Is there anything wrong with lying to one’s wife about seeing escorts?

[Annalise Lane]

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthrea...ng-or-client&p=1361758&highlight=#post1361758

If they met like this, she should also NOT expect him to quit seeing providers. Just like he should not expect her to quit. Unfortunately, society says "monogamous sex" is expected when two people are in a relationship. Well look at this industry and tell me that Monogamy works !! There are men who are married, in long term relationships etc who see escorts, given that 90% of my clients are involved with someone at some level. Why do they see us, because sex with your partner can be boring. Does that take away from the healthy relationship you have with your SO ? NO. You love your wife and the life you have with her, but fuck SP`s. Now Emotional Monogamy with ONE person Should be expected. That`s why married people should not have affairs. Feelings get involved, and that can be dangerous. Mix up your encounters with SP`s so feelings dont filter into the equation.

This is my response to the Dating an SP. It was suggested to add it here as well.

My belief is:

Emotional Monogamy is very different than Sexual Monogamy.

1) When a person cheats on their SO, they are taking the other persons health decisions into their own hands. Without allowing that person the freedom to say what is right for them.

2) Having an affair is an emotional connection with another person that affects their SO. A heart only has so much love to give in that `special way`. We can love different people at different levels but there is no love like a marriage. Seeing escorts is NOT emotional love, it`s a friendship love, or a human to human kind of love.

3) Sex gets boring with the same person. We learn each others buttons and sooner or later the hour long love making turns into 15 mins because you can get from point A to point Z in this amount of time. There is a thrill of meeting someone new. Its like being a teenager all over again. The butterflies !! "How is she/he going to touch me ?" etc

While we are on an Escort Review Board there are as many woman having affairs as there are men, AFF (adult friend finder) POF (Plenty of Fish) What does that say about our current monogamy social stigma blah blah say about us humans. More people need to be open to the facts of a healthy long term commitment with another person that includes an open sex life with others. Why lie when it only takes a conversation to clear the air.

Men are built to have ONE love but many lovers. Woman are built to have ONE love and ONE lover. While it`s okay for men to playing around, put the shoe on the other foot. Can YOU truly let her play with other men and not feel like you are less then ? Few men can, no different then few woman can. This is also the reason men can`t be in long term relationships with Escorts, because in their heads they are comparing their touch to anothers`. It can play head games with you.

But remember: When you open Pandora box up, be prepared for what comes out.

 

[blazejowski]

Congratulations, brother! Great you don't feel guilty about pooning.

That's precisely the kind of attitude I love to see among married brothers. But it's not totally clear from your comment why you don't feel guilty.

Is it because you think pooning without your wife's knowledge is morally okay? Or because you don't care about moral right or wrong in the first place?

Sure hope it's the first—because I believe in taking our responsibilities seriously. And I also believe that no morally enlightened person would blame married men for seeking erotic intensity with SPs.

Most men fall into the marriage trap. The courtship and honeymoon periods are filled with such bliss and passion that it's almost unimaginable that this won't last. But it rarely, if ever, does.

I've myself experienced this with long-term GFs: they become lazy in bed; they make less and less effort to dress seductively; and enthusiasm for Greek or even BJs becomes rarer and rarer. And a woman's preoccupation with kids, weight gain or health issues would, of course, further diminish passion.

But even if a woman's sensuality didn't change, a man just isn't wired to repeat sex endlessly with the same person, without massive loss of enjoyment.

So I feel for fellow pooners who're married with kids. I'm convinced their dishonesty about pooning, while perhaps not ideal, isn't morally wrong, from the perspective of promoting human happiness in the world.

A woman in a long-term relationship who's so narrow-minded that she gives her man a hard time over seeing escorts simply doesn't deserve to be told the truth.

To be honest, I was never one of "those guys" until I got together with my wife (who was just my GF at the time). The sex got so boring and infrequent, that I started looking at more porn online. Then I did a search for "sex Winnipeg" and it brought up a site for one of the 'Peg's most famous SP's at the time. I sent her an email, forgot about it until months later my wife stumbled upon the undeleted email, and I was in shit for the next year. Constantly reminded, constantly browbeat over it. After a while, I said "fuck it" if I am getting shit on for an email, might as well fuck that SP. And I did. Thought I would feel guilty as hell, but nothing. Nothing at all. Only excitement...

 

[tantalizeme]

Thanks for this thought-provoking contribution

My belief is:

Emotional Monogamy is very different than Sexual Monogamy.

1) When a person cheats on their SO, they are taking the other persons health decisions into their own hands. Without allowing that person the freedom to say what is right for them.

2) Having an affair is an emotional connection with another person that affects their SO. A heart only has so much love to give in that 'special way'. We can love different people at different levels but there is no love like a marriage. Seeing escorts is NOT emotional love, it's a friendship love, or a human to human kind of love.

3) Sex gets boring with the same person. We learn each others buttons and sooner or later the hour long love making turns into 15 mins because you can get from point A to point Z in this amount of time. There is a thrill of meeting someone new. Its like being a teenager all over again. The butterflies !! "How is she/he going to touch me ?" etc

More people need to be open to the facts of a healthy long term commitment with another person that includes an open sex life with others. Why lie when it only takes a conversation to clear the air.

Men are built to have ONE love but many lovers. Woman are built to have ONE love and ONE lover. While it's okay for men to playing around, put the shoe on the other foot. Can YOU truly let her play with other men and not feel like you are less then ? Few men can, no different then few woman can.

Excellent points.

I agree: sometimes it would only take "a [well-timed] conversation to clear the air." People who know they crave sexual variety should clearly not enter a monogamous commitment in the first place.

I've tried to have this "Let's not be totally monogamous" talk a month or two after a relationship became sexual. Later on it becomes harder and harder.

Now that there's this fantastic book by Eric Anderson, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (Oxford 2012), it might be a good idea to give one's partner a copy and discuss it with him or her.

But most men (and many women) in our society would probably run into a stone wall trying to get their partner interested in responsible non-monogamy.

Men or women who find their partners intransigent on this issue are well within their rights, I believe, to "cheat"—if leaving the relationship would involve a family breakup or other unacceptable costs.

But there's no substitute for long-term cultural change so that unrealistic sexual exclusivity is not taken for granted in long-term male-female relationships and would have to be specifically negotiated.

How to promote such cultural change is, of course, a complicated question.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I guess monogamy is just a cruel joke, foisted on both men and women in our civilized society:

Mandatory Monogamy Doesn't Work

http://www.rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2012-11-mandatory-monogamy-doesnt-work

Why Monogamy Doesn't Work

http://blackdragonblog.wordpress.com/2012/12/09/entire-monogamy-debate-summarized

And the free e-book: Why Long Term Monogamy No Longer Works In The Modern Era

http://www.blackdragonsystem.com/uploads/3/9/7/2/3972480/why_long_term_monogamy_doesnt_work.pdf

 

[PlayfulAlex]

The closest I can think of off the top of my head would be Mormons, but you actually have to marry multiple women to be able to have sex with them. Sorry ladies, I believe this does not apply to you.

If I understand correctly, only a small percentage of Mormons actually practice polygamy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bountiful,_British_Columbia

 

[crunkory]

The Dualistic Dilemma (except one part)

There is nothing wrong with seeing escorts.
But there is something wrong with lying to one's wife about seeing escorts.

If monogamy is not for you, then traditional marriage isn't either.
But polygamy can work in an "open relationship" if you and your significant other have an arrangement that was agreed upon together.

Lying already implies a wrong,
and is not a social standard or an old-fashioned concept.

Therefore, it does become a question of morals, values, and ethics in your lifestyle of duality while being married. A good marriage affords honesty, trust, and loyalty to tell the truth, even if one is not happy with it (or not getting the sex they want) regardless of feelings. Then, maybe improvements can be made, otherwise why be married?

Yes, I am aware this will sound like preaching.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

The Dualistic Dilemma (except one part)

There is nothing wrong with seeing escorts.
But there is something wrong with lying to one's wife about seeing escorts.

If monogamy is not for you, then traditional marriage isn't either.
But polygamy can work in an "open relationship" if you and your significant other have an arrangement that was agreed upon together.

Lying already implies a wrong,
and is not a social standard or an old-fashioned concept.

Therefore, it does become a question of morals, values, and ethics in your lifestyle of duality while being married. A good marriage affords honesty, trust, and loyalty to tell the truth, even if one is not happy with it (or not getting the sex they want) regardless of feelings. Then, maybe improvements can be made, otherwise why be married?

Yes, I am aware this will sound like preaching.

I'm in favor of honesty, yet I want it handled responsibly. What does that mean? You care as much about the other person's feelings (and needs) as you do your own. You enter the discussion with an honest need to see that both of your points of view are taken into consideration, i.e. they're valid.

And I also believe that you then have to accept the consequences of that honesty. Take it like an adult. If you discover that you're no longer suited to monogamy, and you decide to take the discussion up with your SO, then you must be prepared for the outcome. You have stated what you want/need/are prepared to do...and you then have to give the other party the same rights.

And this isn't the 'right way'...it's just 'one way' to handle the situation.