this lifestyle is not for everybody. Even in a professional agreement/setting i find it difficult to not develop some care and interest in/for someone i repeat with or wish to repeat with. i think its easily forgotten, that during a successful session with a provider , a patrons brain gets a heavy dose of endorphins and other feel good brain chemicals that effect how we see/feel about that provider. The friend isnt wrong in wanting more and i think its somewhat natural but he needs to understand the reality of these agreements. Unless the provider has asked for anything more than the professional relationship ( ie ; money help, time off clock, mental support, or any kind of free service provided by the patron ) she is not leading him on.
Leading someone on... or not
- Thread starter AMG-GTR
- Start date
Entitled yes, boundary pusher no. He left it at the ignored texts. While we ranted about it, he hasn't done anything at all. Certainly seems like he has the capability to push boundaries based on the described observations, but has done literally nothing to the girl in question.
Anyone who asked me out at work I would immediately consider a boundary pusher. You guys have no idea what men have been known to do to women who say no.
I know several people who have met and married clients. If both parties consent, it should be fine. When we take it to the extremes of not even being able to politely ask a girl on a date that's taking it too far. That being said, if she's not into it, let it be.
I personally just disagree. I’m happy for those women but if a client ever directly asked me out I would blacklist him immediately. I’ve had clients drop subtle hints which I’ve quickly shut down and that’s okay, but I feel like anything beyond that is super inappropriate.
I respect that you feel that way and you're certainly within your rights to handle that any way you want, but I don't think it's a fair expectation that men need to drop hints and be afraid to politely be direct with members of the opposite sex. Of course it's wrong to be harassing, but simply asking once is harmless. It's always better to be direct and make everything clear in my opinion.
That being said, everyone is welcome to their point of view and that's totally fine.
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I think Charlee's approach is for handling relationships with her clients, she might not treat a relationship with civilian the same way tho.I respect that you feel that way and you're certainly within your rights to handle that any way you want, but I don't think it's a fair expectation that men need to drop hints and be afraid to politely be direct with members of the opposite sex. Of course it's wrong to be harassing, but simply asking once is harmless. It's always better to be direct and make everything clear in my opinion.
That being said, everyone is welcome to their point of view and that's totally fine.
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I just think in this situation, with the power dynamics at play, it could be awkward, difficult, or even dangerous for a sex worker to say no. I know I’ve always hated it when I get asked out at work, from when I was a professional mover, a server, a charity fundraiser...you name it. I think it’s super inappropriate. We have to be polite even if we don’t want to be; and if we say no, we could lose the client’s business or worse—get emotionally or physically attacked.I respect that you feel that way and you're certainly within your rights to handle that any way you want, but I don't think it's a fair expectation that men need to drop hints and be afraid to politely be direct with members of the opposite sex. Of course it's wrong to be harassing, but simply asking once is harmless. It's always better to be direct and make everything clear in my opinion.
That being said, everyone is welcome to their point of view and that's totally fine.
In this industry it should be the sex worker who asks out the client. The power dynamics are just too uneven for anything else to be safe or appropriate.
Asian Fever is a local agency, not a client. When a member’s name is in red it means they are a paid advertiser.
If a girl is interested, she'll pursue you. It's that simple. As a guy why would you want a situation to be otherwise? You want to be the first choice. If you are, she'll make that known.
I know of two couples that originated as provider/client. One pair married in 1989 and are still going strong.
Lumping all into a group that behaves a specific way is unfair.
Lumping all into a group that behaves a specific way is unfair.
I’m not saying clients and providers could or should never date. I’m saying as a client in ANY business, asking a woman out in her place of work is classless and awkward for her.
There is an exception to every rule.
We're all just playing the odds with our decisions in life. A group of men that follow the learned advice of other men are going to have better outcomes than a group that didn't listen to experience. We all know people that have won money gambling, but on average gamblers lose.
I really cannot agree with this at all. Men and women ask eachother on dates. That's just how society works.
If someone feels awkward about that, that's just a situation that people need to deal with sometimes. We are not a society of online dating and arranged marriages.
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This took a bit of an interesting turn! I have a question directly based on the direction of this conversation.
Charlee, I respect your opinion and want to clarify something. It is of your belief that people shouldn’t ask out other people whenever they are in a customer/patron position?
If so, would there be scenarios where there could be an exception? What circumstances would be appropriate to bridge that gap? Social setting only, having someone make an introduction, online, etc?
Charlee, I respect your opinion and want to clarify something. It is of your belief that people shouldn’t ask out other people whenever they are in a customer/patron position?
If so, would there be scenarios where there could be an exception? What circumstances would be appropriate to bridge that gap? Social setting only, having someone make an introduction, online, etc?
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Exception examples:
1. you leave your number for a server in a restaurant and she does not have to interact with you afterwards. If she doesn’t contact you, you don’t eat there again.
2. you text an escort and say “I’m developing feelings for you and am unable to see you in a professional capacity anymore.” Don’t say anything else, let her reach out if she wants to date.
So basically you do not force the woman to interact with you/be nice to you after asking her out. You do not make her uncomfortable at work or make her feel like she has to manage a potentially difficult situation.
There’s a difference between awkward and threatened. Bad things have happened to many women who say no.
I am totally onside with Charlee - a person shouldn't have to put up with harassment in their workplace ever, not by a manager, coworker or customer.
Do you really think a server in a restaurant or bar should have to put up with being hit on? Regardless of the affect on their earnings, do you think that is a comfortable situation? How about a bank teller? Or a cashier?
My previous longtime partner told me that when she was a teenager working part-time as a cashier in a department store, she would get hit on every single shift. Most of these guys were men hitting on a fifteen year old and some would drop by week after week and try to flirt with her when all she was trying to do was earn money to pay for her university tuition.
It totally isn't cool!
I concur. Women are often reluctant to ask men out. Whether it be for reserved reasons or some still believing it is something a Man should always do.
Men just need to be respectful, use tact and accept rejection with grace when doing it.
I think in certain service industries , the female waitress or bartender may intentionally flirt with the customers so they could get more tips. But in all services, all the female has to do is say “ I have a bf“ and that basically ends the inquiry on the male half In a positive ( although disappointed way ). I don’t think there will be many people who will insist on asking you out after they have received that piece of info. I know this is a over simplistic view of things though .
