The process of the reference...

[Cami Parker]

Sorry in advance if this sounds like a rant BUT....
I was wondering what different people feel is the proper procedure for using a lady for a reference.
For example, this morning I get a reference request out of the clear blue sky from a lady in a different country for a gent who saw me one for an hour, one time 8 months ago. I had no idea who/what she was talking about. I had to search my email archives and eventually found the gentleman, but the only info I could offer her was that I hadn't flagged his email for anything negative.
In my ideal world, the polite thing would have been for the gentleman to send me an email, reminding me of our date together and letting me know that he would like to use me as a reference and the name of the SP I can expect to hear from. I feel that would not only make it simpler for me, but better for both of them, as I would be able to offer more relevant information that could enhance their session.
Am I wrong?
*this us in reference to someone you saw only once or twice quite some time ago, not someone you see regularly*
I would love to hear from both guys and gals about what they think us the appropriate procedure and if I'm just being a princess and expecting too much lol

 

[beavereric]

Cami, You are so correct in this matter. The only thing I like to add is that one should get your agreement for a reference prior to submitting the reference name/contact number.
Must also add that I might be a little 'old fashioned' as some ladies consider me 'past the sell-by date'.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Some people have ether no common sense or manners.

Like any reference it is only good manners to ask permission from the person before you use them as a reference.

And BTW you never ask the person if they can give you a reference but if they can give you a good reference.

 

[limsam32]

this is why adultwork should be used by everyone...that way clients get rated by the sp, just as the sp gets rated by the client

 

[Cami Parker]

Ok, thank you! I didn't know if I was just expecting too much. I guess common sense isn't as common as one would like to believe. Lol

 

[sdw]

I wouldn't expect a lady that I've only seen once to remember me at all.

 

[sdw]

this is why adultwork should be used by everyone...that way clients get rated by the sp, just as the sp gets rated by the client

The site doesn't seem to be well used. There is only 1 SP listed for BC and she's not in the Lower Mainland.

 

[Man Mountain]

Man Mountain's process of the reference:

If an SP advertises that she needs a reference or has not advertised it but informs me that she needs a reference after I have contacted her expressing my interest in meeting her, I move on to find an SP that doesn't require a reference.

 

[westwoody]

Always get permission to use a person as a reference.
As Cami said, make sure it is someone who actually knows you and will vouch for you.
Good manners and common sense here and on civvy street.

 

[Cami Parker]

I wasn't asking for a reference, I was asked to give a reference

Man Mountain's process of the reference:

If an SP advertises that she needs a reference or has not advertised it but informs me that she needs a reference after I have contacted her expressing my interest in meeting her, I move on to find an SP that doesn't require a reference.

 

[Man Mountain]

I wasn't asking for a reference, I was asked to give a reference

Yes, I understood the original post. But no need for you to worry... I would never ask you to give a reference...

Who's on first. (Abbott and Costello mode off)

 

[MrBrown]

I've been asked to provide a reference in the past and if memory serves in the first few times years ago I notified past providers that they will be contacted after the fact.

In recent years my board handle and communication style seemed to be enough.

Maybe the SPs I see are just smart, experienced and follow their gut.

 

[AnnaSteel]

I have had guys use me for a reference when they never asked and also some I haven't seen....

 

[Cami Parker]

Sure, for a lot of ladies an activ Perb, terb, ter, or Twitter handle is more than enough.

I've been asked to provide a reference in the past and if memory serves in the first few times years ago I notified past providers that they will be contacted after the fact.

In recent years my board handle and communication style seemed to be enough.

Maybe the SPs I see are just smart, experienced and follow their gut.

 

[PierreCoeur]

I think the guy must have presumed you remembered him. So sad for him that a memorable experience for him wasn't a memory to you. His first mistake was being so naive and thinking the experience was more than a service you provided him on a single occasion. His second mistake was he didn't ask your permission. Dumb move. Pity the fool who doesn't become a regular client of a service provider if he expects to be remembered . I would never ask for a reference from any of the ladies I've visited because what was real for me, means nothing to them.

 

[meaghanmcleodDELETED]

It is always important to give a heads up if you wish someone to provide you a reference. I don't ask for one (unless I suspect something is amiss), however, I will provide one if requested. However, when someone says "I saw you 2 years ago, don't remember what name I gave you, and can't remember what phone number I gave you". Sorry, this doesn't work. However, if they say, "I saw you at xxx and my handle is xxx, remember, I'm the one who gave you xxx?" That works for me.

However, regulars who I see on a regular basis, if they ask me, I will gladly give them a reference.

 

[hankmoody]

It's also possible he hasn't seen anyone since, doesn't play often and or was shy/embarrassed to ask in advance.
Personally I find it awkward to ask. I asked one lady by email i has seen 3 times and thought everything had went well and she never responded. That doesn't help either. I suppose she wasn't thrilled that i'm looking elsewhere. Slippery slope.

 

[Squishy]

Maybe because you're an international superstar SP he thought the name recognition alone would be enough to impress the other SP.

It's like when I tell girls that I slept with Angelina Jolie *. It makes me irresistible

Like any reference, if you don't get permission/clearance in advance, it eventually hurts more than helps you.


* in the same business class cabin

 

[steverino]

In my professional life the process of references works as cami suggests. People need to request from me that I serve as a reference. I would not respond to a person who called me and stated that an individual asked that I be a reference unless I had agreed to serve in that way.

As an aside, I am more in line with MM that if a lady requires a reference I would probably move on as it is a bit more effort than I wish to go through.

 

[Cami Parker]

I don't think that was the thought process actually. It's unfair of you to Jane those kinds of presumptions about how other humans do or do not feel. It was more a case of he either didn't think she would actually contact that giving the reference would be enough or he just assumed I would look through my archives and tell her he wasn't a murderer, which I did.

I think the guy must have presumed you remembered him. So sad for him that a memorable experience for him wasn't a memory to you. His first mistake was being so naive and thinking the experience was more than a service you provided him on a single occasion. His second mistake was he didn't ask your permission. Dumb move. Pity the fool who doesn't become a regular client of a service provider if he expects to be remembered . I would never ask for a reference from any of the ladies I've visited because what was real for me, means nothing to them.