Leaving the business

[Splendiferous]

Hi all,


I'll try and keep this as short as I can! Let me start by saying I've been creeping this forum for a few months now, but never really had anything to contribute. Some info on me, I'm 21, I've been an independent SP for just under a year now and I'm also completing my undergrad. I'm pretty low key, see very few clients per week (1-3 at most), don't have a website and only post on craigslist on days I'm available.

This is not an advertistment, promise! Just wanted to give some background info as none of you know me! Anyway, I've been contemplating leaving the business for about a month now... I'm just no longer happy in it. I first started when I moved to a new city and ran into a bind with money. I was hardly desperate at the time, but I stumbled upon this site and thought, "Hey, why not give it a shot?" I've always been quite liberal sexually and thought I might as well try. Well, turned out I absolutely LOVED the thrill and the "one time" turned into about 8 months. As it went on I discovered I could find a way to clear my ever mounting credit card debt (I went travelling, stupid and foolishly did it mostly on credit cards, dumb dumb dumb..)... and I managed to clear it almost completely and am only left with about 2000 now. I figured I would only need a month or two to make it and I could stop doing this but financial obligations kept coming at me and I found myself no longer able to make any payments on my debts..


While when I started 8 months ago, I was not desperate and was making payments slowly but steadily. I quit my day job about 5 months ago due do management conflicts and just haven't bothered to get a new one since this was paying so well and this eventually became my livelihood. Problem is---I'm starting to hate it. It was fun to begin with, but now I just feel like I'm doing it because I have to and now I'm just barely getting by. But I feel like I've dug a hole pretty deep... No one in my life knows I do this either... just the clients who see me, so that's why I felt like I had to come on here..


So if anyone has any advice on how to leave and move on with my life, I would appreciate anything at this point. I know I'm young, and hardly desitute and/or unskilled, but I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to go out there and find a job when I could stay at home and make it from here. I also understand that this is not the kind of thing to be doing when you don't enjoy it, hence why I need some advice!


Thanks, strangers!!

 

[emilioa4]

my advise to you, if you really want to get out, your only motivation has to come from you. i say if your not enjoying it, get out now before something bad happens. you are young and have a lot ahead of you. however, leaving this business and going into anything else isnt going to make your money problems go away. i truly believe that is the source of your negative feelings. until you can get your finances under control, no matter what you do for a living and how much you make you will always accrue debt. perhaps (obviously actually) you are living well beyond your means, purchasing things you dont need or cant really afford. if you have to buy it on your credit card and cant pay for it in cash, then you really cant afford what you are picking up. my suggestion to you is this.... stay in this business for a bit more, but also get another job that is more to your interest. work your ass off (no pun intended!) and pay off your debts. see how you feel after when you actually have money in your pockets and re-evaluate how you feel like you did for the first time you started. if you still feel the same then yes leave asap, if not put things into perspective and keep going. i hope this doesnt sound like a lecture or nothing, but i truly believe that financial management (lack of) is the major root cause of many peoples troubles and their willingness to shift the blame to job satisfaction, friend relations etc. I wish you the best, in whatever you choose to do, and also getting yourself ahead. cheers.

 

[cruiser]

If you're asking people in and/or associated with the business how to get out of it, you will always be fighting an uphill battle.

To use an analogy....if an alcoholic wanted to stop drinking, he wouldn't walk into a bar and ask his fellow patrons how to stop drinking?

As one other person said, you have to walk away from it....don't access this site or any other site that sells/promotes sex....consider it a memory (good or bad, whatever your experience was), and look forward. The world is a big place and has lots to offer.

You don't have to reveal this part of life to anybody in the future....if you close the door before something "bad" happens (as emilio4 says), then you will only have the good memorys to take with you.

The decision/choice is yours.......

 

[Splendiferous]

my advise to you, if you really want to get out, your only motivation has to come from you. i say if your not enjoying it, get out now before something bad happens. you are young and have a lot ahead of you. however, leaving this business and going into anything else isnt going to make your money problems go away. i truly believe that is the source of your negative feelings. until you can get your finances under control, no matter what you do for a living and how much you make you will always accrue debt. perhaps (obviously actually) you are living well beyond your means, purchasing things you dont need or cant really afford. if you have to buy it on your credit card and cant pay for it in cash, then you really cant afford what you are picking up. my suggestion to you is this.... stay in this business for a bit more, but also get another job that is more to your interest. work your ass off (no pun intended!) and pay off your debts. see how you feel after when you actually have money in your pockets and re-evaluate how you feel like you did for the first time you started. if you still feel the same then yes leave asap, if not put things into perspective and keep going. i hope this doesnt sound like a lecture or nothing, but i truly believe that financial management (lack of) is the major root cause of many peoples troubles and their willingness to shift the blame to job satisfaction, friend relations etc. I wish you the best, in whatever you choose to do, and also getting yourself ahead. cheers.

Well, I've already decided to leave it 100%. While I don't disregard that I may do it again in the future once I've got everything else settled, I never saw myself doing it in the long term anyway, the question is how. I'm concerned about explaining the 5...quickly becoming 6... month gap in my resume (which doesn't seem like a lot, but I've run into issues in the past in the service industry with places not hiring me simply because I left the country for 6 months and hence "lack of experience").

I also agree that I need to get out before something bad happens and I can move on without any resentment. I've been fortunate enough not to have a bad experience yet.

I guess what I'm looking for is not motivation, but more empathy and guidance on my way out. I've had no one to talk to about this for months and it's gotta come out somehow.

I disagree with the alcoholic analogy though, cruiser. While I wouldn't compare this to alcoholism, (yes, I'm aware it was an analogy) an alcoholic in AA typically has a sponsor who is also an alcoholic and can therefore empathisize with them. And, emilio4, it's also quite difficult to get a position in my chosen industry until I've finished my degree (which is a year and a half away from happening) and I don't have any other qualifications.

While I appreciate the post just "getting out" is easier said than done, and I've already got some really helpful pm's so thanks so far everyone!!

 

[emilioa4]

hey there. just to add in on the comment about your reply for getting work in your field, i meant to say get a job of ANY interest to you, not just the one you are studying for, just anything to bring in the money to get your debt out of the way. as for your search for empathy or guidance, i do believe some here, or at least i have provided that. unfortunately, the reality is you put yourself into a situation that you are having trouble getting out of apparently and the only way to address it is to take it head on. i certainly do empathize with the fact employers may question the time frame between the jobs, and thats why i suggest just taking something or anything of interest that can sustain you while you climb out of your "hole". it will take time, but at your age, time is on your side. just think and act smart, you already are working on getting a degree, keep at it. in the meantime use your assets to your advantage to make the most of it, im sure years ahead you will look back and admire it as a good learning experience.

 

[makelove2me]

You may find it helpful to come up with some realistic and very specific goals, like paying off your credit card debt in 4 months or finishing off your undergrad degree within the next 1 to 2 years.

Or perhaps set yourself up for something simpler/easier like spending 15 minutes each day on some outdoor activities like walking or running and then increasing it to 30 minutes and then 1 hour. The more you see yourself achieving and becoming successful at something, however simple it is, the more you will find it easier to tackle more challenging tasks or goals - leaving the industry for good and doing something you could be happy with for a long time.

 

[badbadboy]

Congrats on having the courage to post your exit plan here.

Seeing as you have stated that you are no longer enjoying the profession, it really is a good time to exit. Even if you were a low volume SP people can tell if your heart is not really into it.

As far as the six month gap on the resume is concerned, you can always state you were actively involved with self employment that didn't pan out like you had hoped. Bit of acting here but I am sure you can do it

Now go get a job and stay away from here.

 

[Very Veronica]

Lots of help at Peers Vancouver http://www.quammer.dreamhosters.com/

Best of luck!

 

[Pillowtalk]

Look for a job that has something about it that you might enjoy, or might be somewhat related to your education. It might be a book store, it might be a cafe, who knows. Look for part time not full time work. That is much easier to get with or without a gap. At your age, and considering you have been a student, there really is no gap in your work history when you explain it by saying you were/are a student.

Work as an sp until you have debts cleared up completely, plus 3 months living expenses. Look for a cheaper place to live, if you are not already in one that you can maintain without a steady income. Put a date on the last day, like 4 months from now. Increase your sp work load at least seeing 2-3x as many as you do now to accomplish that goal of savings. Simply increase your availability and ads, and cut it back only and if you get that other job.

To increase your sp work, you should and could take a look at your current menu and make it more restrictive for new clients. If your menu is pretty open right now with that lower volume, part of the reason you do not enjoy the work as much may be linked to being locked into a certain selection of services that you really are not comfortable with. Add non-fs and non-GFE options like r&t and cbj only sessions, and half hours etc. Make sure you decide who you want to spend time with -- email exchange and phone calls first, make sure they are someone you can get along with rather than the first person to call you up. This way they are someone you want to meet, rather than someone who is going to get you closer to where you want to be $$ wise.

Open up a separate bank account for a minimum of 50% of everything you make, for those savings of 3 months expenses on hand. When you get there, then you are done.

 

[Roblikes]

Well i know this may be contrary to the tone of the post, but an attractive young woman can always find a sugar daddy to look after her. There are lots of guys out there looking and if you find one you like... It may be a mutually beneficial relationship. If you really want out though. Just quit and don't look back. It is a slippery slope.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

i do a lot of job applicant selections and yes i'm one of those guys that looks at a gap in the resume and says, hey - what the fuck is THIS?

but i would say you at least have a likely excuse becuase you are a student. you can say that your course load was too heavy to work, but it is easing now in the new semester so you are back on the market looking for a job again. just sayin...

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

As a person who provides financial advice for a living, the right thing to do is plan. You should start by making a date to pay off your credit cards and once they are paid off, if you don't think you have the self control necessary cut them up or reduce their limits. Look at your expenses on a monthly basis and see if you can cut some things out. I'm not one of those advisors who think you should starve and not enjoy life so you have to decide what's important and what's not. But if you think everything your spending today is important, don't be surprised if you're in the same boat a year from now.

It also wouldn't hurt to do an cash flow summary. You should have a good idea of what your monthly income and expenses are..that way you know which direction you're going and if you see some excess cash allocate towards debt first and saving after that.

As to revenues, if you don't absolute hate what your doing, you may wish to continue with a select few you do enjoy spending time with and then with those revenues pay off your credit cards. Having credit card debt is the a clear path to financial death.

Also if you're a student make sure you do your tax returns. Chances are you have a decent refund coming back..and if not, you can take advantage of RRSP's the educational tax credit, the deduction on student loan interest, etc. to minimize your taxes.

Unfortunately the one thing advisors aren't particularly good at is finding ways to increase your income, this pretty much is based on your skills, motivation, employment and educational background.

FWIW, I hire people ocassionally and I don't really look for gaps in dates so much as I look for education and experience compatible with what I need the applicant to do.

 

[maroonedsailor]

I'd say Al pretty much nailed it. Quitting any business without a GOOD exit plan is basically stupid. It's on you to replace the income and the comfort of earning it without a boss in the comfort of home. Once you list all the things you like about how you have been earning your living you have a set of criteria for how to replace it.

Actually I reject the idea that there is anything morally wrong with an adult person willingly exchanging sex for money. The problem always is because there are so many that impose their own morals on you, what to show how much they "love" you by making you into their personal money machine or (as a few on here regularly post) think that it's OK to abuse you because you are willing to exchange sex for money.

Don't let others impose their morals on you, don't let others gain income from you providing sex.

If you do want to get out of the industry, don't look for a "white knight". Providing sex so that you can escape providing sex for money seldom improves how you feel about yourself.

The better plan is to use the money you get for providing sex to provide you with an exit strategy.

Pay income tax, declare yourself as a personal trainer, piano teacher or whatever works for you - but - pay income tax. By paying income tax, you fill in the blank part of your resume. Now you can tell that future prospective employer that you explored running your own business, but it was harder than you had anticipated.

Pay off your debts and only use debt to finance important hard assets like your own house.

Save 25% of your income and build a nest egg of a year's expenses. Once you have the ability to live a year without income, start building the ability to retire in comfort.

Use the sex for money industry to pay for your education. A good education is the perfect exit plan, especially if you have been "working" as a personal trainer or piano teacher. Employers like to see that the candidate is debt free and hard working, there is no need for them to know what you were hard working at. (it is well to not work at the sex trade in the area where you plan to work at your career, there will always be those who will use your past against you)

Don't "Need" a relationship. Needing to be part of a couple means that you "settle" and don't pick for compatibility and permanence. It's better to be an emotionally complete single person than it is to be the washer woman/cook/comfort receptacle in a relationship that you settled for because you felt you didn't deserve anything better.

 

[HeMadeMeDoIt]

Angie, she said she's completing her undergrad......did you not read her entire post?
Selective reading

She just didnt know what undergrad. was!

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

This is all good stuff, the one thing I would add, is that preparing your tax return annually also puts you in good steed towards getting a credit rating. I imagine if you have credit card debt you have access to credit, but what I do, and suggest everyone does, is pull your credit rating at least once a year and see where you're at. This is especially important if you're wanting to get a sizable loan as the last position you want to be in is in front of a loans officer who knows more about you than you do. If you're under 700 you really should take steps to improve your FICO score.

Actually I reject the idea that there is anything morally wrong with an adult person willingly exchanging sex for money. The problem always is because there are so many that impose their own morals on you, what to show how much they "love" you by making you into their personal money machine or (as a few on here regularly post) think that it's OK to abuse you because you are willing to exchange sex for money.

Don't let others impose their morals on you, don't let others gain income from you providing sex.

If you do want to get out of the industry, don't look for a "white knight". Providing sex so that you can escape providing sex for money seldom improves how you feel about yourself.

The better plan is to use the money you get for providing sex to provide you with an exit strategy.

Pay income tax, declare yourself as a personal trainer, piano teacher or whatever works for you - but - pay income tax. By paying income tax, you fill in the blank part of your resume. Now you can tell that future prospective employer that you explored running your own business, but it was harder than you had anticipated.

Pay off your debts and only use debt to finance important hard assets like your own house.

Save 25% of your income and build a nest egg of a year's expenses. Once you have the ability to live a year without income, start building the ability to retire in comfort.

Use the sex for money industry to pay for your education. A good education is the perfect exit plan, especially if you have been "working" as a personal trainer or piano teacher. Employers like to see that the candidate is debt free and hard working, there is no need for them to know what you were hard working at. (it is well to not work at the sex trade in the area where you plan to work at your career, there will always be those who will use your past against you)

Don't "Need" a relationship. Needing to be part of a couple means that you "settle" and don't pick for compatibility and permanence. It's better to be an emotionally complete single person than it is to be the washer woman/cook/comfort receptacle in a relationship that you settled for because you felt you didn't deserve anything better.

 

[postiepete]

She just didnt know what undergrad. was!

LOL To funny.