When Did You "Come Out" About Your Kink

[Aeiyah]

I just finished reading this blog post. I share some of the same feelings as the blogger, I find the young fellow's situation rather sad. I also give him kudos for taking the first step to find the answers he needs.

I was wondering:

1. When did you accept that your interests may be different than what most people consider normal?

2. When did you "come out" and who knows about your kink?

For me, I've always known and accepted that I was not normal & straight. As long as I have been interested in sex, I've been interested in all things kinky. Although I've never told anyone in my family, I believe my mother has suspected, if not actually known, that I was queer since I was a teenager. As far as I know, she's never told anyone else.

Other than the circle of friends I have met in the BDSM community, my wife is the only other person who knows. I've always compartmentalized my life, so I'm happy with having separate identities for my personal life, my work life, family life, vanilla friends and kinky friends.

 

[trackstar]

Yeah, I think this one needs a bit of clarification. Not sure if I'm understanding it right....

 

[Sweetdaty]

Queer or Bi? If queer why does your wife stay with you?

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia;

The word "queer" has traditionally meant "odd" or "unusual," but its use in reference to LGBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex) communities as well as those perceived to be members of those communities has replaced the traditional definition and application. Its usage is considered controversial and underwent substantial changes over the course of the 20th Century with some LGBT people re-claiming the term as a means of self-empowerment.

Give the guy a break!

 

[trackstar]

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia;

The word "queer" has traditionally meant "odd" or "unusual," but its use in reference to LGBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex) communities as well as those perceived to be members of those communities has replaced the traditional definition and application. Its usage is considered controversial and underwent substantial changes over the course of the 20th Century with some LGBT people re-claiming the term as a means of self-empowerment.

Give the guy a break!

Relax dude, he just asked the guy a harmless question

 

[Aeiyah]

The problem with categories and labels is that I've never felt I fit any. I present myself as a straight male and have been happy living my life that way, but I know that's not who I am. I used the term queer as meaning, "not vanilla, heterosexual". "Bi" doesn't exactly fit me. I don't find any sexual attraction in other men. I have done forced bi scenes and have enjoyed it and done MMF threesomes where I've played with the other guy.

 

[mistressfreyja]

Sympathetic

I hear your frustration with labels. We all use them in order to categorize. Frankly we have to, with all the stimuli and neuro-activities that our brain is constantly processing.

But, we all need to be aware of the limitations that labels often produce. And, more often than not, it's a means of producing judgment against another's differences.

My immediate family are all aware of my lifestyle choice. And, let me just say, some have been more supportive than others. The one person that has dealt with this knowledge in a constructive manner, is my dad, who essentially doesn't agree, but keeps his mouth shut and loves me in spite.

More than I can say for my sister, who condemned me to eternal damnation, but told me she'll at least pray for me in the meantime. LMAO!

I guess I should learn to compartmentalize better. But, I've always valued being forefront. My bad.

The problem with categories and labels is that I've never felt I fit any. I present myself as a straight male and have been happy living my life that way, but I know that's not who I am. I used the term queer as meaning, "not vanilla, heterosexual". "Bi" doesn't exactly fit me. I don't find any sexual attraction in other men. I have done forced bi scenes and have enjoyed it and done MMF threesomes where I've played with the other guy.

 

[trackstar]

The problem with categories and labels is that I've never felt I fit any. I present myself as a straight male and have been happy living my life that way, but I know that's not who I am. I used the term queer as meaning, "not vanilla, heterosexual". "Bi" doesn't exactly fit me. I don't find any sexual attraction in other men. I have done forced bi scenes and have enjoyed it and done MMF threesomes where I've played with the other guy.

I would go with trisexual or just plain ol' kinky!

 

[Sweetdaty]

No need to be over sensitive Sweetdaty, I asked an honest question based on my understanding of the term. Even in recent TV shows, they have meant Queer to mean Gay. I now know and isn't that what discussion is really all about?

Got it, thnxs.

 

[Sweetdaty]

I just finished reading this blog post. I share some of the same feelings as the blogger, I find the young fellow's situation rather sad. I also give him kudos for taking the first step to find the answers he needs.

I was wondering:

1. When did you accept that your interests may be different than what most people consider normal?

2. When did you "come out" and who knows about your kink?

For me, I've always known and accepted that I was not normal & straight. As long as I have been interested in sex, I've been interested in all things kinky. Although I've never told anyone in my family, I believe my mother has suspected, if not actually known, that I was queer since I was a teenager. As far as I know, she's never told anyone else.

Other than the circle of friends I have met in the BDSM community, my wife is the only other person who knows. I've always compartmentalized my life, so I'm happy with having separate identities for my personal life, my work life, family life, vanilla friends and kinky friends.

For me, I was violently beaten and locked in my room for hours at a time by my mother from an early age. As I grew up the incidents became less frequent and I found myself purposely misbehaving to receive punishment, by the time I reached puberty I was getting sexually aroused during these incidents, aroused not by my mother but by the pain inflected on me. I never got a chance to discuss what has become my kink w/my mother as she had passed away by the time I accepted the fact that I had developed an extremely high tolerance to pain and that I was very much different than most other guys.


Along life’s path I have discussed my kink w/all my steady girlfriends and had several of them try and fill the void. This has lead me to recently dip my big toe into the BDSM pool but I have since retreated as I realized that I need to further study and understand the role of a sub in an domme/sub relationships before I pursue my BDSM kink any further.


Aeiyah, I found the blog post most interesting, thnxs for posting.

 

[trackstar]

For me, I was violently beaten and locked in my room for hours at a time by my mother from an early age. As I grew up the incidents became less frequent and I found myself purposely misbehaving to receive punishment, by the time I reached puberty I was getting sexually aroused during these incidents, aroused not by my mother but by the pain inflected on me. I never got a chance to discuss what has become my kink w/my mother as she had passed away by the time I accepted the fact that I had developed an extremely high tolerance to pain and that I was very much different than most other guys.


Along life’s path I have discussed my kink w/all my steady girlfriends and had several of them try and fill the void. This has lead me to recently dip my big toe into the BDSM pool but I have since retreated as I realized that I need to further study and understand the role of a sub in an domme/sub relationships before I pursue my BDSM kink any further.


Aeiyah, I found the blog post most interesting, thnxs for posting.

So sorry to hear you went through that! Just my take, but you may want to consider seeing a therapist first to find out where you really stand on the abuse that you suffered as a child. Repressed trauma can resurface in very unpredictable ways in a very magnified formation. Take care of yourself man

 

[mistressfreyja]

That breaks my heart.

I felt like I couldn't even reply. I don't profess to have the right thing to say.

I just want to state that being a masochist doesn't have to come from such a dark place.

And all I can say is that you are the wiser for being cognitive of the situation.

My heart goes out to you. I know that wasn't what you sought in posting.

But your primary experience with a mother/female figure was violent and demeaning.

And I'm REALLY glad you stepped away from BDSM. Cuz that isn't where you find answers, coming from this scenario. Come back when you're ready. But, do the psychological work first. Heal yourself.

For me, I was violently beaten and locked in my room for hours at a time by my mother from an early age. As I grew up the incidents became less frequent and I found myself purposely misbehaving to receive punishment, by the time I reached puberty I was getting sexually aroused during these incidents, aroused not by my mother but by the pain inflected on me. I never got a chance to discuss what has become my kink w/my mother as she had passed away by the time I accepted the fact that I had developed an extremely high tolerance to pain and that I was very much different than most other guys.


Along life’s path I have discussed my kink w/all my steady girlfriends and had several of them try and fill the void. This has lead me to recently dip my big toe into the BDSM pool but I have since retreated as I realized that I need to further study and understand the role of a sub in an domme/sub relationships before I pursue my BDSM kink any further.


Aeiyah, I found the blog post most interesting, thnxs for posting.

 

[Sweetdaty]

I felt like I couldn't even reply. I don't profess to have the right thing to say.

I just want to state that being a masochist doesn't have to come from such a dark place.

And all I can say is that you are the wiser for being cognitive of the situation.

My heart goes out to you. I know that wasn't what you sought in posting.

But your primary experience with a mother/female figure was violent and demeaning.

And I'm REALLY glad you stepped away from BDSM. Cuz that isn't where you find answers, coming from this scenario. Come back when you're ready. But, do the psychological work first. Heal yourself.

Two Mistress’s can’t be wrong; thru my employer I have the resources available to me. I’ll make arrangements Monday morning.

Thank You for responding Mistress Freyja

 

[DominaPandora]

I first discovered my sadistic and masochist tendencies at a very young age, it's a part of who I am. I was a very dominant child who loved to torture others in various ways and delighted in it. At the same point, I always loved pain and sought out those who could possibly outdo me, which got me into trouble.

As I got older, I was simply the odd duck. I never hid who I was and wasn't quite sure why I was so wierd.

During my first marriage, my husband opened "pandora's box" by introducing me to the fetish scene, thereby came the name. He said it was like opening pandora's box and knowing you could never close it. -laughs-

My family and friends know who I am and what I do. Those who cannot accept it have been cast from my life long ago. Those who remain are respectful, some do not approve but understand that this is who I am and I do not seek nor need their approval.

I stepped out of the scene for a few years to reflect, experience new things and grow in other ways. I returned because this is a large part of who I am, it cannot be denied, the beast must be fed. -giggles-

I choose to be me, so I've never really had to tell anyone, most guessed before I did.

 

[DominaPandora]

For me, I was violently beaten and locked in my room for hours at a time by my mother from an early age. As I grew up the incidents became less frequent and I found myself purposely misbehaving to receive punishment, by the time I reached puberty I was getting sexually aroused during these incidents, aroused not by my mother but by the pain inflected on me. I never got a chance to discuss what has become my kink w/my mother as she had passed away by the time I accepted the fact that I had developed an extremely high tolerance to pain and that I was very much different than most other guys.


Along life’s path I have discussed my kink w/all my steady girlfriends and had several of them try and fill the void. This has lead me to recently dip my big toe into the BDSM pool but I have since retreated as I realized that I need to further study and understand the role of a sub in an domme/sub relationships before I pursue my BDSM kink any further.


Aeiyah, I found the blog post most interesting, thnxs for posting.

While I would never state that one should not seek professional help, should they feel the need, I would just like to state a few things from someone with a similar perspective.

Things, whether bad or good influence your life and parts of who you are, therefore altering your likes/ dislikes. There is not neccessarily something wrong with an abused person coming to enjoy the pain and does not neccessarily mean something is wrong with you and you require therapy.

As pain and pleasure affect the same sections of your brain, it only makes sense that those of us who experience more pain may find it extremely erotic and enjoyable and seek it out. The problem is only in how you percieve it. If you are ok with it, there is no problem. If you feel that it affects your life in a negative manner and you cannot come to terms with it, then I would agree with the other Dommes.

Feel free to chat with me privately if you like.

 

[Sweetdaty]

While I would never state that one should not seek professional help, should they feel the need, I would just like to state a few things from someone with a similar perspective.

Things, whether bad or good influence your life and parts of who you are, therefore altering your likes/ dislikes. There is not neccessarily something wrong with an abused person coming to enjoy the pain and does not neccessarily mean something is wrong with you and you require therapy.

As pain and pleasure affect the same sections of your brain, it only makes sense that those of us who experience more pain may find it extremely erotic and enjoyable and seek it out. The problem is only in how you percieve it. If you are ok with it, there is no problem. If you feel that it affects your life in a negative manner and you cannot come to terms with it, then I would agree with the other Dommes.

Feel free to chat with me privately if you like.

Thank You for responding Domina Pandora.