why do men love

[Alix Turner]

rather than lust

as a woman that serves (you heard me) rather than receives the interests of the men she loves... I die to know. what makes men stay.. what makes men stray.. and when do they draw the line where they leave?

 

[badbadboy]

rather than lust

as a woman that serves (you heard me) rather than receives the interests of the men she loves... I die to know. what makes men stay.. what makes men stray.. and when do they draw the line where they leave?

Great topic Alix.

I am full of lust these days with a huge libido that needs to satiated. Seeing her in a state of post orgasmic bliss and my needs have been met is win win in my book

I guess this is why I keep going back and back .....

 

[luvsdaty]

I drew the line at being lied to, trust has such an important part in a relationship & when that trust is broken it's pretty hard if not impossible to get back. My ex tried to reconcile with me,but after she lost my trust, i just didn't feel like doing anything for her anymore.
Where as before i woulda gladly given my life for hers....Funny huh, but that's just the way it is for me at least.I'm not the jealous type & the ex was/is beautiful so she use to get hit on all the time, even when she had her engagement ring on.
We're all human so i don't blame her for being tempted by other guys,but once she crossed that line,that's when it was all over between us.
What did i love about her? Her kindness & her sense of humour the most.

 

[Ms. Yoko Anna]

I would like to know men's opinion myself.
Long time ago when I was doing my undergrad, I had an affair with a prof (not mine FYI).
I am a serving type of girl, and when I scored him, I was so happy.
I went to his place when he wanted (never asked myself), cooked, did dishes, cleaned, laundry.... Etc.
In bed, we hit so well that we could not have enough of each other.... I thought.
Then, there was a summer off, and when I came back to school in September, he was not interested in me.

I still don't know what turned him off.... May be it was too risky for him.
Anyway, yes, boys, let us know what you think!

 

[luvsdaty]

I would like to know men's opinion myself.
Long time ago when I was doing my undergrad, I had an affair with a prof (not mine FYI).
I am a serving type of girl, and when I scored him, I was so happy.
I went to his place when he wanted (never asked myself), cooked, did dishes, cleaned, laundry.... Etc.
In bed, we hit so well that we could not have enough of each other.... I thought.
Then, there was a summer off, and when I came back to school in September, he was not interested in me.

I still don't know what turned him off.... May be it was too risky for him.
Anyway, yes, boys, let us know what you think!

Sounds like the prof thought of you as more of a 'conquest'?

 

[Dgodus]

Shared activities (for me personally: sports, athleticism). No sense being with someone you cant share your life with, otherwise you're just screwing and then both of you have to make alot of compromises with what you do the rest of the time.

Personality of "it is what it is relax and enjoy dont overthink it"

Honesty in that if something's bothering her she wont say "it's fine" then stomp around expecting me to figure it out (give a little guidance I'm not you and cant figure out what's in your head all the time); but someone that'll wait till they've calmed down to discuss their issue instead of bringing it up when it's a hot button issue. (this is basically just an example to say "i'm not a mind reader")

A person that realizes what you are and accepts it without trying to change everything they dont like (some change is good, an overhaul is bad).

Doesn't keep a "scorecard"

Has a backbone and choices or her own (I'll lose all respect for someone who always defers to me to make choices - especially if they start to complain about them after the fact). Makes it a point to get what she wants not only from me, but from everything (without interfering with myself).

I stop caring for 2 main reasons.

1) Seeing above compromises; when she tries to control too much of the activities that I do without her, stops understanding why these things are important to me.

2) I like doing things for someone I care about. Some (maybe not on purpose) eventually start requesting these things, then start making veiled demands for them; all the while forgetting what they were doing for me.

Unfortunatly I draw the line and leave well after I should. I've played sports all my life and have a physical job, I don't remember a time when I didn't hurt or was sore somewhere so I can put up with things. Too bad for me alot of good memories are sullied as I didn't get out in time and "put up" with too much.

Just want to add I haven't always been the perfect match for some people, so I'm not faultless in all the relationships I've been in for failing.

 

[stepchild22]

I had a girlfriend a few years ago that I was head over heals in love with and we dated for a couple of years and broke up. After breaking up she constantly would say nasty stuff about me and then regret it and try to come back to me. I fell for it a couple of times but these past few months I started ignoring her and not responding to texts or calls or anything. I feel great about it now.
I met this other girl while at the cambie a couple of months ago and she is the nicest girl I think I have come across in Vancouver, we have hung out a few times, and recently quite a bit. at first I had this crush on her/lust, but pretty sure I am in love with this girl now. There is something about her that I can't explain. Her honesty, openness, and personality are all major reasons why I stay..and keep coming back.
The difference between this relationship and the aforementioned relationship (that was filled with lies and drama) is like night and day. So I feel if things are kept open and honest, and keep things light and most importantly have fun..whether it be the sex or anything you decide to do with each other..men (atleast myself) are more likely to stay and not stray.

 

[Ms. Yoko Anna]

Sounds like the prof thought of you as more of a 'conquest'?

I actually hunted him.
Back then, I was one of a bunch of Asian students.
I found him, went to his office on his office hour even though his field is not of mine, brought him lunch, took him out for a coffee, read his books and articles.... It was so much fun to feel our distance get closer, more comfortable, the thril....
So yes, I scored him. Plus, I have never been a girl boys talks about in their locker room... Like a gossip girl..... No. I was, and still am, a geeky little Japanese girl who prefer reading over putting make-up on.

So yeah, boys mind is so mystery to me!!

 

[Dgodus]

So yeah, boys mind is so mystery to me!!

Speaking of the opp sex's mind being a mystery.

Welcome to our club!

 

[lenny]

I would like to know men's opinion myself.
Long time ago when I was doing my undergrad, I had an affair with a prof (not mine FYI).
I am a serving type of girl, and when I scored him, I was so happy.
I went to his place when he wanted (never asked myself), cooked, did dishes, cleaned, laundry.... Etc.
In bed, we hit so well that we could not have enough of each other.... I thought.
Then, there was a summer off, and when I came back to school in September, he was not interested in me.

I still don't know what turned him off.... May be it was too risky for him.
Anyway, yes, boys, let us know what you think!

You sound like the dream woman to me, from what you say here in this thread. And IMO you're also very attractive,
from what i've seen of your pics. Though, of course, a lot of guys cannot be satisfied with just one woman for ever,
or as they say variety is the spice of life. And if 'everything was covered' that could also be an issue, though it
sounds like the sexercise was mutually exciting.

 

[the old maxx50]

You asked "Why do men love ".. Well with me it has happened a few time and all way . very suddenly . I just happened to see some one . some where and i want to know them .. , I sen them and some how they are the most attractive women in the world and that instance , I have not talked to them , I know nothing about them , it just that they have the look that makes me lower all my defenses , and fears .. It may only be that one meeting or glimpse or maybe another the same day and that is all that ever happens , i don't follow or approach . but definitely i am wanting to know them . I could say it is love at firs site.

There was one girl i saw once for 30 seconds in a movie theater lobby , she asked me if i wanted to buy some food to support some cause , I did not but at that very moment I saw her eyes that glowed with this heavenly light. I walked away . into the movie . sat down .. and was up again and out to the lobby to talk to her ..But she was gone .. I could not for get her for the next 4 years ,, and often went back to the same theater to see movies hoping to meet her again .. Then on year i Got a job building a house .. and i went to a little restaurant , and there she was .,I would then go every day ,some time twice a day . and i finally asked her one day if that was her at that theater 4 years earlier .. And it was ..

I tried my best to make friends with her .. asked her out , but she was involved with someone .. Then one day she did not work there any more .. i was kind of lost .. i knew where she lived so one day i knocked on the door and even though she was not home they told me where she was working .. Then i started going there after work .. Yes i would say i was in love with her ,, and maybe acted a little obsessive at time .. But there was connection of some kind .. she never told me to get lost ..and eventually i got involved with her church and family .. which ended up being more involved with her family and church , then her
I was 35 yrs old ,10 yrs older then her and thought maybe that was the reason why it was not working .. she marred some one who was in there 40;s I when to the wedding , stayed in contact with the family for a few years , and now over 20 yrs later i still think of her and love her .. even those there was no relationship of then a small friendship..

That is one kind of love and each one i have had since then has been different .. most have been more involved then that one and far more intimate but I can;t say they have been as intense emotionally .. That love was over whelming and i burnt out some emotional circuit breakers .. in some way i can;t feel the same way about a person again , i lost some thing even though it was all one sided . Now love for me is based on a lot more and a commit less of my emotion , i just don't have them to give or I refuse to get hurt .. .. I still find i can't help falling in love with some women . and have to be around them .. and some have even said they love me too, but i still find it is mostly one sided . with me giving more then i get back . which does not matter that much because i love them for who they are , and care about what happens in there life . I do not try to change them ,but i do hope that they can see when they need to make changes .. I kind of pick the wild ones LOL

 

[Sydney Carton]

How do they get the caramilk in the caramilk bar?

 

[chilli]

I have always thought the following:

Men are generally looking for a bad girl who is sexy.

While I think women are generally looking for a good man who is romantic.

When I fall in love: When you make me feel like you want me more than anyone else, when you are cool to hang out with, when we can have great conversations, when we have a lot of fun and share a lot of laughter, when we have some have things in common.

When I leave:

When you ask me why I didn't call you today (when I just called you yesterday) (let me miss you - don't be clingy)
When you tell me I'm not good enough in some way (most women "bite their tongue" until they think they have you locked down - then they tell you what they "really think")
When you gain weight and don't do anything about it (sorry if I wanted to marry a fat pig I would have started dating one)
When you become emotional high maintenance (does everything in your life have to be about drama?)
When I find out that you are with me because of my money (pull out your purse and pay once and a while)
When you expect me to be the "entertainment", I need to be intelectually stimulated as well

 

[Ms. Yoko Anna]

And if 'everything was covered' that could also be an issue.

Oh Lenny, no covered chess for our cozy Wednesday wine night?
I've got 36 condoms to put on a each piece. It makes the chess set look like covered in a mysterious veil (and slightedly retarded).

 

[Dickson]

Ms Turner,

What is love? I have been looking all my life and yet to find it. I spent a lot looking and there are times I think I got it only for it to slip though my fingers. I have been told I can never love anyone. I have been told I don't know what it is. I am told you can not buy it or own it. I have spent money asking for others to help me gain it only to learn they can not find it for me either. I pay ladies to tell me they love me. But the love never seems to stay or lasts. I guess then you know it is not love. I think you can love someone but they don't think theymay not love you back. SO is that love? I have been told you can fall in love but can you fall out of love and if you do is that really love.

I know people who think they love money, or the new car or the new watch. Loving things seems easier as it is a oneway street. But loving a person that is another story. Can you make someone love you? What about the love of a child, or for a sister or a bother. What is that like? I have never had family so I have no idea what unconditionoal love is.

We throw around the term all the time. I loved that movie, or that food, or that coat. But what does that mean.

LOVE is easy to say hard too do. I have never found it, never had it, and now in my later years I don't think I will experience it.

If anyone can really show me love. I would be astonished.

Now on to your second part what makes a man stay. For me it would be finding someone who truely was interested in me and cared for me and wanted me. Someone who could see me for who I am not what I am. Someone who could bring out the best in me. Someone to put up with my strenghts and my weakness. Someone who is accepting. Someone who shared my passion and is understanding yet can stand on her own. Someone who knows what she wants and goes and gets it. Someone who wants to give more than take. Someone who is an equal. Someone with the passion in her eyes, compassion in her heart, focus in her head.

What make me leave is the pain in the relationship. I hate the pain. When she hates me and who I am. The disinterest. The blame game.

 

[Ms. Yoko Anna]

What is love?

In Japanese writing, a word for " love" (ai) is written in one character which has two parts in it.

受 means "to accept".

心 which you can find in 受 means "heart".

So, I tend to understand " to love someone" means " to accept who the person is"

So when I love someone, I don't think "I would love him more if he is this and does that."
If his feet stink, I would love the smell.
If he fucks around on me, I accept it, smile and give him a condom, waiting for him to come home to have meal with me.

When I am the center of the relationship, " I want that", "take me out", and "love me more", that's not love... At least in terms of general idea of love in Japan. We have a different word for the me-centered feeling for someone.
(FYI, it is 恋 (koi))

Both 愛 and 恋 are an excellent word/ concept. I tend to think every 愛 starts from 恋.
When the relationship shift from me-centered to you-centered, that's, I say, love.

 

[jesuschrist]

And this is the character for man:

which is composed of "field":

and "strength":

So the symbol of "man" is strength in the field.
Taking this definition, and the definition for love mentioned by Yoko, it would seem that love is a very challenging concept for men - for his whole being is the essence of force applied externally and love asks us to accept internally.

 

[Dgodus]

I always found it very strange with all the Japanese tourists. The wives would be walking like 5 feet behind their man. There was even an odd time or two I've been called to rooms to make up beds on the floor. Couldn't ever see any of my friends from the hotel behaving or tolerating that, heck they were actually both pretty mouthy.

 

[the old maxx50]

Yah i might of though my actions were wrong also .. but i was open about How I felt and she knew , her family knew and any one that knew the both of us knew,, and i did not pursue her when i knew she was involved with some one else., She did not loss jobs because of me .. her first job she was working with her mother and aunt. Her second job was where she met her husband ..He knew all about me too .. and was quite capable of doing some thing if every one rel thought as you stated .. He never felt threatened by me . Any one that know me that there is no malice in my actions .. I think she got married because of some thing ,it was for a lot worst then a inept admirer .. Her father and possibly her grandfather sexually assaulted young women of there church 20 yrs earlier ,, which was not delt with as the time , but came to light and was prosecuted .. after i became part of that there church .. .

The strange thing is that when i first met her father a few year before .. I had this thought that he was child molester ? rapist ? Thought totally with out grounds , because he was a nice enough person .. But it was all way one of my concerns for her .. and when it came to light, was the concerns of the husbands of all three daughters .. They all denied any thing had happened , And i think they barrily accepted that there father was to blame for what had happened ..

Life is not so black and white as me being a stockier .. a little crazy sure .. But if any man has not acted a little over the top when they think they are in love and that there is only one person for them . Then they never were in love . From, that one experience i came away with knowing a lot about my self and about other people.. yah not all good .

Sorry if you think it is off track .. but you asked "Why do men love" . That is one of the reasons and one of the roads it follows
..
Non of my actions in the 8 years i was close to the family ever caused them to be fear full me .. when i came to the church they knew all about me , I was accepted for who i was .. I was invited to the wedding .. I was asked to do work on there house i did work on the sisters house ,, i even had her father and brother work for me when they needed a job and money sure it was all because i cared about her .. and i still do that for people to day .. maybe you want to assume the worst .. but people that know me know better..

 

[the old maxx50]

Now on to your second part what makes a man stay. For me it would be finding someone who truely was interested in me and cared for me and wanted me. Someone who could see me for who I am not what I am. Someone who could bring out the best in me. Someone to put up with my strenghts and my weakness. Someone who is accepting. Someone who shared my passion and is understanding yet can stand on her own. Someone who knows what she wants and goes and gets it. Someone who wants to give more than take. Someone who is an equal. Someone with the passion in her eyes, compassion in her heart, focus in her head.
[/QUOTE]

Yes I have to agree with that ,, that definitely is what i am looking for and at the same time willing to give also , and have not found .. but is what i also look for in a partner