Wierdest Session of All Time

[Quimby]

Guys (& Gals), we've all been around this game a long time, some longer than others (xcuse the pun, hahaha). I have been thinking about sharing my wierdest experience ever. Here goes.

(About 10 years ago) I walk into a MP, it was very late at night - maybe 3:30am. Next to no ladies on duty with the exception of a very heavy and not so good looking woman and a fairly good looking blonde, shorter, nice tits (but sleeping in the chair). I picked her.

Into the room, she was lathargic and still kinda dozing in and out. A quick shower and I was ready to go, she came in and stripped down ... was a nice bod as I expected. We rubbed each other up a little, some lfk, then she went down on me.

Blow job started out really nice ... until I heard a strange noise, she was snorring (I thought she was trying to deep throat my cock, but NO) - sound asleep with my dick in her mouth!

Gently I removed it as I could not wake her up - and didn't want her to accidently chomp on it! Got dressed as she continued to snore out loud. Exited the room and left the building. By this time she was the only one on duty.

Closed the lights, got in my car, and never saw her again.

Oh boy, I'm gonna write a book! Someone give me a few chapters please!


Quimby

 

[yychobbyist]

Hey Quimby - you leave any secret gifts in her pocket?

 

[Quimby]

Very good. At least she'd have given me more than 20 minutes!

 

[dbrw42]

About 12 years ago I was living in Montreal. I wandered into a MP and met a nice looking woman who was just starting an appointment. She asked if I would like to meet the other lady and I said yes. A minute later the other lady comes out and she is the spitting image of my MOM!!!!(Ok, my Mom 20 years younger and 10 pounds lighter.) I may be a sick and twisted pervert, but I just couldn't stay for that.

Although a few years before that I saw a MP in Edmonton that looked a lot like a family friend when I was growing up, and who I'd had a bit of a crush on.

 

[captnsavaho]

I booked this lady one time in the wee hours (can't remember) and she was real tired. We carry on into the session and she says she is rather tired and wondering if we want to do it spoon style. I waz like ok- whatever. Anyways, she is just lying there and I am doing my thing when I hear this odd noise- I prop myself up on my elbow and peer over her shoulder and she is sound asleep snoring.

Whadda-ya do? I say f*ck it and carry on- 'bout five minutes later she wakes up a little disoriented but more aroused then when she fell asleep.

A quick power nap made all the difference!

 

[50 Mile Radius]

, and to top it off... he had always had a crush on me!

Talk about his lucky DAY!

 

[yoniluvrca]

Once had a lady vomit just after the bj as I was about to enter her. Luckily I had a waste basket near by and most of it ended up in there rather than on me or the bed. Seems it was her first time and her body said 'No' while her mind said 'Yes'. She was really nice about it and gave me my money back. I think that she left the business that night-at least I hope so. I liked her and tried to date her but it did not work out.

 

[charles]

My story occurs about five years ago. At the time in question I was doing some extremely crazy overtime hours. I was at the office about 6 to 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day. This lasted for about three weeks straight. I finally got my clients what they wanted, but in the three weeks, I had neglected my own needs.

Needless to say, I was raring to go the first day I had off. I didn't know where to get info back then, so I was a bit of rookie. I had previously seen this one lady, who by my standards today, would be on the low end of the scale. Young and naive back then though, I thought she was OK and I didn't know anyone else. I called her up and asked her if she also knew how to do massages. While working, my body had turned into a mess of knots. She said yes, so off I went to see her.

When I arrived, she didn't have a table or anything, so the massage had to be done on her queen-sized bed. I got naked and laid down. Before she started, she wanted to know if I could go two rounds in the hour, because she wanted me to "get my money's worth". I told her I'd try my best.

What followed was probably the worst massage I've had in my entire life. It was limp and weak, mainly poking at my back. At one point, her technique consisted of putting her entire body weight on my chest so that I could barely breathe. Thank God she stopped that. Mercifully, time came to do the flip over. Remember, it was three weeks since I had had any fun, so I was standing at attention in no time. I was getting close, so I asked if I could finish on her chest. She agreed.

We traded positions, she laid down along the edge of the bed and I stood, aiming perpendicular across her chest. I primed the pump a few times and I soon felt the familiar tingle. Now, I have to say that even in regular conditions, I'm a pretty big shooter, so you can just imagine what three weeks worth of accumulation had done. The first shot was a rope of thickness and length that I have yet to reproduce. Though I had aimed at her chest, this first volley cleared not only her chest but the width of her queen-sized bed, landing on the wall. Surprised, I tried to adjust my aim down. The second volley was just as impressive as the first, but it was so forceful, cleared her chest again, landing on the sheets and making a stain about 8 eight inches long. Now I'm freaking out and my aim goes wild. The third volley lands in her hair. I managed somehow to wrestle control and manage to guide the rest of my voluminous load onto her chest.

When I finally milked the last drop onto her, she starts to freak out. "You've got cum all over my room!!!" she screams at me. I start to apologize but my knees feel weak at this point. I look at what I've done. The first rope is now a glistening stain on the wall and has started to move down towards the bed. The second one has now started to seep into the sheets below making an even bigger mess. She jumps off the bed. Her breasts are now completely glazed over with my cum. I notice that a huge streak of cum is in her hair from the top of her head to the end of her shoulder length hair. She asks me if she has cum in her hair. I cannot lie and tell her yes. This gets her even more angry. She yells at me to get the sheets off the bed. I'm not having so much fun now.

She then runs over to the bathroom to clean off all the cum. She was in such a hurry though, she caught her toe along the bottom of the dresser. She screams in pain and I ask her if she's alright. I wince as she hops towards the bathroom. I manage to pull off all the sheets on the bed and throw them on the floor. I walk over to the bathroom to see if she's alright. By this time, she's managed to get into the shower. I look at her feet and one of her big toes has this nasty cut on it. It's bleeding pretty good and now I'm thinking this is the worst session ever. As she turns on the water, I notice she's a total mess... cum in her hair, cum dripping off her chest, and to boot, she's bleeding out of her big toe. And get this, in the understatement of the century, she turned to me and said, "I think our session is over now..."

I asked her if she wanted any more help but she said no. At this point I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I got dressed and waited until she got out of the shower. She seemed to want to get me out of there as well. I bolted as soon as I could. I've never seen her again.

 

[Quimby]

Great story!

 

[gooday]

Very Funny but feel sorry for both of u.

 

[Willie263]

charlie

good storey, nice writing style, had me laughing so hard i had to walk away from the computer.

seems to be too many other depressing posts on this board lately, whatza matter with everyone, they still suffering the post holiday depression.

thanks

 

[yogi]

Great story, very funny, but sounds like a load of fiction to me.
Story telling devices such as "needless to say" & "I never saw her again".

Did you get it from an old Penthouse?

But thank you so much, you made me laugh & made my day!

 

[eljudo]

well I went to a local provider and she was either stoned out of her tree , or had too many molson cold shots.. she invited me in and I proceeded to ask where the condoms were! she said she didnt have any! i went WTF!! no condoms!!!

so i pulled out my man meat and tit fucked her until my balls went patriotic blue/red with friction!... blew my wad, gave her a free pearl necklace.. cost. 20.00 bucks! hell, i didnt have to pay, but felt weird ... so i walked out the door and kept looking back in case i was gonna get jump. hopped into my car, and sped away to the tunes " I WILL DO ANTYHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WONT DO THAT!!!, I WONT DO THAT"

 

[Paris]

K! I've got a good one!

A few years back, I used to see a fellow on outcalls.

He was quite overweight and would wear pink lingerie.

He would answer the door in a pink bra with the nipples cut out, as he had a set of tits. He would also wear a pink garter, along with pink stockings, and white stiletos. His cock would be taped back to appear as he had none.

He would precede to smoke as much dope as was humanly possible, and dance for me to Tina Turners' "Whats' love got to do with it"?

I would have to keep excusing myself to the bathroom, where I would shove a towel into my face, and laugh so hard, I would nearly pee myself.

All in all, he was a very nice man, but silly as hell to watch. And the choice of music? Holy gawd!

Yup! More to come and this subject. Good topic Quimby!

Pari/Caryn

 

[Marvin]

K! I've got a good one!

A few years back, I used to see a fellow on outcalls.

He was quite overweight and would wear pink lingerie.

He would answer the door in a pink bra with the nipples cut out, as he had a set of tits. He would also wear a pink garter, along with pink stockings, and white stiletos. His cock would be taped back to appear as he had none.

He would precede to smoke as much dope as was humanly possible, and dance for me to Tina Turners' "Whats' love got to do with it"?

I would have to keep excusing myself to the bathroom, where I would shove a towel into my face, and laugh so hard, I would nearly pee myself.

All in all, he was a very nice man, but silly as hell to watch. And the choice of music? Holy gawd!

Yup! More to come and this subject. Good topic Quimby!

Pari/Caryn

Holy crap!! That is hillarious!!

 

[Paris]

Another one real quick here!

Had an outcall once apon a time with a fellow who wanted to sit on the floor, have me climb onto his back, push him down so that he could perform oral sex on himself.

Thought it was just a tad to weird. I politely declined, returned the tip and left, never to see him again.

There could be a book written on some experiences, if we compiled enough of them.

Funny world!

Paris/Caryn

 

[Magnum]

These stories are fucking hilarious!! Keep them coming folks...ROTFLMFAO!!!!

 

[Avery]

About 12 years ago, I called an agency in Montreal. The lady arrived at my hotel , and everything started as planned.

We did some foreplay, and I went down on her. After only a few moments of DATY, she asked me to stop, because she said she was unable to orgasm any more. I asked her what she meant by "any more". She sheepishly told me that she had been addicted to her vibrator. She had used it so often to masturbate that her clit became desensitized, so she had to use the vibrator for longer and longer to get off. Finally, it reached the point where she couldn't get off at all. Her gynecologist told her that the damaged nerve endings might regenerate if she left her clit alone for a few months.

Then, she gave me some very gentle oral and asked me if I wanted to fuck her. I wanted more, but I said OK, and she put a condom on. After only a few seconds, she asked me to stop. She said a client the previous night had been very rough and had hurt her, and she couldn't continue that way. She offered an alternative, which I accepted.

The alternative was two SOG's, achieved like this. She sat at the head of the bed with her back against the headboard. Gripping the headboard for leverage, I literally fucked her mouth until I finished. Twice!

 

[Avery]

So, Paris, did the Tina Turner wannabe actually want sex with you, did he just jerk off, or what?

 

[Paris]

Hi Avery!

Thank god no sex! I would never have been able to stop laughing my way through that one.

He would jerk himself off while dancing erotically, and smoking a pile of dope. I was paid to watch and tell him how pretty he looked.

I never could do another session for that day, after seeing him.

Because I couldn't keep a straight face.

Paris/Caryn