I can't claim to be the most devout fan of the original Knight Rider series(1982-1986), but I did grow up watching it and have fairly fond memories of it. The original Michael Knight(David Hasselhoff) was a square-jawed hero in a Ronald Reagan world, zipping about in his souped-up Trans Am called K.I.T.T.(short for Knight Industries Two Thousand), chasing down the bad guys on a weekly basis and delivering good old-fashioned justice--partially to fulfill the wishes of the dying billionaire who hired him, but also because it was simply the right thing to do.
Now we have the new, shiny, flash-over-substance remake of Knight Rider, which is not so much an homage to the original as it is a sharp, 21st Century kick in its family jewels. Our new protagonist is one Michael Traceur(Justin Bruening), who is an irresponsible, hedonistic, undisciplined and selfish jerk. He's actually the son of the original Michael Knight, whom it's explained was absent all these years because of "obligations which took priority over everything else", even raising his own son. Traceur's mom Jennifer(Susan Gibney) raised him as best she could of course, but he always blamed her for his dad not being present. Along with an out-of-place statistical analysis the new K.I.T.T.(Knight Industries Three Thousand...take that, fond memories!) gives later on about the rising divorce rate in the U.S., and we can collectively go "OW!" as the producers hit us over the head with their family values, and their none-too-subtle statement on what a broken home does to a kid.
But our story doesn't actually begin with Michael. It begins at the home of Charles Graiman(Bruce Davison), as a group of men assault him in his home, seeking information on a project called Prometheus. Before they can extract the information from him, Graiman has a heart attack and dies. While the thugs--led by Evil British Guy(a new trend in films/tv) Welther(Greg Ellis)--search the home, we are shown glimpes of new tech Graiman was in the process of designing, as well as a cameo of the original K.I.T.T., which was undergoing reconstruction. Suddenly, the garage door opens and the new K.I.T.T. roars to life, racing out the garage as Welther and his men fire on it--the camera closing in on the car's exterior to show the bullets are bouncing off of it, and that the car shell is repairing itself instantly. It's nanotechnology, a toy of science fiction writers since the days of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and one of the many "fun" features the new K.I.T.T.(this time around, a Ford GT500KR Mustang) possesses.
We are then quickly introduced to the rest of the cast: first off there's the new Mike, who's such a stud he beds not just one, but two hot chicks at the same time. That's so we know just how cooooool he is. Like ice, baby! He's a former Army ranger, who served overseas. He also has a geeky roommate named Dylan(Wayne Kasserman) and owes money to some "investors" who put money to the tune of $90,000 into backing his amateur racing dreams. There's some brief "comic relief" as the duo attempt a getaway in a stock car that breaks down in their own garage, and then we get to see how cooooool Mike is again, when he kicks the butt of a dude twice his size...but then, the other guy gets the drop by threatening to kill wimpy Dylan. The bad dudes give Mike twenty-four hours to come up with their money, or they'll kill Dylan(Personally, if I were Dylan, I would have been begging them to blow my brains out, rather than be involved in this another second. It's not even the ten minute mark, and I was already checking the time at this point).
In the meantime, we are given no indication the two hot chicks cooooool Mike slept with are even aware anything is going on, or if they might try to call the cops. We actually never see them again, which gives you an indication of the laziness of writing and ineptness of direction you'll be subjected to for the next two hours. We're then given a quick intro to FBI agent Carrie Rivai(Sydney Tamiia Poitier) as she prepares to head into work. We are shown via a hot chick in Carrie's bed and some cliched dialogue that Carrie is a LESBIAN. See? Everyone in California can nail a hot chick, if they're cooooool!
We then meet the final loser--sorry, character--Sarah Grai-man(Deanna Russo), a professor of Undisclosed Subject...may-be nanotechnology, maybe theoretical physics? She talks about nanotech, but we're never told if this is the actual course. She's just finished teaching a class, when she's contacted by K.I.T.T., who warns her about the men that killed her father, and who are now pursuing her. The men close in on her, and her fate seems sealed, but K.I.T.T. zooms in and saves the day! The men jump aside--away from Sarah, rather than pulling her with them, as most thinking bad guys would do, rather than allowing the car to come between them--and Sarah jumps in. One of the morons actually opens fire on campus, in an attempt to shoot the car which has already proven bulletproof--yet none of the students notice! They casually walk by in the background, as Welther calmly tells his minion to stop shooting. Now, I know the only credit co-writer David Andron(we can also thank co-writer and creator of the original Knight Rider Glen Larson for this mess) has to his name prior to this is Raines, but didn't anyone on the set--script coordinator, continuity director--think to tap director Steve Shill(Dexter, E.R.) on the shoulder and say "Hey, stupid... this isn't a first-year film school project. We're trying to get on-going jobs out of this"?!
The EKG on the story logic continues to flatline as K.I.T.T. manages to locate Mike and with Sarah aboard, sets off for Las Vegas at speeds exceeding 191 miles per hour! At this velocity, K.I.T.T. estimates it can make it from L.A. to Vegas in three hours and seventeen minutes. While this is all fine and dandy, let's try and remember that there's this little thing called physics which determines how things work in our world. While not quite approaching the speed of sound(or a mach barrier) to cover the estimated 627 miles, the car's going pretty freakin' fast...enough so that one has to wonder what K.I.T.T.'s tires are made of that they don't just blow out or melt from wear. Also, keep in mind that the primary reason race car drivers don't pass out with all the g forces pressing against them is because they're trained athletes. Sarah gets winded just running out of the library to avoid her pursuers...in a situation like this, she'd pass out. Yes, many cars today are designed to go up to 120mph or slightly higher; but aside from the fact it's illegal to go that fast on any road, there's simply a good reason why people don't do it: it's stupid and potentially fatal.
Sorry, enough sermon...back to the stupidity.
Sarah finds Mike in a casino, gambling in an attempt to win $90,000 to save Dylan's life(oy vey, my brain!). Mike has obviously seen too many movies. Sarah explains to him exactly what has happened to her father and about the men chasing her, and what does our hero do--? Tells her "I can't help you...I've got my own problems"! Way to represent the pride of the Army, NBC! Another part of the blame for this idiocy can be dropped on the lap of Doug Liman, one of the executive producers, and director of the just-released unintentional laughfest Jumper.
Sarah offers to pay Mike's debt without even blinking(do university teachers really pull in enough to cover someone's nearly $1 mil debt? I knew I should've gone into teaching!), so Mike whores himself out to get her out of the situation. It was actually a very cool thing that upon meeting K.I.T.T., Sarah was almost blast about the experience, since of course she would have been aware of the projects her father worked on(it's established early on that she and Charles collaborated on some work). However, Mike's "gosh, golly gee-whiz, is this for real?" overreaction is a bit much to take. Doesn't the Army routinely experiment with sending robot drones into combat for tactical analysis? How excited can a guy get over something that's only a few steps above? We also soon find out that K.I.T.T. can camouflage itself by changing its color and shape, via the use of nanotechnology and underwhelming CGI. It's also soon deter-mined that Sarah's father is alive, because he used a body double with increasing frequency over the years, and it was the double that was killed. This comes to light through the realization by FBI agent Rivai, who knew Charles, and gives that information to a local cooperating sheriff(Chris Mulkey), who happens to be working for the bad guys. Convenient.
Knight Rider not only hits nearly every cliche that can be found in a show about intrigue and espionage, it knocks said cliches to the ground and forces itself on them. From the Bad Cop to the Rekindled Romantic Interest Between Childhood Friends to the Shocking Death of a family member. It's all here, in glorious color, much like the barf that will soon be on your floor after watching this tripe. The only bright spots to be had in this exercise in S&M(NBC are the sadists, and we are definitely the masochists for tuning in) are the casting of both Davison(Close to Home, Breach) and Susan Gibney(Star Trek: The Next Generation, Crossing Jordan) as Mike's mom Jennifer, both of whom steal every scene they're in and hold them ransom from the rest of the cast. There's also the joy of listening to Val Kilmer(Heat, Batman Forever), who's obviously working for food on this project. He comes across not quite bored voicing the car, but more distracted--as if while doing his reading, he's actually checking out the script for his next movie, and is more concerned with memorizing that dialogue than delivering the one for this project. And finally, within the last five minutes, we get an appearance by the real Michael Knight, David Hasselhoff --and by all appearances, the P.A.s(production assistants) on the set might have had to roust him from the nearest bar to get him up and running. It's still a cool cameo, and I still have love in my heart for The Hoff...but he should've nixed the cameo in this crapper.
As a matter of fact, the entire "backdoor pilot"--an expression used to denote a standalone tv feature that can either be utilized for rebroadcasting purposes, or to gauge whether the concept is popular enough to be moved to full series--should have been nixed. Between Bruening's unlikeable hero, the sub-par CGI, the tepid storyline which seems to take six hours to unfold rather than two, and the overflow of bad acting from nearly all quarters, I have serious doubts this Knight Rider will make it to series. And even if it does, it'll run out of gas faster than The Bionic Woman broke down.
And there's nothing wrong with that at all.
Now we have the new, shiny, flash-over-substance remake of Knight Rider, which is not so much an homage to the original as it is a sharp, 21st Century kick in its family jewels. Our new protagonist is one Michael Traceur(Justin Bruening), who is an irresponsible, hedonistic, undisciplined and selfish jerk. He's actually the son of the original Michael Knight, whom it's explained was absent all these years because of "obligations which took priority over everything else", even raising his own son. Traceur's mom Jennifer(Susan Gibney) raised him as best she could of course, but he always blamed her for his dad not being present. Along with an out-of-place statistical analysis the new K.I.T.T.(Knight Industries Three Thousand...take that, fond memories!) gives later on about the rising divorce rate in the U.S., and we can collectively go "OW!" as the producers hit us over the head with their family values, and their none-too-subtle statement on what a broken home does to a kid.
But our story doesn't actually begin with Michael. It begins at the home of Charles Graiman(Bruce Davison), as a group of men assault him in his home, seeking information on a project called Prometheus. Before they can extract the information from him, Graiman has a heart attack and dies. While the thugs--led by Evil British Guy(a new trend in films/tv) Welther(Greg Ellis)--search the home, we are shown glimpes of new tech Graiman was in the process of designing, as well as a cameo of the original K.I.T.T., which was undergoing reconstruction. Suddenly, the garage door opens and the new K.I.T.T. roars to life, racing out the garage as Welther and his men fire on it--the camera closing in on the car's exterior to show the bullets are bouncing off of it, and that the car shell is repairing itself instantly. It's nanotechnology, a toy of science fiction writers since the days of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and one of the many "fun" features the new K.I.T.T.(this time around, a Ford GT500KR Mustang) possesses.
We are then quickly introduced to the rest of the cast: first off there's the new Mike, who's such a stud he beds not just one, but two hot chicks at the same time. That's so we know just how cooooool he is. Like ice, baby! He's a former Army ranger, who served overseas. He also has a geeky roommate named Dylan(Wayne Kasserman) and owes money to some "investors" who put money to the tune of $90,000 into backing his amateur racing dreams. There's some brief "comic relief" as the duo attempt a getaway in a stock car that breaks down in their own garage, and then we get to see how cooooool Mike is again, when he kicks the butt of a dude twice his size...but then, the other guy gets the drop by threatening to kill wimpy Dylan. The bad dudes give Mike twenty-four hours to come up with their money, or they'll kill Dylan(Personally, if I were Dylan, I would have been begging them to blow my brains out, rather than be involved in this another second. It's not even the ten minute mark, and I was already checking the time at this point).
In the meantime, we are given no indication the two hot chicks cooooool Mike slept with are even aware anything is going on, or if they might try to call the cops. We actually never see them again, which gives you an indication of the laziness of writing and ineptness of direction you'll be subjected to for the next two hours. We're then given a quick intro to FBI agent Carrie Rivai(Sydney Tamiia Poitier) as she prepares to head into work. We are shown via a hot chick in Carrie's bed and some cliched dialogue that Carrie is a LESBIAN. See? Everyone in California can nail a hot chick, if they're cooooool!
We then meet the final loser--sorry, character--Sarah Grai-man(Deanna Russo), a professor of Undisclosed Subject...may-be nanotechnology, maybe theoretical physics? She talks about nanotech, but we're never told if this is the actual course. She's just finished teaching a class, when she's contacted by K.I.T.T., who warns her about the men that killed her father, and who are now pursuing her. The men close in on her, and her fate seems sealed, but K.I.T.T. zooms in and saves the day! The men jump aside--away from Sarah, rather than pulling her with them, as most thinking bad guys would do, rather than allowing the car to come between them--and Sarah jumps in. One of the morons actually opens fire on campus, in an attempt to shoot the car which has already proven bulletproof--yet none of the students notice! They casually walk by in the background, as Welther calmly tells his minion to stop shooting. Now, I know the only credit co-writer David Andron(we can also thank co-writer and creator of the original Knight Rider Glen Larson for this mess) has to his name prior to this is Raines, but didn't anyone on the set--script coordinator, continuity director--think to tap director Steve Shill(Dexter, E.R.) on the shoulder and say "Hey, stupid... this isn't a first-year film school project. We're trying to get on-going jobs out of this"?!
The EKG on the story logic continues to flatline as K.I.T.T. manages to locate Mike and with Sarah aboard, sets off for Las Vegas at speeds exceeding 191 miles per hour! At this velocity, K.I.T.T. estimates it can make it from L.A. to Vegas in three hours and seventeen minutes. While this is all fine and dandy, let's try and remember that there's this little thing called physics which determines how things work in our world. While not quite approaching the speed of sound(or a mach barrier) to cover the estimated 627 miles, the car's going pretty freakin' fast...enough so that one has to wonder what K.I.T.T.'s tires are made of that they don't just blow out or melt from wear. Also, keep in mind that the primary reason race car drivers don't pass out with all the g forces pressing against them is because they're trained athletes. Sarah gets winded just running out of the library to avoid her pursuers...in a situation like this, she'd pass out. Yes, many cars today are designed to go up to 120mph or slightly higher; but aside from the fact it's illegal to go that fast on any road, there's simply a good reason why people don't do it: it's stupid and potentially fatal.
Sorry, enough sermon...back to the stupidity.
Sarah finds Mike in a casino, gambling in an attempt to win $90,000 to save Dylan's life(oy vey, my brain!). Mike has obviously seen too many movies. Sarah explains to him exactly what has happened to her father and about the men chasing her, and what does our hero do--? Tells her "I can't help you...I've got my own problems"! Way to represent the pride of the Army, NBC! Another part of the blame for this idiocy can be dropped on the lap of Doug Liman, one of the executive producers, and director of the just-released unintentional laughfest Jumper.
Sarah offers to pay Mike's debt without even blinking(do university teachers really pull in enough to cover someone's nearly $1 mil debt? I knew I should've gone into teaching!), so Mike whores himself out to get her out of the situation. It was actually a very cool thing that upon meeting K.I.T.T., Sarah was almost blast about the experience, since of course she would have been aware of the projects her father worked on(it's established early on that she and Charles collaborated on some work). However, Mike's "gosh, golly gee-whiz, is this for real?" overreaction is a bit much to take. Doesn't the Army routinely experiment with sending robot drones into combat for tactical analysis? How excited can a guy get over something that's only a few steps above? We also soon find out that K.I.T.T. can camouflage itself by changing its color and shape, via the use of nanotechnology and underwhelming CGI. It's also soon deter-mined that Sarah's father is alive, because he used a body double with increasing frequency over the years, and it was the double that was killed. This comes to light through the realization by FBI agent Rivai, who knew Charles, and gives that information to a local cooperating sheriff(Chris Mulkey), who happens to be working for the bad guys. Convenient.
Knight Rider not only hits nearly every cliche that can be found in a show about intrigue and espionage, it knocks said cliches to the ground and forces itself on them. From the Bad Cop to the Rekindled Romantic Interest Between Childhood Friends to the Shocking Death of a family member. It's all here, in glorious color, much like the barf that will soon be on your floor after watching this tripe. The only bright spots to be had in this exercise in S&M(NBC are the sadists, and we are definitely the masochists for tuning in) are the casting of both Davison(Close to Home, Breach) and Susan Gibney(Star Trek: The Next Generation, Crossing Jordan) as Mike's mom Jennifer, both of whom steal every scene they're in and hold them ransom from the rest of the cast. There's also the joy of listening to Val Kilmer(Heat, Batman Forever), who's obviously working for food on this project. He comes across not quite bored voicing the car, but more distracted--as if while doing his reading, he's actually checking out the script for his next movie, and is more concerned with memorizing that dialogue than delivering the one for this project. And finally, within the last five minutes, we get an appearance by the real Michael Knight, David Hasselhoff --and by all appearances, the P.A.s(production assistants) on the set might have had to roust him from the nearest bar to get him up and running. It's still a cool cameo, and I still have love in my heart for The Hoff...but he should've nixed the cameo in this crapper.
As a matter of fact, the entire "backdoor pilot"--an expression used to denote a standalone tv feature that can either be utilized for rebroadcasting purposes, or to gauge whether the concept is popular enough to be moved to full series--should have been nixed. Between Bruening's unlikeable hero, the sub-par CGI, the tepid storyline which seems to take six hours to unfold rather than two, and the overflow of bad acting from nearly all quarters, I have serious doubts this Knight Rider will make it to series. And even if it does, it'll run out of gas faster than The Bionic Woman broke down.
And there's nothing wrong with that at all.
