i'm getting a bit long winded here. i'll keep going, maybe it's the egomaniac in me, but it seems like a good read.
getting down to my subject title of me pretty much being disowned, it came down to my aunt and i sitting down one night while she was visiting with my parents.
when i think of it, "disowned" isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind. since our little conversation things haven't been the same between my aunt and i. or any of my other relatives on reserve for that matter.
the way i honestly see it is there should be a sink or swim decision for todays indians.
i say wipe out reserves.
i say wipe out free education.
i say wipe out land claims.
i say we march into victoria and say "all the shit that's happened. residential schools, the raping of our culture, the broken promises....fughetaboutit."
"You people." see the services we have access to as "benifits" when in reality they are more or less an anchor. The percentage of Indians who actually graduate from high school, let alone go on to a college or university is pretty miniscule.
The way I see it there are three kinds of indians. (all jokes aside here folks.)
1.) You have your indian who manages to finish high school, get admitted into a post secondary institution, go through all the red tape and somehow come out the other side with a degree or certification of some sort. They go on to find employment (i hesitate to use the term success.) in their field and may or may not live on reserve.
2.) You have your run of the mill, straight and narrow Indian. He or she may or may not have graduated from high school. But chances are they live on reserve. They have a job either "working for whitey" (seriously folks, that's a term that's used) or they work for the tribe/band in one form or another.
3.) You have your stereotypical Indian. He or she hasn't graduated from high school, perhaps didn't even GET to high school. There's an alcohol/drug problem in the picture. Numerous run in's with the police. Every single Indian joke in the WORLD is based on this guy, or gal.
Your type 1 and 2 indians could get by in the world. they would keep on keepin' on. some would do alright, others not so alright. just like any other class/culture in the world. it's the type 3 indians that give me the whole "sink or swim" mentality.
Like i mentioned before all i can tell you is about what i know and see. And i see the Indians with drug and alcohol problems stuck in this vicious circle. They either come from families with a history of substance abuse, or they've just happened upon it based on decisions made years ago.
i know some who are
conditioned to be hateful/mistrustful towards non-indians. they are taught from an early age that "whitey" is responsible for the lives they have to lead. and in turn anyone who works for "whitey" is the same way. there's a resentment towards those who aren't like them. we all know the stereo-type.
the fucked up thing about this. is there are indians out there who are tired of being on reserves. who want to quit drugs. who want to quit alcohol.
they
just
lack
the
resources.
and before you jump down my throat on this...hear me out.
say you live on a reserve. you get a welfare check every month. you walk into town to cash it at the bank, maybe buy groceries for your kids, but more than likely just buy booze or get a fix.
one day you wake up and realize that there's got to be more to life than this. you reach out and somehow you get clean. you come home, and look for a job. but lo' and behold you cant find one. either because you've had one too many run ins with the law, or you live so deep in the reserve that it's difficult to get to work on time.
maybe you stick it out for awhile. but over time you get worn down. it's easier to sit on a reserve and venture into town once a month on that special Wednesday than it is to walk to and from work every for what amounts to more or less minimum wage. eventually you wind up back where you started. strung out, in trouble with the cops, or if you've been through the wringer enough times...dead.
the scenario is the same for any other class and culture. i realize that. i am honestly just tired of seeing a culture given so many opportunities to rise up and become something more reducing itself to pointing the finger and wallowing in substance abuse.
in this case it's true that one bad apple spoils the whole damn bunch.
with the eradication of reserves the decision of going out and getting clean, or getting an education, or living a LIFE would be less of a decision and more of a necessity. speaking in terms of an addiction, you can't get clean until you hit rock bottom. eradicating reserves would take the floor out from under ALOT of people, and rock bottom would come zooming up on you pretty fast.
getting back to the whole "benefits" idea, i just can't see the government throwing a bunch of money at "us" as something that will heal or fix anything. spiritually, materialistically or otherwise.
getting a free education didn't make my mother forget about going to a residential school.
a billion dollar land claim settlement isn't going to change the fact that there will still be indians hooked on crack and drinking rice wine.
for me what it all comes down to is forgiveness. there is a nation of people who are stuck in the past, and banging on this gigantic drum looking for compensation. waiting for a check from publishers clearing house that ISN'T going to come. i see a people who are capable of such beauty, but seem so content to sit back and watch their culture crawl towards extinction.
if we could just sit back and say 'fuhghetaboutit' and MOVE ON there could be something more. we could be something more. the kids i have someday could listen to the stories of how we overcame all this evil simply by letting go. simply sitting in the knowledge of knowing we never heard an apology, but still had the balls to say "its okay, i forgive you."
its this world i want to live in, but will never see.
just to finish on a light hearted kind of tone....
....why don't indians like sushi?
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.
.
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.
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because sometimes sushi shits her pants.
