@Dick Ford ,... good quote, I believe it, but it doesn't apply to someone like me.
So here's a little blog, from the mind of a so-called "cheater".
I see this hobby more like physical sexual therapy, than emotional... The problem with being married for so long, is that sexual energy does wane over time with a dedicated partner. I'd believe it happens to everyone, one way or another... When we first met, dated and started having sex, we just couldn't keep our hands off each other. Everyday there would be some sex act occurring. I mean, there'd be days we take a nice walk in the park, and she'd purposely wear a sundress with no panties underneath just for those moments we find ourselves in a quiet private place behind a tree that she can hold on to. Heck, even at parties, if she caught me shaking hands with another female, she'd demand I meet her their bathroom to remind me 'who I belong to'....*
funny thing about that story, was she was wearing a black T-shirt and a few drops of 'me' landed on it; and she tried her hardest to clean it off, so she started to freak out about what people would say, so I made a suggestion, that she'd walk out of the bathroom, scratching a mosquito bite on her shoulder to cover up the stain with her arm, make her way to snack table and spill some chip dip on the stain and then make a big dramatic thing over it, so people around her can believe "she spilled chip dip on her shirt",.. and it worked, lol...
Funny stories we remind ourselves as time went on, 25 years of love and stability, three kids all grown up and graduated, ups and downs, yearly trips to somewhere around this globe, .... and now today, I'd be lucky to get a handjob like that scene in Breaking Bad, where Skylar give Walt a "humouring tug"... Sure we still have sex, but it's only vanilla, and it's few and far between, just for the release, nothing close to being the
semen-demon she was in our early years... Before COVID, we celebrated our milestone anniversary in Vegas, spent top-dollar at the Venetian, in a room overlooking the Strip. Had a really good steak dinner at "Mon Ami Gabi" while watching the Bellagio fountain across the street. Picture perfect moment, just like the travel brochures... Upon the day of our anniversary, we bought a bottle of champagne, went back to our room, showered, walked around in open bathrobes, pulled our chairs up to the window and just sat and drank watching all the lights on the Strip while waiting for the Volcano fountain show to start from our hotel room. All the while reminiscing about all the good times we've had up to this point; assuring us we'll have many more... In the conversation, I made a comment about how it sucks there's no balcony at this hotel; because in our younger years we had a thing with having sex on balconies when we go to resorts... She saw I was starting to chub, thinking about those days, and knew what I was getting at; so she started in with that humoring handjob once again. I gladly took whatever affection she would give me, but for some reason it made me feel like I was an old dog flopped down at their owner's feet in front of a fireplace getting a few head-pats as a thank you for a long life of devotion... Compared to back in the day, when she had no problem yelling at me to nut in her ass at the top of her lungs, as she was bent over a balcony railing, seeing how many people in the pool area would look up and notice, and hoping to god we don't break the railing... To end this anecdote, we did wind up having sex, but again it's was just vanilla, star-fish, doing it out of expectation between couples,
cuz thatz what couples do, instead of 'bursting out with totality of our love' as we once did.
We had a good time in Vegas overall, as we do anywhere else we go; heck, she even paid the half-naked nun on Fremont for a picture of her forcing my hands on her tits just for chuckles... I still believe everything is tight between us, we look out for each other, support each other, do things together.... but since that Vegas trip, it did leave with that one somewhat disappointing aspect, and it stuck in me for a few months after, where we didn't really talk about it, but I sort of implied that it was something to address. So we communicate, as all couples SHOULD do...and she really didn't have an answer for most of the questions I had, other than "it's not me, and it's nothing I'm doing wrong; she's still happy with me." And she was assuring me with hugs and kisses. I asked if there's a medical issue, or something anything... And she keeps reassuring me there's nothing going on. That night she gave me a good blowjob, good effort even swallowed, but I couldn't help but feel skeptical that she was just humoring me with my concerns. Since that night, she never blew me again. Few sad handjobs and starfish sex to keep up the 'maintenance', but nothing spontaneous or wild and crazy since... still as far as I know, I'm holding par for the course, holding up my end of the relationship, as she is too. But here I am, middle-aged, and still wanting to fuck like when we were young....except her....
Took me a few years after Vegas to drum up the courage to look toward providers to fill in that tiny crack of displeasure in my life. One too many nights, waiting for the freak in my sheets to come back to me... So I basically had to start re-adjusting my personal philosophy about "cheating", and soliciting services with societal taboos. I travel for work a lot, which gives me a lot of latitude and opportunities to take up the hobby. At first I was going to strip clubs and getting lap dances, just to get ladies to bump and grind all over me; to remind me what that is all about. Then it evolved to going to AMPs for the happy ending; until repeat visits were rewarded with more extras. Then graduated to regular tier providers just to get the job done, so to speak. Before learning to spend that real money on professionals for more well-rounded experiences....
On one of my business trips, I stayed at a 4.5 star hotel and availed services of a provider for a few hours. I suppose you can say I wanted to recreate the scenario I had in Vegas years back, by having the kind of sex I wanted at the end of that night. I took her out for a nice dinner first, then took her to my room. She loved the view of the balcony, so we spent a few moments enjoying it while making small talk before the deed went underway. When communicating beforehand I asked for everything she was willing to do; BBBJ, CIM/F/B w/SW, MSOG, DATY/O, Massage, Russian. Even Greek, which to me isn't about wanting such an act for the sake of it, as much as overall being with someone who is truly open-minded in all desires, that i don't have to keep asking, "is this okay", "is this okay", "is this okay"? Hard to explain, but it sucks when the flow of session is suddenly stopped with paywall. Case in point, after a few releases already, we were spooning on the couch, in the nude, making more small talk, trying to find something to watch on TV, while I was recharging, as she was grinding her bare ass into me, telling me she's ready for round 4. Not a word was said, rubbers and lube were already at her arm's reach, she literally applied both with her arms behind her back skillfully, never getting off the couch or turning her body over, and just started working it into her backdoor... No words, find a thing, find a hole, have fun.. multiple hours, multiple orgaisms, every inch of our bodies used.... just like how it was with me and the wife... As for the provider, we had such a good time together, she stayed almost another hour after the agreed upon amount of time, not for more sex, but instead just good conversations, enjoying the view outside the room, making it a game of putting her clothes back on while making out groping each other, trying not to start 'round 5'....
Was I falling in love with her...? Did I have this great sense to run away with her to destinations unknown to "other myself", wanting to live that fantasy. No I wasn't. I liked her, no doubt; I appreciated her welcoming personality, she was a very pleasant person, I like to believe she felt comfortable with me as well, and liked me enough to give the service she did.. But even she knew, the moment is over once I close the hotel room door on her way out. So all I could do is look back at that recent session and say "that's the kind of sex I miss in my life", and I was impressed that I kept the pace, being middle-aged and beaten down with domestication. It made me feel good
Is this cheating? No. Other people can have their own philosophy over it. But to me, cheating is more about the affairs of the heart than seeking to become someone else, as the quote above states. I know who I am, and what I want, and I've been fairly consistent in that all my life, it's just the world around me changing telling me to change with it. I don't buy that, not saying they're wrong, I just don't believe it....but I digress.
After having sessions like that (not all the time, YMMV and all). I'd come home, and spend quality time with the family, share in affections with the wife, still go out and do things, and sure we still have that vanilla-starfish sex and the occasional handjob... But, again, I don't have that burning desire to push her out of the way to get some trophy wife that will fuck me like I wanted to be fucked... I am happy with who I'm with in this life, and I know that if I have that itch for that wild and crazy strangeness, then I'll know where to go, or how to go about getting it.
Do I feel guilty? Not as much as an annoying level of anger seeing how I have to resort to relying on professionals to continue my desires with someone who will keep up with my tempo, even though such a tempo isn't that much of a demand to begin with. Desires that I had at one point come accustomed to but has been lost over time.
Should I be honest and tell her? No, why would I? My wife is still a very special person in my life whom I still do love dearly, and it's not something I would want to lay on her. If everything else is fine, then why burden her over something that doesn't outweigh everything else we have? Why guilt her and make her believe she less than? In this day and age, 99% of what people perceive to be a wholesome, structured, traditional household has been achieved and well-maintained by us. And I'm not going to risk that remaining 1% for the kind of sex that exclusive to those who can maintain their own tempos...
.... then again, maybe it was one too many Fat Tuesdays on Fremont, but the way she approached that Naked Nun to pose with me in that picture, gives me an inkling hope she wants to 'open' things up.... wishful thinking, maybe.
