OK.....I'll bite
The reasons I am here now are very different than when I began. I think that is the case with many of us. As we grow and transform, or motivations, desires and perceptions change.
I'm going to be really honest with my answer. Most of the reasons now are really positive, but there are also some that are neutral, and few that will be regarded as negative.
I began as a companion my first year at SFU. I needed a 4.0 GPA, and working 40 hours a week as a server didn't leave me with enough hours to study, write my papers, and get the grades I needed.
I was also curious and terrified about my sexuality. I grew up in a cult with some really messed up beliefs surrounding sex. I had no idea who I was or what I thought about anything. All my life I had been told what to think, what to do, and what to feel. Any sense of individualism or simply questioning anything could get you excommunicated. Women were 'weak vessels' and there to serve men. (I was very fortunate and managed to escape the sexual abuse until I was 17) For me, that was a breaking point, and I somehow found the courage to walk away from my family, friends and everything and everyone I knew forever. I pressed charges, which sealed my fate as an apostate, and meant that not only could I never see or speak with anybody again, but that they are all in total fear of me, being told that simply thinking about me or praying for me will lead to their eternal damnation.
This extreme sense of losing everyone and everything forced me to operate from my head, and to rationalize my emotions, just so I could cope with day to day things.
So I was in a peculiar dichotomous position of being alone and vulnerable, yet the strongest and most independent I had ever been.
The very first thing I did was apply to University. I was curious about everything and wanted to question anything and everything I ever thought. This included my beliefs on a woman's role, and sexuality in general. My very first paper was in a Woman's studies class. We had to write a critical essay one one of 5 topics. I chose prostitution - because it was the topic I had the strongest opinions on. I was raised to believe all the stereotypes about how horrible and exploitative it was....and was confident I could easily write 10 pages on why it is evil and should be eliminated entirely. Then I remembered that the whole reason I wanted to go to University was to broaden my mind, deepen my critical thinking skills, see life from various vantage points, and ultimately determine how I really feel about things......without being told what or how I should feel.
So, I decided to write a paper that went against every thought and belief I had regarding the subject. I wrote a critical essay that was PRO PROSTITUTION. It was written from a purely logical and theoretical standpoint. It took the stance that while it certainly could be exploitative (so can scrubbing toilets for less than minimum wage), it could also be neutral, as the vast majority of jobs are. Then I took it one step further to really challenge myself, and decided to write on how it could be empowering for a woman.
That paper blasted open everything I ever thought, felt or knew. I wrote it so well that I convinced myself it was the perfect choice for me. Less than a week later I was working at an agency, seeing a couple clients a day, and writing papers and studying in between my calls.
My reasons for being a companion have changed over the years. It has definitely moved from being a logical/practical choice, and one that helped me to liberate heal myself, into a personal choice, which I truly love, and which I use to empower others
Why I became I companion
- It allowed me enough time to study and write papers, while providing sufficient income to get out of University debt free
- To reclaim my body as my own - to do with as I choose
- To work through my sexual issues and curiosity
- To learn to embrace the fact that I am a sensual and sexual person, and to own and love who I am
- As a giant "Fuck you" to the cult, and to assert my independence as a free thinking woman
- To be independent, and not need to rely on a man to take care of me
I think in the beginning, the remuneration was also validating to me as a person, because it provided a quantitative value of my worth. Being completely abandoned by your own mother, family, and everybody/everything you ever knew or loved hit really hard, and made me question my worth on every level. For a short time, the financial aspect was tangible proof that I had value. I know that sounds really horrible, but it was a bridge to getting me to see my self worth at a deeper level. It had to start somewhere.
Now that I have healed myself, and am whole and complete, It has moved from being "All about me", to what I feel is as truly healing art for those I meet with. I find that I am able to share myself in a much deeper and sacred way. I have an unlimited capacity to love deeply and unconditionally, and to accept people completely and fully for who they are. I feel deeply blessed and grateful to be able to connect meaningfully and deeply with my special friends. I embrace diversity, and see the beauty in each persons uniqueness. I honestly feel that this is what I was meant to do.
Why I am still a companion:
- AUTHENTICITY 'Angel' is who I really am. It's not a persona. It is my essence. It is the real me, in every way. The role I play in my day to day life, though getting closer, is still a bit censored, and therefore a reduction of who I really am.
- Being completely open and authentic means that the people I am with as Angel also feel safe to be the same. There is nothing more beautiful than providing and being in a safe and sacred space where you can be fully loved, cherished and accepted for who you are.
- My best friends and deepest/most meaningful relationships have come through this industry.
- I get to meet an incredibly varied group of people. I love diversity, and learn something from each and every interaction.
- I've had an opportunity to visit places and do things which I never would have had an opportunity to do on my own
- The flexibility of schedule allows me to do things in my personal life that I am very passionate about - like art, dance, and volunteering
- It provides me the financial resources and time flexibility to take time off for humanitarian missions abroad
- It gives me a greater understanding of myself, and helps me grow and transform. Each person I meet leaves an imprint on my soul, and I am a better person because of it.
- I'm a really tactile person. I experience the world through touch. And what is better to touch than another person!
- Incredible conversation, discussions of ideas and turning them into reality
- Getting to explore aspects of myself that I haven't even thought about
- It's also validating for me to know that I am appreciated and valued for the most authentic version of who I am
This job is all about making people feel good - and not just physically! About sharing love and acceptance. About creating a safe and sacred space of authenticity. About connection. About embracing our sexuality and being proud of all we are....not ashamed. Its about helping people realize how awesome they really are.......about nourishing that, and letting them fully love and accept their uniqueness and gifts. Then they go away more confident, more creative, more connected to themselves....and in turn they enrich the lives of those they interact with.
It's a way to be a part of a human revolution. What's not to love about it!
