Who's Your Someone Special?

[GreatGatsby]

It was either several recent semi-related threads along quasi-similar topics or it might’ve just been some bad pizza…but I wanted to start a thread to take a general approach and get some more details at the same time. I’d like to ask the guys and ladies on this board about what you would say falls into the description of your ideal mate. This could be as simple a person that you’d like to spend time with or go as far as that someone special that you might even consider settling down for the long run.

For me, when I’m done with the bar flys and strippers and the truck stop gals, I don’t know if I’d like to end up as a 50 year old (still a long time away) chasing after 20 year old skirts. And I hate being set up on blind dates because I always have to ask… ok, when you say hot, do you mean hot as in squinting with one eye and six drinks later? If I wanted someone with “personality,” I’d go shopping at the ugly farm, right?

I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much or reaching on this, cuz in real life, the a**holes always get the girl and nice/good guys (not saying that's me) always seem to finish last. I’ve done my share of chasing all sorts of romances that have been doomed from the start, but there are some days that this old tired heart can't take that kind of drama anymore. (Cue in the sound of heart breaking, ship sinking, world falling apart........)

So, taking a serious look at it, I’d say that there are two things that exist that make a person who they are. There’s no doubt that looks do play a part in the whole equation, but there’s also the even more important part of the equation called heart and soul. I think sex at that point has to be something that is for the ultimate expression of emotions and intimacy and not just for sheer physical pleasure. I’m sure that most of the girls out there just want respect and a genuine interest from guys, but perhaps the majority of us don’t realize that there’s a whole world that exists above the neck line. Given that, I’d hope to find myself a girl with a smile that would bring out the sun for me and her eyes have a depth to them that I could lose myself forever in. When the beauty fades and the physical attributes waste away, there’s still gotta be mutual attraction of intelligence, wit, humour and charm to keep things going. Everything that brought you two together is what will get you through the tough times and the long haul and that’s what I’d hope to find in a girl.

I’d say that I'd take a person who's made mistakes before, because I'm hoping that I can be there to pick her up if she stumbles or falls and inevitably, the day that I hit rough times, that same person is there to pick me up...... A girl who will let me be a gentleman and a little old fashioned at times, letting me hold the door open or bring flowers for no reason. I’m hoping to find someone that thinks that I’m funny and maybe a little funny looking at the same time. Perhaps even a special somebody that’s waiting for a simple Prince Charming to save her from all the lonely nights of eating Rocky Road ice cream.

I think that the qualities that a guy looks for in a girl would reflect a lot about who he is as well. He needs to ask himself not whether this girl can give him everything that he wants and desires, but rather whether or not he is able to give all the same things back in return. Trust is a big thing, same with integrity and I don’t think that anyone that knows me can doubt those qualities in me. Anyhow, I do wish everybody good luck with all that in finding their dream girl. It seems kinda rough at times, but when the girl you are meant to be with comes into your life the wait will be well worth it. Still waiting for mine...Follow your heart.

 

[Cinnamon Girl]

ideal mate

yes, heart & soul.
I believe in love(lust) at first sight/meeting. When that rush of exciting nervousness fills your inner being....when you can't get enough of that person.....when all you can think about is the next time you see each other...when you breath the same breath & are intoxicated by the phermones that create a deep insatiable craving for more, more, more.

For me, its not so much a certain look, but common interests, thoughtfulness, kindness, creativity, intelligence, spiritual awareness & an open mind.

Ladies & gentlemen...money can't buy you love http://pheromone.name/

Leonard Cohen - Ain't No Cure For Love Lyrics

I loved you for a long, long time
I know this love is real
It don't matter how it all went wrong
That don't change the way I feel
And I can't believe that time's
Gonna heal this wound I'm speaking of
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure for love
I'm aching for you baby
I can't pretend I'm not
I need to see you naked
In your body and your thought
I've got you like a habit
And I'll never get enough
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure for love

There ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love
All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky
The holy books are open wide
The doctors working day and night
But they'll never ever find that cure for love
There ain't no drink no drug
(Ah tell them, angels)
There's nothing pure enough to be a cure for love

I see you in the subway and I see you on the bus
I see you lying down with me, I see you waking up
I see your hand, I see your hair
Your bracelets and your brush
And I call to you, I call to you
But I don't call soft enough
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure for love

I walked into this empty church I had no place else to go
When the sweetest voice I ever heard, whispered to my soul
I don't need to be forgiven for loving you so much
It's written in the scriptures
It's written there in blood
I even heard the angels declare it from above
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure,
There ain't no cure for love

There ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love
All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky
The holy books are open wide
The doctors working day and night
But they'll never ever find that cure,
That cure for love

 

[Birdboy]

The answer is both less and more than you think..

GG, it's all very simple. I could rattle off a list of things that I would want, or at least think that I would want in a member of the opposite sex and to be honest most of these things are just window dressing. Purely physical attraction is important.. for the first few minutes. Ok, maybe an hour for me. After that, if all that's there is the physical attraction, it's pretty shallow. I think that we all want the same things, both men and women included.

We want to love and be loved in return.

We want to be respected and give respect.

We want to share values. It isn't necessary, but it makes things easier if there is a common background.

After that, what else is there?

 

[old pooner]

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that friendship will get you through tougher times than love will. I think too many people make a list of what they want in an ideal mate and pass over those that don't fit their rigid expectations. While we all have things we look for in a SO, think about what flaws are acceptable and what are deal breakers. If you are looking for perfection you may be dooming yourself to a life of frustrations and loneliness. Be willing to give some leeway. Many people have a lot of great qualities if you willing to overlook a few faults.

 

[bwaters]

Hey Great-While I understand your concern about being 50 and still chasing 20 year olds, like others have mentioned, don't be in a big hurry or be too narrow-minded about a perfect mate. When I think about perfection I like to add a certain amount of brain-power in addition to heart and sole. On the other hand being 50 and even 60 is great because we can still have our cake and eat them/it too!

 

[Sonny]

GG, your lament of nice guys finishing last is not accurate. If the girls you pursue want a different kind of man, then you are pursuing the wrong girls. If they want another type of guy, then it is impossible to make them change to want you. You've got your sights set on the wrong target, so I suspect you are being attracted by something other than your stated wish list of qualities.

I'd say also that your wish list is far too detailed and leaves little room for a real girl. The qualities should be broad and not narrowly defined, and it's more a process of discovery with a discriminating mind as well as an open heart, looking to see what's really there in front of you.

That being said, for me, qualities that aid the bonds of being together are the capacity and ability to love and be loved, friendship, reliability, that comfortable feeling of being together, affection, being considerate, helpful & supportive, respect, giving and compassionate, sexual in the personal way... for a few. But these are discovered along the way, as it takes time to know someone. So for starters, look for the person who is pleasantly fun to be with, who has nice eyes and smile, and who seems to be interested in some of the things that interest you... this person may perhaps one day be interested in you. Take it easy and enjoy, rather than pursue.

Good luck, GG.

 

[ScottyTwoHotty]

ME! My psychiatrist told me that no matter what people say. "I'm Special".....
Oh...... And the meds are working.!.!.!

 

[georgebushmoron]

I’d like to ask the guys and ladies on this board about what you would say falls into the description of your ideal mate.

A person can list a bunch of things, such as good sense of humor, appreciate little things in life, adventurous, etc. You see these lists time and again on the internet, and what should strike you is how similar these lists are among everyone, men and women. Men tend to put more bias on appearance, women tend to put more bias on the man being able to provide for them (on many levels). Nevertheless, the similarities in the lists are astounding yet not surprising. What does that tell you about anybody's definition of the "ideal mate"? It seems we all have the same or similar ideal mates. Surely we would be the ideal mate we ourselves are searching for. Then why are so many people still searching??

For me, when I’m done with the bar flys and strippers and the truck stop gals, I don’t know if I’d like to end up as a 50 year old (still a long time away) chasing after 20 year old skirts.

I suspect the men who fall into that rut are not truly happy though they may be vastly entertained. I also suspect that these guys have some intractable intimacy problems.

I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much or reaching on this, cuz in real life, the a**holes always get the girl and nice/good guys (not saying that's me) always seem to finish last.

It seems that way, but not true. Women are attracted to confident men. Most women, no matter what their age, have a naivete about this thing called confidence as they spend their entire lives trying attain it. For some reason, confidence is out of the reach of most women no matter their experience (after all, it's still a man's world). Because they are so naive about "confidence", men who exude even false sense of confidence are very attractive to women. These men are usually bad characters. They put on the mask of confidence because they are shielding insecurities/failures or have decided that society's rules don't apply to them and can thus ignore them - which appears to be confidence (where in fact, they are just antisocial or even sociopaths). That being said, women are attracted to confidence whether the man is a good man or a bad man. They are so attracted to it that they would go with a bad man simply because it liberates them from society's rules on women (that they do not have the personal strength to muster) and also their own desperate search for their own attainment. But are these then the women you want? The wiser woman, though still searching for confidence in her partner (rather than herself), will try to find it in a good man. Confidence is hard to attain, it takes experience, sometimes sweat and tears. A man who remains true to his principles despite the trials and tribulations is deemed a worthy, good man. A good woman knows this, and will find it. My advice to you is if you consider yourself a nice guy, then focus your energy not on being nice, but being confident. "Nice" to a woman is often the equivalent of "door mat". A confident man will not be nice for the sake of niceness. A good confident man will be nice because of principle. A bad confident man will be nice to get something. Yet confident men will never allow their own desires and goals to be overrun by the whims and emotions of a woman. This is what you need to show her.

I’ve done my share of chasing all sorts of romances that have been doomed from the start, but there are some days that this old tired heart can't take that kind of drama anymore.

Many have experienced what you are experiencing. It means you want to find something more meaningful. That sense of meaning starts by looking within for it. If you look for your sense of meaning inside others, you'll never find it.

So, taking a serious look at it, I’d say that there are two things that exist that make a person who they are. There’s no doubt that looks do play a part in the whole equation, but there’s also the even more important part of the equation called heart and soul.

I don't think you are accurate that looks has something to do with it. I think you are referring to chemistry, which might have something to do with looks or charisma. As for heart and soul, these are not easily knowable in any person. You may feel that you know the heart and soul of someone in a short time, and this may astound you. Yet this familiarity will eventually fade with time spent (as you realise other qualities of that person), for what you experience in a short moment can not traverse the depth of another's heart and soul. It takes time and your investment of personal energy to really know someone

I think that the qualities that a guy looks for in a girl would reflect a lot about who he is as well. He needs to ask himself not whether this girl can give him everything that he wants and desires, but rather whether or not he is able to give all the same things back in return. Trust is a big thing, same with integrity and I don’t think that anyone that knows me can doubt those qualities in me. Anyhow, I do wish everybody good luck with all that in finding their dream girl. It seems kinda rough at times, but when the girl you are meant to be with comes into your life the wait will be well worth it. Still waiting for mine...Follow your heart.

Again, we are coming back to the list of things that make an ideal mate. Remember how I said that many people have similar elements in their lists? Are we all looking for the same or similar people? It would appear to be so. My take on this is that these ideal people exist by the multitudes. Everyone has those qualities we seek, in significant fraction or in whole. What sets them apart?

First, dispell the notion that there is an ideal mate, or a soul mate. It's a romantic myth, and its effect is to make you lost. What sets one person apart from another, who both have those ideal elements, is simply their chemistry with you. Once you find someone with a compatible chemistry, know that they share qualities that are ideal with other people too. What does this mean? It means that if you and this other person decide to have a relationship, keep the chemistry alive and create a relationship that continuously promotes those ideal qualities in each other. If it doesn't work out, know that there are multitudes of others with similar qualities. Once the chemistry is there, it's the effort you make to bring the ideal mate out of who you decide to be with.

 

[old pooner]

I know what you mean GG. I have always wondered why the men who treat women like absolute trash, are totally surrounded by them.

 

[BC_Boy]

nice guys don't finish last.....it's wimps that finish last.

Notice the 2 key words: NICE and GUY (be a man!)