*~* would you date an sp? *~*

[Cami Parker]

Well thank you very much! I'm totally flattered!!!

:eyebrows:



I would date you. :eyebrows::nod:

 

[Cami Parker]

It is an interesting question. I would assume there would need to be a deep conversation about that, but for me, yes, I would expect monogamy from my boyfriend, if that is the type of relationship we were having. Simply because I wouldn't go out and meet men to sleep with, "just for fun" so I wouldn't expect him to. On the same note, I would never tell him not to go to work, so I wouldn't expect him to tell me not to go to work. If I meet someone, I am always completely open and honest with them. They must accept that this is my job, as openly as I accept their job. It should not effect the nature of our personal relationship. I suppose it also depends on how a lady runs her business. I have "working hours" and about 90% of my business is pre booked. I take a last minute appointment from time to time but it's a rare occurrence. I also don't carry a work phone with me, and conduct all business via email. I wouldn't have client calls interrupting our time together, or be getting up from dinner or out of bed... in essence, it would be something he was aware of, but would never see... make sense?
Now if we were in a casual, non-manogamous relationship... well, by all means do as you please, and I will do the same!

Yup but I wanted to hear Cami's opinion based upon her on line show, HBO programs and her persona vis a vi if she was cool with a non monogamous relationship.

 

[CJ Tylers]

Maybe I should rephrase one of my previous statements, though. I'm going to take a guess that both men and women have trouble with dividing sex and love when it comes to their partners sexual activities, but are able to do it easily enough with their own. Sex & work would then fall under the previous category, and balances out the schism where a partner could be involved in the sex industry & still be very pissed off if their partner engaged in sex outside of the relationship.

When you're doing something sexual, you know full well that you're not vested in it, that you still love your partner, and that you have no interest in leaving them or allowing them to be hurt. Their inner monologue, however, doesn't have this insider knowledge... it plays a very different script.

 

[ac.brep]

The reason I'm single is simply by choice, not because of my profession. Mist guys claim they "have no issue" with it, but you have to wonder how true that would really be when it actually came down to it and they were really in the situation...

Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been host to a horde of virus that has been making the rounds of late. This post is likely semi-drug induced, but here goes…

You present a very thought provoking scenario.

Certainly, someone as personable as you have demonstrated here will be single or involved by your choice. In your endeavours you will have no doubt met many colourful and intriguing individuals (especially in the Big Apple, one of my favourite places albeit would it kill them to keep their streets in better shape?)

True, it is bold to claim “no issue” with having a significant other involved in the business of providing intimate pleasure, but it really is a matter of how one applies a discontinuity between professional and personal life.

Myself, the costume I wear outside is armour more emotional than physical. It is all removed when I am within the walls of my domain. I see the accoutrements of any profession to be the same psychological bastion. As someone who has been before the camera, you know that in that medium, it is an act, and aside from the dangerous choice of “method acting”, it isn’t really you.

Being somewhat of an intense character, I can only be a boyfriend if I’m fully engaged.

I am always naked in front of the one I love (metaphorically of course, as this could be quite complicated at say, the supermarket). She would reciprocate (I hope). When she is “on the clock”, she is wearing that same armour that I wear when I am.

There is pause knowing that she can gain physical pleasure from her job, but spiritual fulfillment, I trust is with me. Any of us who have truly discovered that passion will know that no amount of carnal delight can even come close the feeling of bonding with someone. I have felt that by merely holding someone’s hand. I often wonder if she felt the same ascension.

Food for thought.

(Note: I actually edited the word “schism”, and “vested” out because CJ Tylers used the same words! Shocking how we were thinking along the same manner.)

 

[huggzy]

To answer your question Cami I would first have to ask you to specify what you mean by the phrase “would you date an SP”? I think many a man’s answer may change depending on whether his goal in dating is to find a lifelong soul mate or if he’s just living in the moment without any specific long-term expectations.

For me personally I would have no problems with dating a woman who disclosed her escorting past with me. In years gone by there was a time where I would have been far more judgemental, self-righteous, and unforgiving about this kind of disclosure. However life experience has thankfully brought me a little wisdom and perspective which has reversed many of the irrational, puritanical and hypocritical views society has ingrained in most people from a young age regarding sex and many of the people that partake in this industry. Who am I to judge the very women who have brought me so much needed pleasure, joy, comfort, happiness and intimacy by their companionship?

As far as dating a woman who was currently working as an SP, I think that this is a much more difficult question to ponder. For me personally, I could not emotionally handle knowing that a long-term partner was sharing these incredibly intimate interactions with anyone other than myself.

Intellectually I can appreciate the arguments that people make suggesting that an SP is able to separate “work” from “home” because there was a time in my past that I arrogantly believed a guy (ie. me) could both love a wife of 13 years and also play around on the side without hurting her as long as he wasn’t emotionally attached to his playmates and she didn’t know (really…is having a sexual tryst any different than going out and playing golf with one of your buddies?). In my experience and with hindsight I would now argue that this perspective was unbelievably immature, completely delusional, and undeniably led me to do things that hurt the woman I loved and irreparably damaged a relationship I should have done everything in my power to protect and nurture.

She didn’t “know” I had been seeing these women. But she KNEW, as did I. I was distracted. I didn’t give as much of myself to her physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually as I should have, and the more I strayed the less I could give. I was unable to give more when I was not focussed on the person I should be focussed on.

When our relationship started to fall apart I eventually told her about the affairs. This news didn’t help things but the damage had already been done by my actions (or lack thereof). It wasn’t the act of cheating with other people that was most damaging – it wasn’t about her pride being hurt – but rather our relationship suffered because my intimate energies were being split between her and other people, which ultimately was the beginning of the end.

Most people do not possess limitless love that can be shared with everyone they interact with – it has to be apportioned – and I learned the lesson the hard way that I am no different. Looking back now some might say I was too young and wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, or maybe we weren’t perfect for each other which may have led to my misgivings – but I don’t think so. I know now that I loved her but I was too stupid, selfish, arrogant and immature to realize what I had and what I was thinking and doing. If I didn’t love her as much as I know I did I wouldn’t be as regretful as I am – I would just chalk it up to being bad timing or a bad match and one of life’s experiences.

I now truly believe that if I am ever fortunate enough to again find my true soul mate that I won’t ever make that same mistake again. When it comes to any relationships which may involve my intimate energies they will always be 100% directed towards my partner (and our family) and I would hope that my soul mate would share these values too.

Would I date an SP just for kisses and giggles? Sure, why not? Would I date a woman who happened to be an SP to explore whether she was the “one” for a possible LTR – if I found a connection with someone absolutely because you may never find anybody else in your lifetime with soul-mate potential. I would not hold any reservations in doing so due to shame or judgement.

But I could not stay in an arrangement where she kept working as an SP permanently as I do honestly believe that the type of work and the energies it requires would be a detriment to our relationship no matter how well intentioned she might be.

 

[sevenofnine]

My relationship with my sp is too complicated to go into, I don't even understand it.

But she asked me last week if it bothered me that she does what she does.


And in my heart and soul, yeah it bothers me that I am emotionally connected to an escort.

But the pervert in me. Well you can imagine.

 

[BORKO]

Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been host to a horde of virus that has been making the rounds of late. This post is likely semi-drug induced, but here goes…

You present a very thought provoking scenario.

Certainly, someone as personable as you have demonstrated here will be single or involved by your choice. In your endeavours you will have no doubt met many colourful and intriguing individuals (especially in the Big Apple, one of my favourite places albeit would it kill them to keep their streets in better shape?)

True, it is bold to claim “no issue” with having a significant other involved in the business of providing intimate pleasure, but it really is a matter of how one applies a discontinuity between professional and personal life.

Myself, the costume I wear outside is armour more emotional than physical. It is all removed when I am within the walls of my domain. I see the accoutrements of any profession to be the same psychological bastion. As someone who has been before the camera, you know that in that medium, it is an act, and aside from the dangerous choice of “method acting”, it isn’t really you.

Being somewhat of an intense character, I can only be a boyfriend if I’m fully engaged.

I am always naked in front of the one I love (metaphorically of course, as this could be quite complicated at say, the supermarket). She would reciprocate (I hope). When she is “on the clock”, she is wearing that same armour that I wear when I am.

There is pause knowing that she can gain physical pleasure from her job, but spiritual fulfillment, I trust is with me. Any of us who have truly discovered that passion will know that no amount of carnal delight can even come close the feeling of bonding with someone. I have felt that by merely holding someone’s hand. I often wonder if she felt the same ascension.

Food for thought.

(Note: I actually edited the word “schism”, and “vested” out because CJ Tylers used the same words! Shocking how we were thinking along the same manner.)

So... what you're describing seems to be the difference between physical monogamy and emotional monogamy?

I'd think emotional monogamy is a lot more difficult to define though and that can be where it gets somewhat hazy in terms of what a SP could share with a client and not have it be cheating.

 

[Cami Parker]

But hopefully if you were able to share an open and honest dialogue, they could possibly come to understand. Doesn't mean they have to like it. This is why, after sharing the knowledge you would have to be sensitive to not taking calls from clients in their presence, not letting work cut into personal time etc...

Maybe I should rephrase one of my previous statements, though. I'm going to take a guess that both men and women have trouble with dividing sex and love when it comes to their partners sexual activities, but are able to do it easily enough with their own. Sex & work would then fall under the previous category, and balances out the schism where a partner could be involved in the sex industry & still be very pissed off if their partner engaged in sex outside of the relationship.

When you're doing something sexual, you know full well that you're not vested in it, that you still love your partner, and that you have no interest in leaving them or allowing them to be hurt. Their inner monologue, however, doesn't have this insider knowledge... it plays a very different script.

 

[Cami Parker]

I absolutely agree with you, and applaud you for being able to seethe situation so clearly. That's rare. I think that everything you say is why an SP would expect her boyfriend to be monogamous. Sex for work, and sex you seek for your own pleasure are 2 completely different things, psychologically. Sex for work takes nothing (emotionally, psychologically) from a relationship. Sex you seek out because it's something you desire does take away from the relationships and, in my opinion, indicates that you are seeking something you are not receiving at home...
PS thank you for your kind words...

Sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been host to a horde of virus that has been making the rounds of late. This post is likely semi-drug induced, but here goes…

You present a very thought provoking scenario.

Certainly, someone as personable as you have demonstrated here will be single or involved by your choice. In your endeavours you will have no doubt met many colourful and intriguing individuals (especially in the Big Apple, one of my favourite places albeit would it kill them to keep their streets in better shape?)

True, it is bold to claim “no issue” with having a significant other involved in the business of providing intimate pleasure, but it really is a matter of how one applies a discontinuity between professional and personal life.

Myself, the costume I wear outside is armour more emotional than physical. It is all removed when I am within the walls of my domain. I see the accoutrements of any profession to be the same psychological bastion. As someone who has been before the camera, you know that in that medium, it is an act, and aside from the dangerous choice of “method acting”, it isn’t really you.

Being somewhat of an intense character, I can only be a boyfriend if I’m fully engaged.

I am always naked in front of the one I love (metaphorically of course, as this could be quite complicated at say, the supermarket). She would reciprocate (I hope). When she is “on the clock”, she is wearing that same armour that I wear when I am.

There is pause knowing that she can gain physical pleasure from her job, but spiritual fulfillment, I trust is with me. Any of us who have truly discovered that passion will know that no amount of carnal delight can even come close the feeling of bonding with someone. I have felt that by merely holding someone’s hand. I often wonder if she felt the same ascension.

Food for thought.

(Note: I actually edited the word “schism”, and “vested” out because CJ Tylers used the same words! Shocking how we were thinking along the same manner.)

 

[Cami Parker]

Wow... Thank you so much for sharing such a deeply personal experience. It really means a lot actually. I think that in sharing so candidly, you have actually helped me to see a different perspective than the one I had when I originally posed the questions. Thank you very much for enlightening me with your honesty. I mean it when I say you've given me a lot to think about, and given me a different view on the subject.
Also, it's rare to find someone who actually learns from the experiences in their lives.
It seems you are a man with a lot of wisdom and truly sees the value in the learning experiences life gives you.
xoxo

To answer your question Cami I would first have to ask you to specify what you mean by the phrase “would you date an SP”? I think many a man’s answer may change depending on whether his goal in dating is to find a lifelong soul mate or if he’s just living in the moment without any specific long-term expectations.

For me personally I would have no problems with dating a woman who disclosed her escorting past with me. In years gone by there was a time where I would have been far more judgemental, self-righteous, and unforgiving about this kind of disclosure. However life experience has thankfully brought me a little wisdom and perspective which has reversed many of the irrational, puritanical and hypocritical views society has ingrained in most people from a young age regarding sex and many of the people that partake in this industry. Who am I to judge the very women who have brought me so much needed pleasure, joy, comfort, happiness and intimacy by their companionship?

As far as dating a woman who was currently working as an SP, I think that this is a much more difficult question to ponder. For me personally, I could not emotionally handle knowing that a long-term partner was sharing these incredibly intimate interactions with anyone other than myself.

Intellectually I can appreciate the arguments that people make suggesting that an SP is able to separate “work” from “home” because there was a time in my past that I arrogantly believed a guy (ie. me) could both love a wife of 13 years and also play around on the side without hurting her as long as he wasn’t emotionally attached to his playmates and she didn’t know (really…is having a sexual tryst any different than going out and playing golf with one of your buddies?). In my experience and with hindsight I would now argue that this perspective was unbelievably immature, completely delusional, and undeniably led me to do things that hurt the woman I loved and irreparably damaged a relationship I should have done everything in my power to protect and nurture.

She didn’t “know” I had been seeing these women. But she KNEW, as did I. I was distracted. I didn’t give as much of myself to her physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually as I should have, and the more I strayed the less I could give. I was unable to give more when I was not focussed on the person I should be focussed on.

When our relationship started to fall apart I eventually told her about the affairs. This news didn’t help things but the damage had already been done by my actions (or lack thereof). It wasn’t the act of cheating with other people that was most damaging – it wasn’t about her pride being hurt – but rather our relationship suffered because my intimate energies were being split between her and other people, which ultimately was the beginning of the end.

Most people do not possess limitless love that can be shared with everyone they interact with – it has to be apportioned – and I learned the lesson the hard way that I am no different. Looking back now some might say I was too young and wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, or maybe we weren’t perfect for each other which may have led to my misgivings – but I don’t think so. I know now that I loved her but I was too stupid, selfish, arrogant and immature to realize what I had and what I was thinking and doing. If I didn’t love her as much as I know I did I wouldn’t be as regretful as I am – I would just chalk it up to being bad timing or a bad match and one of life’s experiences.

I now truly believe that if I am ever fortunate enough to again find my true soul mate that I won’t ever make that same mistake again. When it comes to any relationships which may involve my intimate energies they will always be 100% directed towards my partner (and our family) and I would hope that my soul mate would share these values too.

Would I date an SP just for kisses and giggles? Sure, why not? Would I date a woman who happened to be an SP to explore whether she was the “one” for a possible LTR – if I found a connection with someone absolutely because you may never find anybody else in your lifetime with soul-mate potential. I would not hold any reservations in doing so due to shame or judgement.

But I could not stay in an arrangement where she kept working as an SP permanently as I do honestly believe that the type of work and the energies it requires would be a detriment to our relationship no matter how well intentioned she might be.

 

[Cami Parker]

It happens more often than you think...

My relationship with my sp is too complicated to go into, I don't even understand it.

But she asked me last week if it bothered me that she does what she does.


And in my heart and soul, yeah it bothers me that I am emotionally connected to an escort.

But the pervert in me. Well you can imagine.

 

[Cami Parker]

It's true... That's why I choose to be single in this business. I have a connection with a lot of clients that goes beyond the physical (I know, I know... You don't believe in that ) because I find myself forming connections with people naturally, and the amount of myself that I give to those I see would make it unfair to an SO, and I may not have enough left to give them everything they deserve... But I see how it could be possible for some.

So... what you're describing seems to be the difference between physical monogamy and emotional monogamy?

I'd think emotional monogamy is a lot more difficult to define though and that can be where it gets somewhat hazy in terms of what a SP could share with a client and not have it be cheating.

 

[CJ Tylers]

But hopefully if you were able to share an open and honest dialogue, they could possibly come to understand. Doesn't mean they have to like it. This is why, after sharing the knowledge you would have to be sensitive to not taking calls from clients in their presence, not letting work cut into personal time etc...

That's taking things too far... we're talking about basic human instincts here. Rational discourse has little to do with it, and it easily forgotten in the heat of the moment. You also have to remove it from the "job" perspective, because your partner will likely not be able to do that either.

Just as you probably couldn't disassociate any affairs they engage in from love or faithfulness.

"It's not love, it's just sex"... applies equally to a sp's job AND to extra marital affairs. It's competition for our mates attention, and, in the long run... our own ability to further our genetic line. Threats must be engaged, either by fighting or by giving in and letting them have what we no longer perceive to be a valuable mate.

Judging by the responses in this thread from the women, it seems that even people that are well versed in disassociating sex & love have a very hard time doing it when it applies to their partners..if if it's only "just a job", how can you truly expect someone who doesn't have your skill set in the matter from not feeling exactly as you do?

 

[CJ Tylers]

I absolutely agree with you, and applaud you for being able to seethe situation so clearly. That's rare. I think that everything you say is why an SP would expect her boyfriend to be monogamous. Sex for work, and sex you seek for your own pleasure are 2 completely different things, psychologically. Sex for work takes nothing (emotionally, psychologically) from a relationship. Sex you seek out because it's something you desire does take away from the relationships and, in my opinion, indicates that you are seeking something you are not receiving at home...
PS thank you for your kind words...

Actually, this is what I was getting at... sex for pleasure isn't really any different than sex for work. Please & work do not equal love, nor do they alter the desire you have to be with your chosen romantic partner. They are just sex.

It might be easier to put it this way:

If you met a wonderful guy, and down the road...he admitted he was a gigolo, what would your reaction be? Be honest! Every day, he would be going out and engaging (one would assume) multiple women in a sexual and/or romantic fashion (whatever is desired!). Don't laugh, try to take it seriously... and don't be rational about it.

 

[huggzy]

Wow... Thank you so much for sharing such a deeply personal experience. It really means a lot actually. I think that in sharing so candidly, you have actually helped me to see a different perspective than the one I had when I originally posed the questions. Thank you very much for enlightening me with your honesty. I mean it when I say you've given me a lot to think about, and given me a different view on the subject.
Also, it's rare to find someone who actually learns from the experiences in their lives.
It seems you are a man with a lot of wisdom and truly sees the value in the learning experiences life gives you.
xoxo

No problem darlin'! Although I realized I probably shared a lot more in a public forum then I’d normally like to do - it must have been late at night and the topic obviously touched a chord with me! Haha! Thank god for anonymity!!

In all seriousness though, in losing my wife like I did – and then never having found another “one” again after so many years – will sober a person up. And I think that loss necessarily instills a stronger sense of loyalty and dedication than someone who takes for granted they will eventually find that soul mate...I'm pretty sure not everyone feels the same way as I do.

To me, I think it’s pretty easy to find a warm body to shack up with if you’re easy to compromise values, character, physical attraction, friendship, and most of all your own effort level. And of course a person can still love and show loyalty to someone who doesn’t have that incredible connection with you. This happens every day and countless people settle for that as marriage material and sometimes they even can actually make it work. I think that often this arrangement is more akin to a business relationship (a relationship of convenience) than what a true marriage-like bond ought to be, and that oftentimes you can see that these individuals, in the way they treat their partners or discuss them with others, don’t have that intense devotion, love and respect for their partners that you would think married people should.

How often do you see partners who don’t even seem to like each other? That they don’t seem to even enjoy their time together outside of satisfying their sexual needs?...and then even that fades too as time goes on. They may be married but they’re not soul mates and it may be easier to have intimate relationships with other people outside of this arrangement because the two don’t necessarily enjoy each other’s company except when it’s necessary or convenient.

I read a passage somewhere that I know I’d religiously adhere to if I ever managed to find the one again:

Strive to each and every day when you wake up to remember that very first day you fell in love with her. Remember the emotions that you felt. Remember that passion. Remember the dedication and devotion invoked within. Invoke these emotions, and then go forward that day with the goal of loving her, treating her, respecting her – cherishing her – as if it may be the last day you might ever be together with her ever again.

I believe a soul mate deserves this dedication. And the best part is that if one acts in this manner it is almost certainly going to be reciprocated by her – it has to be because it’s far too easy to give in return then. If you share this same perspective I think it makes it very difficult to give oneself intimately to somebody else without taking something away from your partner. But that dedication is hard work too, and it doesn't leave room to share with other lovers.

If your effort levels are short of this because its too hard to do, do you even really and truly love, respect and cherish your partner? Or are you in the relationship because it would be inconvenient on a number of levels if you pulled out of it?

Sex isn’t a trivial, unemotional, minimal-effort act unless it’s a crappy, boring, meaningless and unfulfilling act. Anybody with any life experience and maturity knows this – going to just get your rocks off gets pretty old after awhile no matter what a lady looks like or how many different places one can put their limbs and ass.

There is also a reason very good SPs can make large sums of money – but that is because they understand that to make the mucho bucks it’s also very hard and demanding work not just physically but emotionally and psychologically - it is the “connection” that creates most value for many guys over and above just the sexual act itself. You ladies who provide these types of intimate services are angels for the lonely.

But like I said in my first comment - it depends on what it is you are looking for in "dating"? As an SP if all your looking for is kisses and giggles in dating, I'd have no aversion to that myself either, but I probably wouldn't be looking for that relationship to evolve past the living in the moment. If you're asking this question because you're seeking more...I think that working in the industry would make it very challenging for either party to commit to a truly dedicated relationship between them.

It’s interesting to hear you asking the question because you obviously have some conflicted emotions on the subject. So I shared my 2 cents because you asked, but hey…what do I know and how can I be sharing advice??? Lol! I’m not that happily ever after married guy either!! Haha!

 

[Cami Parker]

You're missing the point... If my boyfriend was a paid gigolo I would definitely see it in a completely different light than if he was out seeking affairs outside of our relationship just for shits and giggles... Apples and oranges my friend...
Of course, I'm just playing devils advocate. After reading some of the responses I'm not too sure what I think anymore

That's taking things too far... we're talking about basic human instincts here. Rational discourse has little to do with it, and it easily forgotten in the heat of the moment. You also have to remove it from the "job" perspective, because your partner will likely not be able to do that either.

Just as you probably couldn't disassociate any affairs they engage in from love or faithfulness.

"It's not love, it's just sex"... applies equally to a sp's job AND to extra marital affairs. It's competition for our mates attention, and, in the long run... our own ability to further our genetic line. Threats must be engaged, either by fighting or by giving in and letting them have what we no longer perceive to be a valuable mate.

Judging by the responses in this thread from the women, it seems that even people that are well versed in disassociating sex & love have a very hard time doing it when it applies to their partners..if if it's only "just a job", how can you truly expect someone who doesn't have your skill set in the matter from not feeling exactly as you do?

 

[Cami Parker]

I would be upset that he had lied. Had he been honest from the beginning, and we agreed to be emotionally monogamous,., well, seeing that I'm in the same line of work, perhaps it could be the perfect arrangement?
I do hair, in the real world. When I'm doing a clients hair because they have come to me and paid me to do it, it's not the same as when I'm doing it for a girlfriend or a boyfriend.... It's the emotion that separates your work from your pleasure, even if the act is the same...
Not that the 2 are the same at all....

Actually, this is what I was getting at... sex for pleasure isn't really any different than sex for work. Please & work do not equal love, nor do they alter the desire you have to be with your chosen romantic partner. They are just sex.
It might be easier to put it this way:

If you met a wonderful guy, and down the road...he admitted he was a gigolo, what would your reaction be? Be honest! Every day, he would be going out and engaging (one would assume) multiple women in a sexual and/or romantic fashion (whatever is desired!). Don't laugh, try to take it seriously... and don't be rational about it.

 

[Cami Parker]

OMG!!! I TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT TO DR DREW (Angels to the lonely) and he totally mocked me. I told him the main reason why I love what I do is that I know I make people feel good, not physically (I mean, I do, but that's not the point) but emotionally. That a man who goes home to an empty house, a lonely bed, no one to talk to about their day, their thoughts, their feelings... Never having any type of physical connection with a woman, not even a hug or anything... I think that can be so devastating, and that ladies like myself bring a lot of joy into their lives by fulfilling a need as vital as oxygen. I truly believe that change peoples lives. Thank you for understanding that.
To answer the question of what exactly did I mean, yes I meant a serious relationship.
I mean, I date. I have a few guys in my life we go out, we have fun, we enjoy each others company and do care about each other, we have amazing sex, but we are not entwined in each others lives outside of enjoying the time we spend together.
The reason why I choose to be single is that, like you say, when I have deep feelings for someone, it doesn't feel right being with someone else. I think part of the reason is how much of myself I give to everyone that comes to see me. They all get a little piece of me and, like you say, I'm not sure that I would have enough left to give that type of relationship/partner the attention it deserves.
And by the way, I think your outlook is beautiful. If you do find another lady, she will be just as lucky to have found you as well, if not more so...

No problem darlin'! Although I realized I probably shared a lot more in a public forum then I’d normally like to do - it must have been late at night and the topic obviously touched a chord with me! Haha! Thank god for anonymity!!

In all seriousness though, in losing my wife like I did – and then never having found another “one” again after so many years – will sober a person up. And I think that loss necessarily instills a stronger sense of loyalty and dedication than someone who takes for granted they will eventually find that soul mate...I'm pretty sure not everyone feels the same way as I do.

To me, I think it’s pretty easy to find a warm body to shack up with if you’re easy to compromise values, character, physical attraction, friendship, and most of all your own effort level. And of course a person can still love and show loyalty to someone who doesn’t have that incredible connection with you. This happens every day and countless people settle for that as marriage material and sometimes they even can actually make it work. I think that often this arrangement is more akin to a business relationship (a relationship of convenience) than what a true marriage-like bond ought to be, and that oftentimes you can see that these individuals, in the way they treat their partners or discuss them with others, don’t have that intense devotion, love and respect for their partners that you would think married people should.

How often do you see partners who don’t even seem to like each other? That they don’t seem to even enjoy their time together outside of satisfying their sexual needs?...and then even that fades too as time goes on. They may be married but they’re not soul mates and it may be easier to have intimate relationships with other people outside of this arrangement because the two don’t necessarily enjoy each other’s company except when it’s necessary or convenient.

I read a passage somewhere that I know I’d religiously adhere to if I ever managed to find the one again:

Strive to each and every day when you wake up to remember that very first day you fell in love with her. Remember the emotions that you felt. Remember that passion. Remember the dedication and devotion invoked within. Invoke these emotions, and then go forward that day with the goal of loving her, treating her, respecting her – cherishing her – as if it may be the last day you might ever be together with her ever again.

I believe a soul mate deserves this dedication. And the best part is that if one acts in this manner it is almost certainly going to be reciprocated by her – it has to be because it’s far too easy to give in return then. If you share this same perspective I think it makes it very difficult to give oneself intimately to somebody else without taking something away from your partner. But that dedication is hard work too, and it doesn't leave room to share with other lovers.

If your effort levels are short of this because its too hard to do, do you even really and truly love, respect and cherish your partner? Or are you in the relationship because it would be inconvenient on a number of levels if you pulled out of it?

Sex isn’t a trivial, unemotional, minimal-effort act unless it’s a crappy, boring, meaningless and unfulfilling act. Anybody with any life experience and maturity knows this – going to just get your rocks off gets pretty old after awhile no matter what a lady looks like or how many different places one can put their limbs and ass.

There is also a reason very good SPs can make large sums of money – but that is because they understand that to make the mucho bucks it’s also very hard and demanding work not just physically but emotionally and psychologically - it is the “connection” that creates most value for many guys over and above just the sexual act itself. You ladies who provide these types of intimate services are angels for the lonely.

But like I said in my first comment - it depends on what it is you are looking for in "dating"? As an SP if all your looking for is kisses and giggles in dating, I'd have no aversion to that myself either, but I probably wouldn't be looking for that relationship to evolve past the living in the moment. If you're asking this question because you're seeking more...I think that working in the industry would make it very challenging for either party to commit to a truly dedicated relationship between them.

It’s interesting to hear you asking the question because you obviously have some conflicted emotions on the subject. So I shared my 2 cents because you asked, but hey…what do I know and how can I be sharing advice??? Lol! I’m not that happily ever after married guy either!! Haha!

 

[crunkory]

From making my own mistakes in relationships and learning from them also, I realize I value a lot is - honesty. Good news or bad from honest and open dialogue. Everything else is circumstantial.

 

[Cami Parker]

Yep... I always say the worst truth is 100x better than the best lie...

From making my own mistakes in relationships and learning from them also, I realize I value a lot is - honesty. Good news or bad from honest and open dialogue. Everything else is circumstantial.