Hi everyone
We are hoping to provide a bit of variety to the health information forum every so often. It is common for us to see people that have similar issues and we thought it would be good to get other health professionals to comment on these.
Here is a common scenario that we wanted a sex therapist to comment on:
A man with a steady partner has a casual sexual experience, and walks away feeling badly. Even when the sex is low risk people can feel guilty and worry, which can lead to mental health issues.
Dr David McKenzie, a local sex therapist, will be answering our question today.
Have a look at his website http://davidrmckenzie.com/
If you have slipped up and have had sexual contact with another it usually helps one to feel much better if he or she tells his partner what he or she has done. Men usually take this harder than women do. It is just part of our evolutionary make up gentlemen. This “coming clean” with one’s spouse takes courage and trust that your partner is not going to become a gorilla on you, reject you outright or shame you. If you think your partner will flip out and possibly end the relationship with you, it would probably be better to withhold. If confronted with it, try never to lie. It’s tempting to do so, but yielding to that temptation to lie to your partner will only deepen the mistrust that eventually has to be re-constructed. If you need conscience relief then see your priest or get some counselling to help you to resolve your guilt and forgive yourself. And when I say forgive yourself I mean it! Don’t carry this stuff to the grave with you. Guilt is like pain…it is meant to tell you something is wrong … get your hand off the red hot stove before you lose it. Guilt is intended only to point you in the right direction so that you can make the necessary changes. It is not meant to become a way of life where you are forever defined by remorse over actions frozen in time.
Dr. David McKenzie, Ph.D. RCC, AASECT, ACS is Couple Counsellor and Sex Therapist. With his private practice in Langley and downtown Vancouver Dr. McKenzie offers counselling and sex therapy to individuals and couples who are seeking professional counselling help in their personal lives and relationships and in overcoming sexual difficulties.
We are hoping to provide a bit of variety to the health information forum every so often. It is common for us to see people that have similar issues and we thought it would be good to get other health professionals to comment on these.
Here is a common scenario that we wanted a sex therapist to comment on:
A man with a steady partner has a casual sexual experience, and walks away feeling badly. Even when the sex is low risk people can feel guilty and worry, which can lead to mental health issues.
Dr David McKenzie, a local sex therapist, will be answering our question today.
Have a look at his website http://davidrmckenzie.com/
The Sex Therapist’s Corner
If you have slipped up and have had sexual contact with another it usually helps one to feel much better if he or she tells his partner what he or she has done. Men usually take this harder than women do. It is just part of our evolutionary make up gentlemen. This “coming clean” with one’s spouse takes courage and trust that your partner is not going to become a gorilla on you, reject you outright or shame you. If you think your partner will flip out and possibly end the relationship with you, it would probably be better to withhold. If confronted with it, try never to lie. It’s tempting to do so, but yielding to that temptation to lie to your partner will only deepen the mistrust that eventually has to be re-constructed. If you need conscience relief then see your priest or get some counselling to help you to resolve your guilt and forgive yourself. And when I say forgive yourself I mean it! Don’t carry this stuff to the grave with you. Guilt is like pain…it is meant to tell you something is wrong … get your hand off the red hot stove before you lose it. Guilt is intended only to point you in the right direction so that you can make the necessary changes. It is not meant to become a way of life where you are forever defined by remorse over actions frozen in time.
Dr. David McKenzie, Ph.D. RCC, AASECT, ACS is Couple Counsellor and Sex Therapist. With his private practice in Langley and downtown Vancouver Dr. McKenzie offers counselling and sex therapy to individuals and couples who are seeking professional counselling help in their personal lives and relationships and in overcoming sexual difficulties.
