Question for the girls: please explain to me rough sex

[addicted2lov]

I met a few girls (civilians) who have told me they like rough sex and they asked me to do certain things to them such as hair pulling, choking, ass and face slapping, pinching, bitting and so on.

While I get the idea that a vigourous fuck can turn a woman on, most girls that asked for this kind of treatment can't get off on dick alone - they need toys, fingers, tongue - all this separated or combined in order to achieve orgasm. However some of them told me that rough treatment while fucking can give them an orgasm as well. I am not talking about masochistic rituals with extreme pain, I am talking about little to moderate pain during intercourse.

As a guy I am a little puzzled of how this works in a woman's brain. I asked several of these girls to explain but invariably they couldn't tell me more than this is a turn on. Again, as a guy I take no pleasure in brutalizing a woman during sex or otherwise, and if some girl would be brutal towards me during sex I would lose any kind of arousal almost immediately.
But girls are different than guys since they are the ones enjoying being fucked which again, as a guy I don't get it.

So I am wondering what are the intimate processes in a woman's mind that can trigger arousal and pleasure and leading to orgams all while receiving brutal and painful treatment. Is the rape fantasy, is the idea of a strong dominant male, or what is the turn on? And how come pain doesn't kill pleasure, rather the opposite. I am thinking there must be some form of twist in their minds but I could never quite figure it out.

So anybody care to explain the mental processs that makes a woman to enjoy brutality?

 

[sybian]

Yes to each their own...I once dated a girl that required me to not show her tenderness, in bed, but needed a small amount of dominance to get turned on. It was required ONLY in the sheets, and not anyplace else, which I found confusing at first.
I'm not really the dominating type, nor am I anyplace even near submissive, as I believe in mutual respect within a relationship, with a civilian of the opposite sex.....or anyone else I have even a brief encounter with.
I also don't get off on a violent act, or pain, or inflicting those on another, and with my past I am very careful not to trigger that switch I have deep within me, that was created long ago, when I was a different man, with a different occupation.
I had a very hard time understanding her deep set primal needs, and struggled with my emotions, and maybe a little fear, as I've seen what I might be capable of.
Needless to say I couldn't wrap my head around it, although she was incredibly attractive, younger than me, and more than capable of satisfying me.....I was always struggling with her needs and my boundaries. As the relationship grew outside of the bedroom, it began to escalate within the bedroom .....the rougher I treated her, the less turned on I became, and the faster, and deeper her orgasm was.
I very suddenly came to a line I wouldn't allow myself to cross, and feared I eventually couldn't satisfy her, which of course is a huge benchmark for most of us......I ended the relationship, as soon as the realization came to me.
Sadly to this very day......I truly do miss her company.

 

[jgg]

I am bewildered by what some men prefer, but to each their own. I'm no one to judge.

 

[apl16]

I've encountered a number of ladies that consider themselves subs. I think they were attracted to me because I'm a big strong guy. They seem to get off on the idea that I could physically do as pleased with them. Also because I'm not the kind of person that ever really harm. A trust thing I guess.
At first, I found it difficult to even give them a hard slap on the ass. I eventually got it figured out.
I have had to limit myself due to my physical strength. Choking is not something I will do. It's just too scary. Too easy to get carried away.
With some subs I've found some serious self esteem issues that I've tried to help them with.
As much as I've had some fun with these ladies, I generally prefer a slow sensual encounter. An hour of great foreplay, building to some hot passion is much more gratifying to me.

 

[jtanks]

A comedienne (Ali Wong) said this about rough sex:

"I don't want to die, but I don't want to be 100% sure I'm going to make it out alive either".


Andrea Dworking, famous radical feminist pitbull said this about heterosexual relationships:

"Romantic love... for a woman... is defined as her willingness to submit to her own annihilation.... that she is willing to be destroyed by the one whom she loves ... love is always self-sacrifice.. of her will and bodily integrity..."

and she also said:
"Men are sexually predatory in life and women are sexually manipulative".

Another quote of Andrea Dworkin (I am paraphrasing because I can't find the exact quote):
"The power imbalance between men and women is the root of attraction of female to male"

Here's my thoughts:
Forget about social (gender) politics, it's infused with "shoulds" and ideals that are fabrications of people's intellects. Instead look at the reality of female nature (and its correlate, male nature). I don't like feminists and don't agree with their politics, but where they are useful for anything is their ability to look at the truth of female nature from a perspective that is as devoid of the influence of men's ideas as much as possible. In short, if you want to understand women, ask a heterosexual woman but keep in mind she works inside the gender politic, and ask a lesbian/feminist but keep in mind she wants to uproot the gender politic. What I've found are two perspectives that a paradoxically at odds, but what is common to them both is (if they're being truthful), is that women just want to submit. Why is this? I think because submission is associated with being owned and taken care of, even if it means being controlled or abused. Being submissive can also be a form of sexual manipulation, ie: "he's the boss but I'm the real boss".

 

[badbadboy]

I met a few girls (civilians) who have told me they like rough sex and they asked me to do certain things to them such as hair pulling, choking, ass and face slapping, pinching, bitting and so on.

While I get the idea that a vigourous fuck can turn a woman on, most girls that asked for this kind of treatment can't get off on dick alone - they need toys, fingers, tongue - all this separated or combined in order to achieve orgasm. However some of them told me that rough treatment while fucking can give them an orgasm as well. I am not talking about masochistic rituals with extreme pain, I am talking about little to moderate pain during intercourse.

As a guy I am a little puzzled of how this works in a woman's brain. I asked several of these girls to explain but invariably they couldn't tell me more than this is a turn on. Again, as a guy I take no pleasure in brutalizing a woman during sex or otherwise, and if some girl would be brutal towards me during sex I would lose any kind of arousal almost immediately.
But girls are different than guys since they are the ones enjoying being fucked which again, as a guy I don't get it.

So I am wondering what are the intimate processes in a woman's mind that can trigger arousal and pleasure and leading to orgams all while receiving brutal and painful treatment. Is the rape fantasy, is the idea of a strong dominant male, or what is the turn on? And how come pain doesn't kill pleasure, rather the opposite. I am thinking there must be some form of twist in their minds but I could never quite figure it out.

So anybody care to explain the mental processs that makes a woman to enjoy brutality?

If you are referring to sex with escorts and how some approach rough sex; I'd venture to guess that the client has developed significant trust with the escort and she wants to expand her boundaries with that client because at the end of the day, she still needs to know that when she says "No", it will be respected without exception.

If you think about it, some or most of the escorts (I have visited) really do a great job at sensual GFE. Expand that by X number of clients a week or month all looking for sensual GFE. After doing sensual GFE over and over again, some SP like to act out how they really want a date to go for their own needs or whatever. Along comes a willing client who will also be more spontaneous with her and play out a bit of rough stuff that elevates the sensuality yet is still within her control. Trust is key as well as being in the moment with her.

A few well place spanks, perhaps some mutual nipple pulling, pulling hair, biting lol and even saying some derogatory stuff (if they request it).

It's all good.

 

[take8easy]

I am not into rough stuff at all. I might gently slap her butt during doggy once or twice and that is it.

But I am sure sometimes they want the session to be some what rough. A while ago, one of them asked me to grab her by her hair pull hard and call her names. (not my thing at all). But I did ....and suddenly she got more active. Another time, during a repeat visit another sp asked me not just to suck her nipples but to bite ... I did ... and she said, "You call that biting?". Then to show me what she means by biting, she took my nipple in her teeth, pulled at it and BIT!!!!!! lol. It hurt (in a good way), but hey, I am always willing to play by her rules.

What I said above also kind of relates to another active thread about Sp's enjoying sex. I guess they do, sometimes esp when things are being done their way (which can be rough).

 

[JonnyBoi]

I've had a few ladies that request me to choke/slap their ass/pull their hair and other acts I won't mention here. I am always a bit timid and scared as I am afraid I'd hurt them.

I do have to say when they're into the act and I know they're getting great enjoyment out of it, it makes me enjoy the session more as well. All in all, great fun.

A few has asked for some erm, more extreme things on me that I've usually answered "perhaps later"... guess time will tell.

 

[addicted2lov]

I think jtanks is spot on to my question.
My question was not related to SP's in particular or professional sessions, I should have clarified that from the beginning.

I get that dominance is something that females are seeking instinctively. I like when a woman is slutty and not shy so the opposite behavior makes sense. But I am talking about roughness, brutality, things that she would not accept outside the bedroom and with significant amount of pain involved in the context of sexual activity. In order to achieve orgasm sexual stimulation should be pleasurable by definition. What is the trigger of pleasure when pain is inflicted? How is that working in someone's brain?
I guess I am a very vanilla kind of guy.

 

[JonnyBoi]

Yeah I think there are a lot of assumptions being made without good, scientific data.
I can say for myself it feels a bit good to "not be in charge" and just "lay back and enjoy" life as it were.
I feel part of it is the taboo aspect as well.. but I'm unsure if it's all about submission/master of your destiny kind of bit.

I guess some ladies that have experiences with rough play can chime in.

 

[EuroSZabina]

I'm not a woman, but think it all comes down to the thrill of being dominated and created a rush and a thrill. I don't think this just applied to females, it also applies to males.

I would never raise a hand against a women, nor would I ever force them to do anything they would not like to partake in. However it is a huge turn on when women do like it rush and I like it to be both mutual, with them returning the favour. Its fun to be chocked, slapped, scratched, etc as long as both parties are clearly aware of the boundaries.

Somtimes normal sex just doesn't do it and people need more.

To each their own.

Right on. Same as some guys love rough sex.

 

[golferjohn]

Made me think of this:

That was a riot!!

 

[R the Man]

I kinda like mildly forced sex porn videos (more like reluctant girls who first say no but then acquiesce), but never really liked to do this in real life sex. However, I've had strippers who asked me to pull and twist their nipples REALLY hard (more than I was comfortable with, lol) and some SPs who asked to be (mildly) choked (and which I didn't feel comfortable doing). So, there are definitely girls who want it rougher. In civilian life, I've only had vanilla sex, so can't say whether civilian girls are into that, but I would suspect so.

 

[PierreCoeur]

I haven't the faintest idea... as someone who has been assaulted before the very idea of anything rough let alone it happening in person upsets me and I find very painful. Sometimes I think girls who have not been assaulted seem to get off on rape/bad boy fantasies, or maybe they really liked watching porn. I haven't the faintest idea myself and don't get the whole "choke me daddy" phenomena. No thank you. I want to be happy not scared during sex.

I know some women like a confident man who knows what he wants and can give direction in bed, maybe the thrill of not knowing what's coming next and not having to "decide" and do all the leg work makes them feel free and lose control, but coupled with pain/degradation I think that's a whole other thing. I haven't met any civvy friends that like rough sex, only a few SPs but they only like it with trusted gents and not necessarily just anyone like new clients.

I agree. I think it's the idea of having a "bad boy" as a sexual partner that might be the turn on. Personally I could not and would not do that to a woman. It is counter to everything I am and believe.

 

[wetnose]

So I am wondering what are the intimate processes in a woman's mind that can trigger arousal and pleasure and leading to orgams all while receiving brutal and painful treatment. Is the rape fantasy, is the idea of a strong dominant male, or what is the turn on? And how come pain doesn't kill pleasure, rather the opposite. I am thinking there must be some form of twist in their minds but I could never quite figure it out.

So anybody care to explain the mental processs that makes a woman to enjoy brutality?

Modern humans have existed for about 40,000 years and most of that history was nasty, brutish and short. Violence and rape were definitely not uncommon. My guess is that a pleasure response has evolved to cope with rape.

 

[addicted2lov]

It’s very difficult to understand any of what goes on in the minds of kinky folk until you actually experience it yourself, with an open mind and someone you trust. And every kinky person is different. We’re like snowflakes.

A google search on Neuroscience of BDSM may help. In a nutshell, these activities can trigger natural highs, like skydiving, auto racing, running, etc...

Thank you Miss Hunter. That's exactly what I was looking for.