The random stuff that doesn't need it's own thread thread
- Thread starter escapefromstress
- Start date
fella lost his arm in a consruction accident one day
the worksafe case worker said, 'not a problem, my man. with bionics the way they are nowadays, we'll have you back to full functionality plus in about six weeks.'
construction dude said, 'wow! 6 weeks... cool!'
the day finally came when they fitted him with the experimental bionic arm. after the doctor left, the technical representative for the bionic company came in and said, 'congratulations! we've been working on this model for several years, and you're the first to receive the prototype. the lessons we learn from your experiences will help us fine-tune the software
'now i want you to take it pretty easy this weekend - nothing strenuous, no partying, no large crowds... we're sort of feeling our way along. first we get you to say some common things so the arm learns its commands'
'you mean i can talk to it?' the construction guy said
'absolutely - voice activated we call it'
'cool'
'now that's the sort of thing i'm talking about - not too much slang in your speech at first - we haven't programmed the hard drive to understand slang yet, but we will as we go along,' said the tech
'ok,' says dude
so he goes home, trying different commands, like 'open the car door', 'open the trunk', etc
after supper he goes surfing on the internet looking up prosthetic devices, and finds out all about the latest and greatest, one of which is his arm
but one thing leads to another and the next thing he's looking at his favourite porn video sites. he gets a brain flash, thinking if he gets the hand to stroke his cock, maybe it'll feel like somebody else. so he says, 'stroke my cock gently,' and sure enough, the arm and hand start rubbing his cock, and it DOES feel like somebody else doing it!
'wow,' thinks the dude, 'this feels fucking GOOD!'
once he gets a raging boner, and the flick he's watching gets to a particularly sexy part, he moans to the arm, 'arm, jerk it off...'
the arm suddenly becomes a friggin' monster, gripping his cock in a vice-like grip, and suddenly rips the thing right off his body!
'AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh.....' screams the dude in severe agony, 'FUCK ME!!!!'
the arm, still holding the severed cock so tightly that the blood can't escape, so it's still engorged and rigid, jams the cock hard up the guy's ass, as deep as it will go - taking about a quarter yard of underwear with it!
an anguished, 'NOOOOOOOoooooo....' escapes the dude's mouth, followed by, 'COCKSUCKER!!!!!!!!'
the hand responds by yanking the cock out of the guy's asshole, and jamming it deep and hard down his throat
after choking and gagging for a short period of time, mercifully, the dude passes out
****
well, i guess you had to be there when my buddy acted the joke out in the bar one night
everybody fuckin' near pissed their pants we laughed so hard
i've heard that the origin of the 'peace sign' is the semaphore signals for the letters N and D - being the first letters of the words 'nuclear' and 'disarmament'
$100 hot dogs from Vancouver food truck sell out in a day at Calgary Stampede
Consider it mission accomplished, in just one day: The $100 Dragon Dog from Vancouver’s very own DougieDog food truck sold out their by their second day at the Calgary Stampede.
The fancy and pricy hot dog, which DougieDog owner Dougie Luv first showcased in Vancouver in 2012, is infused with 100-year-old cognac, and is topped with Kobe beef, lobster, and truffles.
Luv brought the Dragon Dog to the Calgary Stampede, complete with its usual $100 price tag, and brought enough supplies to sell 100.
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2015/07/100-hot-dogs-from-vancouver-food-truck-sell-out-in-a-day-at-calgary-stampede/
Consider it mission accomplished, in just one day: The $100 Dragon Dog from Vancouver’s very own DougieDog food truck sold out their by their second day at the Calgary Stampede.
The fancy and pricy hot dog, which DougieDog owner Dougie Luv first showcased in Vancouver in 2012, is infused with 100-year-old cognac, and is topped with Kobe beef, lobster, and truffles.
Luv brought the Dragon Dog to the Calgary Stampede, complete with its usual $100 price tag, and brought enough supplies to sell 100.
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2015/07/100-hot-dogs-from-vancouver-food-truck-sell-out-in-a-day-at-calgary-stampede/
Free Slurpees on July 11 for 7-Eleven Day 2015
It’s that time of year when 7-Eleven celebrates the sugary cool deliciousness that is the Slurpee by handing out thousands of freebies across the country for 7-Eleven Day.
Celebrate the convenience store’s birthday on 7/11, aka Saturday July 11, 2015, by heading to your nearest 7-Eleven between 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. and getting a free 12 oz Slurpee.
The stores will hand out the free slurpees to their first 1500 guests at each location.
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2015/06/free-slurpees-7-eleven-day-2015/
It’s that time of year when 7-Eleven celebrates the sugary cool deliciousness that is the Slurpee by handing out thousands of freebies across the country for 7-Eleven Day.
Celebrate the convenience store’s birthday on 7/11, aka Saturday July 11, 2015, by heading to your nearest 7-Eleven between 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. and getting a free 12 oz Slurpee.
The stores will hand out the free slurpees to their first 1500 guests at each location.
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/2015/06/free-slurpees-7-eleven-day-2015/
L
Larry Storch
