Is there anything wrong with lying to one’s wife about seeing escorts?

[tantalizeme]

shame on you sir, having a wife and going out to poon.

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?179091-Nana-s-new-girl-Yuina

I was surprised about Jizz Machine`s comment in the review section. Many people, and apparently even some pooners, think it’s not all right for married men to poon behind their wife`s back.

Now I’m strongly in favor of negotiating an open relationship if you’re with a halfway receptive lady. https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthrea...-you-d-like-to-poon-Had-this-conversation-yet

But if your wife goes ballistic at any suggestion of non-monogamy, is seeing escorts on the sly morally wrong?

My position is: honesty if possible, but not necessarily honesty at any price. If your wife is the type who’s hopelessly closed-minded about non-monogamy, then lying to her about seeing SPs is not wrong—especially if there’re children to be considered.

It would, of course, be best if a highly-sexed, variety-loving person never made promises of monogamy. But needy young men who don’t yet know themselves typically get sucked into marriage by our culture.

I think it’s totally okay to change your mind about monogamy at any point in a marriage.

If someone had coaxed you into selling yourself into slavery, they would have no right to complain if you later changed your mind and took your freedom back. And similarly, if someone has extracted a promise of monogamy from you, she has no right to complain if you later take your sexual freedom back.

Enjoying one’s sexuality is one of life’s most vital interests—and, for some of us, the mainspring of our mental health and happiness.

A person should, ideally, be able to practice non-monogamy openly. But if there’s a functioning family unit at stake, and one`s partner insists on monogamy, then seeing escorts in secret is often morally preferable to going through the trauma and expense of divorce.

The truth is, for quite a large percentage of men, only seeing escorts makes marriage bearable.

 

[badbadboy]

Paging Pillowtalk and Playful Alex! ound:


The truth is, for quite a large percentage of men, only seeing escorts makes marriage bearable.

Nailed it with one sentence.

 

[westcoast555]

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?179091-Nana-s-new-girl-Yuina

I was surprised about Jizz Machine`s comment in the review section. Many people, and apparently even some pooners, think it’s not all right for married men to poon behind their wife`s back.

Now I’m strongly in favor of negotiating an open relationship if you’re with a halfway receptive lady. https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthrea...-you-d-like-to-poon-Had-this-conversation-yet

But if your wife goes ballistic at any suggestion of non-monogamy, is seeing escorts on the sly morally wrong?

My position is: honesty if possible, but not necessarily honesty at any price. If your wife is the type who’s hopelessly closed-minded about non-monogamy, then lying to her about seeing SPs is not wrong—especially if there’re children to be considered.

It would, of course, be best if a highly-sexed, variety-loving person never made promises of monogamy. But needy young men who don’t yet know themselves typically get sucked into marriage by our culture.

I think it’s totally okay to change your mind about monogamy at any point in a marriage.

If someone had coaxed you into selling yourself into slavery, they would have no right to complain if you later changed your mind and took your freedom back. And similarly, if someone has extracted a promise of monogamy from you, she has no right to complain if you later take your sexual freedom back.

Enjoying one’s sexuality is one of life’s most vital interests—and, for some of us, the mainspring of our mental health and happiness.

A person should, ideally, be able to practice non-monogamy openly. But if there’s a functioning family unit at stake, and one`s partner insists on monogamy, then seeing escorts in secret is often morally preferable to going through the trauma and expense of divorce.

The truth is, for quite a large percentage of men, only seeing escorts makes marriage bearable.

With all due respect... I think you might be "over-thinking" it a bit... Of coures it`s wrong to cheat and especially on your wife. So then what? We do it anyway.

You can rationalize but if you have an SO or a wife you are doing them wrong to cheat on them with SP`s. No two ways about it. Mitigating circumstances perhaps ( like she won`t fuck you any more, won`t blow you, or she let herself get fat ), whatever.

Sometimes you have to just do what it takes to have a good time in this life and just be careful and make your peace with it.

 

[Tugela]

If she did something that you might not see as being in your best interests and lied about it, such as emptying the bank account to go play at a Casino, or using your car for street racing, would you think that was ok?

 

[connor666]

100% Correct so lie lie lie!

I can't believe I finally agree with something Tant wrote.

 

[newton man]

which set of moral code are we using here? please enlighten me.

 

[yazoo]

which set of moral code are we using here? please enlighten me.

Hedonism cloaked in Utilitarianism

 

[InTheBum]

If the wife is a bitch...then lie away...:clap2:

 

[sevenofnine]

I kind of think I did my wife a kindness.

I mean for whatever reason, I don't understand it she didn't want to have sex anymore.

I could have forced or or blackmailed her I want this or else Im leaving,
I could have just left and made some big stink about it. My wife had a decent job which she quit when we had our two kids, she was sort of out of the job market, she would have struggled to make ends meet, being older and out of it for a while.
The kids would they understand.
I don't know but that is the way I look at it,
I did everyone a big kindness, but not making a big deal about it. Not walking, sticking it out,
Just finding an escort and taking care of it.

In the end I think my wife knows or suspects.
She actually asked me or told me once, she didn't want to know what I did for a mid life crises. Just do it and do it quietly. Her words exactly.
So I did.
At the end of the day I don't think its wrong.
My wife for what ever reason wasn't interested in sex any more.
Its not like I'm banging my escort and going home and banging her. Nothing happens between us.

I don't think she has the right to deny me sex for the rest of my life. To not touch a women ever again.
I did like I believe my wife a kindness by the way I handled it.
It could have ended a lot different.

A pretty famous Catholic saint once said there is nothing wrong with a man going to prostitutes its sort of the lesser of two evils. I can't remember his name but I read it once.

In some ways I think he is quite right.
You have this sexual desire. This need. You should express it with your wife. Failing that.
You need to find an acceptable way of dealing with your desire.
How long can you go before you do something really fucking stupid.

I don't think seeing a escort is anything to be proud about. To brag about.
In a way its a failure that, that is were we end up.

But when life isn't perfect and who's the hell is. Seeing an escort and treating her respectfully is one of the least wrong things a man can do.

 

[newton man]

If she did something that you might not see as being in your best interests and lied about it, such as emptying the bank account to go play at a Casino, or using your car for street racing, would you think that was ok?

wow . . . nice to know that you are SO righteousness and that you never do anything wrong in your life

 

[yazoo]

Since many find it easier to picture the delicate woman as the victim, lets put the shoe on the other foot.

If it were you that had lost interest in sex, but your wife still had needs, would it be ethical (or moral) for you to hold her to some promise she made many years ago under vastly different circumstances? To keep her hostage and cause her to live her remaining life without sexual pleasure?

Tant has a point.

 

[mik]

If it were you that had lost interest in sex, but your wife still had needs, would it be ethical (or moral) for you to hold her to some promise she made many years ago under vastly different circumstances? To keep her hostage and cause her to live her remaining life without sexual pleasure?

You could set her up with this stud:

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lNeRAhA55Zw?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[yazoo]

You could set her up with this stud:

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lNeRAhA55Zw?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

LOL... just another day in the life of an SP. Hope they paid her enough to finish things off in the greenroom afterwards.

 

[sevenofnine]

h

Since many find it easier to picture the delicate woman as the victim, lets put the shoe on the other foot.

If it were you that had lost interest in sex, but your wife still had needs, would it be ethical (or moral) for you to hold her to some promise she made many years ago under vastly different circumstances? To keep her hostage and cause her to live her remaining life without sexual pleasure?

Tant has a point.

I think we have the right to be happy or at least try to be happy.
I think some one is just being a jerk or an ass or just very selfish or self centered to deny some one that right.

But that being said there are limits and I guess common sense.
I mean just because you have a dream or a desire. Doesn't give you the right to hurt people you have to still be responsible and respectable.

I think that is where the problem lies.

I would think most people would agree, one person in a couple doesn't have the right to deny the other sex for the rest of their life.
But what if that person just wants variety or say greek, or some one has put on a few pounds. Or like wants it three times a day.

I feel pretty secure, like I said we weren't haveing sex. None, for years before I saw my first escort.
I think most people would understand.
But would they understand if well I said she put on ten pounds and I don't desire her any more.
Would they understand if me in my late fifties fucking some young eighteen year old in the ass then coming home and banging my wife.

And if I found out my wife was cheating on me.
While she denied me.
Well I don't know Im all ready hurt that my wife has denied me for years and got over it.
To be honest if some guy mader her happier then I could I would wish her well.
Like I said people have the right to be happy,
You can't keep some one a prisoner.

If she found a man she liked or needed more then me, I would just wish her well.

 

[grusse]

whatever Bar got paid for that ad....it wasn't enough

 

[tantalizeme]

Interesting perspectives

Of coures it's wrong to cheat and especially on your wife. So then what? We do it anyway.

You can rationalize but if you have an SO or a wife you are doing them wrong to cheat on them with SP's. No two ways about it. Mitigating circumstances perhaps ( like she won't fuck you any more, won't blow you, or she let herself get fat ), whatever.

If she did something that you might not see as being in your best interests and lied about it, such as emptying the bank account to go play at a Casino, or using your car for street racing, would you think that was ok?

Since many find it easier to picture the delicate woman as the victim, lets put the shoe on the other foot.

If it were you that had lost interest in sex, but your wife still had needs, would it be ethical (or moral) for you to hold her to some promise she made many years ago under vastly different circumstances? To keep her hostage and cause her to live her remaining life without sexual pleasure?

which set of moral code are we using here? please enlighten me.

I don't presuppose any heavy-duty "moral code" from on high. I realize, there've got to be rules for living together in reasonable social harmony, and I try to respect those rules in my own life.

Clearly, I don't think commercial sex generally undermines people's chances for living together in reasonable social harmony. Just the opposite, in fact.

But what about all those pooners—perhaps the majority—who promised their SO monogamy and play a game of deception? Are they doing something morally wrong?

Well—honesty is normally the best rule. I'm not one who condones doing what's morally wrong, just for the sake of having fun. But there're clearly situations when living together in reasonable social harmony isn't compatible with complete honesty.

One such situation in which a degree of dishonesty seems to me justified involves men with an SO who is totally unreceptive to responsible non-monogamy.

Sex is just too important a part of our lives to allow anyone to prevent us, for any reason, from savouring its joys with other consenting adults.

 

[rickoshadows]

Is there anything wrong with lying to one’s wife about seeing escorts?

Well, she lied about the love, honour and obey part.

 

[sevenofnine]

I think a big part of this is don't embarress or humilate your wife in the process.

We went with a couple to a bar for drinks me and my wife. The guy asked the waitress to turn around so he could look at her ass with both of our wives present. He is no longer married.
A guy at work the talk around the coffee room is who is he sleeping with now, he has a nice wife three good kids, but everyone knows he sleeps around. Not sure what is marital status he had a heart attack and has been off work for a long time.
Seriously what do you expect your wife to do when you druel and leer at every women. And she is the last one to know that your fooling around.
She should dam well leave you.

I have been seeing escorts for like ten years, not a soul knows. Except me and the ladies I have seen. And though I have pooned a lot, it has been mostly with one lady.
And a lot of that has to do with the trust I have in her.

My wife I think knows or she should suspect. But she has it good, and I don't make an issue of it.
As far as any one knows I'm a good family man never fools around never even looks at another women.
What Im trying to say is don't humilate your wife, and don't make a spectacle of your self.
Just take care of your needs descreetly and quietly.

 

[westcoast555]

I think a big part of this is don't embarress or humilate your wife in the process.

We went with a couple to a bar for drinks me and my wife. The guy asked the waitress to turn around so he could look at her ass with both of our wives present. He is no longer married.
A guy at work the talk around the coffee room is who is he sleeping with now, he has a nice wife three good kids, but everyone knows he sleeps around. Not sure what is marital status he had a heart attack and has been off work for a long time.
Seriously what do you expect your wife to do when you druel and leer at every women. And she is the last one to know that your fooling around.
She should dam well leave you.

I have been seeing escorts for like ten years, not a soul knows. Except me and the ladies I have seen. And though I have pooned a lot, it has been mostly with one lady.
And a lot of that has to do with the trust I have in her.

My wife I think knows or she should suspect. But she has it good, and I don't make an issue of it.
As far as any one knows I'm a good family man never fools around never even looks at another women.
What Im trying to say is don't humilate your wife, and don't make a spectacle of your self.
Just take care of your needs descreetly and quietly.

Agree... 100 per cent. Well said, that is the old school way and it is the way that works.

Don't try to discuss or disclose or brag or justify to others... just take care of your needs and protect your woman from shame or any tangible harm (i.e. STDs)

I think there is an overemphasis on disclosure in our culture - the idea that everybody can agree and be on the same page. Some things are just meant to be private.

 

[suPERB]

I find myself in agreement with what most of you have posted here. I posted a longer reply in tantalizeme's other thread but I'll add that only "I said yes" to monogamy so that I could lead a "normal," socially-accepted life in the eyes of all my family and friends. Because otherwise I'd probably either be in a series of short relationships for life (nothing wrong with that), or I would be with a liberal SO on the fringe and shunned by friends and family. Neither of which is very conducive to my goal of being relevant in the lives of those closest to me. To me, keeping up with the illusion of monogamy is my coping mechanism and price for admission to remaining in this society. I can certainly choose to exit this game to try and fulfill all my sexual needs elsewhere; but to do so would also mean leaving behind most everything else I care about and that's not something I'm willing to do. So I, along with it seems many others here, simply choose to be honest until we can't afford to be anymore. Most of us will stop for a stop sign or red light on a normal day - but if some disaster hits and you have somewhere to be - I guarantee many will be breaking 50/kmh (if not already) and doing what they need to do.