Follow up to "Another FNG" post

[CODe333]

Mistress T asked me three questions in my original post entitled “Another FNG.” I’ve paraphrased them here and I hope I did so fairly. Given how new my pursuits in this realm are, my answers are somewhat tentative and likely reflect a rather idealized and undeveloped view. In any case, here goes:

Why I want to be a Dom

The short answer is that nothing thrills like the wonder of female sexual response, especially when that response allows me to serve a woman’s desire to be submissive. I want to serve with my dominance. Frankly I cannot think of a single thing more erotic and life affirming than that. When I put aside as best I could my life’s baggage (which I admit contained a significant load of immaturity, selfishness, ignorance and misogyny) I thought my kink would be gone – but boy was I wrong! I’d had dominant thoughts and fantasies since early childhood. Fought them all my life, feeling that they conflicted with my views on women’s rights, the historical reality of oppression of females, etc. Damn it, it just didn’t seem right! Only in the last few years have I been able to reconcile those thoughts and motives with my larger commitment to being a decent and civilized human being. I want to prepare a safe and enchanting space where I and a female partner (possibly in some instances with others involved) can play at our deepest, darkest fantasies; where she can consent to such knowing I am a trustworthy man who knows just how far to let the beast out of the cage. I think women’s dark fantasies are so much more interesting than mine. Honestly, I am in awe of the erotic currents of the female mind. To participate in a power exchange where both parties get to play with their primordial urges and powers is an event fraught with such wonderful possibilities, I’d be a fool to pass it up. Besides, I have an evil, nasty mind that should not be allowed to go to waste. Hell, what use is a male ego if it can’t take pride in the production of intense, multiple female orgasms?


What is a Dom

My definition, in short, would be that a Dom is some one who enjoys putting his or her dominant tendencies at the service of another person whose deepest desire (and most powerful sexual and / or emotional response) comes from some form of submission. The Dom creates a scene that reflects the deepest urges and wishes of the sub and uses it to provoke an intense erotic response in the sub. The Dom works to make the experience feel and look as dangerous and threatening as the sub needs to truly enjoy the experience while making sure that it doesn’t present any real danger and produces only as much pain, humiliation and sensation as the sub requires for the experience to be fun and fulfilling. A dom is a producer, writer, and director of the dark erotic. Oh, and the Dom should be a thoughtful, caring, twisted, perverted bastard.

What activities I would like to partake in and what skills I would like as a Dom

Not 100% sure about that. Rope bondage is definitely of interest. Also, spanking, whipping, body tortures of various varieties (wax and fire, especially), slave training, and stuff like that. Too ambitious? Possibly – but I’m serious and I want to serve you with torments painful, lasting and maniacal! My ultimate goal is to ferret out a female submissive’s deepest, darkest desires (an alliteration!) and design a kick–ass scene that exceeds her expectations. I guess I want to do my homework and see what submissive ladies like! That’s the skill I want to develop beyond all others. To fill that out I want to develop a skill set that allows me to take what a sub wants and make it happen.

 

[CODe333]

I'm glad to see that some people are looking at my post. I do hope some of you will have the time and inclination to comment or offer constructive criticism. I think more people than myself will benefit from your input. Of course I like the attention too! It's alway great to have others who share your interests join in the discussion. BDSM offers such a range of possibilities.

CODe333

 

[Small pleasures]

Dig deeper

When I put aside as best I could my life’s baggage (which I admit contained a significant load of immaturity, selfishness, ignorance and misogyny) I thought my kink would be gone – but boy was I wrong! I’d had dominant thoughts and fantasies since early childhood. Fought them all my life, feeling that they conflicted with my views on women’s rights, the historical reality of oppression of females, etc.

Most of what you wrote makes you sound somewhat submissive. A pleaser. A giver. This is not said in a negative way. I simply sense that I'm not getting the full story. Maybe you're choosing to showcase the side of you that you think will sit most comfortably with most of your audience.

Since you're in an anonymous lounge and have nothing to lose...why not go deeper? Perhaps confess...what specific fantasies have haunted you for so long? What fears held you back from fulfilling those fantasies already? Your own self doubt in being the amazingly creative and capable Dom that you dream of being...

Take a deep breath. You don't have to share any of this, but if you're going to share some, why not keep going...?

 

[CODe333]

Most of what you wrote makes you sound somewhat submissive. A pleaser. A giver. This is not said in a negative way. I simply sense that I'm not getting the full story. Maybe you're choosing to showcase the side of you that you think will sit most comfortably with most of your audience.

Since you're in an anonymous lounge and have nothing to lose...why not go deeper? Perhaps confess...what specific fantasies have haunted you for so long? What fears held you back from fulfilling those fantasies already? Your own self doubt in being the amazingly creative and capable Dom that you dream of being...

Take a deep breath. You don't have to share any of this, but if you're going to share some, why not keep going...?

MissT I'm so glad that you take the time to interact so often on the BDSM board here at PERB. Your coaxing and comments surely play a key role in the growing number of posts here. Your work in this regard is appreciated by all I'm sure. That you have taken the time to interact with me here on PERB and on the phone is certainly something I appreciate. Thank you. I want to make clear, however, that my deference to you is entirely due to my respect for you as the erotic artist you are. I applaud the severity with which you creatively discipline the worms and sluts that follow in your wake. Their punishment is just and they're lucky to have any master at all, let alone one of the calibre of the great MissT. I want to follow in your footsteps not kiss your feet (though I'm sure they are divine by any standard). Of course should you and I happen one day to be conducting sessions in the same dungeon I will make sure my slaves show you the repect you so richly deserve. The great MissT deserves no less.

I think you caught on to the inherent irony in my understanding that domination is a form of service to the sub and her fantasies of submission. To be sure, my service to them, entails their abuse at my hand (and I look forward to making them rue the day they let me slip my chain and collar around their exquisite, wretched necks). Also, the persona I'm developing as the vehicle for my dominant tendencies is still very much a work in progress. As I become more aware how best to present myself in my role as dom I will construct and post the requisite scenarios. At present however in those threads where we are describing possible scenes I have suggested how they might go in a setting with femdoms and male subs because that arrangment seems to be in line with the interests of the majority of current participants in the BDSM section at this time. That I'm sure will change as things develop here in the BDSM section.

 

[Small pleasures]

Nah...

At present however in those threads where we are describing possible scenes I have suggested how they might go in a setting with femdoms and male subs because that arrangment seems to be in line with the interests of the majority of current participants in the BDSM section at this time. That I'm sure will change as things develop here in the BDSM section.

With all respect Code333, I hope you are wrong about changing this section into a place where male Doms take on more of a role. I feel that this section is a playground for male subs and having male Doms contribute too much will be a turn off to them.

For example, when I am skimming the Craigslist erotic section most of the ads are females. If I'm skimming quickly I find it disruptive when I accidently click on a male escorts ad and see a dude when I was expecting a gal.

There are a couple of male escorts who participate on PERB, but overall, it's a place where men come to find women and I feel it should stay that way.

I appreciate your contributions, especially the ones that involve FemDommes but I hope this section stays fairly slim in the male Dom department.

I do however strongly encourage more contributions from female Dommes and hope to make Vancouver a destination for fetish and kink with the best FemDomme community anywhere.

Just my opinion, maybe today it will be an unpopular one.

 

[edmontonsubbie]

An opinion is an opinion is an opinion...

....and, well thought out opinions with room for give or take are only unpopular amongst those whole like to judge with a portion of the information.

I saw this post on my way out in the morning...and, thought...geeeze, I doubt that's gonna work out so well Code...I mean...it requires an "audience" for interaction and I have not seen tooooo many female subs kicking around this section. It's not to say they don't exist.....

Having said that, you are obviously thoughtful, well spoken, and do give an interesting viewpoint and that's always a cool thing. What about maybe taking the plunge and putting your name in red? I think that would be a blast. I have even thought about doing that....opening up a website....www.prosubs.com...*We Clean When You're Feeling Mean*...or some such other useless marketing ditty.

Now I will go back to the garage to finish my cutting board island and enjoy taking this Memorial day...off. In a gesture of kindness to my southern neighbours, I always take their holidays off too.

eddie.

 

[CODe333]

With all respect Code333, I hope you are wrong about changing this section into a place where male Doms take on more of a role. I feel that this section is a playground for male subs and having male Doms contribute too much will be a turn off to them.

For example, when I am skimming the Craigslist erotic section most of the ads are females. If I'm skimming quickly I find it disruptive when I accidently click on a male escorts ad and see a dude when I was expecting a gal.

There are a couple of male escorts who participate on PERB, but overall, it's a place where men come to find women and I feel it should stay that way.

I appreciate your contributions, especially the ones that involve FemDommes but I hope this section stays fairly slim in the male Dom department.

I do however strongly encourage more contributions from female Dommes and hope to make Vancouver a destination for fetish and kink with the best FemDomme community anywhere.

Just my opinion, maybe today it will be an unpopular one.

People with strong opinions are bound to be unpopular at times - goes with the territory. However, you, MissT, are unlikely to ever be unpopular with me because I appreciate forthrightness, even when it is expressed in opposition to my views. Believe me I am used to holding minority views and defending them when necessary. I won't do that here, however. This is much more your parade than mine (I am a minor player). True, I would like to hear more from female submissives and male doms, but your assessment of PERB's function is likely the majority view. I would certainly never want to cause problems for the professional ladies here on PERB, especially not you or any of the other FemDommes. I hold you all in high esteem. My postings here and there on PERB bear this out. As I am here to learn and not cause unnecessary problems I will refrain from placing undue emphasis on the male dom angle. I enjoy the contributions of everyone here in the BDSM threads a great deal (including the male subs). I haven't seen evidence that my presence is turning off the male subs or interferring with business but your say so is enough for me. You know of what you speak. Please say more if you'd like. You will find my shoulders wide and my tolerance for criticism unending. Perhaps you've said all you want to say on the matter and we'll just leave it there. I have to say too that I doubt I'd ever eclipse your presence here, nor would I want to if I could. I much prefer to be your ally or at least not more than an occassional pest. Your rebuke is presented with respect and I appreciate that (it's not always the way here on PERB, as you know).

CODe333

 

[CODe333]

Of course when I first started my posts I had no way of knowing exactly what the composition of the forum was. True, most postings represent FemDommes and submales. I didn't miss that. My postings are partially an attempt to feel things out, to see if there's a silent group that maybe contains enough maledoms / femsubs interest to make a meaningful conversation possible. I feel I've been properly cautious in expressing my views. And, yes, I do get the message! I'm a very small minority. Possibly the only one (certainly the only one posting)! I respect that most are on the femdomme and malesub side. That's cool. I think folks have been very civil about this matter and I'll back off with no bad feelings. I know I sometimes exert a stronger presence than I intend, perahps it's the way I write, I don't know. I certainly have no intention of hijacking anyone's playground or causing problems for professionals and their clients.

www.prosubs.com...*We[/url] Clean When You're Feeling Mean*...or some such other useless marketing ditty.

eddie.

It's still too early in the game to move in that direction IMHO. When I retire in the next 18 to 24 months I am considering setting up a service for male doms to make their services available. Maybe starting a club, establishing a facility or just working within current scene structures and sponsoring some events. I'm still sorting all the options. I don't want to interfere with established providers. This sort of thing to be done right takes time. It is possible that a red name on PERB is in my future. I have much to learn and I certainly don't want to burn any bridges here.


CODe333