How many visits with an SP before you move on?

[happycanuck99]

I appreciate your approach to this topic, you are trying to understand both sides here, I call this a Kierkegaardian approach. I am not talking semantics here though, I have first hand experience on how NSA emotional or friendly connections work with SPs. They were always more exhausting for me as a client. I have lost respect towards some of the top providers in Vancouver in this regard.
...
If you need emotional support then I would advise you to go and look out for real life friends, try regular dating or if times are really rough then go talk to a therapist.

With SPs I look out for only one thing and that most definitely is not a friendly or an emotional connection.

I appreciate this - sincerely. You clearly have a lot more experience in this than I do. Again, I'm being sincere, not in any way snarky. To-date my experience has been different from yours, but with your input, I'll certainly be more vigilante.

Thanks again!

 

[VinVan]

In terms of emotion and NSA, I think I have to agree with Charlie. NSA doesn't mean no emotional connection to me. It means both the SP or Client can cut bait without (usually) a period of intense mourning. When this does happen, of course there are "emotions:" maybe feelings of disappointment, rejection, feeling inadequate. But it never lasts long. If I go back through the rolodex of SPs with whom I have repeated the most, there most certainly was/is and "emotional" connection. I would define "emotions" in this case as attraction, common sense of humour, ability to banter, common intellectual interests, common interests (sexual or otherwise), common experiences. Any of these points of connections are the starting point of some kind of emotional attraction to the SP. In fact, where this "emotional" connection is absent (as in attractive woman and no emotional involvement either way), then I never repeat no matter how hot the SP. I'm not necessarily going to an SP to bare my soul or for her to act as my shrink, but an emotional vacuum for me is like barren ground upon which no seed shall spring.

 

[VinVan]

The reason I started this thread is because I was interested in the question posed in another thread about porn and how someone posted about how he regularly takes a break from porn, providers and masturbation for up to 3 or 4 weeks. The question I ask, I suppose, springs from that same well in the sense of how much does one need new stimulation and how does that reflect our need to "chase the dragon" (which for those of you who are not familiar with the term refers to opium or heroin addicts who keep using because they are looking to replicate the euphoric feelings the experienced the first time they used). So do what degree do we pooners "chase the tail?" And how is this a reflection on our own personalities? For those who never repeat and are seeking new highs, is this a reflection of their civilian relationships? For those who have a "steady" SP does that reflect their interactions in their everyday life. For me, I've realized this "hobby" is not in fact a "hobby" but an addiction. If I could snap my fingers and end it I would. I've tried in the past but failed. In that sense it is the same as being an alcoholic or compulsive gambler. Not trying to be a downer, but just trying to sort some stuff out with the help of people who can sympathize with my condition.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

I mean, I feel like “strings” implies that you OWE something, long term. You’re inextricably tied together. You can have an emotional bond with someone and then leave that behind; and it’s easiest when it’s with a professional. That’s what we do. We give you a girlfriend experience (sex, emotional connection, all of it—whatever you want within our boundaries) and you pay us and then it stays professional.

So yes I think “NSA emotional connection” is possible. You can walk away with no strings to clean up or cut behind you.

Exactly

 

[gugga_madi]

Exactly

I kind of get what Charlee is saying here and I do consider sex to be an emotion as well. Technically all SPs provide NSA emotional connection in that respect. But there is a problem in implication of the term used here "NSA emotional connection".

If you are referring to sex as an emotional connection here and the boundaries in which the sexual act should take place then it is all good as sexual acts can be defined very precisely by both parties and the chances of confrontation are little. But if you are referring to emotional connection in terms of abstract feelings like friendship or love then things can become problematic. There is no clear cut definition to how person A perceives love/friendship compared to person B (the 'client' compared to 'SP' in this case). This kind of connection can result in higher chances of messy situation in the end for either the client, the SP or both.

 

[604jbear]

I've lost track of the specific number of times now I've seen her now, but I've seen my ATF SP for over 6 years now.

 

[The Caffeinated Gent]

Great stuff guys. Thank you all for the contributions and @vincentvancouver for starting the thread. I just recently got emotionally attached to one SP, she warned: "Don't fall in love with me", but I am still struggling. I replay our intimacy in my head all the time since I last saw her last Friday. But some of the comments here remind me of what I am looking for and why I started this hobby in the first place. I am here for the variety of pussies not for a relationship!!!! I will try hard to not visit her again until I feel my feelings for her are coming down, it's just that sometimes when I feel lonely I want her company... Ah shit here we go again!!! I will get over this boys!!!!!

 

[The Caffeinated Gent]

Big Rawd, you are not alone. You got attached to her, because you are HUMAN. It has happened to just about every male who has partaken in this industry. Yes, it is a business first and foremost. But, human beings with human feelings and emotions are involved.
The challenge for all of us is, (and the challenge you are facing now) is "how to keep those emotions in check." Self-awareness (that you have become attached to her) is a great first step.
It takes a lot of courage for a male to openly admit these things (getting attached) on a chat board.

REII,
TJM

Thank you Tim. But yea, it's only going to be even harder if you are feeling something but in denial at the same time. I was feeling so sentimental but didn't think sharing with my real life friends who don't partake in this hobby will be able to relate to me much. Thanks to this community where I can openly share my feelings and gain support from my fellow members. Thanks again guys

 

[gugga_madi]

Great stuff guys. Thank you all for the contributions and @vincentvancouver for starting the thread. I just recently got emotionally attached to one SP, she warned: "Don't fall in love with me", but I am still struggling. I replay our intimacy in my head all the time since I last saw her last Friday. But some of the comments here remind me of what I am looking for and why I started this hobby in the first place. I am here for the variety of pussies not for a relationship!!!! I will try hard to not visit her again until I feel my feelings for her are coming down, it's just that sometimes when I feel lonely I want her company... Ah shit here we go again!!! I will get over this boys!!!!!

Thank you for being so honest about what you are feeling, this is the first step of the cure. Admit what you are feeling and then work your way out of this situation. Emotionally only you can understand yourself, nobody else can feel what you are feeling right now and only you can bring yourself out of it.

Being away from someone or not being accepted by someone doesn't mean the feelings you have are not genuine or are unimportant. They are important for you, they should shape your character into a more positive and life affirming character rather than shaping the other persons' character for you.

 

[Post Malone]

I tend to get attached, but I do remind myself that Jenna Haze admitted she faked every orgasm on film, so I am realistic. But in the midst of 3 or 4 sessions
in a row where I think we hit it off, it feels like love. It is the perfect fantasy to compliment the non fantasy world

 

[The Caffeinated Gent]

Thank you for being so honest about what you are feeling, this is the first step of the cure. Admit what you are feeling and then work your way out of this situation. Emotionally only you can understand yourself, nobody else can feel what you are feeling right now and only you can bring yourself out of it.

Being away from someone or not being accepted by someone doesn't mean the feelings you have are not genuine or are unimportant. They are important for you, they should shape your character into a more positive and life affirming character rather than shaping the other persons' character for you.

Honestly, in addition to the helpful infos I get from this board, the conversations and discussions in this community is another reason why I come back everyday. I don't understand why it is hard for people to admit they catch feelings, trying to be the tough guy? Nah, I am an emotional guy, and I don't try to hide it, instead I use my sensitivity to care for the girls I like. Some might say I am soft, or I am a "simp". But guess what, girls who appreciate this will love me, girls that chase after fuckboys don't, and I don't care. Also, this is a safe space for people to share their feelings, I mean, in the city we will never realize we go pass a pooner on the streets, I don't know any of your faces, can it get more discreet than this? If someone bullies you, report them to the Mods. I don't feel comfortable sharing my emotions with my friends irl who don't partake this hobby, so this board to me is the place to share, why be afraid? This is nice.

 

[Poon Raider]

Interesting thread as shown by the ton of replies in such a short time. Sorry to hear it's at the expense of what @vincentvancouver is dealing with, which is what he feels is an addiction he'd like to end.
Frankly, I'm impressed there's so many of you guys who're confident enough to say you can see yourself in a LTR with an SP. I guess that's why I have a hard time really even getting to that level of emotional attachment, because I know that'd be crazy unlikely for me to have a chance at an LTR with an SP. I tend to see caucasians the most, which is the opposite of most mixed race relationships out there, at least in the LML, it's female asian + caucasion guy.
And to chime in on the main topic, I do have an indie who i see every few months (6x and counting), and another one about the same amount who works for an agency. But even with these 2 being my go-tos, i still get that experimental/adventurous mood sometimes and will choose to venture out and try a new one. But I can say the percentage of my visits would be 60% Regs, 25% Semi-regs and 15% New. Why I lean towards my regs is because I enjoy not breaking the ice everytime, we know each other's turn-ons, and I love continuing on topics and conversations brought up previously which makes things feel a little more genuine. So i've never had to "break off" with a regular except one who left the industry altogether

 

[cruefan]

Seeing escorts and partaking is in this business can be very fun but it can be like being in the Matrix as it is very fantasy based.

Many providers see multiple clients in a day which can equate to hundreds in a year and you are only just one of them.
Many of the really good providers are pros at creating connections either genuine or not and it can be very addictive mentally and financially for some that feel the need to constantly go back and see them.

I can have an amazing time within the no strings attached appointment with an escort and never lose sight of the fact that this is essentially a business transaction for a service.

 

[blakealridge]

I’m curious why an emotional connection or even feeling love for an SP (or anyone for that matter) automatically means you want more from them? Can’t you enjoy those feelings for the short periods of times you’re together, maybe pine after her between sessions, but keep it how it is? Why does it have to turn into a LTR or “real” dating if you catch feelings?

 

[PierreCoeur]

The Ladies are in an industry where they know how turn it on and turn it off. It's their jobs. It is how they earn a living. They are professionals. And although I would prefer not to label it is best described as "Comfort Women"

The men on the other hand are looking specifically for something to fill a gap or to be a replacement for something that is missing in their lives. It's not so easy to identify why any one of us is a consumer.

The retailler wishes to sell the product and frankly is selling to make a living. Regular customers are very important to their livelihoods. Having a stable source of revenue means that you know that you will make your mortgage payments at the end of the month. Very easy to maintain an NSA approach.

The consumers are a mixed bunch of animals with all sorts of stuff going on in their brains and trying to meet their needs. Lots of those consumers are lonely and I am talking "pathetic level lonely" Seeking communication and dialogues on Escort Review Boards so they can connect with similar minded people.

While some have the willpower and ability to keep the "Real" separate from the "Fantasy" and consider that being a "Regular" is just "Business Transaction" with absolutely no strings attached, others fall into the lonely and pathetic category who have few things other than our jobs and "YOU" (the women we visit for comfort and connection)

So it is easy for the "Seller" to maintain an NSA approach to this "regular" relationship, but the "Purchaser" might have many underlying reasons for being your regular. The keeping it NSA might be far more difficult than you think.

When the Service Provider is his only connection to feeling loved or having comfort, it is no longer something that can be easily detached.

I will stand by my decision to not become someone's "Regular" as it is my only means of survival. I am human and I fall in love with women who give me comfort, friendship and love.

Easy to have cut the umbillical cord at birth that was the string to my first attachment but it did not mean there were no longer strings attached.

An emotional bond with a woman is stronger than one will admit. Pathetic and lonely guys should refrain from becoming someones "Regular"

 

[blakealridge]

I would consider that I’m filling a gap in my life, too. I get to foster romance and deep connection with men without the endless emotional labour that usually comes with it. The emotional and physical labour I do is compensated. I can finally have relationships with men where I feel like I have value. So in a way, it’s great for me too; I get the “NSA emotional connection” I’ve always wanted.

 

[Avioneto123]

I believe it depends on the pooners age. In my case, as I am not a youngster anymore, I prefer seeing someone on a steady basis. Like westwoody above said, familiarity and comfort are important for me, and more so, when the SP is independent with her own apartment . Nothing like the freedom to move around without having to run around semi-naked with a towel around your waist to go to the bathroom,or running to the door when leaving an apartment so you won't bump into another pooner. My record has been close to 100 visits with the same SP, and only stopped seeing her as she returned to her country.

 

[Miss Hunter]

If you want to have a regular stable of clientele that see you every one or two weeks, wouldn't the Sugarbaby life be easier ?.

I’d never be an SB because giving one man power over my finances would put me in a very vulnerable position

it’s better to have a circle of regulars, and see a few new people on top of that. That way if any bs ever arises it can be easily dealt with. Without the lady in fear of possibly not having enough to pay rent or food in her fridge if she doesn’t bow down to her SDs orders.

Keep in mind, sure there are decent men out there but, there’s an awful lot of manipulative scumbags too. And although I have had zero experience in the sugar realm myself, stories I hear from other ladies about successful arrangements are a small minority. I’ve heard many more horror stories. But this could be because many of the ones with successful arrangements never have the need to venture into other realms of sex work. So who knows... all I know is that’s far too much power to hand over to anyone in, what’s at it’s core, just a business relationship.

 

[Miss Hunter]

In regards to the elusive connection... Be careful because when you initially fall for someone, your ability to think logically goes out the window. It is what it is. This applies to all humans. Whether you are a SP, a pooner or a civvie.

 

[angry anderson]

One...lol