through with an appointment. That's his potential out, and then you're off the hook.

But I do think it's a little harsh to say she ratted her client out, given that it was his wife who called her, and it was he who left her phone number and picture lying around. He clearly was the author of his own demise.

 

[vanessa kelly]

I just want to clarify that when I say hang up I do not mean literally hang up ...I do not need to repeat what could have been said as there are pages from woman as well as myself who have been in that position as well as other members that have given suggestions....


Vanesa Kelly

 

[synaptik]

long time lurker here. a fellow pooner and perb regular linked me this thread and i thought i'd chime in. yes, i read most of it.

JPR, initially i admired your compassion. your actions were completely unprofessional for a SP, but justified as a person. had you been in an affair with this client, i would be 100% behind you.

unfortunately, you broke the most important rule in the industry. no one is asking you to lie to cover a client, but how hard would it have been to just hang up?

not only that, but as i read further through the thread, you seem to back yourself into a corner with a shifting story and the refusal to take in criticism while asking for advice. were you asking for advice, or just people to coddle you?

i realize you are now backtracking to save your reputation, but dragging your client and his wife further into this mess by publishing names and PMs and the content of that phone call isn't going to help. it doesnt matter what was said or how they feel because from a professional standpoint, you fucked up. you are also creating more drama for them, in order to prove your point. that's pretty selfish and, again, unprofessional. stop digging the hole.

my only suggestion to you at this point is to change username.


anyways, if one good thing was to come out of this thread, its that hundreds of pooners now know where they stand with some of these SPs. i for one will not ever consider the services of JPR or those who agree with her actions.

 

[wilde]

After reading Jessica's latest reply, I am under the impression that she is in essence saying that if the story/circumstances is sad enough. It is perfectly justifiable to become your client's SO's BFF and shrink albeit for 20 minutes only. OMFG!

 

[Lilithlovesme]

I make plenty of mistakes and do say stupid things all the time, I see very many SP's and often get into trouble by making promises I can't keep or loyalties I don't always honour. But I have always tried to be the best client I could and treat the ladies with the respect and consideration they deserve.

True that babe, you've always been good to me and I'm proud to count you as a friend. You might get a little lippy with the keyboard every now and then but in real life, you're aces.

PS: I know I said in the past that butter pecan was my favorite but I think I've converted to cheesecake with Skor and strawberries.

 

[hugedman]

I am a slow reader...OMG, I have a hard time keeping up all these pages...
Based on my reading on some threads...including the JPR's original post - she was woken up by her client's wife, so she was sleeping at home or at the MP? And I believe the client's wife called JPR's cell? How does the wife know where JPR live?? Does a search on JPR's number reveal where she works?...there are so many unanswered questions......

 

[hugedman]

My heart hurts and I don’t know what to do.

I answered my phone this morning and knew right away that I was on the line with a clients wife …”This is going to sound weird but who am I talking to? I know I called you but who is this?”


In the end …she said I seemed like a caring and intelligent person and suggested that if she and I had met under different circumstances maybe we could have been friends …Ouch. How the hell did I deserve that from her?

..........

May I say because of your caring and intellect, now that your client's wife would thank you a lot because now she's got half of what he has...and you deserve a lot on this matter, or at least an honourable mentioned...

JPR,
I believe you should stop digging the hole deeper...it was a mistakethat you had made and lesson learned...move on.

 

[paulal]

Drama queen, inserting herself into the middle of a situation that doesn't directly concern her. Folks who are addicted to drama often insert themselves into the middle of every scenario. Then, after reeking havoc, cry out maudalin tones: "Who, 'lil 'ol me?".

FYI: Indiscretion goes against the whole underlying purpose of SPs. Advice to others: don't follow the bunny down the rabbit hole.

 

[myselftheother]

May I say because of your caring and intellect, now that your client's wife would thank you a lot because now she's got half of what he has...and you deserve a lot on this matter, or at least an honourable mentioned...

JPR,
I believe you should stop digging the hole deeper...it was a mistakethat you had made and lesson learned...move on.

Or a percentage of her divorce settlement.

 

[Daisy Dreams]

I had a client's wife contact me one time. I told her I didn't know who her husband was and that I was a hostess. I asked if she knew if her husband and/or his friends were having a stage or poker party or a hockey raffle or something, because maybe he had my information because of some kind of up coming event. I then contacted my client and told him she contacted me and I told him what I told her so he could get his story right when he was confronted by her when he got home.

I felt incredibly bad for his wife too and I didn't like to be in the position I was in for my client leaving my contact info laying around, but I think I set her at ease and prepared my client to handle things the way he needed to when he got home. That incident did cause me to shut down for a little while and I seriously question if I wanted to stay in the industry though... Obviously I got over it. lol

 

[HB40]

True that babe, you've always been good to me and I'm proud to count you as a friend. You might get a little lippy with the keyboard every now and then but in real life, you're aces.

Thank you Lilithlovesme....HB40lovesyou.

PS: I know I said in the past that butter pecan was my favorite but I think I've converted to cheesecake with Skor and strawberries.

Hey, has that DQguy been coming around charming you with his treats?!?
Damn good choice though, you always did have great taste.

 

[Ride My Mustache]

...Her opening moments included the revelation of a medical situation which is currently, and has been for four months, upon this couple. I’m not talking about a lady who is dealing just with finding out her husband has been unfaithful but a lady with a matter of life and death on her hands...

Hasn't anyone else noticed this part of Jessica's statement? Isn't anyone concerned as to what kind of life threatening "medical situation" the SO told her about in the first part of the conversation? I take this part of Jessica's statement as meaning they discussed whatever this medical situation is. If I'm reading this right, and I were in her shoes, my heart would have stopped while visions of aids floated through my head. (I'm not trying to imply that the situation is aids, only that aids or something similar is what I would fear had I been in Jessica's place.)

Normally I am of the opinion that an SP should keep her mouth shut in a situation where she is discovered by an SO. But, as a client of SPs for many years, I appreciate an SP who makes the effort to find out if she has been exposed to anything like this so she can take appropriate action. I appreciate that, even if it had to be done at the price of breaking a rule about not talking (I said "talking", not ratting out) to a clients wife. This doesn't seem to be the same as an SP actually outing clients, especially doing it just for fun, spite, revenge, or some other nasty reason. It also doesn't seem like she "outed" a clients board handle either since it seems the client has given her permission. If that is not true, and he didn't give her permission, I'm sure he would be screaming to the mods by now, and Jessica would already be permanently banned for this!