*~* would you date an sp? *~*

[huggzy]

And by the way, I think your outlook is beautiful. If you do find another lady, she will be just as lucky to have found you as well, if not more so...

Unfortunately it feels as our society "evolves" more and more that fewer and fewer people share a similar outlook. Its hard enough just to find a date in this city, but even harder still to find people who value and prioritize growth of the spirit for themselves and the people they love over the more materialistic and superficial "needs" and wants driven by the media commercialism we are bombarded with in our society. I wish like hell that I didn't mess up that first marriage because as the years roll by I'm beginning to feel I'll probably have to get really "lucky", as you said, to get another shot at it.

 

[vanperb]

This is part of the problem. When I've engaged in a 3-some with an SO in the past, bringing another lady into our bedroom, I found that my partner actually rather ignored me, and his focus was on 'the new toy'... call it biology, or whatever but, if he really wanted to have his cake and eat it too, he should have let the big head do some of the thinking. As it was, I lost a lot of respect for him that night...

Exactly why when a guy hears "threesome" from his SO, he should be thinking "trap"
Honestly, it's a situation fraught with potential emotional baggage no matter how much each party says they're in to it.

 

[vanperb]

To me, if I was dating an SP, it's not a question of honesty, it a question of doubts.

I agree with normisanas in that it's important to know a persons reasons for being an SP. If it is a means to an end, yes dating material. Even girlfriend potential. I would expect a rough timeline or a goal to be reached. A career SP, it would take a much stronger and confident man than me to even contemplate it.

The time when she's still working towards that goal would be the hardest time. The trust that builds during that time would either be so much stronger or fragile than a normal civie relationship. Time after time in the threads on perb, you read about feelings being developed between client and sp. Sometimes one sided, sometimes not. Given the nature of the business it cannot be unexpected; this is a business that touts the Girlfriend Experience. Just because a person is trusting, does not mean they have to be naive. Given the types of men who hobby, I wouldn't be much competition. That nagging doubt would always exist. This speaks more to my underlying issues of confidence, but it would always seem like a question of time till she met someone "better" than me. I think it would be worse if we had met as a client and provider, because it would be already established that clients could turn into something more.

For the ladies, if you had a threesome situation where you both decided to invite another woman into your bed, then realized he was spending more time with the other woman, even though you know there was in theory no emotional attachment, completely temporary, and just a financial arrangement. It's the same type of feeling I would get every time she kisses me before she goes to work.

Another problem I think for me would be dating a "good" SP, especially one with excellent and ongoing reviews. Reading the reviews of her and recognizing the phrases and techniques and wondering if the intimate moments we've spent together were genuine or just part of her professional operands. Am I doing anything for her, or is she just making sure I feel like I am like her clients? Also as Yoko pointed out, after a long day of working as an SP sexual intercourse with your significant other can become a chore. Do I want to my needs to become a chore that she has to sigh, or grit her teeth through?

 

[CJ Tylers]

I would be upset that he had lied. Had he been honest from the beginning, and we agreed to be emotionally monogamous,., well, seeing that I'm in the same line of work, perhaps it could be the perfect arrangement?
I do hair, in the real world. When I'm doing a clients hair because they have come to me and paid me to do it, it's not the same as when I'm doing it for a girlfriend or a boyfriend.... It's the emotion that separates your work from your pleasure, even if the act is the same...
Not that the 2 are the same at all....

And yet, I would postulate that they are the same, it's simply what meaning that *you* attach to them. Separate it out, is it the time spent with the friend that is important...or the act of cutting their hair? Many men get in trouble because they find it all together too easy to separate love and sex, in fact, it's the basis for the sp industry (for the most part). They still love their wives, and would never do anything to hurt them. They don't want to live with another woman, they don't want to raise children with anyone else... they still want to have fun with their wives (everything under the sun). It's not a rejection of them, in a mans mind, it's just an extra thing in his life that he has no emotional investment in.

So, unless you invest emotion, you're still being faithful... would be the logic most guys use. I think we know how well this goes over.

I'm not defending it, I'm just pointing out that the act itself doesn't matter, so long as the emotional intent doesn't breach the social contract. This is the rational line of thought, which most people can't follow when they are trying to apply it to their SO's. It's why men who cheat often can't tolerate their wives doing it, amongst other things. There is no rational tit for tat, there's just basic reaction.

If you could easily put up with your bf being a gigolo, then good on ya. I don't know too many women that could.

 

[BORKO]

Another problem I think for me would be dating a "good" SP, especially one with excellent and ongoing reviews. Reading the reviews of her and recognizing the phrases and techniques and wondering if the intimate moments we've spent together were genuine or just part of her professional operands. Am I doing anything for her, or is she just making sure I feel like I am like her clients? Also as Yoko pointed out, after a long day of working as an SP sexual intercourse with your significant other can become a chore. Do I want to my needs to become a chore that she has to sigh, or grit her teeth through?

You can try to make sure certain activities are special only to the relationship, I dunno like BBFS would come to mind with someone you're dating, that should keep things special. Also, if sex feels like a chore with anyone you're dating, SP or not, then there is probably something wrong with that relationship anyways...

 

[Cami Parker]

Aww.... Well, it's better to have loved and lost...

Unfortunately it feels as our society "evolves" more and more that fewer and fewer people share a similar outlook. Its hard enough just to find a date in this city, but even harder still to find people who value and prioritize growth of the spirit for themselves and the people they love over the more materialistic and superficial "needs" and wants driven by the media commercialism we are bombarded with in our society. I wish like hell that I didn't mess up that first marriage because as the years roll by I'm beginning to feel I'll probably have to get really "lucky", as you said, to get another shot at it.

 

[Cami Parker]

Definite danger zone! Lol you'd be so scared of offending your SO you couldn't even enjoy yourself....

Exactly why when a guy hears "threesome" from his SO, he should be thinking "trap"
Honestly, it's a situation fraught with potential emotional baggage no matter how much each party says they're in to it.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Exactly why when a guy hears "threesome" from his SO, he should be thinking "trap"
Honestly, it's a situation fraught with potential emotional baggage no matter how much each party says they're into it.

Well, if it's too complicated, the fella shouldn't venture into that territory. As I explained in a previous post, this isn't complex to me. If your lady offers you a threesome, grab a fucking brain and don't ignore her! She didn't bring that lady into bed with the two of you so that you could pay attention to the new lady at your SO's expense. No rocket science is involved here. Use your big head, pay attention to both ladies. They are likely both paying attention to you!

This is so FREAKING simple, no trap at all.

Please forgive me...as I also explained earlier, this is an extremely hot-topic for me! humbly

 

[1nitestan]

usually when a woman wants a FMF 3-way ...she's in it for the pussy as well.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

usually when a woman wants a FMF 3-way ...she's in it for the pussy as well.

Not true at all...be careful with generalizations. It's always better to ask more questions, rather than to assume.

Some ladies just want to do this for their fella, and they have no interest in women whatsoever. Maybe as high as 50% but who's running the poll?

 

[Cami Parker]

Agreed! It's only as difficult as you choose to make it!

Well, if it's too complicated, the fella shouldn't venture into that territory. As I explained in a previous post, this isn't complex to me. If your lady offers you a threesome, grab a fucking brain and don't ignore her! She didn't bring that lady into bed with the two of you so that you could pay attention to the new lady at your SO's expense. No rocket science is involved here. Use your big head, pay attention to both ladies. They are likely both paying attention to you!

This is so FREAKING simple, no trap at all.

Please forgive me...as I also explained earlier, this is an extremely hot-topic for me! humbly

 

[Cami Parker]

Agreed! It's only as difficult as you choose to make it!

Well, if it's too complicated, the fella shouldn't venture into that territory. As I explained in a previous post, this isn't complex to me. If your lady offers you a threesome, grab a fucking brain and don't ignore her! She didn't bring that lady into bed with the two of you so that you could pay attention to the new lady at your SO's expense. No rocket science is involved here. Use your big head, pay attention to both ladies. They are likely both paying attention to you!

This is so FREAKING simple, no trap at all.

Please forgive me...as I also explained earlier, this is an extremely hot-topic for me! humbly

 

[Cami Parker]

That's a lot to think about too... Pretty heavy stuff

To me, if I was dating an SP, it's not a question of honesty, it a question of doubts.

I agree with normisanas in that it's important to know a persons reasons for being an SP. If it is a means to an end, yes dating material. Even girlfriend potential. I would expect a rough timeline or a goal to be reached. A career SP, it would take a much stronger and confident man than me to even contemplate it.

The time when she's still working towards that goal would be the hardest time. The trust that builds during that time would either be so much stronger or fragile than a normal civie relationship. Time after time in the threads on perb, you read about feelings being developed between client and sp. Sometimes one sided, sometimes not. Given the nature of the business it cannot be unexpected; this is a business that touts the Girlfriend Experience. Just because a person is trusting, does not mean they have to be naive. Given the types of men who hobby, I wouldn't be much competition. That nagging doubt would always exist. This speaks more to my underlying issues of confidence, but it would always seem like a question of time till she met someone "better" than me. I think it would be worse if we had met as a client and provider, because it would be already established that clients could turn into something more.

For the ladies, if you had a threesome situation where you both decided to invite another woman into your bed, then realized he was spending more time with the other woman, even though you know there was in theory no emotional attachment, completely temporary, and just a financial arrangement. It's the same type of feeling I would get every time she kisses me before she goes to work.

Another problem I think for me would be dating a "good" SP, especially one with excellent and ongoing reviews. Reading the reviews of her and recognizing the phrases and techniques and wondering if the intimate moments we've spent together were genuine or just part of her professional operands. Am I doing anything for her, or is she just making sure I feel like I am like her clients? Also as Yoko pointed out, after a long day of working as an SP sexual intercourse with your significant other can become a chore. Do I want to my needs to become a chore that she has to sigh, or grit her teeth through?

 

[Cami Parker]

I only could because I am in this business and I do have a first hand understanding about how it is different. If I wasn't working I couldn't

And yet, I would postulate that they are the same, it's simply what meaning that *you* attach to them. Separate it out, is it the time spent with the friend that is important...or the act of cutting their hair? Many men get in trouble because they find it all together too easy to separate love and sex, in fact, it's the basis for the sp industry (for the most part). They still love their wives, and would never do anything to hurt them. They don't want to live with another woman, they don't want to raise children with anyone else... they still want to have fun with their wives (everything under the sun). It's not a rejection of them, in a mans mind, it's just an extra thing in his life that he has no emotional investment in.

So, unless you invest emotion, you're still being faithful... would be the logic most guys use. I think we know how well this goes over.

I'm not defending it, I'm just pointing out that the act itself doesn't matter, so long as the emotional intent doesn't breach the social contract. This is the rational line of thought, which most people can't follow when they are trying to apply it to their SO's. It's why men who cheat often can't tolerate their wives doing it, amongst other things. There is no rational tit for tat, there's just basic reaction.

If you could easily put up with your bf being a gigolo, then good on ya. I don't know too many women that could.

 

[Cami Parker]

I only could because I am in this business and I do have a first hand understanding about how it is different. If I wasn't working I couldn't

And yet, I would postulate that they are the same, it's simply what meaning that *you* attach to them. Separate it out, is it the time spent with the friend that is important...or the act of cutting their hair? Many men get in trouble because they find it all together too easy to separate love and sex, in fact, it's the basis for the sp industry (for the most part). They still love their wives, and would never do anything to hurt them. They don't want to live with another woman, they don't want to raise children with anyone else... they still want to have fun with their wives (everything under the sun). It's not a rejection of them, in a mans mind, it's just an extra thing in his life that he has no emotional investment in.

So, unless you invest emotion, you're still being faithful... would be the logic most guys use. I think we know how well this goes over.

I'm not defending it, I'm just pointing out that the act itself doesn't matter, so long as the emotional intent doesn't breach the social contract. This is the rational line of thought, which most people can't follow when they are trying to apply it to their SO's. It's why men who cheat often can't tolerate their wives doing it, amongst other things. There is no rational tit for tat, there's just basic reaction.

If you could easily put up with your bf being a gigolo, then good on ya. I don't know too many women that could.

 

[Cami Parker]

I think you're right on there...

You can try to make sure certain activities are special only to the relationship, I dunno like BBFS would come to mind with someone you're dating, that should keep things special. Also, if sex feels like a chore with anyone you're dating, SP or not, then there is probably something wrong with that relationship anyways...

 

[mobile1]

for me its a dual standard. It is alright to pooning while single for me, but it would not be okay if a girl I was dating was an sp, unless I met her as one of her clients and wanted her.

 

[Cami Parker]

I appreciate your honesty!!

for me its a dual standard. It is alright to pooning while single for me, but it would not be okay if a girl I was dating was an sp, unless I met her as one of her clients and wanted her.

 

[Papa Chongo]

I'm not sure, I'm a married guy and part of the reason I "Poon" is i can justify it in my mind, it is not like having an affair. The danger for me is becoming to friendly or attached to an SP and having it become something social rather than business, in this case if an affair ensued and we started seeing each other socially I suspect I would have no problem with her as an SP, at this point we would both have had to deal with the SP issues and the He's married issues. It is not much of one but thats my current answer as a married man.

If i was single and was dating someone who i found out was an SP then there would be some issues, not necessarily around sex as i find myself a very liberal guy ( of course it would bother me some ), but I would have serious trust concerns that she didn't tell me from the outset, what else is she hiding...

If i was single and wanted to date someone who was an SP well then I'd just have to deal with it wouldn't i, not fair asking people to change, I'm an As Is type of guy, Take me as I is and vice versa!

 

[Cami Parker]

Very refreshing! I guess there are just 2 very different thought processes....

I'm not sure, I'm a married guy and part of the reason I "Poon" is i can justify it in my mind, it is not like having an affair. The danger for me is becoming to friendly or attached to an SP and having it become something social rather than business, in this case if an affair ensued and we started seeing each other socially I suspect I would have no problem with her as an SP, at this point we would both have had to deal with the SP issues and the He's married issues. It is not much of one but thats my current answer as a married man.

If i was single and was dating someone who i found out was an SP then there would be some issues, not necessarily around sex as i find myself a very liberal guy ( of course it would bother me some ), but I would have serious trust concerns that she didn't tell me from the outset, what else is she hiding...

If i was single and wanted to date someone who was an SP well then I'd just have to deal with it wouldn't i, not fair asking people to change, I'm an As Is type of guy, Take me as I is and vice versa!