Think i need help ,,,

[way.tomuch]

I guess I asking for some help from my other perber's......
Here goes : im 55 yrs young.. ( its been said a # of times I look 45 ) kids all gone, hv a good job 100 k + yr, spouse has a good job ( LE ) , the nice home trucks and toys ( u know the drill ),,,,..

Anyway.. I hv a excellent wife and 2 real good kids 1-Nurse, 1 in HR , problem is I hv a girl friend as well 26 yrs old, great fuck and all, I also help her out monthly, ( about 700-800 monthly ) , I do her about 3 times a week,,,so I guess that makes her a (w****) & me a sugar daddy,,, all though she would love to move in in with me in another city , and as she says turn the page ..... ive had her 8-months .. anyway I asked for a separation from my SO yesterday ,, ( holly fuck that was a flat out fuck you)... But not to live with my other lady , she would be gone .......

Also a couple of other issues, I gamble way to much ( lost 700 tonight ) and drink way to much, im off to work in Ft mac, staying in Edmonton tonight , picked up a lady here tonight for a romp, in the sack... was ok as well ,,,,

Its seems all I think about is sex ...FUCK.... im tired of this life,, PLEASE where do I start, I wanna get my shit together....

Tks all .... way.to much..... Lady's your thoughts are more then welcome too ....

 

[westwoody]

You equate happiness with having all the right things.
That's not it.
Instead of worrying about having "toys" try having better relationships.
Your wife and kids can love you back, your truck doesn't.

 

[sevenofnine]

From personal experience your or my sexual drive declined. I was a lot like you, saw my sp as my as I could drank never gambled but spent I guess more then I should chasing women.

Eventually this feeling sank in or started somewhere in the back of my mind what am I doing, it took hold. Not right away but it took hold, several years it took.

I just didn't enjoy it that much anymore, the return wasn't there for what it cost me, I just got old.

And as you get older I have had a medical issue or two, could have been life threatening as well.

I haven't stopped well drinking for medical reasons Im very limited to what I can consume and after spending some time in a hospital well enough is enough.

Sex. me and my wife aren't having sex, I enjoy women touching kissing getting personal so I can't see myself stopping.
But even that has slowed way down. I see my sp socially way more then I do sexually. Were friends as much as anything just hang out together.

Leaving your wife, only you know what to do about that, don't let anyone tell you to stay or leave, that is you decision you will reap the rewards or suffer your fate.
Actually in nature there are several species that mate for life.

In nature there are species that eat there young too. I believe a black widow spider kills its mate or maybe its a preying mantis.

Any way you can find an example for anything, its like stats you can make them say anything,

Do what you feel its your life,

My thoughts at the time when I was fifty or so, enjoy it, it won't last. But don't screw your self up so you have ruined your life.
Which at times in this it can be a very fine balance.

 

[Slapshot1]

That's a lot of vices and expensive ones as well. You probably thought early on that you could easily handle the pressures of so many secrets. That's assuming your SO doesn't know about them. If not, I'm sure you have to lie to cover for them. Now, if that's the case, the lies have compounded to the point where the seam may burst and your only option is to get separated? Bad idea. Your SO is probably the most stable entity in your life right now. Get professional help for the addictions, as I won't pretend to give you any advice as I'm not a counsellor or a psychiatrist. Good luck.

 

[MissingOne]

... I don't believe in counseling ...

You just counseled him.

 

[nickcan]

You don't realize how good you have it if your wife is excellent like you say, not easy finding a good woman.
Why do you see other women? Bored or she doesn't like having sex?

If you weren't married I like your set-up with this 26 year old, much better than paying $250-$300/hour with an SP as you are paying her approx. $60/session.
This works out to a typical girlfriend dating expense.

 

[1nitestan]

So you're an alcoholic with a gambling problem and you've been letting your dick make life choices for you lately. You've gone as far as throwing your life away by announcing you want a separation from your (LE) wife. That's not gonna end well for you. If she's pissed off enough, she's gonna start digging into your activities. That's if she doesn't know already. If she is such a great wife, then she would've helped you with your problems earlier or noticed changes in your habits enough to start a conversation. Unless of course she's totally clueless about this. Maybe she's always known but didn't give a shit. In that case, she's not such a great wife at all.

First order of business- Dump your girlfriend pronto, before she gets knocked up. She's definitely after you and your money if she thinks about getting you to run away to another town with her. Then she's gonna dump your broke ass after the divorce.

I hope you're fed up enough with your habits to seek help. Counselling or whatever, but do it, like yesterday.

 

[way.tomuch]

Thanks all... Some very interesting read, some in private and some on the board ,,, but ALL good,......... I guess I should have added ( which I forgot ) , I did tell my SO about this other babe, the 26 yr old one ,,,,,,,,,,,, ive called it off with the 26 yr old, ... looking at other avenue's for a job,, my wife is a little pissed/disappointed , I understand that also .... for years she has said that if a had a 1 night stand, or other, and NO one knew about it she would be ok with it also ... like I said she a very good women, never and I mean never has she said no to sex or anything else ive asked for.....

With all the comments I hv come to realize im a very selfish person, hv lots of issues, and im going to deal with each and everyone of them.... and be a better person for it...


THANKS ALL , sometimes u just need a real good hard kick in the balls..........

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

This might well be the most dangerous, and wrong advice I have ever seen here, and that's saying something. If they are truly addictions, you are powerless over them. Look at the idiots wheeling their iv stands out of the hospital for a smoke, or the people gambling away their rent and food money. If he had any willpower, he'd have dealt with it by now. If you are compelled, you need some help, therapy or whatever.

To the OP, your wife is going to take half your shit in divorce. At 55, this will fuck your retirement and good. Do you want to have to work until you are 70 or more? You are lucky the kids are grown. She'll only take the house, half your RRSPs and the rest of the assets. You will be starting over. The 26 year old will dump you when the money runs out. Time to wake up. Worse you knock her up and you are looking at child support for 18 years, when you're 73... If you want to start fresh, do so, but wake up first, sounds like you need some meds/therapy, depressed or something.

This guy knows what he's talking about!

 

[bcneil]

A friend of mine was able to break his blackjack addiction. He is a solid player and he thought he made money at it.
Or at least on average only lost a little, and since he enjoyed playing it wasn't a big deal.

He found an iPhone app where you keep track. After a few weeks he was losing over $30/hr.
He just totally lost interest in playing at all.

 

[lenny]

You equate happiness with having all the right things.
That's not it.
Instead of worrying about having "toys" try having better relationships.
Your wife and kids can love you back, your truck doesn't.

Love yourself unconditionally & understand that God does, too, even when fallible humans fail to do so.

 

[ziggyzoo]

I wish you the best man, I really do. You are impulsive and compulsive, no crime in that but it can cause life to be dark grey, and shatter what is truly important. You are gratifying the primitive senses of your own psyche, but in fact, there is no gratification as the void is filled with guilt.

You have a great woman there if she is as forgiving as you make her seem. My advice is to grasp hold of her and lay waste to the sugar baby, the hoes and the booze. - Drinking is fun when you can just enjoy it in moderation.

Gods speed.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

You equate happiness with having all the right things.
That's not it.
Instead of worrying about having "toys" try having better relationships.
Your wife and kids can love you back, your truck doesn't.

"The best things in life are not things."
Take a step back and get you ass in somewhere to talk this through with someone fast.

My brother totally f'd up his life. Great wife (who we all still see), beautiful son, great job making good money, nice house, boat, etc.
Always was a bit of a party guy who binge drank but got deeper into the booze, affairs and then crack.
We all tried, especially my sisters, to 'save" him but to no avail.
2 illegitimate kids (both in foster care) and a crack-ho ex later no one has even heard from him in over 3 years. Maybe he's dead. Who knows?
This just about killed my Mom.

Don't do this to yourself man! I can tell you're a decent guy just for fessing up to this.
We all fall down. You just need to find yourself again.
Good luck. I'll pray for you.

Cheers

 

[mimi]

To the OP.... I met several clients in the early 90s who had already divorced, so they were further down the road than you are now. Drinking, gambling, escorts almost every night, lots of coke, living in hotels, and pretending to be soooo damn happy, losing weight over the drugs and booze and no decent meals, men who were once big business guys, now getting ripped off by petty thieves who saw an opportunity..It never ended well. They were in denial (my wife and I are still really good friends, I talked to her about a year ago...my kids are great and doing well, I spoke with them last year, too), you, at least, see the writing on the wall.

You have 5 years and then you are 60; very tough to compete in the job market at that age, regardless of great credentials, so starting over after a financial disaster like divorce is very tough. All this has been said in some very good posts on this thread.

Don't lose the chance to get through this and keep your marriage intact; one good reason for having a steady partner in life (regardless of gender) is that it's much easier to get ahead when you are a team; somebodies got your back.

Starting from scratch, alone, after middle age is not even close to what it was like in our twenties.

If you haven't been able to get control of your addictions (and someone posted an intelligent comment about compulsive behaviour) then do some research on counseling. Ask for help, but understand that a person is responsible for making the commitment to the program.

If your wife is everything you have made her out to be then she must be bloody hurt; she's invested a lot of time and commitment to a life partner, and regardless of whether she get's the house and the car, at the end of it she is also out there alone. Loneliness is a sad place to be in your old age.