The best part about this satirical article (obviously so, unless you're a fuckwit) is that many of its targets probably take it seriously! Read some of the other articles, especially the one on Ann Coulter. 
http://cfav.blogspot.com/2006/06/devil-wears-condoms_14.html
Here's the text, in case it's displaced by the next article:
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Devil Wears Condoms
by Herman B. Hayes
The way today’s society is headed, your kids are going straight to Hell.
I am not talking about the classic sins of free-thinking, drugs, or rock music. I am talking about sex. I hate to even use the word “sex”, so this is not going to be easy for me to write. My wife and I much prefer to call it “the act of procreation”.
Premarital sex is on the rise.
More and more of our youth these days think it is ok to engage in premarital sex. This is a disturbing trend, and it is only getting worse. When I was growing up only two people per graduating high-school class had engaged in sexual behavior. They were the harlot who had gotten pregnant, and the misguided but well meaning boy who had impregnated her.
As recently as 1997, only one percent of unmarried persons had experienced a sexual encounter.
I derived this figure from an informal survey of my friends, family, and neighbors, and I consider them to be very representative of society on the whole. Only one person that I polled admitted to having sex before marriage: my car-detailer, Tyrell. He said that he had sex “on the down-low”, and then looked at me with what I could only guess was memory fueled lust. I fired him, and called the police to have him taken away. I can only guess that “on the down-low” is African-American slang for engaging in intercourse while on the ground.
Things are going down hill.
Children these days can think of nothing but sex. In some cases, the premarital lust-child will stop eating, stop drinking, stop sleeping, and stop caring about school. Some people chalk this up to “hormones”. They claim that hormones drive adolescents towards sex, as though it were some primal mission based on thousands of years of evolution. I think this is ridiculous. If hormones existed, they would he mentioned in the Bible. Just try to find that reference.
Condoms in school.
I am enraged, even beyond my normal level of righteous indignation. It has recently come to my attention that there are sexual education programs in schools that actually teach children how to use condoms. Satan created condoms. Think about this for a moment: The most popular brand of sin-covers goes by the name “Trojan”. The word “Trojan” refers, of course, to the Trojan Horse. Condoms are Satan’s way of making your children think that sex is “safe”. Safe? I think not. Your young son or daughter might not catch gonorrhea, but they will spend eternity burning in the fires of Hell. So much for safe sex.
What do you do?
You need to teach your children. Teach them that God will kill them dead if they have sex before they are married. Let them know that even masturbation will guarantee that Christ will hate them forever. My children are terrified of sex, as they well should be. I simply let them know that sex was a violent, horrible, miserable, depraved, torture-filled experience. I made it sound like a Vietcong prison camp, but ran by Gary Coleman. I did let them know that sex becomes a beautiful gift from God the moment they get married, however.
Only you can keep your children safe from the dangers of sex. Stay vigilant.
http://cfav.blogspot.com/2006/06/devil-wears-condoms_14.html
Here's the text, in case it's displaced by the next article:
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Devil Wears Condoms
by Herman B. Hayes
The way today’s society is headed, your kids are going straight to Hell.
I am not talking about the classic sins of free-thinking, drugs, or rock music. I am talking about sex. I hate to even use the word “sex”, so this is not going to be easy for me to write. My wife and I much prefer to call it “the act of procreation”.
Premarital sex is on the rise.
More and more of our youth these days think it is ok to engage in premarital sex. This is a disturbing trend, and it is only getting worse. When I was growing up only two people per graduating high-school class had engaged in sexual behavior. They were the harlot who had gotten pregnant, and the misguided but well meaning boy who had impregnated her.
As recently as 1997, only one percent of unmarried persons had experienced a sexual encounter.
I derived this figure from an informal survey of my friends, family, and neighbors, and I consider them to be very representative of society on the whole. Only one person that I polled admitted to having sex before marriage: my car-detailer, Tyrell. He said that he had sex “on the down-low”, and then looked at me with what I could only guess was memory fueled lust. I fired him, and called the police to have him taken away. I can only guess that “on the down-low” is African-American slang for engaging in intercourse while on the ground.
Things are going down hill.
Children these days can think of nothing but sex. In some cases, the premarital lust-child will stop eating, stop drinking, stop sleeping, and stop caring about school. Some people chalk this up to “hormones”. They claim that hormones drive adolescents towards sex, as though it were some primal mission based on thousands of years of evolution. I think this is ridiculous. If hormones existed, they would he mentioned in the Bible. Just try to find that reference.
Condoms in school.
I am enraged, even beyond my normal level of righteous indignation. It has recently come to my attention that there are sexual education programs in schools that actually teach children how to use condoms. Satan created condoms. Think about this for a moment: The most popular brand of sin-covers goes by the name “Trojan”. The word “Trojan” refers, of course, to the Trojan Horse. Condoms are Satan’s way of making your children think that sex is “safe”. Safe? I think not. Your young son or daughter might not catch gonorrhea, but they will spend eternity burning in the fires of Hell. So much for safe sex.
What do you do?
You need to teach your children. Teach them that God will kill them dead if they have sex before they are married. Let them know that even masturbation will guarantee that Christ will hate them forever. My children are terrified of sex, as they well should be. I simply let them know that sex was a violent, horrible, miserable, depraved, torture-filled experience. I made it sound like a Vietcong prison camp, but ran by Gary Coleman. I did let them know that sex becomes a beautiful gift from God the moment they get married, however.
Only you can keep your children safe from the dangers of sex. Stay vigilant.
