Why I No Longer Do BDSM (Part 2)

[Bad Santa]

Like I said in (Part 1), I am a true sub and practiced BDSM for many years until quitting about 15 years ago.

The second reason I quit is because it is so difficult to find a truly "Dominant" woman. I've only really found one in all my years where I could say, she is a true, genuine Domme. That was the magnificent Mistress Morganna of Edmonton. I was probably one of her first clients. I saw her exclusively for several years in the late 80's and early 90's.

But like most of us "bad boys," I am promiscuous and crave variety, so I sought new experiences with different dommes which led to the "bad experiences" I discussed in the Part 1 thread.

When I say a true genuine Domme is rare, what I mean is that most women are naturally sexually submissive in nature. This precludes them from being a true Domme!

A true genuine Dominatrix will never provide "normal" SP services! She will only dominate men, never serve them. She will also never "switch." Her true, dominant nature will not allow it!

There are only a few Dommes out there who meet this criteria.

Buddha2, an admitted male dom, revealed in a recent thread on female subs, that he finds them by going to SPs who advertise themselves as dommes and then slyly convinces them to try a "switch" to submission so they see both sides of the experience. Apparently, many of these "so called" dominatrixes will fall for this ruse, revealing their true submissive nature!

A true lifestyle Dominatrix would never fall for such a "manipulation!"

I also believe that only such a genuine Lifestyle Dominatrix can take the kind of control over you that is required to fully experience the bliss of submission!

Just my humble opinion.

 

[Kittie]

"A true genuine Dominatrix will never provide "normal" SP services!" Bullshit.


Sorry but that is total bull. I have never and will never switch, and I don't do this for extra bucks. But on top of Domination( work-wise and life-wise) I like to work as an SP. And I very much like what I do. The fact that your opinion would like to make me seem that I can not be a true Domme because of that is absolute horse shit.

Glad you felt the need to make not one but two threads to voice such an ignorant opinion.

 

[HubbaHubba]

"A true genuine Dominatrix will never provide "normal" SP services!" Bullshit.


Sorry but that is total bull. I have never and will never switch, and I don't do this for extra bucks. But on top of Domination( work-wise and life-wise) I like to work as an SP. And I very much like what I do. The fact that your opinion would like to make me seem that I can not be a true Domme because of that is absolute horse shit.

Glad you felt the need to make not one but two threads to voice such an ignorant opinion.

Well Bad Santa....you were just dominated

 

[Bad Santa]

"A true genuine Dominatrix will never provide "normal" SP services!" Bullshit.


Sorry but that is total bull. I have never and will never switch, and I don't do this for extra bucks. But on top of Domination( work-wise and life-wise) I like to work as an SP. And I very much like what I do. The fact that your opinion would like to make me seem that I can not be a true Domme because of that is absolute horse shit.

Glad you felt the need to make not one but two threads to voice such an ignorant opinion.

I may be "ignorant" Ms. Kittie, but I know how I feel.

Sex is all about dominance and submission. To be a truly Great Dominatrix, a woman has to really want to dominate men, not be dominated by them.

I have simply found that the greatest dominas are the ones that provide that service, exclusively.

I find that a woman has to be in a certain "mindset" to dominate with true authority. That is a very difficult thing to do if a woman is switching roles back and forth.

The ones who switch back and forth are simply "too nice" and we subs can tell. It's kind of like how students in a class can instinctively tell which teachers they can take advantage of.

Hate to disagree with you Ms. Kittie. I'm just telling you how I feel.

 

[buddha2]

First, I'm an admitted male switch.

I think the distinction you are trying to get at is the one between true lifestyle MENTAL and physical domination, and those of us who are just players.

BDSM is not my life. It's just something I do for fun. Hence, no problem switching. If I pick up the vibe from the lady I'm playing with, I go for the conversation about them trying bottoming. I may have played up the "manipulation" too much. I don't think I've ever tricked anyone, I think I've just given them enough confidence/trust in me by making myself totally vulnerable to them by starting as their sub - something I will continue to be from time to time, all depending on the moods we're in at later play dates. Basically, it's gaining trust by giving trust.

Finally, I genuinely do believe that you can't be a good top unless you know what it feels like to be the bottom, so with all due respect, I reject the notion that you can't be a truely great dom if you are prepared to switch. In fact, I suspect that with rare exceptions, unless you're prepared to switch, you are probably a cold, ruthless sadist who won't be sensitive enough to your subs physical and mental well-being....

Let the verbal abuse for that last comment begin....

 

[Kittie]

Sex is all about dominance and submission.

Yes but dominance and submission are not all about sex.

And you are entitled to feel how you want, doesn't make you correct in the least.

And services are just that, a means to pay bills. Not a lifestlye.

Offering regular sp services does not mean lack of control to a true Domme.

You have no right nor authority nor right to say otherwise...especially considering you have been "out of bdsm" for however long. A true Domme, sub, fetishist etc willalways be one, not just decide to quit because of poor experiences.

 

[Aeiyah]

All that protocol crap, true dom/bottom versus what, fake? is a load of bs. That you have avoided something for 15 years because of a bad experience tells me you need to grow balls. To blame others for a bad experience instead of taking ownership tells me you need to grow up (ever heard of a safeword). Did you ever tell the dommes your concerns instead of stewing about it for 15 years. That you are writing about it in a public forums tells me that you need to get over it.

 

[uncleg]

First, I'm an admitted male switch.

I think the distinction you are trying to get at is the one between true lifestyle MENTAL and physical domination, and those of us who are just players.

BDSM is not my life. It's just something I do for fun. Hence, no problem switching. If I pick up the vibe from the lady I'm playing with, I go for the conversation about them trying bottoming. I may have played up the "manipulation" too much. I don't think I've ever tricked anyone, I think I've just given them enough confidence/trust in me by making myself totally vulnerable to them by starting as their sub - something I will continue to be from time to time, all depending on the moods we're in at later play dates. Basically, it's gaining trust by giving trust.

Finally, I genuinely do believe that you can't be a good top unless you know what it feels like to be the bottom, so with all due respect, I reject the notion that you can't be a truely great dom if you are prepared to switch. In fact, I suspect that with rare exceptions, unless you're prepared to switch, you are probably a cold, ruthless sadist who won't be sensitive enough to your subs physical and mental well-being....

Let the verbal abuse for that last comment begin....

Ever consider that for some subs that is exactly the kind of Domme they need ?

 

[Bad Santa]

You have no right nor authority nor right to say otherwise...especially considering you have been "out of bdsm" for however long. A true Domme, sub, fetishist etc willalways be one, not just decide to quit because of poor experiences.

You're right Ms. Kittie, once a sub always a sub and I still submit to women when I see them with DATY and foot worship. I'm like a junkie who OD'd and decided to go on a methadone treatment program. It's like milktoast compared to the real thing but I'm still an addict to submission.

All that protocol crap, true dom/bottom versus what, fake? is a load of bs. That you have avoided something for 15 years because of a bad experience tells me you need to grow balls. To blame others for a bad experience instead of taking ownership tells me you need to grow up (ever heard of a safeword). Did you ever tell the dommes your concerns instead of stewing about it for 15 years. That you are writing about it in a public forums tells me that you need to get over it.

Believe me Aeiyah, I know about "safewords" and "protocols" and I did discuss my limits with my Dommes before the sessions that went wrong. But these trusts were broken despite that and I was in no position to do anything about it at the time. As a sub you are at times quite helpless. There has to be absolute trust!

You're also right that I haven't had the balls to dive back into the game headfirst. I do need to get over it. It does take "guts" to be a committed sub and I'm not back there yet.

This discussion is helping me though. It's almost a kind of "therapy" for me.

 

[edmontonsubbie]

Well replied to Santa...thank you. I recall seeing your posts and cringing slightly as you essentially insulted all of the Dommes who frequent this space. Well, not all, but a fairly high number. You made negative assumptions based on your own bad experiences and projected them to all. Never a good plan and I thought to myself...uh oh....this will be interesting. And, it has become so.

My own experience has been slightly more positive. I have never *thank gawd* run into a situation where I felt less than safe nor in anything other than competent hands. But, that's just my experience. I shudder to think of the crap you were feeling in the instances you have cited...not cool.

With that said, I also would chip in that my interests in subbiedom (yes, it's not a word, but it is now) have changed over the course of time. I have experienced, and sometimes still think about, a sort of 24/7 situation where the rules are clear and the expectations are even moreso. Pretty cool stuff with the right one....but not an easy situation to find. Because, frankly, at the end of it all...we are all people. We are all subject to emotions and those emotions drive us more than we care to admit most times. I believe the definition of a psychopath includes reference to lack of emotion....and that's a frightening person to encounter...regardless of gender, stripe, or inclination. Being a 24/7 sub requires enormous sense of self worth and a strength of character that can be daunting. After all, you are hardly going to get that from the Top....to the Top...you are an object for use. The Top will still care and value you...just not overtly. You find that on your own.

So...my view over the past year has become slightly different. I seek a more sensual experience than I have previously enjoyed. I still absolutely LOVE not being able to have any control over the proceedings nor the direction they will take, to me that's just cool. But, I also take the time to sketch out a few things that I am interested in trying or doing....and I have yet to run into a member of this board who has failed to deliver to me that which they said they would. That's a pretty good thing and one that gives me nothing but trust in the ones who inhabit this space.

Therapy is good. I might just go out and find some therapeutic pleasure in a cold pint or two...it is a lovely sunny day and I just finished constructing my urban farm on my balcony. So, I have that whole "sense of accomplishment" thing going on. Besides I don't work until tomorrow night so a hangover is manageable. I intend to go get one.

cheers,

eddie.

 

[Bad Santa]

Thanks for your thoughts, Eddie.

As always, so wise!

I also agree that the game has changed over the years and there are so many more "regular" SPs offering domme sessions now. Many of them are probably very experienced and offer excellent sessions.

This is therapy. I'm actually starting to get the urge again. Oh God.....

 

[edmontonsubbie]

wise??? Wise would have been to say...."no, that's enough for me, but thank you"....rather than...."keep em coming till I can't say stop". That, was quite unwise. But I did the crime, so I'll do the time. Besides, it was a delightful evening all around. I have an image of you as a moth....and the Dommes as the flame....you will be unable to resist. But then, you already knew that.

kindest,

eddie

 

[Daddy]

Buddha2, an admitted male dom, revealed in a recent thread on female subs, that he finds them by going to SPs who advertise themselves as dommes and then slyly convinces them to try a "switch" to submission ...

Buddha2? A man with so much mojo that even dommes must fall under his spell? Gimme a break...
Ya know Bad Santa I think a certain amount of healthy skepticism would do you a world of good. Stop taking people at face value, especially those who toot their own horns in public ... it's the unmistakeable stamp of the amateur.

 

[edmontonsubbie]

I am taking personal affront and am quite indignant about that entire posting Nina. Only because I couldn't put those thoughts into words quite as well as you just did. But, I'm petty like that.

Cool post. If I'm paying, I want a general nodding of heads prior to proceeding. If my inclination is to be treated harshly and in specific ways....I expect there will not be a nodding of heads prior to proceeding. A simple "no" works far better and garners my infinite respect. But, wow....there are some really f'ing cool chicks that know how to play the game...to them, I am grateful. Perb rox for that alone.

cheers,

eddiewhoissogladtobehomeforthenextfewdaysandiknowyoudontcarebuticareandthatsallthatmatterstome.

kindest,

eddie.

 

[Dark_Knight]

A true genuine Dominatrix will never provide "normal" SP services! She will only dominate men, never serve them. She will also never "switch." Her true, dominant nature will not allow it!

I think this is too much of an absolute... The whole "ideal" of a Domme not providing sexual services came out of the US. Down there, in order to skirt around the ridiculous prostitution laws, Dommes had to say absolutely no sexual services in order to not be thrown in jail. Dominance and submission have a sexual element to them. What a Domme does with other clients and what she chooses to do with a submissive client doesn't determine whether she is a Domme. Her inner spirit and being is what determines that. I disagree with this statement because there is way too much grey in the world. To not see it, you are looking too hard to one side....

 

[HubbaHubba]

I think this is too much of an absolute... The whole "ideal" of a Domme not providing sexual services came out of the US. Down there, in order to skirt around the ridiculous prostitution laws, Dommes had to say absolutely no sexual services in order to not be thrown in jail. Dominance and submission have a sexual element to them. What a Domme does with other clients and what she chooses to do with a submissive client doesn't determine whether she is a Domme. Her inner spirit and being is what determines that. I disagree with this statement because there is way too much grey in the world. To not see it, you are looking too hard to one side....

Agreed....I don't know too much about this sort of stuff but who's to say what's genuine or not? Just one man's opinion.

 

[edmontonsubbie]

Agreed....I don't know too much about this sort of stuff but who's to say what's genuine or not? Just one man's opinion.

I am very ingenuous. If I tell you that's "four quarters", you had best count them. Total flaw.