What's the Ettiquete for a First Time Visit?

[bucketboy]

This is mostly aimed at the SPs on this forum. I'd like to try my first visit to a Domina and wanted to know some of the rules of ettiquete beforehand.

From reading through many of the posts on this and other forums, I think my kink is way on the vanilla side of the spectrum. I'm interested in a session involving punishment consisting mostly of spanking and verbal abuse in a roleplaying situation. So I'd like to know what parts to discuss during initial contact and what do discuss, if anything, at the start of a session. Also, are there any risks with this kind of play?

Feel free to PM me if you prefer.

Regards

BB

 

[viola]

So I'd like to know what parts to discuss during initial contact and what do discuss, if anything, at the start of a session.
BB

Having visited most of the Dominas in Vancouver and many in other parts of the world, in my experience it is usual on meeting a new Domme to be asked to undress and kneel head down and then wait for Mistress to tell you to rise.

Having 'shown' her that you are prepared to be subservient, you are usually asked why you are there and what you require. Just saying something like 'I want to be your slave, you can do whatever you want' isn't in my experience usually well received, most Mistresses would far prefer you to be honest, and will have a far easier time providing you with what you want if you have told them clearly your wishes/fantasies/whatever. If you have things you don't like, tell her that too. I suspect that nothing you can say will faze her, and on the basis that you are open and honest then she will be so too. If you ask for something she won't do, she will respond accordingly and you will both know where you stand.

In this way she can give you the best real world experience of your dream, you will get exactly what you want, and you both will be happy, and, probably, return to her again for more! Most (IMHO the sign of a professional Domme) will also give you a 'safe' word, to use at any point during a session, and bring the current activity to an instant halt.

So go for it, just be open and honest from the start.

Enjoy!

 

[buddha2]

Have to agree with Viola's answer. the most important part of any session is the conversation that it is VITAL to engage in before you engage in earnest. This is true on the first session, and true for pretty much every session after unless you're lucky enough to play every day (in which case, your play partner will most certainly know everything she needs to know about you).

 

[bucketboy]

Thank you for taking some time to reply to my post. I wasn't expecting those answers for sure; I thought there would at least need to be some telephone or email dialog first, but sounds like most of the communication happens during the first meeting.

BR

BB

 

[uncleg]

Thank you for taking some time to reply to my post. I wasn't expecting those answers for sure; I thought there would at least need to be some telephone or email dialog first, but sounds like most of the communication happens during the first meeting.

BR

BB

Actually you are right in your assumption. You'l notice viola says "on meeting a new domme" and there I'll agree with him, most will put you through those paces. However, you are interested in initial contact, which would be a phone call or email. There you are on the right track. Let her know in your initial contact that this is new to you, and in what direction you would like your first session to go. Just be honest and polite about it and the majority of dommes will give you honest feedback. If it leads to a session being booked, then expect the treatment viola mentions in his post.

 

[buddha2]

Good points. Another might be that a number of pro-dommes have check lists that you can fill in before you meet them. This helps them plan your session. One caution not discussed below is that there's a fine line between planning and topping from the bottom

 

[mistressfreyja]

Good advice from the boys, regarding communicating your desires/fantasies.

Be clear and communicative, prior to your session, to get the most out of your time and money as well as confirming compatibility between you and your Domme.

Be sure to inform of any health issues/medication/allergies, as well as hard limits (eg-no marks) and safe words (eg-red/yellow), prior to play. RED means play stops, YELLOW means ease up/proceed with caution.

I'm happy to discuss these things prior to the session. That's why I prefer having some notice, and time to think about and plan our particular scenario.

Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.

Good luck, and kind regards!

XOXO Miss Freyja.

 

[viola]

Good advice from the boys, regarding communicating your desires/fantasies.

Thanks, Mistress Freyja! You've been on my 'must visit' list for a year or so.. Unfortunately I only seem to get to Vancouver once or twice a year nowadays, one of the less obvious 'detriments' of early retirement is no longer traveling away from home regularly!

It took me some time to find a Mistress with whom I clicked after Mistress Viola retired, although a couple of years ago I met Mistress Yuliya Kate, who I can highly recommend.

Mahalo,

 

[Stella_Hardon]

Several items to consider ??

Dress business casual and be on time.
Take a shower before hand.
Cash in $ 20's in an envelope.
If you are escorted to the "dungeon" on an elevator you act normal.

Once alone you are 100 % submissive.
You don't touch anything in the dungeon

PAY UP FRONT

She can count it while you are nude and stewing.
Keep a couple of extra twentys for the tip on your way out.

If you have health issues say so.
Tell her if you are married/attached and specify if/where she can leave marks.

At a minimum if you want value for the money go for full CBT and spanking

Ask for a medium red ass no broken skin - and allow two weeks to get regular colour back.
Huge strapon for oral play only - but no anal for the first visit.
Since it is your first visit go for sensual dominance.

Give yourself a holiday from J'ing Off.
If there is a happy ending you may as well have a two day load
Give yourself a trim. No bird's nest

Leave your clothes in a messy pile.

If you can get a chubby before hand you might impress her.
If you can get full wood after restrained even better.

Once the session is finished you are extraordinary polite and satisfied.
You tip and leave and don't talk about your experience other than giving PERB a simple two thumbs up.

Do the grovelling in the dungeon

 

[mistressfreyja]

Stella Hardon replied with a great comprehensive list.

One thing important to me, is not to ask for me by name, via my intercom.

I don't agree with throwing your clothes on my floor?!? I will give you a hanger. I'd rather you have all of your stuff together. The best play sessions leave a pile, of this and that, here and there, and everywhere.

Viola, I can imagine a very fun play session with you. You sound communicative, and...your description of 'go' activities (FANTASIES), vs hard limits, is informative. And I totally agree.

Final note: My demeanor varies widely, based on client request. And based on sexual nature of the scene My etiquette changes based on these factors.

I don't have unrealistic expectations that you will 'know' what to do, upon entering my lair. I'm happy to guide you. That, in fact, is my true job description.

Hugs and licks...

 

[Stella_Hardon]

I put the messy pile for clothes to get BB in trouble at the start of the session ...

I see BB has a question for Health Nurse

There is only so much research you can do before taking the leap.
Sky diving, bungie jumping, going to a Dom ...
All are pretty safe but there is an element of risk which adds to the experience.

Note that the Pro-Dom will have a similar interest in protecting herself from any health risk .

Latex gloves for CBT, condoms for strapon play ...

If you see a knife by the X cross don't worry it is there to cut you free in a hurry.

I forgot to mention it but ask if a happy ending is possible and how much extra it is.

Get in there ! Experience the thrill of being tied down and having a cutie holding you by the balls.

 

[edmontonsubbie]

So I'd like to know what parts to discuss during initial contact and what do discuss, if anything, at the start of a session.

From my own experience, and lord knows I had a hard time with it initially. I thought to myself....gawd, I must be some sort of freak to want THAT. Now, having come to terms with my freakiness, I say to you sir....the best way to find out if what lurks in your darkest recesses might be possible with the Domme you have chosen...is simply....to email her. The worst she can do is say no. The fascinating thing is when she says "yes, that's quite common, I can accomodate that".....who knew? It then moves from the impersonal anonymity of the email to the very personal experience of the actual event. I have yet to be disappointed by those that say "yes, I can accomodate that"

Get in there ! Experience the thrill of being tied down and having a cutie holding you by the balls.

An excellent reply in its entirety, I quote only a section for the sake of brevity. In my VAST *cough* experience, I have found that the singularly most attractive women are not those who are classically good looking, but rather those who have that air of confidence about them. They know what they want, they know how to get it, and they are not shy in disclosing how it will happen. Those....are some pretty hot chicks.

I saw this thread initially and stifled the instant thought that crossed my mind for a reply. I will stifle no longer. My advice for the first time visitor would be to simply say "hey toots, how about you fetching me a brewski while I get changed into something a little less confining".

have the most pleasant of days,

eddie.

 

[bucketboy]

Hello Everyone,

Thanks to you all for your posts, I've learned a lot about how to proceed, behave and what to expect from them. It surprised me to learn that you can ask for "medium red, no broken skin" and expect to have this request met. That really puts the "Pro" in Pro Dom. Also glad to hear that you can provide some personal information and expect the SP to be discrete about it - wasn't said but implied.

Edmonton - I agree with your take on what it is to be sexy. Lots of women come across as sexy though you wouldn't, at first glance, say that based on looks. Once you get to know them it shines through nova-bright.

I guess I'm ready to give it a go. I'll let you know - discretely, as Stella H. has suggested.

Thanks again to everyone, I've enjoyed reading all your posts.

BB

 

[Cookies N Scream]

Many Dommes have specific booking etiquette as well. It is usually listed on their websites. An example:

Dungeon Etiquette DO NOT:

Do not call from a blocked/private phone number.
Do not mistake the booking conversation for phone sex or free internet chat.
Do not ask or hint for sex.
Do not push if I say "no" to an activity.
Do not make an appointment you can't or won't keep. Phone with sufficient notice if you need to cancel, or you will not be allowed to book a second time.
Do not ask or assume that I will do anything directly sexual, illegal, non-consensual, or unsafe.
Do not try to re-negotiate the requested tributes/donations.
Do not show up late or early.
Do not take photos in the dungeon or you will be asked to leave.

DO:
Be respectful and adhere to My Rules whilst visiting and refrain from any drug use on the premises.
Be honest about your level of experience; clearly state your interests and limits.
Choose which activities you would like to explore prior to booking.
Ask about My interests, areas of experience and expertise.
Ask Me politely about procedures for making an appointment; including hours and tributes.
Call back at your assigned confirmation time or you will lose your appointment.
Listen attentively; follow My instructions and obey My commands.
Please tell Me of any of your health issues before or upon entering the dungeon.

This is the list from My website...But it will vary from Domme to Domme. Just make sure you read everyone's websites thoroughly. Sometimes I think subs just look at the photo galleries and call without knowing the booking protocols.

 

[robbie]

I think it's best to say what you want before meting. You don't have to plan the session just say ' CBT ' or 'spanking' if its your first time tell them that and a good dom will be able to read your body language.

If you don't want any marks just say so before hand. As far as etiquette, I think its just a matter of if you were going on a date how would you dress/act. I'm sure you would shower and shave before any date, just in case

I don't agree with some of the other posts and I don't usually tip. I let the lady know what I want before hand and what donation to bring. Usually I pay about $300 an hour for a average Dom, well experienced girls tend to be about $450 - $500 an hour. And most do charge more depending on what you want done

The way i see if if they want a tip don't tell me it's $300 an hour tell me it's $350 an hour.