Hi everybody, thanks once again for responding. I sincerely appreciate it. I'm going to try and address some of the questions you guys have asked, here.
Many of you are thinking she's using me for immigration purposes; not the case, she has enough work experience to get papers on her own. Also, she has family in Canada, who'd gladly apply for/sponsor her.
@MissJames, I had no idea that she didn't have similar values - in fact, she showed herself to be very similar before our marriage! @chilli, I'm not a big fan of male chauvinism, although I do agree that I should have set the tone of the relationship (in terms of emotional and sexual exchange) from the very beginning. She actually earns more than I do, and I'd dare say she does love (?) me a lot. Which is why breaking up is such a hard decision.
@lenny, thanks for making me laugh man. I need laughs right now.
Some of you are wondering if it was an arranged marriage and what part caste has in all this. It wasn't an arranged marriage. I met her a few months before we got married, fell madly in love, and pressurized both our families to accept our relationship. That's actually how it's done in the Indian subcontinent if it's a non-arranged marriage.
We didn't have sex before we got married because of, once again, cultural sentiments. So there was no question of 'test driving'. But we did get physically quite intimate then, helping each other with masturbation and reach orgasms. Strangely, that's also the most I ever got AFTER our marriage, save that one night of 'post-potential divorce awareness' sex.
We both come from the same caste and culture, and none of our families our even remotely orthodox about these things, so caste certainly didn't play a role.
@Glen or Glenda, unfortunately I really don't feel like taking a vacation anymore. I'm just too unconvinced about her 'love' after all these years. Proposing something as simple as a long walk or similar wouldn't work, she's just not that kinda person. Due to cultural reasons, leaving family out of this is very hard - it's just something that's not common where I come from. Have you ever been to the Indian-majority areas of your city? We tend to live like happy rats; families just keep growing.. Our parents live with us, and when we get married our spouse's parents and relatives become as good as our own. They become part of our family, as we theirs'. That's just the way we are. Besides, being the only surviving child of my parents, I really can't NOT live with my parents (which is, once again, the norm anyway).
Despite that, believe me, family isn't ever really a big deal within the aspects of our problem. If it were, now that we live apart, shouldn't I not, ever, have any feelings of resentment towards my marriage? That's not the case, you see.
I have come to realize that my problem doesn't really have a sexual side to it - it's entirely emotional/value-centric, since sex IS an emotional act. You expect to show and be shown your love for each other by making love. If somebody isn't doing that for you, the love is amiss.
@Bobo the Rabbit, you'll probably understand this part better than others due to cultural exposure (I hope you read this!) - my wife holds a grudge against one of my aunts for saying stuff about her family and blames all of us (!) for 'legitimizing' it. Which is absolutely untrue - I have never seen my parents say anything offensive to my wife (although she would bizzarly take offense at very normal conversation exchanges). I myself cut off all ties with my aunt for that, valuing my wife's opinion above my mother's defense of her only sister. I believe my wife expected a public reprimandation of my aunt or something from my parents, which of course they didn't do, and this permanently pissed her off about them..
Which is why when they came to see us after three long years they were very clearly ignored by her. She barely ever had a decent conversation with them, most of the time just went to work, came back home, didn't even look at the person opening the door and went back to her room. Pointed out that my parents weren't really very interesting people, she couldn't find a thing to talk about with them. Very grudgingly decided to join us for dinner, sometimes. Whenever my parents tried to talk to her she wouldn't even look at them while talking. On the other hand, two of her 'mamas' (uncles) came to visit while my parents were here; she was all chatty and cooking special dishes for them. Even in her mamas' presence, she would cut off the three of us from any conversations by simply ignoring us.
Moreover, she chose to visit India to attend the festivities to celebrate her newborn nephew, WHILE my parents were here. Before she left, when I sought an explanation, she told me her parents are going through a bad patch, her dad possibly was having an affair with some other woman, yadda yadda, which she needed to sort out under the guise of this visit. Which is bull once again, because her parents had been having those problems for quite some time, and she could have easily visited India before my parents were here if she wanted to. Heck, HER parents even complained about her going to India then, saying it didn't look right... Regarding the special occasion, she never took part in arranging the date for it, which she easily could have.
Speaking of her parents and family, they BARELY have any social ties with us, routinely turning down invitations for dinner parties and such - so much so that my relatives are very pissed with them and don't invite them anymore. Incidentally, when my in-laws invited some of my relatives to that newborn crapfest, my relatives reported that nothing had changed at all - they just didn't feel welcome despite the presence of my wife, her parents and her relatives.
In short, she's really affectionate towards me - that I can't deny. She's also emotionally quite dependent on me (but strangely doesn't care about my emotions very much). If I were to be gone, she'd be devastated for sure, which is why I can't do it still... will have to find the courage somehow. I am sexually and mentally cracking apart. My dad is almost clinically depressed because of the shit I go through everyday, although I never tell them anything anymore. One time I did end up telling them I wanted a divorce, and amazingly, they were sympathizing with my wife... saying she's not very sensible or sensitive but she's not a bad person (I agree), etc etc... Maybe the divorce-is-a-taboo in Indian culture played a part, I don't know; but they clearly don't resent my wife or anything, however aloof she is...
My plans to grant her as much time as she needs to grow up has clearly flopped. I've come to learn that what people need to 'feel' isn't time, it's sincere emotion.
