Carman Fox

Tragic suicide

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,136
44
48
Montréal
Al, this doesn't have anything to do with our system's way of handling child abusers.. The poor guy never told a soul what had happened to him and still didn't identify the person responsible for it in his suicide letter.

This is about someone who didn't feel he had anyone to turn to when he was raped as a child and then went on for 23 years still feeling that way, so that he was left to cope with something it is impossible to cope with on your own.

I don't think his concern was about his abuser's fate and treatment but rather about being able to experience relationships, life, intimacy in a somewhat normal way. I understand what you're saying and I agree that child abuse should not exist but I think you missed the point in this particular situation.
 

wilde

Sinnear Member
Jun 4, 2003
3,037
44
48
Thanks for posting that link, I can only say I empathize with Bill very much.

I particularly liked his rebuttal for reasons against suicide: "People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day."


This is from somebody who knew Bill: "He leaves behind a ton of pretty amazing computer science work. He wrote an original hack for iTunes (MyTunes) that let you share your library of music with anyone and I used it myself in cafes and college campuses to get new music (when I'd open my laptop at a college, 5-10 people would connect to my iTunes library and download songs using this). He wrote the SQL web front-end to the MetaFilter infodump (among many other projects) and he wrote papers in the CS dept at Princeton on security, including one where he exploited the sites of NYT, ING, YouTube, and MetaFilter (we fixed soon after he notified us of it). He was also wickedly funny on twitter.

He was a nice kid who used to IM with me often, sharing links and asking if they were ok for MetaFilter. Over the years we'd chat about once a week for a few minutes. Sometimes I was busy and would try to brush him off. I remember one time he was asking about graduate schools and I was up to my neck in work and I thought as a way to blow him off, I'd mention the most prestigious possible CS program I could think of "You want to do computer security, why don't you try working with Ed Felten, the guy from the freedom-to-tinker blog?" I was impressed and a bit amazed when he IMed a couple months later saying he was accepted into the lab and moving to Princeton.

From what I can piece together, it seems he went online early Sunday morning, checked MeFi until about 4am EST, went to facebook an hour later and wiped out his entire profile, just leaving his suicide note (warning, it's intense and describes abuse but it is really well written). He then emailed a copy of the note to a large number of friends and acquaintances at 6:57am EST (that's when I got it and first found out what happened), then he began to hang himself.

From what I can gather, ten minutes later someone found him and he was rushed to the hospital but ten minutes is a long time to go without oxygen to the brain. He suffered damage and his brain was showing very little involuntary activity and no voluntary activity. He was induced into a coma to prevent swelling but eventually it was declared he'd be in a permanent vegetative state and tonight at 8pm his respirator was removed and he passed on.

I'm sorry Bill never got the help he needed, if I'd known what he had suffered through in his life I could have connected him with abuse survivors I know. He was a great contributor here, a fantastic CS student, and did good work. RIP Bill Zeller. You will be missed."



I am glad he got his wish. RIP Bill, I hope you have found the inner peace that have eluded you your whole life.
 

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,136
44
48
Montréal
Sometimes I wonder if you actually read before you comment. It was clear to me that it was his father that abused him.

I'm not sure how it's clear that it was his father. I did read all of it before I commented. And I didn't come to the conclusion that is was his father...IMO nothing indicated it was. I thought it could be, just like it could have been an uncle, a cousin, a neighbor or a priest (eventhough he wasn't catholic and that seems to be the "in" crowd for gay pedophiles :rolleyes:) or a teacher.


Please don't take offense to what I'm saying but I'm a bit confused as to what the rest of your post/quotes have to do with my comments...:confused:
 

Bobo The Rabbit

Senior Member
May 10, 2002
1,557
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Edmonton
There is only a limited number of males he would of been around as a young child before school. Him not saying who it was ends up making it look like it could of been any of the men he was around. Was it his father or some other family member? or a priest since his family goes to church 7 hours a week.
Since it happened before school it would of been his father, a family member/friend he was left alone with. A family member/friend is more likely than a priest as many children who are under first grade age are not left at churches alone as I think that's too young to become an alter boy.
 

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,016
9
38
spi was a victim im not going into the details but my two cents

its hard to live as a victim of abuse. really tough

if any one is familiar with the girl with the dragon tattoo
she has my personality.

anti social a loner in the extreme trust no one.
i am not a genius with a photographic memory
how ever
nor am i violent i have never hit anyone in my entire life.
but other then that our personalities are much the same
you end up looking at the world and asking what the fuck is the matter,
and the world ends up looking at you and wonder what the fuck is your problem
its a long road,

but i must admit worth the trip
i have a beautiful couple of kids, a wife a nice life,
my sps that i see end up as more my friends then an sp,

because that is how they see me as and how i treat them
and were still friends today even though im winding down i think in this hobby

my thoughts about victms and the criminal
victims never get enough support

criminals end up playing the system and lots of white knights and doo gooders end up giving them an ear to listen to and eventually support because poor them
while the victim is slowly forgotten and fades away to suffer for the rest of his life or a very long time,


and please don't feel sorry for me because i said i was abused,
im over it as much as any one can be any way,
im not anti social any more,
i have tons and tons of people who i call friends and am close to
and this hobby has been good for me,

i have met a couple of sps who i could finally open up and talk to
and its a big relief to talk to some one,
and through them
the support they have given me and other sps that i have never seen in a session but talked to through emails and over coffee
i have actually been in contact with a therapist and had a session or two,
so please don't at all feel sorry for me life is good
great as a matter of fact,

actually i owe alot to sps, there an amazing group of ladies
 

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,136
44
48
Montréal
Big and Red enough to find?

I have yet to prosecute an incestuous child abuser where I wasn't sure the mother had been aware and likely involved.

In this case, he makes it clear that he WANTS to love his mother, but is aware that the reason that she wants him to go to Church and be SAVED is so that he'll forgive her husband.

I got the red, Al. :rolleyes: I just still don't see how that means the father was guilty. But if that makes it clear for you, well that's great. But I disagree and your big red text doesn't change that. :)
 

resercher

Member
Apr 30, 2006
382
11
18
This thread reminded me of another suicide in Montreal. My apologizes if this is deemed inappropriate .
Though not quite the same and I do not know him or his thoughts before he decided to off himself


This man was a fan of a sex web cam chat sight I.e. he spent thousands of dollars on private chat. ( paying $ to watch 20 year old girls masturbate ) The website was oddly enough stationed in Montreal. The city in which he lived. But all indications are that

He would only meet up with the web cam chat girls in arranged public meetings where no sex took place.

One of the cam girls attended his funeral . Who he had never met in person this was possibly the only time that there bodies where in the same room together.

He suffered from extreme depression and died alone.

The people with the male names are customers . Except for mark prince he is the cam sight owner . The people with the female names are cam girls except for nice Clare this person says she’s a lesbian . But she is a customer as well. At least she say’s she’s . a she . The suicide is real though .



http://bbs.livecamnetwork.com/BBS/showthread.php?t=9052
 
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