Not the first time i've been asked. Had this one brown friend who was determined to get a answer from me. Told him i cant answer his question on if he should married this woman. Just said he wouldnt like my answer so cant really say. When he finally got a answer from me. Which i told him marriage would be torture cause he's east indian living at home with his parents and wouldnt be a ideal situation. Also that he's marrying cause he's getting older and havent really dated. Of course i understand many EI men live at home with their parents while being married. This guy then said im immature for thinking this and im not a grown up for chasing young girls at my age.
men asking advice on getting married
- Thread starter LittleAsianGuy
- Start date
LAG,
What did you mean by "I am not a grown up for chasing young girls at my age"? Did he mean that you are trying to go after younger women rather then going after women around your age? I don't think it is a problem for him living with his new bride under the same roof - if the house is big enough, they can live in the basement or different floor - never the same floor though. I guess your EI friend is not really dating - he's probably just being introduced/set up by his parents' friends or relatives...their culture is usually just a meeting and then discuss about wedding...
What did you mean by "I am not a grown up for chasing young girls at my age"? Did he mean that you are trying to go after younger women rather then going after women around your age? I don't think it is a problem for him living with his new bride under the same roof - if the house is big enough, they can live in the basement or different floor - never the same floor though. I guess your EI friend is not really dating - he's probably just being introduced/set up by his parents' friends or relatives...their culture is usually just a meeting and then discuss about wedding...
That's exactly what he meant that im going after younger females than females my own age. But i see nothing wrong with being bangin young girls half my age.
Nearly 40 here and i hate giving advice on if someone should or shouldnt get married. They should make up their own freakin mind on this. Usually they just want us to agree or comfirm they made the right choice. He made up his mind he was going to marry this chick anyways.
Waitaminit, I'm assuming your friend is around 40 too...and he still lives at home? That's a little unusual, I can't imagine too many ladies digging the 40 year old living with their folks.
He's east indian so that's the norm i guess. Actually, he makes decent money as a cop and his future wife is a nurse. Dont expect me to understand why Ei like living with their parents. Just told him i said marriage isnt much fun and living at home with his wife is a bit gay. Actually, he hasnt dated much at all
Whereas, I am foolish enough to weigh in on this. I am a fan of the institution of marriage. Perhaps not so much the institutional aspect as much as having a life partner. I have had the great joy of having exactly that in my past and the dissolution of that union created enormous amounts of personal baggage. But, it's baggage that my life is richer for having rather than never having experienced it at all. She was my best friend.
So, my advice on marriage is simple. Ask your buddy....are you marrying your best friend? That's ultimately all he need to self answer. Your best friend has your back and you have hers....regardless of the situation at hand. A most excellent life partner indeed.
kindly,
eddie
ei view debt and mortgage as impediments to acquiring wealth (well, they are aren't they?)
they also view living with the extended family as a natuarl means of ensuring that the elders are looked after in their old age rather than shipping them off to an institution to die as many of us westerners do
in addition, the presence of the parents in the home ensures that the children can be looked after by the grandmother or aunt or whatever, allowing the parents to work at their chosen field or business during the years of their maximum earning potential without paying one of the wages to day-care
also, the presence of the elder parents tends to have a modifying effect on the behaviour of the spouses, both toward each other and toward family and community members outside the home
does it suck to be them considering our lifestyles here? yes
does it have the desired effect of maximizing the creation of wealth within the family unit? obviously
from what i can see that is - i mean two generations ago some of these folks were undergoing dire circumstances in the countries they came from; e.g., in uganda, ei's were being abducted by big daddy idi amin's goons and were being fed live to the crocodiles in the swamps - all because they owned most of the mid-sized businesses in the country. the ones that arrived in canada with the help of the canadian government had nothing but the clothes on their backs... well, maybe a lot of gold worn as jewellery by their wives but that's another story... and were damned lucky to get out alive
and look at them now - owning big businesses and all
so buddy's getting married huh? well, good for him - he is enriching his life, and will produce the sprogs that will look after him in his old age while further increasing the greater family's net wealth
they also view living with the extended family as a natuarl means of ensuring that the elders are looked after in their old age rather than shipping them off to an institution to die as many of us westerners do
in addition, the presence of the parents in the home ensures that the children can be looked after by the grandmother or aunt or whatever, allowing the parents to work at their chosen field or business during the years of their maximum earning potential without paying one of the wages to day-care
also, the presence of the elder parents tends to have a modifying effect on the behaviour of the spouses, both toward each other and toward family and community members outside the home
does it suck to be them considering our lifestyles here? yes
does it have the desired effect of maximizing the creation of wealth within the family unit? obviously
from what i can see that is - i mean two generations ago some of these folks were undergoing dire circumstances in the countries they came from; e.g., in uganda, ei's were being abducted by big daddy idi amin's goons and were being fed live to the crocodiles in the swamps - all because they owned most of the mid-sized businesses in the country. the ones that arrived in canada with the help of the canadian government had nothing but the clothes on their backs... well, maybe a lot of gold worn as jewellery by their wives but that's another story... and were damned lucky to get out alive
and look at them now - owning big businesses and all
so buddy's getting married huh? well, good for him - he is enriching his life, and will produce the sprogs that will look after him in his old age while further increasing the greater family's net wealth
As far as living at home, i'm in my early 20's still and live at home(though not with parents). I am more then capable of moving out(or buying rather) at any given time if the current situation explode between me and my parents.
Do I look down upon anyone for living at home? No, we all have our reasons. I choose not to so I can save up for a bigger down payment. I have a few friends that would be homeless if it wasn't for their parents.
Is there a point in time when one should move out? Its a matter of opinion. I think that when you get married, you should consider moving out and getting your own space. Even as a single guy, I am tempted to move out and be completely independent from my family. Everybody has their own opinion on this. Also, the longer I live at home, the bigger my down payment gets, and that is one huge advantage as well.
Should we judge others for living at home? Kinda like the first question, but obviously no. There is also the background in which we all come from. Being asian, I find we have the tendency to move out later in life then caucasian people do. Same could probably be said for EI people as well(not sure about blacks though). How we embrace our backgrounds also plays a big factor as to when we move out. Also how we grew up plays a role to a certain extent.
It might sound awkward to hear about someone past the age of 30 or even 40 still living at home, but in the end, its their decision. Let them deal with living at home. If everybody can get along in a single house, great, if they cant, then obviously they should move out. Lets worry about our own problems, before we start telling people theirs.
Do I look down upon anyone for living at home? No, we all have our reasons. I choose not to so I can save up for a bigger down payment. I have a few friends that would be homeless if it wasn't for their parents.
Is there a point in time when one should move out? Its a matter of opinion. I think that when you get married, you should consider moving out and getting your own space. Even as a single guy, I am tempted to move out and be completely independent from my family. Everybody has their own opinion on this. Also, the longer I live at home, the bigger my down payment gets, and that is one huge advantage as well.
Should we judge others for living at home? Kinda like the first question, but obviously no. There is also the background in which we all come from. Being asian, I find we have the tendency to move out later in life then caucasian people do. Same could probably be said for EI people as well(not sure about blacks though). How we embrace our backgrounds also plays a big factor as to when we move out. Also how we grew up plays a role to a certain extent.
It might sound awkward to hear about someone past the age of 30 or even 40 still living at home, but in the end, its their decision. Let them deal with living at home. If everybody can get along in a single house, great, if they cant, then obviously they should move out. Lets worry about our own problems, before we start telling people theirs.
Actually i didnt really care what he does with his life. But he was a bit of a prick and demanded answers and what i thought. Told him he wouldnt like my answers. Just said that living at home with parents and wife isnt a ideal situation but it might work for him. That's when he was a bit of a asshole saying im a bit immature needing to find someone or marriage. Had a feeling he doesnt care about what i thought. He was going to marry her,live at home,etc. But still wanted someone to agree with what he wanted.
I've gone through this routine before where a guy is getting older with age asking his friend if he should or shouldnt get married. Of course if you say u shouldnt marry the bitch he'll freak out. They dont want to hear anything negative but just someone supporting their decision. The worst thing is when u say you dont give a shit. They'll bug you till they get answer from u.
Funny how people want to hear what they want to hear, and react negatively when they dont. I find it even more funny that he felt the need to bash you and your decision to find younger women when he didnt hear what he wanted to. Perhaps he is the immature one.
I enjoy how things are right now. But he doesnt seem to get that and thinks im childish.
better to stay single and avoid getting into a bad relationship, than to marry into a living hell "just because it seemed like the thing to do".
Maybe we shouldn't say it's unusual, it's just a different culture. Maybe East Indians like to live in a large family, that may explain why houses in Surrey are so big.
