*~* would you date an sp? *~*

[PlayfulAlex]

If your impression of men is even remotely based on what you have read on PERB threads may I suggest you look elsewhere for opinions on human interaction?

Thank you for your insight. Although I asked the question of AA_train, in reference to his post, of course I don't think that his initial comments nor his reply to my query would be the quantitative reply for the entire male species. Perhaps, rather than dabbling in the obvious, you would care to venture your own thoughts and opinion on the subject, PC...clearly I have expressed an interest in the male perspective.

Yes. Why wouldn't it be? If men are struggling to remain monogamous or faithful then one of the people or both of them in the relationship are doing something wrong.

Another interesting perspective...thus, from my (limited) experience, it would seem that "one of the people or both of them in the relationship is doing something wrong" (since I see many gentlemen who are in other S.O. relationships)...

Are you suggesting that, everyone who isn't single and requests the company of an escort has some serious problems? Wow, I wonder what that percentage of perbites would be?

 

[BORKO]

Thank you for your insight. Although I asked the question of AA_train, in reference to his post, of course I don't think that his initial comments nor his reply to my query would be the quantitative reply for the entire male species. Perhaps, rather than dabbling in the obvious, you would care to venture your own thoughts and opinion on the subject, PC...clearly I have expressed an interest in the male perspective.



Another interesting perspective...thus, from my (limited) experience, it would seem that "one of the people or both of them in the relationship is doing something wrong" (since I see many gentlemen who are in other S.O. relationships)...

Are you suggesting that, everyone who isn't single and requests the company of an escort has some serious problems? Wow, I wonder what that percentage of perbites would be?

I am suggesting that they merely have problems in their relationship... Interesting jump there to your suggestion..

 

[Pacific Coast]

Well PA I won't purport to give you an entire perspective on male thought. Only my own. When I'm love I have no problem whatsoever staying monogamous. Been there. Done that.

 

[Feenix]

It is close to 1:00 am, and I am wide awake. I got thinking about this thread as I lay in bed.

To Lolita... I guess I would advise an early disclosure of your activities... or NO disclosure at all. If the guy is going to walk because of your profession, then he will walk, no matter what you do about it. Wouldn't it be better to spill the beans today and have him walk now, rather than wait for ten months, and tell him after you have fallen in love?

I also began to wonder what percentage of our population is involved with this hobby. Using Metro Vancouver as a sample, I assumed:

700 - 1,000 active providers
2 unique client visits per day per provider
1 client visit per month per client
Vancouver population of 1.5M

That means between 42,000 and 60,000 unique client visits per month.

So, between 2.8% and 4% of Vancouver's population plays in this arena.

BUT, we know that smaller centres do not have the concentration of providers/clients that Vancouver has, so the percentage of Canadians involved would drop substantially.

My guess is that less than 1% of Canadians play this game. That is why prostitution is frowned on by so many.

There was an interesting program on the history of prostitution on TV this evening. At one time, up until the advent of Henry VIII, prostitution was condoned by the Roman Catholic Church. It even ran some of its own brothels, and taxed those it didn't run. The Church closed down those activities when it reviewed its practices following Henry's setting up the Church of England.

Integration of races in the USA began in New Orleans in the late 1800's when black and white prostitutes would see men of both races. The community, which name I have forgotten, became the center of the growing jazz craze. The action was closed down around WWI because STI's were becoming a problem.

Our populaces have not always looked down on this industry. Maybe, but not in my lifetime, we will see the pendulum swing back again.

The term "world's oldest profession" was coined by Rudyard Kipling, fyi.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I am suggesting that they merely have problems in their relationship... Interesting jump there to your suggestion..

I'm not even disagreeing with you...your phrase "struggling to remain monogamous or faithful" just caught my attention. It's interesting to hear this addressed in a Lounge such as this (escort review board). Perhaps there are a lot of people in relationships that just shouldn't be there any more...

Well PA I won't purport to give you an entire perspective on male thought. Only my own. When I'm love I have no problem whatsoever staying monogamous. Been there. Done that.

Thank you for that.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for their choices. It just feels good to hear that some men do place monogamy high on their relationship value-scale. Maybe men get a bad rap, and there are more of you than we are led to believe.

 

[AA_Train]

My question is this:

Is monogamy really possible in this highly-sexed society? Very few men seem to think so (based on responses in other threads), even though many women claim that's what they want in their SO relationship.

I think so,although it is a greater challenge than it was say, 50 or 100 years ago. With divorce being so commonplace now, I think most people expect most relationships to fail. However, if each partner tends to the other and makes them feel happy, excepted and satisfied, there should be no need to go elsewhere to get their needs met

 

[mimi]

Fairy tale endings don't seem to be the norm, even in relationships where neither person is an sp.

It would seem that the difference between an sp and non sp in a relationship setting is the non sp actually believes that monogamy is the norm and totally attainable, whereas, the sp has seen enough husbands to know there is a little bit of 'ally cat' in every guy, that only needs availability and opportunity to become reality.

If an sp is secretly wishing for a monogamous relationship he/she might always wonder, as the starry magic evaporates, when the other partner is gonna stray.

Among married clients, most are very happy with their wives, even enjoying great sex, but like to go out for a little excitement and 'newness' every once in a while. That's the knowledge an sp has that might prevent them from believing in 'happy ever after'...the knowledge that no matter how great they are in bed, or how great they are as friends, it stands to reason he may stray.

Non sps live in blissful ignorance

 

[kauffman]

Hmm so you are saying its either win win or lose lose?

So I guess at the end of the day what really matters is how these two people(former sp and bf) feel for eachother, how their personalities are etc? Every situation most definitely varies and you are right the circumstances will determine when/how to tell your significant other or to even tell them.

Since you gave me such a rational answer feenix I have another question for you. I think the answer would differ from person to person and how one perceives the rules/ethics of a romantic relationship. Say I quit my job right now and 5 years down the line I meet the love of my life do I HAVE TO tell him? Does "whatever is in your past remains in your past" work in this situation? lol

Leaving one's past in the past in my opinion should just mean thatacceptance of the past should be a given if you like the person that is presently in front ofyou. THere's no point in dredging up the poast to find issue with it. But talking about one's pastis important when getting to know someone and I think its a very important part of understanding another person Thre past shapes who we are and everyting we know. There's nno point in stressing over things that cannot be vchanged but i think it is valuable to shareit with your partner and being able to talk about it is a cruicial component of self awareness andforward momentum. Im suspicious about anyone who refuses to discuss their past in a relationship. I can understand fear of judgement but as scary as it is the only way to know if someone is right for you and can be trusted with your heart and soul is by showing it to them and experiencing how it feels to be vulnerable in front of them. Just be cautious who you choose to trust. Unfortunately, lrelationshis and perfect and sometimes they can become hurtful w when they end.

 

[kauffman]

I think so,although it is a greater challenge than it was say, 50 or 100 years ago. With divorce being so commonplace now, I think most people expect most relationships to fail. However, if each partner tends to the other and makes them feel happy, excepted and satisfied, there should be no need to go elsewhere to get their needs met

Monogomy is successful when it is chosen, not when it's imposed. Find sonmeone that you admire that you are attracted to that makes you feel like you are amazing, that accepts and supports you and doesnt need tosuffocate you and monogomy will be a natural result... a lot of the time. I was in a relationship once where it never crossed my mind to look elsewhere (which is generally not like me) because he was so amazing and was imho miles ahead of any competition he may have thought he had.;

 

[sevenofnine]

Maybe a different thought on this.

A lot of my life I spent alone.
A big part of my life, after being alone I spent learning this social thing.


I don't really understand, why is it so hard, for people to have relationships.

I mean every where I go, I get into relationships with people it is so easy.

Having a thing with an sp is pretty normal. Like seriously.
the first time I saw an sp socially it was like what the fuck, what is going on here.

But like now its if she doesn't want to know me better, and see me socially, its like what the fuck, what is going on here.
People are social, if I meet someone, anyone and they don't want to know me better its like whats wrong.


sps are no different, its just a job.
you could be seeing someone go out to a party a bar, and she disappears and you see her flirting with some guy dancing with some guy,
do you fly off the handle get jealous, or do you trust that you will be the one going home with her.

I think monogamy is an issue, its not just sex. But different people give you different things.
My wife and me have a good time she is my companion friend. But so is my sp in a different way. Even my sp that I have seen for like ten years doesn't fill it all.

Can a person have to limit themselves to one person or even two.

This board seems like a relationship site at times, and I don't really get it.
Just be a nice guy, fake it if you have to, and laugh at yourself and pretty much everything don't take anything seriously, and trust me, everyone will want to be around you.

 

[Banger77]

Hey Cami, not sure if you've seen Cherise's thread on an article about dating a SP.

How To Date A Sex Worker

The following text was originally published as a zine. I had the pleasure of speaking to the writer of these words on The Vixen Hour. There are scant resources for the partners of sex workers so I am very grateful that someone has made this effort and shared his story. It's with his permission that I am able to share these words with you.

My girlfriend is a sex worker, and I love her deeply.

This article is intended to be a resource for people in or considering a relationship with a sex worker, with advice on the more common difficulties that come up. (Stuff I would have liked to have been told back when I started dating my girlfriend, basically, and couldn't find any advice on the subject.) Most of what's written here translates into relationships of other genders and orientations, but because I'm writing from my own experience, the advice contained here will be primarily directed towards heterosexual cisgender men.

I hope it helps someone get the love they deserve.

1. Talk about it.

This is crucial. A lot of guys, when put in the situation of their partner/crush informing them that they do sex work, will instinctively reach towards some agreement like, “Well … okay ... you can do that, just never mention it to me.” This way lies madness. You'll build the sex work up in your head into something far worse than what it is – which is a job – and give your jealousy a virtually infinite amount of tawdry ammunition to work with. Talking about it will probably be awkward at first, but talk about it anyway. When you're able to discuss her day at work openly, it loses its power over your ego. The unspoken always hurts us more than what's said aloud.

(Note: lots of sex workers might not be immediately keen to volunteer information about their work. Based on prior experience, they may assume that you won't be able to handle it, and frankly, most of the time they'll be right. It will probably be up to you to ask.)

2. If you feel insecure, don't hide it – work through it.

If you've never been in a situation where your partner having sex with someone else isn't cause for IMMEDIATE BETRAYAL-PANIC, feeling jealous (or at least a bit unnerved) is to be expected. Sex is an intimate thing, and there's a panicked little voice in the back of all of our minds that worries that if your partner has sex with other men, even in the most detached way, she'll never be 'fully with you'. That panicked little voice is an idiot. A sex worker can be a fully committed part of a deeply loving relationship – you just need to make sure that your insecurities allow her to be.

Sex workers who've tried to have relationships often have stories about guys who swore that they were fine with her job, only to have it surface later in much uglier ways (i.e. endlessly putting off having her meet their family, or suddenly calling her a “whore” during an argument). Don't be that guy. Don't lie to her, and don't lie to yourself. Jealousy is natural, but it's also conquerable. The most important thing is that you don't pretend that you're okay with it when you're not.

This is the hard part. The internal part. Our culture tells us so much damaging bullshit about sex workers, but do everything you can to block it out. Instead, try and focus on these four basic, golden, obvious truths:


What other men have to pay tons of money for, she shares with you for free.

Not even having sex with those other men – some of whom can be pretty unpleasant – puts her off wanting to be with you.

Work-sex is a performance. With you, she gets to be herself – animated and vulnerable in a way that she would simply never be at work.

She didn't choose to be with those guys. She chose you.


Keep those four things in mind, and the prospect of dating a sex worker becomes the exact opposite of emasculating. Even though there are all these men who pay to have just a brief experience of (heavily mediated) intimacy with her, it's you that she wants to share something real with. It's you that she chose.

Don't make her regret it.

3. You shouldn't need her job to suck.

A lot of sex workers love their jobs, and will have some really great, enjoyable sexual experiences there.

This is not a threat to you.

If a client turns out to have been a really amazing lover, you should just be glad that she had a good day at work – the same as you would if she were a teacher, waitress or CEO. If you require her to hide whenever she's had a great time at work, purely to satisfy your insecurity, it's going to drive a wedge between you. When she feels like she can speak openly about her experiences at work (the good stuff and the bad), it will bond you closer.

4. Respect her boundaries.

Crucial advice for any relationship! But particularly so with a sex worker. The 'playing a role' aspect of sex work can be disassociating, and as her partner, part of your role is to know how to make her feel like herself again. Sometimes this might mean giving her time as she adjusts from one sexual environment to another; sometimes this might mean backseating your desires. The idea that sex workers do not have the right to refuse sex is one of the most damaging aspects of the cultural bigotry surrounding them. Everyone has the right to refuse sex. Respecting boundaries doesn't end there, but it's a necessary first step, before any others may be taken.

5. Don't tell other people she's a sex worker without permission.

A minority of sex workers are completely 'out' to everyone they meet, but most are somewhere on a spectrum between 'my friends know' and 'you're the first person in my real life I've told'. It is not up to you to decide who else gets to know. In certain circles, telling people that you're dating a sex worker might get you appreciative gasps of shock, a smattering of activist/feminist cred – whatever, it doesn't matter. It's her choice who she lets know what she does.

(And none of that “telling someone but making them swear they won't tell anyone else” bullshit. What was true in primary school is true now: when you do that, it gives implicit permission for the person you told to do the exact same thing you just did – that is: tell one other person – and before you know it, everyone knows and you no longer have a girlfriend.)

The ideal thing would be if our whole society grew the fuck up and let sex work be seen as a regular, respectable profession, but we're a long way from that. Pressuring her to be more 'out' than she's comfortable with is exactly as bad as pressuring her to hide her profession more than she wants to. These are her decisions, and you need to respect them.

6. Don't tell her to stop.

When she's had a bad day at work – the clients were annoying, one guy's dick was uncomfortably big, she forgot her lip balm, et cetera – the correct response is not “You should quit.” Everyone has bad days at work sometimes, and it's wrong to use those days as evidence that she should stop working, when bad days are accepted as inevitable in other professions.

There's a tendency in some guys to try and 'save' women from sex work, which is a devastatingly condescending attitude when the work is freely chosen. If the respect you have for a person doesn't include room for their autonomy, that isn't real respect. (This is why “I respect you too much to let you do this kind of work” is a bullshit, paradoxical position. “Let”?) As with #5, the important thing is to respect her capacity to make decisions about her own life.

7. Be on her team.

If you're anything like me, after you start dating a sex worker you'll start to notice disparaging comments made about them everywhere. All of the fashion advice that's based on not looking like a streetwalker; all of the jokes that treat 'dead hooker in the trunk' as an amusingly incidental consequence of a wild night out. Small signals that you don't accept the ignorant and destructive premise of shit like this – even if it's just squeezing her hand when someone in a movie says something stupid – can make her feel a little less attacked by them. It's a way of showing that you're on her team: of affirming her humanity in the face of a culture that frequently seems intent on taking it away. This is a small, important thing.

8. Listen to what she tells you.

There are lots of different kinds of sex work, and a variety of perspectives and needs held by those that do it. This article was written from my own experience, and it's limited by that. If a sex worker tells you that she's uncomfortable with something because of an experience she had at work, listen to her. If she tells you she loves her job anyway, listen to her. If she tells you to never call her by her work-name (even playfully, because it's a really important way she demarcates between her work and the rest of her life), listen to her. If she tells you that a particular piece of the advice I've given here doesn't apply for her, for fuck's sake listen to her.

There's a lot to unlearn around this stuff, and it hides in the language we use. Sex workers don't 'sell their bodies'; they sell an experience to lonely guys that need it. Their bodies remain their own. We have this received notion that because a sex worker has sex with their clients, they're somehow 'spent' – unavailable to a boyfriend in some crucial and irredeemable way. It's not true, any more than it's true that kindergarten teachers ignore their own children.

The truth is harder to face. The truth is that what most often blocks relationships between men and sex workers is men – our insecurities, jealousies, and need to own the people we love. If you work on yourself and are honest about your needs, there's no reason that your partner doing sex work needs to be an issue. (Honestly, the only times it's still weird that my girlfriend's a sex worker are when we're forced to conceal it in front of people who'd judge her.) The problem isn't that sex workers are incapable of devoted love, but that our masculinity is too scared and anxious to accept that love. The problem isn't sex workers, but the culture that degrades and dehumanises them.

Changing that culture begins with changing ourselves. Go for it.


by anonymous, because #5
Posted by Christian Vega at 06:18
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20 comments:

nada10 April 2013 08:45

what happened to the zine tho?
Reply
Replies
Christian Vega11 April 2013 00:07

The zine was distributed through sticky.
Reply
Shelly Ann Black10 April 2013 14:37

This article is actually very help for anyone who is also friends with a sex worker as well. I am constantly trying to remind my friends my boundaries about sex work and if they happen to say something that is whorephobic. Any relationship can be challenging and this is a good reminder of how to keep that relationship growing and even strong

Shelly Ann Black
www.mycuteblackdress.com
Reply
mary13 April 2013 05:07

Oh wow...as a married sex worker i cheered at every word, this is wonderful and thank you for writing it!
Reply
Tantra Sydney23 April 2013 17:11

This is so brilliant...resonates with what has been m journey, thankyou! (I cried reading this... x
Reply
Darnell Price3 May 2013 03:33

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Reply
JBBaby13 May 2013 04:48

God do I hear all of this.....and God is it tough sometimes. The natural feelings of total panic you feel as the partner of a sex worker are totally overwhelming and devastating. I'm 45 years old and have found myself crying like a little boy in the dark while my partner is with a client. The words I've read here mean so much. I love her completely and constantly surge between being the perfect partner in support and love and the agony of visions of her work. This is my battle with myself and the natural emotions being the partner of a sex worker fires. Hundreds of thousands of years have burnt those emotional defences into our DNA. Only the strongest men on earth can fight them successfully. I hope your words help me win my battle.
Reply
JBBaby13 May 2013 04:49

By the way, I cried reading this too....
Reply
Feral Sparrowhawk18 May 2013 19:39

Thanks
Reply
Alex Exley30 May 2013 11:10

I'm curious what the advice would be for the sex worker to make a relationship work. I've come across a number of pieces about what the partner can do for the sex worker, and yet it seems like the partner of the sex worker is in the more difficult position. I wonder what advice anyone might have for the sex worker on how to approach a relationship and what they can do for their partner to help deal with what they do.
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bostwick1 June 2013 03:58

This was published shortly after I decided to try to date for the first time since becoming an escort, and I link to it right in my online dating profile.

THANK YOU. Short enough for even a vaguely interested potential date to read, and thorough enough to make the worthy contenders follow through on said dates.

My compliments to the author.
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Snowshoe1 June 2013 20:55

I dated a woman for a while who did sensuous massage. She always told me that she had a different persona at work and one day invited me to go for a session. There were no hints of the woman that I knew - it was obvious that it was all an act and that she gave nothing of her real self at work. Not even to me, with whom she had good reason to feel comfortable. Any insecurity that I harbored before was long gone after that hour.
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Ananda Bliss4 June 2013 06:32

Thank you for this very loving, compassionate, and insightful article.
I am a sex worker, and often feel like I am living two separate lives and want more people in my life who know what I do. Integrating those parts of me has been a challenge because of the concern and judgement of myself and others. I would really appreciate a boyfriend in my life who is on my team, as you put it.
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Unknown4 June 2013 22:32

Bravo! Very astute and thoughtful. Thank you.
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Claire Bright6 June 2013 07:44

Thanks for sharing this
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whoredinary8 June 2013 19:08

This is beautiful. Thank you <3
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Chris9 June 2013 08:13

Bold and courageous. Someone had to say it and this was well said.
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katieanderson13 June 2013 09:39

I'm doing some scholarly work on the history of women in western society and its relationship to the image of women as commodities in the 21st century. I love reading experiences like this, and other personal stories, successful or not, about men and women in the business. It makes people realise, whether they approve or not, that men and women aren't the sum of their work. Thank you so much for this article.
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Carl B18 June 2013 05:03

Thanks for this. I met my partner through her work and I thank the lord daily that I did. She is a wonderful, beautiful, exuberant and loving woman who is more important to me than I can adequately put into words. She gave up being a sex worker when we started dating properly but, with money being tight as it is, she is considering going back to it. My feelings are twofold if I am honest. I love her more than life itself and I will stand by her no matter what but I am so anxious at what the future might hold. I am sure that I will be jealous and wracked with doubts, certainly at the beginning, and I am sure that I will cry at times. But I have promised to stand by her and I will keep that promise because she is my world and she has my heart. Points 1 and 2 really spoke to me and I comfort myself that I am mature enough to realise that what she does with other men is purely for money and has absolutely no emotional attachment as she does with me ... though I have to be honest and say that I would rather not know if she really enjoyed a particular client! LOL

The one thing she worries about is that she will grow numb to sex and that she will be put off a sexual relationship with me and that concerns we as well. I guess that we will just have to cross that bridge when we get to it but any advice would be gratefully received! We have already agreed that we will ensure we take occasional but frequent days and weekends for ourselves and just spend quality time together, laughing, kissing and holding each other.

I am convinced that we can get through it and we will be together for a very, very long time ... but I think that it will be hard work especially in the beginning. I will re-read this article when the going gets tough!! Thanks again!
Reply
Escort18 July 2013 03:49

 

[MrMagnificent]

This is interesting and amazing because I have dated a few chicks that I later found out to be escorts.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

It depends on why she's an escort.
If she's in it to make money to save it for her future or the future of her family, and then get out, then she's dating potential.
If she's in it because of general horniness, a lavish lifestyle, gender politics, drugs, gambling, sexual exploration, looking for a potential suitor, then no way.

I just like that answer, Norm...

...snip...Non sps live in blissful ignorance

Well put, Mimi, I was once one of those...!

 

[hiddencloud]

For me this is would be pretty subjective (like everything is ). With the right person in the right relationship structure? Sure.

It would definitely be a departure from any other type of relationship I've been in but life is all about new experiences.

 

[hiddencloud]

I have no problems with monogamy itself. The biggest problem that most people have with it is that it requires a lot more maintenance than a lot of people think it does. If you're asking someone to dedicate their sex life to you exclusively, you need to actually need to take that dedication seriously. You need to do your part to keep sex fun and interesting and make sure that your libido levels match with the other person. You also need to understand that people change as they grow and that their sexual needs may change with them. You'll need to adapt as they change or be willing to admit

It's very hard to maintain that over an extended period of time which is why monogamous relationships often break down. Monogamy is hard because a lot of people just make the commitment and then start coasting.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I have no problems with monogamy itself. The biggest problem that most people have with it is that it requires a lot more maintenance than a lot of people think it does. If you're asking someone to dedicate their sex life to you exclusively, you need to actually need to take that dedication seriously. You need to do your part to keep sex fun and interesting and make sure that your libido levels match with the other person. You also need to understand that people change as they grow and that their sexual needs may change with them. You'll need to adapt as they change or be willing to admit

It's very hard to maintain that over an extended period of time which is why monogamous relationships often break down. Monogamy is hard because a lot of people just make the commitment and then start coasting.

This is probably the topic of a whole new thread but I think what happens is that people promise monogamy because they think they should, or they think that's what it's going to take to get the girl/guy. Then, as time goes by, they can't keep the ruse up, and they find themselves with a 'situation' on their hands. They then have to scramble around looking for a solution that will not cost them their relationship, while still getting their needs met. Kinda complex, huh?

 

[hiddencloud]

This is probably the topic of a whole new thread but I think what happens is that people promise monogamy because they think they should, or they think that's what it's going to take to get the girl/guy. Then, as time goes by, they can't keep the ruse up, and they find themselves with a 'situation' on their hands. They then have to scramble around looking for a solution that will not cost them their relationship, while still getting their needs met. Kinda complex, huh?

The biggest problem is that people just don't talk about this stuff. It's hard to look at your partner and say, "this isn't working for me anymore, we need to try something different." That something different might just be more interesting positions, toys, etc. There's so much fear of offending the other person that nothing gets said at all and eventually the sexual relationship breaks down completely. The rest of the relationship often follows not too long afterwards.

 

[Cami Parker]

I see what you're saying, for sure. You bring up so many good points. I guess I don't have the same problems as a lot of ladies because I've never tried to keep what I do quiet. The way I think of my work as such a big part of me that if you don't approve of my "job" then you don't approve of me as a person, in which case I'd like nothing to do with you. There isn't anyone in my life that isn't fully aware of my lifestyle, so I suppose I just have an attitude of "if you don't like me you're missing out" lol I expect the worst when telling people but am more often than not pleasantly surprised by the reception I get.

I am all for the civilian NSA relationships/sex however since the time I have stepped into this industry I have not been in any kind of relationship where I would call the person "my boyfriend". Just like you Cami I feel like it keeps my life simple and uncomplicated. It frustrates a lot of my civilian gentlemen friends that I am putting up a wall and am not eager to build a relationship with them.

1) I don't want to reveal my secret and take a risk of an ugly breakup followed by an angry ex outting me
2) I don't want to feel guilty every time I am in an enjoyable session
3) I HATE LYING TO MY LOVED ONES
4) One day or another he will throw it on my face
5) I don't want to be treated differently because I am/was a sex worker

The only guy who could not understand why I did not want a relationship became so obsessed that he found my backpage ad and emailed it to me. He was trying to show he was being understanding and NOT jealous at all. This is the same man who felt the need to punch a guy because he grabbed my ass AND we were in an establishment where my guy worked.

My question is how long is too long to wait to tell a guy what you REALLY REALLY do? Because I don't see myself telling a guy unless its starting to get serious and wouldn't that be too late?

 

[Cami Parker]

Right... That's what I meant... I should have clarified. Thanks for mentioning that Hon!

I sure would. I think it would have to be someone that I did not meet as a client though.

 

[Cami Parker]

I agree! I tried to make that point to Dr Drew and he's like "so you're saying you're helping people and bettering their lives through sex?!?" I was like well, yea... And it's not just sex, but intimacy and companionship.... I think they are as vital to our survival as food air or water.... Needless to say the good doctor wasn't feeling my arguments lol

Women have historically been drawn/steered into nurturing professions - teacher, nurse, cook/maid or secretary. In each case there is an intimacy involved with that work that parallels the traditional gender roles of a woman in a relationship (raising children, healing and comforting, preparing meals/keeping house and supporting the head of household/boss.) And yet you rarely hear of jealous men upset that their significant other is "spreading it out around town."

Sad that we have been conditioned to such a quixotic standard when it comes to sex.