"Why can't I own a Canadian?"

mistressfreyja

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(In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet.)


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)


*****Please note that it has been stated that the writer is not known, and that Dr. Kauffman was falsely accused of being the author.
 

Rod the bod

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May 8, 2010
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In similar vein

This has been used in a Canadian context but obviously applies across the world. We, human beings, are capable of being really pathetic when it suits us - and we'll conjure up justifications worthy of 5 years olds caught in a lie at the drop of a religious hat.


Kevin Annett from his film 'Unrepentant: Kevin Annett and Canada's Genocide.' 2006.

Deuteronomy Ch 7
Verse 1 When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee.......
Verse 2 And when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
Verse 3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them......
Verse 5 But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.
Verse 6 For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the fce of the earth.

As Annett asserts, once you have this belief you can commit any act of injustice from theft to murder to genocide while believing you are doing God's work.
 

mimi

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Oct 9, 2008
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Most of the old testament is about invaders pillaging and raping in the name of a god...I certainly cannot base my own beliefs on that sort of behaviour, but, I suppose it was all about eating...if your own land became barren then you would starve if you didn't take someone else's.
 

HankQuinlan

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Sep 7, 2002
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Sometimes I would like to stone disobedient children..... That one is in Deuteronomy, but I think it only applies if they are your own children. Darn.

I also kind of like the story about god sending bears to kill the children who made fun of his prophet Elisha. I would like to have a buddy like that looking after me if I was being made fun of for my baldness.
 

mistressfreyja

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Aug 25, 2008
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Yep...it was late when I found it on CL in the rant/rave section.

I didn't research it, but found it to be interesting, and I know enough of the Old Testament to know that these premises do exist somewhere.

Schlessinger is also spelled wrong (2-s's).

And I cannot say for sure that biblical quotes are correctly quoted, as per bible location.

That said, I got a kick out of reading it, and enjoyed the satire.

Rod, I'm glad you also got a kick out of it, and thanks for doing the research that I was lazy not to do. :) (show-off.)

J/K.

I was just raised hyper-Christian, and have spent the rest of my life revamping my entire spirituality notions, and thinking about what 'faith' really means to me. I will leave it to Plato and Nietzsche to help open our minds outside of our own collective societal influences. I am not religious now, but I do believe in a power that is greater than me, which can be whatever I perceive it to be. AA says it best for me and my experiences. I love the serenity prayer and it's broad daily application.

Serenity now! LMAO

Just checking. I looked up Prof Kauffman and found this which might interest you - www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp. He didn't write it and it's unclear who did but it's great anyway.
 

Mr.Boggo

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Jun 1, 2010
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Hah, that was awesome. I used to listen to Dr. Laura, but the more I did, the more I realized that lady was fucking crazy.
 

Bartdude

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Jul 5, 2006
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There's been considerable trouble, because of how viral this email went, at verifying that this was actually written to Dr. Laura:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

Made for a great scene on the West Wing, however:

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