What are the expectations when one is a 'Regular' from a Hobbyist and SP perspective?

[tokugawa]

First off I would like to point out that this thread is not about clients and SPs becoming involved with one another.

From a SP's perspective, I assume a 'Regular' can be good for the following reasons:

• Safe
• Comfort Level
• Reliable source of income
• Other attributes so maybe some SPs can chime in here....

From a Client's or at least my perspective, I would want a 'Regular' for the following reasons:

• Safe
• Reliable
• Comfort Level
• Attraction
• Awesome Service
• Other attributes so maybe some hobbyists can chime in here....

Now in addition to the above, what else can one expect from a 'Regular' relationship? Now as I have said before, this thread is not about clients and SPs dating and becoming couples but can a 'Regular' relationship grow into something say being 'friends' or at least a 'friendlier' relationship?

For example:

1. There are some SPs that prefer to do their bookings via Email. In that situation should the conversation be strictly about business? I have noticed that some SPs are very straight to the point. Now I can understand that if one was a newbee and she didn't want to waste her time but if one was a regular, would it be wrong to converse a little? Now not all SPs are like this and there are some out there that are very good when it comes to having a more natural correspondence i.e., chatting. The reason why I bring this up is because this may be indicative of the session one receives, which brings me to my next point.
   
2. If one becomes a 'Regular' is it not natural that the relationship grows? Is it not natural for both Client and SP to take an interest in one's lives i.e., remember something about them from their previous visit or talk about something they mentioned in his/her email, etc Note: I am not asking for the SP's name here nor am I offering my name at this point. All I am saying here is wouldn't it be good to talk about other things other than 'what are your plans for the day after this?' I mean at times it feels like I am talking to an ESL student
   
3. If one becomes a 'Regular' can one expect more honesty and trust i.e., if something goes wrong or if there is a misunderstanding, can both Client and SP just be honest and up front with one another? Basically have more open communication.

Anyway unless a relationship grows (as described above) and there is trust and respect, I see no point in being a 'Regular'.

Curious to know your thoughts on expectations of a 'Regular' relationship.

 

[CisForCookie]

There are some SPs that prefer to do their bookings via Email. In that situation should the conversation be strictly about business? I have noticed that some SPs are very straight to the point. Now I can understand that if one was a newbee and she didn't want to waste her time but if one was a regular, would it be wrong to converse a little? Now not all SPs are like this and there are some out there that are very good when it comes to having a more natural correspondence i.e., chatting. The reason why I bring this up is because this may be indicative of the session one receives, which brings me to my next point.

Isn't the problem with getting close, and having conversations the risk of "DISCRETION"? you tell her too much about yourself, she tells you too much about herself. The relationship maybe fine now, but say later down the line one of the party falls for the other, but the other party doesn't feel the same way. Then that's a lot of info that can be used against you or her. If you're married that info can destroy your marriage, if she were to track you down and call your wife or if she's still in the business and has been hiding this from family and friends can be bad if you were to track down these people and told them.

This HAS been done in the past.

don't mix personal and business together, this is a business, keep it all business :?

All I am saying here is wouldn't it be good to talk about other things other than 'what are your plans for the day after this?' I mean at times it feels like I am talking to an ESL student

You could always talk about the 5 previous guys before you. I had one SP who actually did talk about that, it was really awkward.

Dunno, not really there for a conversation, if I really needed to talk to someone I really should be giving mom or grandma a call (they always say I never call enough)

Anyway unless a relationship grows (as described above) and there is trust, I see no point in being a 'Regular'. Curious to know your thoughts on expectations of a 'Regular' relationship.

1. Getting a discount rate without even asking, it's weird why they do this because you'd probably pay the going rate without giving it a second though, guess it's to make you feel special

2. Better menu

3. When the provider retires publicly, she gives you a private # and still sees you on the side

 

[Dgodus]

Outside of #3 (better communication from both sides about what's up ie a woman txt'd me a couple days ahead saying she wasn't feeling the best and it'd be ok if I wanted to cancel as she didn't want to disappoint), nothing should ever be expected.

Having said that, if a provider does change her behavior it is going to make a difference (positive or negative ie someone who's always come off as somewhat honest starts giving off the BS vibe well that's gonna have an effect - huh I can only think of negative examples lol as that's usually what I look out for, like I said anything extra I don't look for but if it happens, sweet, and that provider gets more business, priority over other escorts, and even a little leeway as for how a date plays out).

To be honest, with someone I've seen more often I actually have more concerns than someone new. If someone new is good they're going to try harder with a new client, if they're mediocre or bad not so much - nothing you can really do to affect that. My concern with someone I've seen alot centers around maybe they'll just assume and take for granted I'll keep giving them my business and decide it's ok to slack off, take it easy and not really make the effort. It's alot easier to write off a bad rendez vous with someone you haven't seen before than it would be if someone you have a lot of familiarity with were to just drop the ball, or even worse appear to take advantage of the situation.

It's not that this plays on my mind when I go or I act any differently when there (it would just become a self fulfilling prophecy then), but I'm always cognizant of someones behavior/actions even without payin attention to them and I'll go over it afterwards (not my fault lol my family isn't small and it's primarily aunts with more passive husbands, let's just say I have picked up some habits and abilities that have served me well growing up with primarily females).

With regards to the 2nd poster.

- some people don't care what someone else may know about them, and wouldn't have much or anything to lose if people found out "omg he has sex with prostitutes!"
- yes business is business, but occasionally allowing a little personal/human interaction into an act which is pretty personal/intimate for some. PROVIDED you can keep your head on straight (thankfully doing too many drugs for too long gives a real hand in separating fact from fiction, so at least something good came out of all those years)

 

[thetruth]

I am having a problem right now with a "regular" who is retired and well reviewed here and used to work for an Agency which she doesn't know that I know that but I am pretty sure she did while going to school. I met her on Craigslist many years ago and we would meet up occasionally. Recently we have become more than just arrangement yet I still exchange $$$ for our time together. She has a full time job now.

The problem is that I am falling for her but I don't know where we stand. When we would meet up over the past years she did have a boyfriend so obviously she was doing this behind his back and I was just do her and be done with it feeling sorry for her boyfriend afterwards.

Now that I have developed some feelings for her I don't know what to think. Is she doing other guys on the side?. A lot of things go through my mind.

Funny things is that I get into these types arrangements regularly and never have learned my lesson. Maybe it is me hoping they will change their ways and become MINE but deep down that's a pipe dream.

Long story short based on my experiences having a regular has its benefits as you don't feel like you're just messing around with a stranger and there is better intimacy but just hope you don't fall for her like I always seem to do.

 

[Dgodus]

I am having a problem right now with a "regular" who is retired and well reviewed here and used to work for an Agency which she doesn't know that I know that but I am pretty sure she did while going to school. I met her on Craigslist many years ago and we would meet up occasionally. Recently we have become more than just arrangement yet I still excha
nge $$$ for our time together. She has a full time job now.

The problem is that I am falling for her but I don't know where we stand. When we would meet up over the past years she did have a boyfriend so obviously she was doing this behind his back and I was just do her and be done with it feeling sorry for her boyfriend afterwards.

Now that I have developed some feelings for her I don't know what to think. Is she doing other guys on the side?. A lot of things go through my mind.

Funny things is that I get into these types arrangements regularly and never have learned my lesson. Maybe it is me hoping they will change their ways and become MINE but deep down that's a pipe dream.

Long story short based on my experiences having a regular has its benefits as you don't feel like you're just messing around with a stranger and there is better intimacy but just hope you don't fall for her like I always seem to do.

Stop seeing her and run away.

If this is happening repeatedly you need to be out trying to date, not paying for sex/companionship. Even if you have to lower you "attractiveness" standards to date, you will be much better off.

 

[thetruth]

We hang out regularly without having sex and there is no money exchanged. I only give her money when we have sex. She never asks for the money but I just give it to her anyways. I guess the only way to tell is to not give her any $$$ one time and see how she reacts.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

We hang out regularly without having sex and there is no money exchanged. I only give her money when we have sex. She never asks for the money but I just give it to her anyways. I guess the only way to tell is to not give her any $$$ one time and see how she reacts.

truer words were never spoken, pardner

the risk is that she will walk about not being paid, and then you will have lost out on a good thing - just sayin'

 

[blazejowski]

I am at the point where I can hang out with my regular SP as friends (we are quite close - she knows my name & info, and I know all hers), and we have drinks & whatnot, but I always know if we fool around, it's purely business, and I pay her...

 

[tokugawa]

Isn't the problem with getting close, and having conversations the risk of "DISCRETION"? you tell her too much about yourself, she tells you too much about herself. The relationship maybe fine now, but say later down the line one of the party falls for the other, but the other party doesn't feel the same way. Then that's a lot of info that can be used against you or her. If you're married that info can destroy your marriage, if she were to track you down and call your wife or if she's still in the business and has been hiding this from family and friends can be bad if you were to track down these people and told them.

This HAS been done in the past.

don't mix personal and business together, this is a business, keep it all business :?

I am not talking about personal information here. I am talking about having a basic conversation; small talk.

For example in an email you might say: 'Oh this weekend I can't meet with you because I am thinking about attending the Vancouver Craft Brew Week festivities this weekend'. She in turn will reply on comment about the Festival and maybe suggest another event that might interest me. Or maybe seeing you the following week she might even ask you about the Vancouver Craft Brew Week festivities that you attended. I mean as a regular, wouldn't any common decent person remember something about somebody who they been seeing for some time.

I remember once saying to one SP that I was feeling kind a blue and she in turn picked up on it and replied back saying how sorry she felt about me feeling blue. I mean it's little things like that that differentiate the relationship i.e., a nice warm arrangement for social/physical company versus a cold blooded transaction for sexual services.

 

[CisForCookie]

I am not talking about personal information here. I am talking about having a basic conversation; small talk.

For example in an email you might say: 'Oh this weekend I can't meet with you because I am thinking about attending the Vancouver Craft Brew Week festivities this weekend'. She in turn will reply on comment about the Festival and maybe suggest another event that might interest me. Or maybe seeing you the following week she might even ask you about the Vancouver Craft Brew Week festivities that you attended. I mean as a regular, wouldn't any common decent person remember something about somebody who they been seeing for some time.

I remember once saying to one SP that I was feeling kind a blue and she in turn picked up on it and replied back saying how sorry she felt about me feeling blue. I mean it's little things like that that differentiate the relationship i.e., a nice warm arrangement for social/physical company versus a cold blooded transaction for sexual services.

Well everyone should be having basic conversations, other wise there's gonna be a lot of dead silence. (Unless you go to a micro and can't speak chinese worth shit)

But there's only so much in terms of a basic conversation one can have, I'm sure some people have shared more to a SP than they wanted to.

I rarely tip, I don't dress like a million bucks, I'm surprised when girls want to see me on the side when they retire.


On a side note : Why see regular?

Cuz a regular has never

Made me prepare (30mins)
Drive to her place (30mins)
Wait outside (90mins)
Go home (30mins)

hahaha that's what I get for trying someone new recently *sigh*

 

[tokugawa]

- yes business is business, but occasionally allowing a little personal/human interaction into an act which is pretty personal/intimate for some.

Djodus you absolutely get what I mean!

Guess from the responses I got or lack there of, I guess I should just focus on the providers that can interact as per my expectations. There's not a lot out there but there are a couple. But then again I notice this type of behavior with Non-SPs as well i.e., there are few people I care talk to in the normal world. To be honest I hate having superficial conversations with people; you know talking about nothing or listening to the same joke over and over again. For example if an SP were doing a Masters, I would rather hear her talk about her thesis than say what she did on the weekend or what she's going to do on the weekend.

 

[sevenofnine]

i have been a regular with a women i guess for five years now, i have known her for eight i have had a standing appointment with her for like three years.

my expectations none other then what we are sp and client and that we continue no special treatmeant
and from the very begining i told her im married not interested at all in a relationship and i guess i left an sp that would ask me to spend the night and hang out together on the weekend so i don't remember the exact words but i said to her i would like this to remain professional and keep it between the lines

the lines have been blurred i admit, but yeah we have kept it between the lines.
its been all over the place to be honest with you, emotions can get complicated,
and i guess like a lot of threads when guys falls for his escort they feel like an idoit get mad or just leave and quit. i have been there not really sure what i have felt toward her,
but honestly i think its natural that when you see some one a lot in this type of situation that emotions get involved.

but were both adults. no big deal
i don't want to put words in her mouth, and honestly she has tried to remain professional in that i mean she feels clients don't come to her to fall in love and leave there wife and she has been down that road her self she told me she fell for a married man.
so she has been very guarded to her emotions in relationship to me. and she has a life to, she doesn't talk about me and her,
other then she is very ok with me and sees me as a friend,
i guess were close she tells me very personal details of her life not things she would want to get out but she tells me, so yeah i know were close,
how close i guess i don't know.

and im fine with that, like i said im married, with kids,
don't see that changing but it gets complicated.

we have talked about money about sex, i pay her she tells me im very generous, i know guy have asked her for a discount i never have, she does what she does for money, i have long supper dates, but her rate i feel is cheap. compared to sum
i am her preferred client or an elite client
don't know what that means,
i guess fiqure it out your self.

some times i have felt very close to her, its just a feeling i get that is mutual, but like i said she his very guarded with her feelings.
other times she is professional
i think it gets complicated for both client and sp at times. but were both adults and i trust her,
and i believe she trusts me,
sexually she is older and i guess has felt the pressure to offer bbbj.s etc, but hasn't
i never asked her, even though i wouldn't mind if she loosened up a bit. but she for herself doesn't want to so thats it. and has given me her reasons for the services she offers, so i don't pressure her
and sexually she is a lot of fun, and i saw her last week and still found a couple of firsts with her that i have never done before with any one actually
sexually that is the way it has been with us, when i think im getting bored with her we change it some how, its never the same for very long,
and one session to the next i never know what we will end up doing.

for me im married with kids, and i find this hobby very personal and intimate, i like seeing the same women all the time,
and quite frankly never say never,
but im done when me and her can 't keep it between the lines any more im not doing this again.
but like i said never say never,

i just feel its wrong and im not doing this again to pay for a womens company i kind of think is wrong,
and well its just me and this stage in my life when i started it was a good idea no regrets,
but you get older your thoughts change stuff changes, i just feel its wrong for me, not something i want to do, pay for a women.

but she is like an old friend has been there for me so long, don't know how long i will keep it up. both our lives are changing.
our next session might be our last.
or it could go on for years.
we have talked about taking vacations together or just hanging out, but that is in some distant future,
don't really know what it will bring

not really worried about it either she will always be special to me, she will do what she has to for her life and so will i.
and neither one of us knows to be honest what that is,

 

[the old maxx50]

All of the above..

Sound s a bit like me "thetruth"
I have a regular that . is a friend , see her socially all the time .. and pay for the sex .. because that is business . .I started getting a regular very early on in this business .. it what worked for me .. having some one I was comfortable with , and they knew my quirks .. They all ways turned in to something of a friend ship .. And with a few a very good friend ship .. Then it is not about the sex any more .. and i don't get sex any more from them lol
Having a regular and making them a friend can get awkward for both if you don't put it in the right perspective .. As long as you can be open and talk with each other it works ..

My problem has been that all my regulars retire from the business , and if we manage to keep the friend ship after .. then i respect that they are not in the business any more ..
But i am getting tired of looking for new girls and starting all over again ...

 

[thebuttdance]

I am having a problem right now with a "regular" who is retired and well reviewed here and used to work for an Agency which she doesn't know that I know that but I am pretty sure she did while going to school. I met her on Craigslist many years ago and we would meet up occasionally. Recently we have become more than just arrangement yet I still exchange $$$ for our time together. She has a full time job now.

The problem is that I am falling for her but I don't know where we stand. When we would meet up over the past years she did have a boyfriend so obviously she was doing this behind his back and I was just do her and be done with it feeling sorry for her boyfriend afterwards.

Now that I have developed some feelings for her I don't know what to think. Is she doing other guys on the side?. A lot of things go through my mind.

Funny things is that I get into these types arrangements regularly and never have learned my lesson. Maybe it is me hoping they will change their ways and become MINE but deep down that's a pipe dream.

Long story short based on my experiences having a regular has its benefits as you don't feel like you're just messing around with a stranger and there is better intimacy but just hope you don't fall for her like I always seem to do.

We are involved in a social engagement or contract that involves a close connection with another person, physically and emotionally; it's intimate and personal, but it is still a professional relationship, only held on by a monetary transaction. Being an emotionally healthy person is important to know boundaries and expectations. Knowing each person's roles and your own self-interest are vital too; knowing what you want generally and what you want out of this whole deal, aside from what you emotionally feel. One should know that when you "go out" for social time with an escort, yet pay for sex, you're still a client. Maybe they find you interesting enough to hang out or need something, but it's a "professional friendship."

A TRUE friendship does not revolve around money and each person appreciates each other's value unconditionally. I think R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is the word (or acronym); kinda like the Aretha Franklin song

But it takes two to tango. I wouldn't rule out that a healthy, respectful romantic relationship can occur if both the client and escort feel the same way towards each other; then those titles wouldn't be there anymore. We're in an arena where people connect, regardless of circumstances, right? If something can develop between two people where values and futures click, and a real respect is fostered for each other... then paying for someone's time is not the connecting adhesive to the relationship. It's Mutual Respect... cause you don't want to be the only one "falling for" in the relationship. As registered from reading some of this thread, pain is inevitable and it's fruitless in the end.

Remember, the girls here are providing a particular service, not a dating service. And like in the "real world", attracting a woman involves a guy flirting, wooing, seducing, and courting to develop a relationship, rather than placing appointments to become a "regular."

-Respect

 

[Nathalie Lefebvre]

Really interesting thread, thanks for posting Tokugawa.

In my opinion, I think it's completely natural for a genuine friendship to develop through encounters with a regular client. I care about my patrons needs and desires and this only intensifies with time. There are many patrons I have called friends over the years but I have never seen any of them outside of the context of sex work. That doesn't mean, however, that there hasn't been e-mails sent between myself and my clients between appointments! I love staying in touch and keeping my regulars up-to-date about stuff going on in my life. After all, we genuinely care about each other as friends would.

Regulars are great for all the reasons initially mentioned, but also because you can never have enough friends in your life. I've definitely relied on the emotional support of some of my patrons to get me through some of the harder parts of my life, and vice-versa. I don't get along with everyone (that's just chemistry) but of those I do in both my personal, and professional life, I cherish deeply.