Two sides to every story...
- Thread starter Gillian
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On a thread that was deleted:
There was a consensus that a lot of strife & anger could be spared if the SP had the intuition & courage to simply speak up immediately at first meeting: "I'm uncomfortable, I can't do this," or something like that, & charge not a cent. Sometimes we don't listen to the voice inside, to everyone's detriment.
I know that in my profession I've lived to regret not listening to that inner voice that was warning me about a client I shouldn't take. Why did I ignore the voice? Hunger for money & I was too proud to admit that I can't help everybody.
Who cares how big Duff is? That's how she perceived him. That's her reality. It would've been better for all concerned had she recognized that reality a bit sooner.
It's threads like this that make this board worthwhile.
Gillian, I'm sorry if you've found this process hurtful. Maybe some good will come out of it. Perhaps you'll attract more clients who are right for you, & certain others will self-select away from you (a good thing). Perhaps you'll develop better skills to foresee clients who aren't right for you.
There was a consensus that a lot of strife & anger could be spared if the SP had the intuition & courage to simply speak up immediately at first meeting: "I'm uncomfortable, I can't do this," or something like that, & charge not a cent. Sometimes we don't listen to the voice inside, to everyone's detriment.
I know that in my profession I've lived to regret not listening to that inner voice that was warning me about a client I shouldn't take. Why did I ignore the voice? Hunger for money & I was too proud to admit that I can't help everybody.
Who cares how big Duff is? That's how she perceived him. That's her reality. It would've been better for all concerned had she recognized that reality a bit sooner.
It's threads like this that make this board worthwhile.
Gillian, I'm sorry if you've found this process hurtful. Maybe some good will come out of it. Perhaps you'll attract more clients who are right for you, & certain others will self-select away from you (a good thing). Perhaps you'll develop better skills to foresee clients who aren't right for you.
it doesn't matter but then again it can matter..
yes it doesn't matter "How Big duff is"..but it does matter how he is being portrayed by someone in open forum as that can help or hurt people on this board in their life off the board and that also goes for the ladies being reviewed as well..yes that was her perception but to say that someone comes across as physically agressive in this context in open forum is not a good thing and can do damage as I have stated..that shouldn't be a hard concept to understand..both parties in this case as has already been stated by several had a misunderstanding ..Period..yes this is a worthwhile thread..to a point..but it's only as good as the perceptions that people leave it with because it won't do any good at all if they leave with the wrong impression of all involved..
yes it doesn't matter "How Big duff is"..but it does matter how he is being portrayed by someone in open forum as that can help or hurt people on this board in their life off the board and that also goes for the ladies being reviewed as well..yes that was her perception but to say that someone comes across as physically agressive in this context in open forum is not a good thing and can do damage as I have stated..that shouldn't be a hard concept to understand..both parties in this case as has already been stated by several had a misunderstanding ..Period..yes this is a worthwhile thread..to a point..but it's only as good as the perceptions that people leave it with because it won't do any good at all if they leave with the wrong impression of all involved..
* clearing my throat... err... fingers *
Duff
As I said to you before, I'm sorry your experience wasn't everything you wanted it to be. We're all looking to have the "perfect date" and when that fails to happen, we feel cheated, perhaps even "ripped-off". I don't blame you for feeling that way as I'd be hard-pressed to feel different if it was me in this situation. It does sound like you tried to make as graceful an exit as possible when it became clear that this wasn't going to be what you'd hoped for. I'm also not one for telling a woman "ok, lets do mish now" or "I'd like you to go down on me now". I feel embarassed somehow saying those things to a woman, SP or not, and can totally understand your frustration. I think you wrote your review with fairness to your feelings and to Gillian's as well. While this is technically a "bad review", I think you still managed to relate to us that, while it didn't work out for you, Gillian is still a fair person and that she showed class in how she dealt with you.
Gillian
I don't know you and have never talked to you before this (but I have drooled over you pictures many times before...
Ok, serious mode again). I am also sorry that you've had to go through this but, good or bad, its part of the business and I hope you'll see it as a learning experience. Hopefully, more good than bad will some of this, be that with greater understanding on our, the pooners, part or perhaps with better communication between you and your clients. Having been involved with someone who has an abusive past, I can sympathise with your situation and understand to some degree how you were feeling. Its frustrating when bad things from our past shape and influence our present, but it is part of human nature and something that has to be accepted. I'm not sure who, if anyone, said you gave "shitty" service, but I feel quite the opposite is true. You did as much as you could to make the best of a situation that was quickly heading downhill. There are a number of SP's out there who DO have bad attitudes, advertise falsely or are just plain rip-off's. I think this shows you in a good light and I commend you for handling this kind of delicate situation the way you did. Hopefully you also see the positive in this sea of negativity.
HipDoo
6nanaimo9
Chuck
desertdog
We're all human. We all react to different situations differently. The only "truth" you've outed here is what I said above: you provoked him and he reacted. Does that make him a monster?
People, we all see things differently and we all see truth differently. The trick is to try to see past our own limited perceptions to see things from the other person's point of view. I think both Duff and Gillian have done a good job of showing us those viewpoints. Which side of this situation is ture? Both sides, in their own way, are.
Stepping off the soapbox now....
Duff
As I said to you before, I'm sorry your experience wasn't everything you wanted it to be. We're all looking to have the "perfect date" and when that fails to happen, we feel cheated, perhaps even "ripped-off". I don't blame you for feeling that way as I'd be hard-pressed to feel different if it was me in this situation. It does sound like you tried to make as graceful an exit as possible when it became clear that this wasn't going to be what you'd hoped for. I'm also not one for telling a woman "ok, lets do mish now" or "I'd like you to go down on me now". I feel embarassed somehow saying those things to a woman, SP or not, and can totally understand your frustration. I think you wrote your review with fairness to your feelings and to Gillian's as well. While this is technically a "bad review", I think you still managed to relate to us that, while it didn't work out for you, Gillian is still a fair person and that she showed class in how she dealt with you.
Gillian
I don't know you and have never talked to you before this (but I have drooled over you pictures many times before...
Ok, serious mode again). I am also sorry that you've had to go through this but, good or bad, its part of the business and I hope you'll see it as a learning experience. Hopefully, more good than bad will some of this, be that with greater understanding on our, the pooners, part or perhaps with better communication between you and your clients. Having been involved with someone who has an abusive past, I can sympathise with your situation and understand to some degree how you were feeling. Its frustrating when bad things from our past shape and influence our present, but it is part of human nature and something that has to be accepted. I'm not sure who, if anyone, said you gave "shitty" service, but I feel quite the opposite is true. You did as much as you could to make the best of a situation that was quickly heading downhill. There are a number of SP's out there who DO have bad attitudes, advertise falsely or are just plain rip-off's. I think this shows you in a good light and I commend you for handling this kind of delicate situation the way you did. Hopefully you also see the positive in this sea of negativity.HipDoo
I have to also admit that Hip's probably got the best read (for an outsider in this case) on this whole situation.
I think we do it begrudgingly because it forces us to admit to the somewhat scary prospect that a small part of us is kinda like you.
6nanaimo9
This was totally uncalled for. I can find nothing in Duff's post that could lead to that conclusion. He was relating to us his experience of what, unfortunately for both people, became a bad situation. He is giving us the benefit of his experience. He's not telling us "don't see this SP, she's a liar and a bitch blah blah blah". He's telling us what happened to him in this particular situation. Is/was he upset? Most definitely, as just about anyone would be if, as L2L put it, the "fantasy" did not come true. But just because he's upset doesn't mean that he's on a personal mission to destroy someone's reputation. I don't know Duff, have never met him personally, only exchanged a few message here and in chat once or twice. Nothing in my experience with him shows him as the kind of person you are trying to make him out to be here.
Chuck
Chuck, I think you may be over-reacting here a bit. I don't see Gillians comment to you as "labelling" unless you are offended by her saying that you're "not a woman" which, to me, would make you a man. Nothing wrong with that as far as I can see.
Again, I don't see how you're coming to the conclusion that she's "labelling" you as "being against her". She didn't say that. She said that you, as a man, can't and don't understand her feelings as a woman in this situation and I agree with her. No one but Gillian CAN truly understand her feelings or what thoughts might have been going through her mind at the time. As I said earlier, when I was younger I was involved with a woman who had been sexually abused as a child by a family member. We had several instances where something I did or said would set her off (I think I still have one or two scars to proove it). These are times when rationality leaves you and all you're left with is raw emotion, fear and the "fight or flight" instinct. I'm not trying to profess some "deep insight" into Gillian's mind, but I have an understanding of the frame of mind she might have been in at the time.
Perception. That's what this is all about. Duff perceived he was not getting what was described to him. He perceived that he wasn't going to get "value for his dollar" - call it what you want. He shared his perceptions with us so that we all may benefit from it. Others have seen Gillian and not had the same experience that Duff had. Does that lessen the value of his comments? Lessen the reality TO HIM of what HE was perceiving? Gillian started to perceive Duff as a threat. Right or wrong, THAT IS WHAT SHE SAW/FELT. Again, I've never met Duff, but from what I have seen of him from his posts etc. I don't perceive him as a threat just as you don't. But I am not Gillian. I was not in that room with him. You weren't there either. I do not see things the same way she - or anyone else - does. And neither do you. Just becuase you don't agree with her perception of that isolated moment in time when Duff suddenly became a threat, does that mean she's wrong for feeling that way? Is she wrong for telling us that she felt that way? Isn't it up to us to take all the available facts, information and perceptions into account when we make our own judgements?
desertdog
The only case I can see being made here is that Duff is frustrated at your "challenge" and was reacting to that. How does that prove anyone's case but your own? You deliberately provoked him and he reacted. So there, he's human. Sue him.
Maybe it was a mistake for Duff to post his review. But the POINT of this REVIEW BOARD is to POST REVIEWS. This shouldn't be news to anyone here, I mean, that's what we come here for, right? We want information about an SP that has piqued our curiosity. Good reviews, bad reviews, we want to read them all and then decide if we want to see that SP. BUT the funny thing is if the reviews are too good, the reviewer gets branded a shill and get flamed. If they're too bad, the reviewer is automatically assumed to be vendictive and "out for blood". Is that fair?
We're all human. We all react to different situations differently. The only "truth" you've outed here is what I said above: you provoked him and he reacted. Does that make him a monster?
People, we all see things differently and we all see truth differently. The trick is to try to see past our own limited perceptions to see things from the other person's point of view. I think both Duff and Gillian have done a good job of showing us those viewpoints. Which side of this situation is ture? Both sides, in their own way, are.
Stepping off the soapbox now....
SWGuy..
it has nothing to do with her calling me a woman it has to do with treating my opinion and comments like I am the enemy and trying to hurt her by sacastically saying that I had taken sides..maybe you should read it again and think before you post..as I never attacked her or tried to do anything negative towards her and have always supported her on the board and that is what I took offense too as far as labeling me is concerned..hope you understand that a little better..
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