Waxing
- Thread starter poonster
- Start date
roflmao
All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless
removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the
EpilStop, and now . . The Wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work,
fixed dinner and played for a while. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours:
maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.
I head to the site of my demise, um, I
mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart,
press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising
crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss.
How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm
mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd
think.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and
soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair
dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh,
how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my
thigh. I hold the skin
around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but
it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin
extraordinaire!
With my next wax strip, I move north.
I stay in the bathroom
for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply
the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the
right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right
ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.) I
inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind! Blind from the pain!
Vision returning.
Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip.
Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I
hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my
trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to
revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax
strip like an Olympic gold medalist.
But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could
the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my
foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling
and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my
own personal version of "The Tar Baby."
I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big
mistake up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the
toilet. Now I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on
the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut.
Ass? Sealed shut.
I penguin walk around the bathroom
trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.
Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?
Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So
now I'm stuck to the tub.
I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's
never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and vagina are stuck
to the tub."
She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She
wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking
cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the
giggles now.
I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where
the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at
XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut
we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone
we know. You're going
to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth.
"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies
than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and
THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!
In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to
other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the
lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start
screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations
from C and we hang up.
I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the
hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb
by that point anyway.
And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.
Never know when a moustache might start to come in!
All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless
removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the
EpilStop, and now . . The Wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work,
fixed dinner and played for a while. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours:
maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.
I head to the site of my demise, um, I
mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart,
press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising
crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss.
How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm
mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd
think.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and
soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair
dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh,
how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my
thigh. I hold the skin
around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but
it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin
extraordinaire!
With my next wax strip, I move north.
I stay in the bathroom
for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply
the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the
right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right
ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.) I
inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind! Blind from the pain!
Vision returning.
Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip.
Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I
hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my
trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to
revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax
strip like an Olympic gold medalist.
But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could
the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my
foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling
and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my
own personal version of "The Tar Baby."
I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big
mistake up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the
toilet. Now I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on
the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut.
Ass? Sealed shut.
I penguin walk around the bathroom
trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.
Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?
Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So
now I'm stuck to the tub.
I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's
never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and vagina are stuck
to the tub."
She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She
wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking
cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the
giggles now.
I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where
the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at
XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut
we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone
we know. You're going
to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth.
"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies
than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and
THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!
In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to
other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the
lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start
screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations
from C and we hang up.
I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the
hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb
by that point anyway.
And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.
Never know when a moustache might start to come in!
Great story 
Shaving is alot easier for guys simply because we dont have to worry about arms and legs, just a few small spaces.
Shaving is alot easier for guys simply because we dont have to worry about arms and legs, just a few small spaces.
Personally, I'm not sure. Keep us posted if you do find something though, I'm sure that there would be a few interested in getting this done.SloppyJ said:
Someone emailed this story to me a few months ago, and I've read it on several websites - I laughed my ass of then, and I'm laughing my ass off now. Thanks Teal.Teal said:
Teal, ya made my day
Teal, what a graet story that is. The best read I've had on here possibly ever.
Thanks.
And guys, there are lots of products that work, even a good razor once your used to it, but if you have never done any of these before, make sure you have nothing planned for the next month cause when the hair starts coming back, yer gonna want nothing short of a good BBQ brush to get the itch tamed down, eventually you will get used to it but it takes a while to get the area conditioned. Ladies love love love it.
M
Teal, what a graet story that is. The best read I've had on here possibly ever.
Thanks.
And guys, there are lots of products that work, even a good razor once your used to it, but if you have never done any of these before, make sure you have nothing planned for the next month cause when the hair starts coming back, yer gonna want nothing short of a good BBQ brush to get the itch tamed down, eventually you will get used to it but it takes a while to get the area conditioned. Ladies love love love it.
M
