What could make a woman desire sex as much as a man?

[tantalizeme]

At a swinger party, not long ago, the action in the orgy room was slow getting started—so I decided to kick things off with my GF. Before long we were joined by another couple and soon switched partners.

I was absolutely amazed by the new lady’s passion. Except for first names, the only words exchanged were expressions of arousal. She encouraged me to do things, including Greek, I’ve never done before with a stranger at a swinger’s event.

There’s just no lovelier sight for me than impaling a sex-crazed woman writhing with lust. Ever since that night I’ve been pondering the question: What makes some women desire sex as much as I do?

My relationships over the years often became strained, and fizzled, when my partner’s sexual appetite couldn’t keep pace with my own, both in terms of frequency and adventurousness. Are there any secrets about what helps transform your average-libido woman into a beautifully wanton slut?

Call me naïve, but I think a good portion of the world’s problems could be solved if women’s sexual interest could be pulled up to match that of men more nearly—so most men wouldn‘t be so sex-deprived and, as a result, self-destructively frustrated, restless, violence-prone and viciously competitive in acquiring the resources to attract women.

Anyone who invents a drug that boosts female libido—without bad side effects—will make a ridiculous fortune, that's for sure.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I was just thinking about this the other day, TM. Grand generalizations taken into consideration, allow me to share some of my thoughts.

It occurs to me that the female libido must have such different trigger zones than the male. I was thinking about how a guy often wants to have sex to feel good, but a lady often has to feel good to want to have sex.

So in a relationship with an SO (let's say there are children involved), there are a lot of things that can get in the way of the lady "feeling good" and wanting some sex.

Such as: kid troubles she has to deal with, she is often the one who cleans up the diapers/toilets and the smelly laundry and washes the floors, down on her hands and knees maybe even! The bills aren't getting paid, the house needs some repairs, the kids grades are suffering, the kids are fighting, the neighbour's dog is pooping in her yard, or the dog is barking all night. The family needs to be fed, and the food needs to be cooked, the dishwasher is leaking, and the mother-in-law is driving her crazy.

Now unknown to most men, these factors really put thoughts of sex on the back burner (if they even exist anymore) for their partner. While a guy could use sex to get some relief from all this, the lady usually needs relief from all of this stress before she's willing to put sex back on her list at all! And because this guy who wants sex is so closely connected to these familial stresses, him asking for sex, on top of the other stuff, can sometimes be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back!

The lady at the swingers party might have been single, with no cares on her mind (work stresses often don't have the same result) except to get laid, frequently, excitedly, ravishingly!

And let's compare the wife/mom's life to the average professional upscale SP who is waiting for said Mr. to arrive for a date. She has had time to freshen up, her focus has been on the upcoming appointment (the hair, the nails, the outfit, the cologne, the vamp), she is relaxed and anticipating an increase of $$ to her net worth, and she has to be energized, accommodating, and enthusiastic for about an hour (or less). And it doesn't matter a lick how she actually feels about the fella, or whether or not she actually enjoys any of the activities that they'll be participating in! And, after he leaves, she gets back to her crossword puzzles or her soap operas or whatever...

Wow, just writing out my thoughts makes me feel that husbands and wives barely have a chance to have a great sex life.

I guess that's what they mean when they say that couples need to schedule 'dates', get the babysitter committed frequently, and get mom some help around the house...sounds like the bare minimum tools for relationship survival, in and out of bed!

 

[Holly Taylor]

And, after he leaves, she gets back to her crossword puzzles or her soap operas or whatever...

Oh dear. This truly makes me cringe.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Oh dear. This truly makes me cringe.

Not to worry, I was just being 'general' and didn't mean for that comment to be taken too seriously...I know that many ladies get back to their studies, and other important life's work. My point was that the short time invested can make it easier to give off the appearance of enjoying the sexual interlude...as compared to the mom/wife/partner who doesn't have that liberty.

P.S. Spend a little time at your average MP and you'll see what happens all day long, between appointments...soap operas, sitcoms, The Price is Right, Y&R, etc, etc (no joke)...

 

[Caramel]

What could make a woman desire sex as much as a man?

Getting paid for it?

 

[luvsdaty]

A platinum Visa card & an 1800 sq ft shoe closet?

 

[chilli]

You have to be really straight up with a woman when you first start dating - you have to let her know in no uncertain terms
that, if there's no sex, or if she gets fat and lazy - then there's no you.

If she complains leave, leave as fast as you can.

 

[the old maxx50]

I have seen that there are many women out there that want sex more then men . some are SPs.. and then thee are those that don't want sex too .and they are SP's

Now a woman that want sex all the time and can't get it from her guy is usually called a cheater and a slut or worse . Guys that sleep around are cheaters .. or he just is in to one night stands .. I don't really think there are a lot of guys that are all way getting sex a or wanting it ,

I know i can get up for it any time a woman actually want me too but that is a rarity and if i lived with some one and we had sexual relation sure i would love it every morning or at lunch time and dinner , but i know i would not insist or expect it..

But so far none of the ladies have given an answer to your question, only the guys have said what they would like and
some ladies have a greed .

AS I said i know one or two women that when they need sex they go after some guy to get it . I guess i wished i was the guy that they went after .LOL

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Pretty much true, except that I have to wonder about why a woman would make babies with a guy that can't provide...

Interesting perspective, AIB. So what you're saying is that, "...what could make a woman desire sex as much as a man" could be that they plan a life that takes their individual needs into consideration. IE. she needs to figure out what it will take to keep her sex drive alive, and he has to be willing to get on board for this. Oh oh, I hear you using that highly under-valued and under-used tool called communication!

One couple I know: his sex drive is way higher than hers. How do they handle it? 1) From time to time, she gives him 'permission' to dip-it elsewhere, and no hard feelings ensue, because it's an agreed-upon solution to a mutually understood situation. 2) Now and then, they invite her horny girlfriend over for an evening visit...translation = a 3-some that night!

Meanwhile, he doesn't have to change and she doesn't have to change...they just accept each other and come up with solutions that they can mutually agree on.

 

[tantalizeme]

Wow, just writing out my thoughts makes me feel that husbands and wives barely have a chance to have a great sex life.

I guess that's what they mean when they say that couples need to schedule 'dates', get the babysitter committed frequently, and get mom some help around the house...sounds like the bare minimum tools for relationship survival, in and out of bed!

Appreciate the replies, even though ideas on the topic of boosting female libido are thin on the ground. Special thanks to PlayfulAlex for perceptive and totally realistic remarks.

I think social factors easily widen the gap between men's and women's sexual interest—but the basic cause seems to be genetic. To maximize the number of offspring during evolutionary history, it just didn't make the same sense for women to want frequent sex with different partners as it did for men.

So any really effective means to narrow the gap will probably have to be chemical—perhaps some kind of testosterone-laced hormone cocktail with side-effect suppressants?

Suppose a truly effective libido-boosting drug for women is found: there's obviously pros and cons to this.

The main upside is that there'd be less male sexual frustration, so harmony between the genders as well as world peace would finally have a chance. People would spend more time on pleasurable fucking, which (hopefully) means less time fighting.

The main downside is that important matters, like one's job or housework, might get neglected. Pregnancies and STIs might rise unless prevention is consistently practiced.

More women would put unwelcome pressure to have sex on their male partner and have affairs that provoke his jealousy. And, to use Catherine Hakim's language, ending the "male sex deficit" would reduce women's "erotic capital."

I think these problems wouldn't be as acute as they sound because taking the drug would surely be optional, and most women would only take it at certain times, for example in relationships with men who'd really like them to be more sexually motivated.

Of course, monogamy would become less popular than it's now, which to my mind is no great loss.

 

[tantalizeme]

Getting paid for it?

Yes—that's obviously the way guys on this Board try to overcome our sex deficit. Last year I spent about one quarter of my disposable income on SPs.

But, quite apart from the cost, "getting" sex from a woman who is motivated by money isn't nearly as gratifying as her liking sex for its own sake would be, especially in the case of one's romantic partner.

***

If an effective, side-effect free drug exists already that boosts a woman's libido, I'd love to get my hands on it—please PM me the info.

Is such a drug even possible? I think it must be—because some women are vastly more libido-charged than others. For example, I've met SPs with voracious sexual appetites. It's as if having sex with different partners daily developed their craving or addiction for sex. It seems to me utterly implausible that they faked it.

As former PERB gem Sexy Nina Leone (now retired) once wrote, "The more sex you have, the more you want." Certainly that's true for me. And if the adage "Use it or lose it" is correct, then perhaps if you use "it" a lot you're not only less likely to lose it, but might actually increase your interest in it.

It stands to reason that a woman's brain chemistry changes in a fairly lasting way when she has an intense sex life, the way busy SPs too. Supporting evidence I've observed for this is that it's often the busiest SPs—e.g. popular micro girls with a full schedule—who are amazing nymphos.

Perhaps they were like this before and selected themselves for this job. But it's also possible that they were driven to this job by economic need and gradually learnt to enjoy it. They got "into the groove."

I think what's needed is an in-depth study of highly-sexed women's hormone balance and other aspects of body chemistry, to find out exactly what it takes to fire up a woman's sexuality.

 

[*emmanuelle]

in a relationship with an SO (let's say there are children involved), there are a lot of things that can get in the way of the lady "feeling good" and wanting some sex.

Such as: kid troubles she has to deal with, she is often the one who cleans up the diapers/toilets and the smelly laundry and washes the floors, down on her hands and knees maybe even! The bills aren't getting paid, the house needs some repairs, the kids grades are suffering, the kids are fighting, the neighbour's dog is pooping in her yard, or the dog is barking all night. The family needs to be fed, and the food needs to be cooked, the dishwasher is leaking, and the mother-in-law is driving her crazy.

Now unknown to most men, these factors really put thoughts of sex on the back burner (if they even exist anymore) for their partner. While a guy could use sex to get some relief from all this, the lady usually needs relief from all of this stress before she's willing to put sex back on her list at all! And because this guy who wants sex is so closely connected to these familial stresses, him asking for sex, on top of the other stuff, can sometimes be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back!

And let's compare the wife/mom's life to the average professional upscale SP who is waiting for said Mr. to arrive for a date. She has had time to freshen up, her focus has been on the upcoming appointment

I totally agree. Sex as an escort has been a lot more fun for me than sex in a relationship, and I think a big reason for that is the LACK OF STRESS I have as an escort.

The average married woman with a 9-5 job, a dog, a house, kids and a husband has a lot on her plate, and all that stress contributes to a lower libido.

Being an escort gives me a lot of free time and disposable income. I can get a full 9 hours of sleep, prepare super-healthy meals, hit the gym everyday, meditate and do yoga, earn a second degree, stay in touch with friends, go to the spa, keep my condo clean, pursue artistic stuff, and so much more. STRESS-FREE LIFESTYLE = higher libido.

 

[tantalizeme]

Thanks a lot, brother

Higher than normal levels of the dopamine neurotransmitter. Effective and side effect free drug for it? That I doubt but you can take things to boost it in the short term that will likely be bad if taken in the long term. High dopamine levels can offest serotonin (and prolactin) level balance leading to mood swings/depression and addiction.

Dopamine is known as the "craving neurotransmitter" in that its essentially what drives addiction, which would explain why like you say you have sex and you want it more. This high (although acting slightly differently depending on the context) is what you'll also get from eating high fat/sugar foods, taking drugs, gambling etc etc.
The higher you get and keep it the lower the valley afterwards though when prolactin levels raise high and dopamine levels drop in our bodies defence mechanism in curtailing our lust and making us actually productive. Trouble is, very low dopamine means depression and very high prolactin can mean anxiety/hostility so I'd be careful messing with this balance unless its actually way off.

So either increase dopamine or decrease prolactin and you'll probably get what you're after but I'd say be careful what you wish for.

You seem to be an informed guy, perhaps with a medical background?

If a high sex drive comes from higher than normal levels of dopamine, I'm certainly living proof that this doesn't necessarily lead to depression. I'm generally cheerful to a fault, even in between sexual encounters.

I wonder: does anyone have an informed opinion about any of the following products?

Venerx: http://www.venerx.com/?a_aid=260948&a_bid=09a2550d

Provestra http://www.provestra.com/

Femstim http://www.femalelibidoenhancement.net/Flibanserin-bremelanotide-hsdd.html

Female viagra http://ph-m.com/order-female-viagra-online-en.html

hersolutiongel http://www.hersolutiongel.com/

Vigorelle http://www.vigorelle.com/

There're lots of (alleged) female libido enhancers out there. But being the skeptic I am, I suspect they're mostly a scam.

I'd be happy to buy anything that actually works for my partner (or potential partners), but certainly wouldn't want to put their health at risk.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I totally agree. Sex as an escort has been a lot more fun for me than sex in a relationship, and I think a big reason for that is the LACK OF STRESS I have as an escort.

The average married woman with a 9-5 job, a dog, a house, kids and a husband has a lot on her plate, and all that stress contributes to a lower libido.

Being an escort gives me a lot of free time and disposable income. I can get a full 9 hours of sleep, prepare super-healthy meals, hit the gym everyday, meditate and do yoga, earn a second degree, stay in touch with friends, go to the spa, keep my condo clean, pursue artistic stuff, and so much more. STRESS-FREE LIFESTYLE = higher libido.

Wow, that is exactly what I thought...thank you so much for clarifying this...

 

[vancity_cowboy]

I totally agree. Sex as an escort has been a lot more fun for me than sex in a relationship, and I think a big reason for that is the LACK OF STRESS I have as an escort.

The average married woman with a 9-5 job, a dog, a house, kids and a husband has a lot on her plate, and all that stress contributes to a lower libido.

Being an escort gives me a lot of free time and disposable income. I can get a full 9 hours of sleep, prepare super-healthy meals, hit the gym everyday, meditate and do yoga, earn a second degree, stay in touch with friends, go to the spa, keep my condo clean, pursue artistic stuff, and so much more. STRESS-FREE LIFESTYLE = higher libido.

...and all that without taking clients over 55... bravo!

 

[Caramel]

Is such a drug even possible? I think it must be—because some women are vastly more libido-charged than others. For example, I've met SPs with voracious sexual appetites. It's as if having sex with different partners daily developed their craving or addiction for sex. It seems to me utterly implausible that they faked it.

As former PERB gem Sexy Nina Leone (now retired) once wrote, "The more sex you have, the more you want." Certainly that's true for me. And if the adage "Use it or lose it" is correct, then perhaps if you use "it" a lot you're not only less likely to lose it, but might actually increase your interest in it.

It stands to reason that a woman's brain chemistry changes in a fairly lasting way when she has an intense sex life, the way busy SPs too. Supporting evidence I've observed for this is that it's often the busiest SPs—e.g. popular micro girls with a full schedule—who are amazing nymphos.

Perhaps they were like this before and selected themselves for this job. But it's also possible that they were driven to this job by economic need and gradually learnt to enjoy it. They got "into the groove."

I think what's needed is an in-depth study of highly-sexed women's hormone balance and other aspects of body chemistry, to find out exactly what it takes to fire up a woman's sexuality.

You've pretty much described me when I first started. But I was always usually promiscuous. I have a very intense mood disorder (MDs like to call it bipolar) so sometimes I'll be a complete prude, which is happening again now, and I know I'm not performing well in sessions (I'm "mechanical") so I'm sticking to my regulars until my brain chemicals decide to shift again.

I think it's all about brain chemistry. I'm sure if you look at a women who doesn't enjoy sex, and other aspects of her life, she's probably not a very happy or positive person overall. I know sometimes I hate it, think it's grosse, think people who love it are grosse and should fuck off, etc. And sometimes I love it, and crave it, dream about it, and talk about it all the time. It's always been this way for me and happens at equal amounts of time. I don't take medication or anything.

 

[Caramel]

I totally agree. Sex as an escort has been a lot more fun for me than sex in a relationship, and I think a big reason for that is the LACK OF STRESS I have as an escort.

The average married woman with a 9-5 job, a dog, a house, kids and a husband has a lot on her plate, and all that stress contributes to a lower libido.

Being an escort gives me a lot of free time and disposable income. I can get a full 9 hours of sleep, prepare super-healthy meals, hit the gym everyday, meditate and do yoga, earn a second degree, stay in touch with friends, go to the spa, keep my condo clean, pursue artistic stuff, and so much more. STRESS-FREE LIFESTYLE = higher libido.

lol I love this...I'm so glad I have good genes and won't age fast with my looks, I can do this for a long time. And I'm so glad I pushed myself to get into this industry, I had so many stereotypes about it all from horror stories, but it's nothing like that. Almost all of my clients are more polite and better people than the one night stand guys I've been with when I was a teen and even my ex-boyfriend, and they treat me with more respect, plus they give me money :thumb: . ound: funny how it works out, I just laugh about it to my girl friends who are so fascinated about what I do, they always ask questions but unless you have experienced it, you really can't have an opinion on being an escort.

 

[Ned Flanders]

I have found the difference in sex drives between the genders is usually negligible-but as others have alluded to, the arousal process with women usually takes longer and is a lot more dependent on the women's emotional state. An interesting fact is that as women get older they often orgasm more often when having sex with a new partner.

 

[tantalizeme]

The science of "slutology"

I also find that as the hormone levels in my body change monthly so does my libido...it's quite a dramatic change too, I go from wanting it a couple times a day to wanting it 10x... I think I should be a product tester for vibrators, I seem to burn out the motors or run the rechargable battery into the ground in a matter of months. The only one that's survived for 6 months is my hitachi....

Hey Miss Melody,

Assuming that you didn't write this tongue-in-cheek, I have to say WOW!

The time of month when your libido is low, you're rubbing one off "a couple times a day"—and when it's high, 10 times?? Lady, I'd love to meet you.

I'm embarked on a new project: to contribute to world peace by seriously researching just what it takes, hormonally and environmentally, to turn your typical erotically sluggish "good girl" into a slut-goddess.

As a first step, I've ordered samples of all the following products: Venerx, Provestra, Femstim & Female viagra (see earlier post for links). I hope to try these products out on my GF over the next half year, with her consent.

For good measure I've also ordered Sissy Brunson's book Slutology: The Basics of Becoming a Successful Slut ($17.12 on Amazon). Turns out, the author of this book has started her own "School of Slutology." http://www.slut-ology.com/

Interesting—exactly what the world needs.

 

[Tugela]

At a swinger party, not long ago, the action in the orgy room was slow getting started—so I decided to kick things off with my GF. Before long we were joined by another couple and soon switched partners.

I was absolutely amazed by the new lady’s passion. Except for first names, the only words exchanged were expressions of arousal. She encouraged me to do things, including Greek, I’ve never done before with a stranger at a swinger’s event.

There’s just no lovelier sight for me than impaling a sex-crazed woman writhing with lust. Ever since that night I’ve been pondering the question: What makes some women desire sex as much as I do?

My relationships over the years often became strained, and fizzled, when my partner’s sexual appetite couldn’t keep pace with my own, both in terms of frequency and adventurousness. Are there any secrets about what helps transform your average-libido woman into a beautifully wanton slut?

Call me naïve, but I think a good portion of the world’s problems could be solved if women’s sexual interest could be pulled up to match that of men more nearly—so most men wouldn‘t be so sex-deprived and, as a result, self-destructively frustrated, restless, violence-prone and viciously competitive in acquiring the resources to attract women.

Anyone who invents a drug that boosts female libido—without bad side effects—will make a ridiculous fortune, that's for sure.

Maybe they do want sex as much as a man. Just not as much as you. Or with you. Or in the same way as you.

You can't use your own experience to judge everyone else. You may not be "normal".

Also, women may express their interest in different ways from men, so from a man's perspective it might appear they are not interested so much. But that is only because of the natural human response to evalaute the world very much from a selfish point of view.