The Proper Way To Come Home Drunk

Lesbian Hunter

Throw Me to the Lesbians
Aug 17, 2006
474
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0
Victoria
Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one
turns to the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else
to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the
headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and
coast into the garage and take my shoes off before I go into the house.

I sneak up the stairs, and get undressed in the bathroom. Then I stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I
tiptoe into the bedroom and ease into bed. My wife STILL wakes up, and
yells at me for staying out so late!'

His friend looks at him and says, 'Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up
the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush,
throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into
bed, slap her on the ass and shout," WHO'S HORNY?????!!! "
And she acts like she's sound asleep!! It works every time!!!
 

Oldfart

Long Standing Member
Mar 31, 2003
4,700
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Still lost in the '60s
How not to come home drunk

A guy is in a bar and he drinks so much he pukes all over his own shirt.

He whines to the bartender, "what am I going to do? My wife will kill me."

The bartender advises him to put a $10 bill into his shirt pocket, and then tell his wife that the guy sitting next to him was the one who was drunk and puked on him, and that he gave the guy $10 to have his shirt cleaned.

"That's a great idea," the guy says. And so he goes home...

When his wife asks him what happened, he tells her the guy sitting next to him in the bar puked all over his shirt and then felt so sorry he gave him $10 to have it cleaned.

"But that's a twenty dollar bill," the wife says.

"Yeah," the guy says. "He also shit in my pants."
 
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