Will be 40 this year. I am losing sleep over my single relationship status

[poorboyv6]

I will be turning 40 this year and am feeling middle age setting in. I think my body odour has changed, I am starting to find it difficult to focus at small print 6 inches from my face, and have aches and pains when I wake up in the morning.

I am also starting to find it hard to get a sound sleep, and I think it is because I am still single and extremely frustrated because of it.

I remain fit, still have all my hair, broke 6 figures the past two years, have a master's degree, pensionable job, own a small townhouse, and have been told I am reasonably good looking and a good dresser, but I still have a hard time meeting a girl. I've tried eharmony, and had only 1 date over a 9 month period.

I have multiple hobbies such as pistol shooting, flying, tinkering with cars, golf and also hit the gym about once a week. I regularly talk up girls, but never seem to get the signs that they are interested, such as reciprocating personal details about themselves.

Meanwhile, I see other guys at my workplace, which only has about 200 people where 75% are male at this location, go through a new girl every year.

I've been hobbying for 20 years, and in some ways, it has been a coping mechanism, but have always been looking for a long term relationship.

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc. and I realize that not every women I meet will be interested in me, but find it extremely frustrating that none seem to.

How best can I cope with this?

 

[chilli]

"I have multiple hobbies such as pistol shooting, flying, tinkering with cars, golf and also hit the gym about once a week."

Not one of your hobbies listed is typically a hobby a woman would have.

Go WHERE the women are.

Make friends, be friends - and sooner or later you will get your girlfriend.

 

[poorboyv6]

I talk up a lot of girls, and I can tell if they might possibly be interested. If they never reciprocate anything you say, the odds are against you.

Example

Me "So how long have you been riding"

Her "10 years"

Me "I see. You own your own horse or lease it?"

Her "Lease."

Me "Do you get to ride him often?"

Her "Sometimes."

If she never reciprocates anything by asking me questions or only gives one sentence answers, she's not interested.

I'm very helpful to the younger girls who come to me for advice for their cars, troubleshooting problems for them or even fixing simple problems for them, but I'm more like a helpfull older brother or father figure to them.

Some will say yes to my face when I ask them out, but then when it gets closer to the day, I get a text or email saying they're not interested, or they are busy, and provide no alternate date.

 

[lenny]

What city are you in, Vancouver? That would explain a lot. Maybe try something different,
like hooking up with older women, go on a sarging rampage, focus on local Asians or consider
a trip to meet ladies in Siam. Dating sites like Thai Love Links might be helpful with the latter.
As to stress, i'd recommend comedies such as the 40 YO Virgin.

 

[pdicko]

Poorboyv6, I think you need to re-look at your approach all-together

my thoughts
When describing yourself you stated things you own, the cool stuff you do, and the salary you earn. Not many women will exclusively use these things to size you up as a mate. You're looking at yourself through the lens of a man. No woman is going to say "wow that guy is cool, he makes 100K a year and can shoot a pea off a pigeon while flying a plane." They may be impressed, but it's not as important to them as it is to you. You mentioned a certain conversation, and to me, this makes no sense. I think you need to take a new approach, and learn how to be comfortable talking to women in general, and not just women you're interested in.

advice
Women like confidence. Learn to be confident. When you meet a woman you can't let her think that she's the first/only woman you've spoken to in ages. Go out and casually talk with a female cashier, a lady standing at a red light, or a woman who has her dog at a park. Start with small, nice comments that aren't meant as pick up lines. Despite what these other guys say, DON'T GO HIT ON EVERY WOMAN YOU SEE. It sounds like you need to work on the basics first. The best sales people are polished sales people, not the person who makes the most sales calls. Work on your game, then work on playing it!

 

[normisanas]

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc. and I realize that not every women I meet will be interested in me, but find it extremely frustrating that none seem to.

I've never known ANY ethnicity that has not been successful with females, in fact, I've seen a member of every ethnicity I've ever seen have success. So what is your ethnicity?

What is your height?

When men turn off women, it's not usually physical features. If you have the kind of typical physical features a woman is looking for, it opens doors. However, the doors shut very quickly if you don't have what they are often really looking for: the right personality and the potential to support their (often) agenda to have a family.

If you don't have the right physical features, then your task is to convince them you are worthy of dating - but you need to know that you have a very very small window of time to convince the typical woman of that. The following is why.

As for the right personality, most women want a confident man among one of the traits, but not all. Some find that confidence comes with negative traits and would prefer to help him build confidence by helping him build his self esteem so that she can ensure those negative traits would be absent. Some women want a dominant guy, others want a more equal guy, and others want a submissive guy. Some women want a guy with a sense of humour, others would prefer he be a more serious person and not worry about the humour so much. Some women want a guy who is all career, others prefer a guy who is laid back and enjoys the small things in life. There are so many variations, but you must figure it out as soon as possible because they are figuring you out almost right away. They could be wrong, and then some want to be convinced, but yet others will slam the door shut depending on what they've decided about you.

Here is one rule of thumb however: if you think you are at risk of becoming their friend or some form of help, do not rush to it or perhaps do not be a friend or help at all. While some women will turn friendship into a relationship, the "romantic" notions that most all have will prevent that from occurring. In my experience, it takes a truly mature woman to realize that while romance feels nice, a more likely successful outcome is to have a relationship with someone who starts out as a true friend - and there are very few of these women out there.

 

[smackyo]

I will be turning 40 this year and am feeling middle age setting in. I think my body odour has changed, I am starting to find it difficult to focus at small print 6 inches from my face, and have aches and pains when I wake up in the morning.

I am also starting to find it hard to get a sound sleep, and I think it is because I am still single and extremely frustrated because of it.

I remain fit, still have all my hair, broke 6 figures the past two years, have a master's degree, pensionable job, own a small townhouse, and have been told I am reasonably good looking and a good dresser, but I still have a hard time meeting a girl. I've tried eharmony, and had only 1 date over a 9 month period.

I have multiple hobbies such as pistol shooting, flying, tinkering with cars, golf and also hit the gym about once a week. I regularly talk up girls, but never seem to get the signs that they are interested, such as reciprocating personal details about themselves.

Meanwhile, I see other guys at my workplace, which only has about 200 people where 75% are male at this location, go through a new girl every year.

I've been hobbying for 20 years, and in some ways, it has been a coping mechanism, but have always been looking for a long term relationship.

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc. and I realize that not every women I meet will be interested in me, but find it extremely frustrating that none seem to.

How best can I cope with this?

Move back east, Women there are a lot more approachable and friendly on average. Don't get me wrong there are some quality Ladies out here but most are dating douche bags or faux hawk, ed hardy wearing dudes for whatever reason. They're still in that "I want to be treated like shit by a man." stage most of them. Best thing I ever do to remind myself that yes indeed I am a desirable man and not only do I approach Women but they approach me, is to get the hell out of Vancouver!

 

[pdicko]

Move back east, Women there are a lot more approachable and friendly on average. Don't get me wrong there are some quality Ladies out here but most are dating douche bags or faux hawk, ed hardy wearing dudes for whatever reason. They're still in that "I want to be treated like shit by a man." stage most of them. Best thing I ever do to remind myself that yes indeed I am a desirable man and not only do I approach Women but they approach me, is to get the hell out of Vancouver!

Do you go to the same places all the time and get the same result? Or do you mix up your social agenda and find this absolutely everywhere? I'm guessing it's the former because there's only a handful of places in Vancouver where I run into the guys and girls you're describing.

I can see why some people might think this about girls in Vancouver, but overall, I think the same could be said for most cities. If girls aren't falling for the "faux hawk, ed hard wearing dudes" they're falling for someone else that will frustrate you the same. Riggers in calgary (where guys with their grade 10 make more than most mid level execs), hippy surfer dudes in California and hipsters in New York (who are both on trusts and never have to work, and are too cool to even worry about money) or MMA wannabes in Vegas.

It's all a matter of where you look and trying something different. If you're walking down granville street in a Ferragamo suit on a friday night, chances are some too-hot-to-trot girl in a mini-skirt is going to be more attracted to the guy wearing the glitterful MMA tshirt, than she is to you. It's not rocket science, these girls are usually from Surrey and are looking for a douchebag (I kid). If you're a young professional, go hang out at one of the hot spots in the financial district or Yaletown where there's not lots of faux hawk wearing ed hardy dudes. If you're more into down to earth girls, go out in kits or the commercial drive area.

 

[littlejimbigher]

I was in a stage similar to you over the last 4 years since divorce.
Last year I joined a social group for singles (google Meetup) and took dance lessons with them.
Since that time women seem to falling over me.
I'm seeing one now and another one asked me out this last week end.
Try it.

 

[bcneil]

Its pretty hard to tell you what you are doing wrong from a post.

But I agree with some of the other posters. Get out of town and see what things are likely elsewhere.
I travel a lot, including for work, so get to see lots of other places.

Take a week or 2 vacation somewhere, just to get your confidence up.
Not sure where this time of year though.

I also read an article about male/female ratios in big cities in North America.
Along the entire westcoast there are way more men than women, opposite in the NE.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Life begins at 40.

 

[lenny]

We have a persuasive media blitz that defines, for women at least, what the "ideal" relationship is. So, the Ideal Male, earns megabucks, never has to go to work, washes dishes, cooks, cleans, provides childcare and understands that a woman needs to "find" herself with continuous education, creative projects and sexual exploration. The Ideal Male, of course, supports whatever she does or says and is not so MCP as to expect that he has a right to intimacy or affection.

Ummm, err, ok. When does the next sub leave for LOS?

The same persuasive media blitz defines, for men, an Ideal Woman as a teenage girl who is always dressed HOT, is always ready for sex, waits with breathless anticipation for her master's command, raises children without the children ever being around, maintains the house without ever being unavailable for sex and impresses his buddies with her beauty, intelligence, style and seemingly limitless independent income.

Welcome to heaven, er, Thailand! ;

This is why many find that smaller communities are "warmer".

Certain small towns in Canada also have a high number of females as compared to men.
For guys whose employment/retired, etc, situations allow relocation, by all means
check it out! And leave a huge & smelly BM on Rain City as you depart ;

Eventually, you will know what kind of woman you really want,

That's a tough job. It's impossible enough trying to decide what kind of SP i want.
At first i was quite satisfied with HJ's, lip kissing and cuddling. Later it evolved
into BJ's & sex as well, thereafter BBBJ's also, then rimjob's and up to 3 hour oral
sessions of BLS &/or fucking, etc. Recently i've had have a thing, as without a doubt
many other less vocal, more timid types here & elsewhere do, for DFK and BBFS.
At my age, & with the hereafter relatively imminent, besides other considerations
in favor of this, I'll take my chances.

This is one of the difficulties that we men who poon have. Since we can rent the use of a body part relatively easy - we often lose the social skills to have a woman freely offer all of her.

Based on my marriage experience of 10+ years, SP's can offer as much or more,
on a more regular basis. No special or even average social skills required. SP's
are trained and know how to sex you up, and they have taught me many things
they've learned from their experiences with countless thousands of men.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

No great insights from me, other than to look for someone who you think wants the same things as you. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be looking at someone who has the same ethnicity, who has a similar type of humour and disposition and is perhaps in their late 20's to mid 30's.

It would seem to me, that women, especially have a biological clock that starts ticking post aged 35, might want to play on that a bit if kids are something you want. If you reguarly talk up women, perhaps you aren't closing the sale sort of speak, if you're having a good conversation and what to move to the next step, perhaps suggest going for coffee, or to a movie, or if you gleem something they would like to do, like a concert perhaps, offer to take them too it. The key is for them to get to know you and for you to subtly play on your common traits, and focus on what's important to her.

I will be turning 40 this year and am feeling middle age setting in. I think my body odour has changed, I am starting to find it difficult to focus at small print 6 inches from my face, and have aches and pains when I wake up in the morning.

I am also starting to find it hard to get a sound sleep, and I think it is because I am still single and extremely frustrated because of it.

I remain fit, still have all my hair, broke 6 figures the past two years, have a master's degree, pensionable job, own a small townhouse, and have been told I am reasonably good looking and a good dresser, but I still have a hard time meeting a girl. I've tried eharmony, and had only 1 date over a 9 month period.

I have multiple hobbies such as pistol shooting, flying, tinkering with cars, golf and also hit the gym about once a week. I regularly talk up girls, but never seem to get the signs that they are interested, such as reciprocating personal details about themselves.

Meanwhile, I see other guys at my workplace, which only has about 200 people where 75% are male at this location, go through a new girl every year.

I've been hobbying for 20 years, and in some ways, it has been a coping mechanism, but have always been looking for a long term relationship.

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc. and I realize that not every women I meet will be interested in me, but find it extremely frustrating that none seem to.

How best can I cope with this?

 

[Gomez Adams]

Last year I joined a social group for singles and took dance lessons with them.
Since that time women seem to falling over me.

Doesn't sound like the dance lessons paid off.

 

[storm rider]

Ever so many separate issues brought up here:

For men, there isn't an age where the clock starts ticking. It's just that when older men become parents they don't have the sort of interaction with their children that is held up as the ideal.

eHarmony and frankly all of the other paid dating sites are scams. Once they have hooked you, they make their money just keeping you paying the monthly fee. The women who are real are also on the free dating sites because they are having just as much difficulty finding what they want as you are. The problem, of course, is that what a 40+ man wants and what a 40+ woman wants are two mutually exclusive things.

Have you realized that the reason the other guys at work are going through a new girl every year is that they are having just as much difficulty finding a woman that wants to stay around?

We have a persuasive media blitz that defines, for women at least, what the "ideal" relationship is. So, the Ideal Male, earns megabucks, never has to go to work, washes dishes, cooks, cleans, provides childcare and understands that a woman needs to "find" herself with continuous education, creative projects and sexual exploration. The Ideal Male, of course, supports whatever she does or says and is not so MCP as to expect that he has a right to intimacy or affection.

The same persuasive media blitz defines, for men, an Ideal Woman as a teenage girl who is always dressed HOT, is always ready for sex, waits with breathless anticipation for her master's command, raises children without the children ever being around, maintains the house without ever being unavailable for sex and impresses his buddies with her beauty, intelligence, style and seemingly limitless independent income.

The problems, of course, that men and women have with relationships is that there isn't much overlap between Ideal Males and Ideal Women.

It's easier to negotiate some compromise between the two positions when you aren't in a major population center because the volume of the media blitz is muted when there isn't a channel for every day of the year.

This is why many find that smaller communities are "warmer". In fact, in small communities where people have actually seen people performing actual physical work on a regular basis, people don't believe that "you can have it all" unless you work incredibly hard or are incredibly wealthy. Since they don't believe that they are entitled to what they know is impossible, they aren't bitter that they don't have it.

It is possible for a guy to meet a woman in Vancouver. It's just that you have to persistent and interesting enough to cut through all of the distractions that she has.

That means making friends with a number of women. Talk, help, accept help, laugh and know them. Since most men and women are single children, you have to adopt siblings and learn the art of living with others. These are the women that will say "you didn't really do that!" when you don't understand why a woman is upset with you.

Eventually, you will know what kind of woman you really want, identify a woman that fits, determine that she's available and begin to convince her that you are interested in her, can support her, will be fun to be around, am of good temper and will be a good father.

Men that flit around like bees hitting on one woman after another may get a date, but they don't get to stay around. Women know that a man who thinks she looks, smells, feels and acts just like any other woman - is really only looking for a body part that can be rented.

This is one of the difficulties that we men who poon have. Since we can rent the use of a body part relatively easy - we often lose the social skills to have a woman freely offer all of her.

WELL FUCKING SAID.....posts like this are why I have a lot of respect for Alinburnaby

To the OP....I can kind of relate with you but it is based on different things.....I lived in Vancouver when I was younger and when I was pretty much directionless with nothing going for me other than being young and in very good shape....yet the one thing I found was that women in Vancouver are very stuck up and have a "my shit dont stink" attitude....funny enough my older brother lives there and I dont know what it is he has but it is pure magic...I have seen him pick up a gal on a city bus at the drop of a hat....same thing goes for a random encounter at a video store and at the grocery story....I think it is his disarming nature....even funnier was when my father and I lived in Vancouver for a short time when we moved back from the UK...we walking along some major downtown thoroughfare and he mad eye contact with a gal and smiled at her and she blew him off....his response to her was a loud and blunt "you hard faced bitch"....gave me quite the chuckle I will say.

Maybe change up your hobbies or add new ones to your life...dont get into doing anything you dont like just for the sake of possibly meeting women though.

I can understand where you are coming from....in Vancouver the weather is mild but the women are cold...only place worse is Toronto LOL

SR

 

[imanewbie]

how can u make 6 figure and only own a small townhouse..

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

Are you kinding me, this is Vancouver, where have you been over the last few years? condo's can go for over $1M

how can u make 6 figure and only own a small townhouse..

 

[maroonedsailor]

Whew - ok let's see here - Let's start at the starting line. You make 6 figures and have time to see SP's. How often do you poon and do you have a regular long term lady that you have developed some kind of relationship with? The reason I ask is a comment made by SNL a while back on another thread about why men poon. The gist of it was to gain experience with women. So.......You poon but have no civillian dating experience which leads me to wonder about your general relationship skills. I am therefore going to suggest that you privately canvass the ladies on this board who are known for compassion and ask if one or more of them would be willing to coach you. In my mind you couldn't ask for better trainers and what you need is training in how to "be" with a woman. I suspect that even your pooning experience lacks intimacy and "contact".

I will be turning 40 this year and am feeling middle age setting in. I think my body odour has changed, I am starting to find it difficult to focus at small print 6 inches from my face, and have aches and pains when I wake up in the morning.

I am also starting to find it hard to get a sound sleep, and I think it is because I am still single and extremely frustrated because of it.

I remain fit, still have all my hair, broke 6 figures the past two years, have a master's degree, pensionable job, own a small townhouse, and have been told I am reasonably good looking and a good dresser, but I still have a hard time meeting a girl. I've tried eharmony, and had only 1 date over a 9 month period.

I have multiple hobbies such as pistol shooting, flying, tinkering with cars, golf and also hit the gym about once a week. I regularly talk up girls, but never seem to get the signs that they are interested, such as reciprocating personal details about themselves.

Meanwhile, I see other guys at my workplace, which only has about 200 people where 75% are male at this location, go through a new girl every year.

I've been hobbying for 20 years, and in some ways, it has been a coping mechanism, but have always been looking for a long term relationship.

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc. and I realize that not every women I meet will be interested in me, but find it extremely frustrating that none seem to.

How best can I cope with this?

 

[Ray]

I know there are women who will never date me because of my height, age, ethnicity, personality, etc.

This statement is the key to why you don't meet women.

YOU don't believe in yourself. You can't sell a product you don't believe in.
A chick won't go out with you because of height, ethnicity...? Look around you. In this city, (I'm assuming you're in Vancouver), there is every possible combination you can think of out there.

However, be realistic too. If you look like Danny Devito, you have no business chasing a Megan Fox. (Unless you actually ARE Danny Devito.)
Try the ones who don't look like supermodels. The ones who have low self-esteem because they are plain-Janes, are the ones who will rock your world in ways you couldn't imagine because, like you, they are convinced no-one will pay attention to them.
Pay attention to the ones the others ignore. Ignore the ones everyone else flock to.

Chat up the female bank teller, the grocery store cashier. Not try and pick them up, but to practice casual conversations with random females. Practice until it becomes natural.

Friends? Family? Go out in group settings. Friends have girlfriends, sisters? Casual conversations. Practice until it becomes natural.

 

[Tugela]

I think the bigger problem is that once past your 30s most people simply don't get exposed to the same number of mating opportunities that you had when you were younger. Woman who are "age appropriate" by and large don't hang out at social venues at that age and most of your friends have families and don't party remotely as much as they once did (so they are no good to help you). Most people meet significant others through work or school in some way, and once you get to a certain age those sources pretty much dry up. And it is not something you can really address directly by going to clubs or something like that, because there most of the women are 20 something and have no interest in an old guy. It is a numbers game, if you now have 2% of the opportunities you had when you were in your early 20s, and you hit it off once every 1-3 months back then (for example), you do the math, your chances now would not be very good at all.

Oh, and unlike when you were 20, you now probably have resources to lose, so you are potentially the target of predators and therefore need to be vigilant on that front too.

So that is the thing you have to figure out - where to go where you are likely to meet eligible women who are age/status/cultural matches for you (and you for them of course) in sufficient numbers that you have a reasonable chance of developing a relationship.