The new sex-addict movie SHAME: worth seeing, with reservations

[tantalizeme]

I confess...I'm a sucker for the somewhat neglected movie genre of "hooker-meets-sex-addict."

All I had to read was the first paragraph of Ken Eisner's Georgia Straight review of "Shame" when I immediately phoned a sex-positive acquaintance and invited her to the movie last night—hoping it would get the juices dripping from her panties.

Eisner's first paragraph reads, in part: "Shame is here to tell you that there just might be a downside to having indiscriminate sex with hookers and pickups..." (GS, Dec 8 - 15, p 68)

A downside? Well, I didn't really see much of a downside for a single, well-heeled guy who takes safe-sex precautions—but I'm always willing to be enlightened.

Eisner then goes on to thrash the movie for its "shallow sermonizing." Indeed, Shame wasn't the kind of erotic turn-on to make my lady fondle my cock in the dark of the cinema, though the movie has some unusually raw and real scenes.

The reality is, quite a few guys in this world jerk off, they watch porn, they try to pick up hotties and occasionally even pay money for sex. In this sense, the movie could help women understand what goes on inside men.

Taking a date or your significant other to this movie should give rise to fruitful discussion—and you'll probably come away looking good, because the main protagonist (played by Michael Fassbender) is a rather extreme example of a horny bastard.

Where the movie falls apart, in my humble opinion, is when it tries to show what can happen when the culture poisons Don Juan's enjoyment of his sexuality. In the process, the movie totally fails to show non-monogamous sex as something potentially happy, playful, light-hearted—and feeds into prevailing anti-sex stereotypes, by making promiscuity appear to be intrinsically destructive, of oneself and others.

The anti-hero protagonist ends up feeling such "shame" about his out-of-control sexuality that he suffers impotence with a superhot black co-worker; has trouble orgasming during a juicy threesome with an Asian and a blonde; and irrationally provokes another hottie's boyfriend into beating him up. He also acts out his bisexual impulses—which, in the context, seem to carry a sternly negative stigma.

The protagonist's self-sabotage comes across, not as the culture's fault for making a highly-sexed individual feel guilty about adventurous fantasies, but as the result of inevitable guilt and shame that will, sooner or later, haunt any erotic hedonist in his attempted exploits. Crazy, conservative stuff.

The absolute nadir of this movie is near the end: the gratuitously gory scene of the protagonist's scatterbrained sister slashing her wrists because he "selfishly" insisted she find her own place rather than crowding him out of his apartment. After that scene, it took some doing to convince my female companion that the night was young, and erotic play might still be fun.

Still—overall, I recommend this movie for some entertaining moments of gritty action, as well as an attempt to address an important theme. The protagonist, a self-absorbed solo traveller obsessed with sex yet afraid of intimacy, represents a not too uncommon type in today's Western society.

The movie rightly, if clumsily, suggests downsides to this approach to life.

 

[Ned Flanders]

You took a date to "this movie" in the hopes this would turn her on?

Wow.

I guess there wasn't a good serial killer movie playing at the venue...

Based upon the reviews i read the protagonist seems to do all this out of compulsion, and derives little enjoyment from the sex. His compulsion seems to interfere with his professional life and seems to prevent him from maintaining any real relationship with anyone. While I don't have huge moral issues with the behavior, I think it's pretty clear it is not working for the character and what he is doing isn't a hobby in any real sense.

 

[Pillowtalk]

You took a date to "this movie" in the hopes this would turn her on?

Wow.

I guess there wasn't a good serial killer movie playing at the venue...

Based upon the reviews i read the protagonist seems to do all this out of compulsion, and derives little enjoyment from the sex. His compulsion seems to interfere with his professional life and seems to prevent him from maintaining any real relationship with anyone. While I don't have huge moral issues with the behavior, I think it's pretty clear it is not working for the character and what he is doing isn't a hobby in any real sense.

The definition of an addict, and no doubt the point of the movie, obviously. Addicts, whether sex or food or drugs, are addicts when it is destructive to their lives, not beneficial. Sex and food are beneficial to life, but in obsession at the cost of everything else life has to offer, they are damaging. It is also not uncommon for someone with this obsession to deny it is harming their ability to have true intimacy (as in real relationships with real people) as the obsession is the priority.

And, as you say, this is probably not a date movie, but the lady no doubt turned off by seeing too many similarities between her companion and the main character perhaps. But it seems a sign of the obsession that our self proclaimed sex addict OP that he couldn't foresee that.

 

[jesuschrist]

Is there any explicit hardcore in this movie? That seems to be a trend these days, like explicit blow job scenes.

 

[violetblake]

I just saw that movie, and thought it was really good. I was afraid it may make out anyone with a healthy and active sex life to be a horrible person, but that wasn't at all the case. There is a line between sex addiction and a healthy sex life, and the character in the movie has an addiction. He gets no enjoyment out of his actions and only does it because it's a way to cope with his problems in life, like any addiction. I thought the acting was fantastic, and even though it was a quiet and slow moving film at times, the facial expressions alone let you read into the character and what he was going through.

 

[lenny]

If both violetblake and tantaclaus enjoyed this one, it has to be great.

I wonder if it will be for sale for $3 in good quality on the streets of Bangkok in a month or two.

Better yet, put tants posts into a book and i'll pay $100 for it.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Shame

Definitely one of this year's best indies. And of course, Carey Mulligan is such a cutie. One of the reasons I was attracted to this movie at first but greatly surprised on how brilliant it was. :nod:

 

[the old maxx50]

I looked at the trailers
a little to beak for me .. Alfie come to mind, another man with a sex addiction who blissfully bedded women not acknowledging he had a problem, and caused hurt to others by being unable to care ..

Anther would be American gigolo.

 

[Devils_Advocate]

I looked at the trailers
a little to beak for me .. Alfie come to mind, another man with a sex addiction who blissfully bedded women not acknowledging he had a problem, and caused hurt to others by being unable to care ..

Anther would be American gigolo.

I hope you are referring to the 1966 "Alfie" with Michael Caine and not the 2004 version...

 

[the old maxx50]

Yes the Michael Caine one .. I did not see the 2004 one.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

.​

Don’t believe the sex addiction hype

It may be the subject of a new Michael Fassbender flick and buzzy cover story, but an expert calls it a "myth"

By Tracy Clark-Flory



The Newsweek cover model’s bare shoulders and protruding clavicles seem to signal weakness, vulnerability, illness. She’s captured turning away from the camera and a pull-quote is stamped across her head: “I lost two marriages and a job. I ended up homeless. I was totally out of control.” The all-caps headline dramatically spells out her troubles: “THE SEX ADDICTION EPIDEMIC.”

The sexy alarmism of Newsweek’s latest cover story is irresistible — but it should be viewed with extreme skepticism. Mental health experts haven’t come to the consensus that sex addiction even exists, let alone that it’s an epidemic. The cultural phenomenon of sex addiction, which I first wrote about in 2009, is just that: A cultural phenomenon, not a legitimate medical diagnosis, and the release this week of the much buzzed-about “Shame,” a sex-addiction drama starring Michael Fassbender, further secures the concept’s place in the zeitgeist. Never mind that it was rejected from the upcoming revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), psychiatry’s bible.

Supporters of the sex-addiction paradigm will point to the current umbrella category of “Sexual Disorder Not Otherwise Specified,” which recognizes “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers” — but the term “sex addiction” is unscientifically applied to a vastly greater range of behaviors, including subjectively excessive masturbation and porn-viewing. An entry on “hypersexual disorder” is being considered for the DSM revision — for the appendix — but it’s important to note that the concept of sex addiction is but one approach to conceptualizing and treating hypersexuality.


In the interest of countering the Newsweek narrative, I gave clinical psychologist David Ley a call. I figured he might have a thing or two to say on the topic, given that for the past year he’s been working on the upcoming book “The Myth of Sex Addiction” — and did he ever.



Have you had a chance to read the Newsweek cover story?

I did. It’s the same old story.


And what is the same old story, exactly?

There’s a gross over-representation and exaggeration of research. The sex-addiction concept is a belief system, not a diagnosis; it’s not a medically supported concept. The science is abysmal.


What’s the worst example of the pseudo-science?

The thing that drives me craziest is that over the past year or two, [proponents of the sex addiction model] have started trying to use brain science to explain it. They’re now talking about morphological changes that supposedly happen in the brain as somebody watches porn or has too much sex. The reality is, careful scientists will tell you they are absolutely unable to identify any brain differences between these alleged sex addicts and non-sex addicts. The other thing that they’ll tell you is that the brain changes constantly — any behavior that a person engages in, especially repetitively, changes your brain. So, identifying changes related to this sexual behavior and distinguishing it from anything else is absolutely ridiculous.

What they’re doing is trying to build credibility. The major way that they build credibility is through metaphor, or “valley-girl science,” as I call it. They will tell you, and [the Newsweek] article is a good example of it, that sex addiction is like an eating disorder, it’s like a heroin addiction. The reality is this is an incredibly weak form of argument, because it’s so subjective; and when they tell you that sex addiction is like an eating disorder, they don’t tell you all the things that are different about it. They live by anecdotes, because they don’t have good science.


It seems the question underlying the whole conversation is: What does a healthy relationship to sex look like?

They are typically unable to put forth a healthy model of sexuality, and when they do, it is so transparently conservative and religiously driven that it’s frightening. Most of the leaders of the sex-addiction movement are themselves recovering supposed sex addicts and religious folks. That’s fine, it’s fine for them to be advocating, but what they’re advocating for is a moral system, not a medical one.

For a while, they were pushing the idea that if you had an orgasm once a day, every day, that made you a sex addict — but they finally had to back off on that because data was building up showing that there are lots of people who have sex once a day and have no problems. That’s the other big hole in their argument: For every one of the behaviors they raise as addictive — whether it’s porn, strip clubs, masturbation, infidelity, going to prostitutes — I can present 10,000 people who engage in the exact same behavior and have no problems, and they can’t explain why that is.

They are trying to connect a lot of disparate behaviors. Frankly, I think that it is ludicrous to try to apply one sex-addiction concept to the behavior of a person who spends 12 hours a day masturbating and that of a person who has three or four mistresses.


How should we look at someone who spends their entire day masturbating?

A lot of the research that has been done shows that between 70 and 100 percent of these alleged sex addicts have some other major mental-health problem — there is some other diagnosis, whether it is substance abuse, depression, anxiety or a personality disorder. It violates Occam’s razor to then throw in a sex-addiction diagnosis when these behaviors are just symptoms of the underlying mental illness.

The other thing is, why are we singling out this one behavior as a problem? There are people who do model trains obsessively: They focus their life on it, their relationships end because of their interest in this, they fill their houses with these model trains –

But we aren’t rushing to subject them to brain scans.

Exactly, right. This is a moral attack on sexuality. They it is in the interest of people to build and develop fear of sex. Because they think that if we’re not afraid of sex, people are going to go out and have lots of sex. God forbid.


What cultural forces are bringing this to the fore right now?

I think it’s a perfect storm. It’s the media and the transparency of our society. All of these behaviors have been happening for millennium — people cheating, people having lots of sex, people viewing pornography. There’s nothing new about this. But all of a sudden we have this 24/7 media that is hungry for scandals. “Gotcha” journalism grabs an audience by putting out a sound bite, a meme, as quickly as possible, regardless of how true it is. The memes that grab the most are black-and-white, two-dimensional concepts. Rather than explaining that there are thousands of reasons a person might engage in infidelity, it’s easier to say: Sex addict.

Does it make people feel more secure, like the threat of infidelity is contained to a “disordered” or “addicted” population? Blaming infidelity on sex addiction might be easier than questioning monogamy or our expectations for long-term commitments.

Yep. Instead of examining the application of the concept of monogamy over a 30- or 40-year marriage, and looking at how male sexuality works, it’s much easier to say: “Well, it’s a disease.” I include a quote in my book where a woman says, “When my husband was cheating, it really was a comfort to consider it a disease and that it really wasn’t his fault. Finally, I had to realize that it wasn’t a disease, it was just him being selfish and treating my life and health casually.” If we look at it as a choice, what changes?


What is the risk of the spread of the sex-addiction model?

There is a dramatic risk of stigma and over-diagnosis. Gay and bi men often engage in significant promiscuity that is outside the norm for heterosexual men, and certainly for heterosexual women — are they eligible to get diagnosed as sex addicts? Yeah. A social worker I talked to at a mental hospital told me that whenever an LGBT person was admitted onto the psych ward, they automatically considered them as having hypersexual disorder, because they were concerned that person might act out sexually on the unit.

There’s incredible risk of pathology here — we only need to look at the history of nymphomania to see that. Women had their clitorises removed they were subjected to electroshock therapy, all kinds of medication. When female sexuality was diagnosed as a disease. Now male sexuality is diagnosed as a disease, only instead of getting electroshock therapy they get the country-club treatment for 30 days.


http://www.salon.com/2011/11/29/dont_believe_the_sex_addiction_hype/

 

[Alix Turner]

alternately.. ladies.. if you have any kind of hard to reign in sexual desires do not go see "The Immortals" unless you have someone with an 8pack (abs) on speed dial

The movie was godawful and I still had to shut off my phone to keep myself from making lusty late night phone calls to my more chiseled male friends.

it was bad.

 

[violetblake]

Good post Bijou. I definitely think that sex addiction is more hype than reality, and certain people use it as a means to push their moral agenda. I liked what that guy being interviewed said about model trains. And it's true, you can be addicted to anything, trains, sex, whatever. But people love to jump on the sensationalism of anything related to sex. That's the same mentality behind the hype surrounding sex trafficking. No one's losing their shit about construction workers being trafficked and used as slaves, even though it probably happens just as often if not more often than sex trafficking. Cause nothing makes a story like sex, right? So I do believe sex addiction exists, but you can be addicted to anything, and it's not what substance you're addicted to that's the real issue at hand, it's the addiction itself.

 

[Pillowtalk]

Good post Bijou. I definitely think that sex addiction is more hype than reality, and certain people use it as a means to push their moral agenda. I liked what that guy being interviewed said about model trains. And it's true, you can be addicted to anything, trains, sex, whatever. But people love to jump on the sensationalism of anything related to sex. That's the same mentality behind the hype surrounding sex trafficking. No one's losing their shit about construction workers being trafficked and used as slaves, even though it probably happens just as often if not more often than sex trafficking. Cause nothing makes a story like sex, right? So I do believe sex addiction exists, but you can be addicted to anything, and it's not what substance you're addicted to that's the real issue at hand, it's the addiction itself.

As much as it might be used as 'hype', it is also used as an excuse by some to justify how they treat other people. From the one who tries to make excuses for himself, because he simply is not that nice of a person, or doesn't value what others have to offer (outside of their orifices, of course), he always gets the out of saying he's a sex addict. Fact is, he's just a vile human being, if he is carelessly hurting others in order to achieve his goal. Even tho sps may gain financially from this kind of guy, he is the one who could care less about what she has offered, and forever trying to push past her objections or boundaries set up before anything even starts. Then, angry in his inability to get her to cave in, or if she does it reluctantly out of fear, is the first to storm off accusing her of bad service or lacking effort or whatever else it might take to make her feel like crap, or afraid. Who knows, but that sounds like someone who is addicted to something, blinders on and totally focused in their own way and plenty of blame if they don't get it. Usually he will also have a real hatred of women in general, and contempt for anyone who actually ends up dating him or in a relationship. She becomes someone also who 'lacks' in his eyes, or who is constantly being pushed towards some unattainable fantasy.

Not having seen the movie, I cannot say whether it is shame that creates a block in the main character, or just that he developed a conscience about the people who love him, and what ends up being careless intent to hurt them. Or he just realized that orgasms aren't life, and that life can be pretty empty if that is all you think life is about.

 

[Tugela]

[
A lot of the research that has been done shows that between 70 and 100 percent of these alleged sex addicts have some other major mental-health problem — there is some other diagnosis, whether it is substance abuse, depression, anxiety or a personality disorder. It violates Occam’s razor to then throw in a sex-addiction diagnosis when these behaviors are just symptoms of the underlying mental illness.

The other thing is, why are we singling out this one behavior as a problem? There are people who do model trains obsessively: They focus their life on it, their relationships end because of their interest in this, they fill their houses with these model trains –

The same could be said of any other addiction. That being so doesn't make addiction a fantasy.

Anything which is obsessive/compulsive is an addiction, and have seriously negative effects on your life and the lives of those around you.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Michael Fassbender

One of the biggest surprises of yesterday's Golden Globes list yesterday was Michael Fassbender's nomination for Best Actor. A real dark horse in the said race but truly deserving with his great acting in " Shame ". :nod:

 

[Big Dog Striker]

Lots of big corporations secretly send their key executives to those sex rehab centres in Arizona. They don't attend conventions and go to Disneyland afterwards. :nod: Well, I guess you can say adult Disneylands with Rhinos.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

If you don't actually believe sex addiction exists, go attend an SAA meeting and listen to some of the sharing and stories that go on in there. I defy you to say it doesn't exist after you hear some of the damaging effects of compulsive sexual behavior have had on these men and women. I do think it's over used, mostly by rigid moralists who think that anything "kinky" or activities beyond missionary sex with the lights are an act of perversion, but to claim it doesn't exist is just as ridiculous.

i concur. i will also add that any guy that regularly hands over somewhat substantial amounts of cash to women for one-half to one hour's sex is addicted to it. let's not sugarcoat anything here, we are involved in an industry based on addiction... ask yourself this (both women and men included) could you quit it cold turkey tomorrow? if the honest answer isn't 'yes', then you are addicted to some aspect of the industry

...and ain't it GREAT?

 

[Flanders]

As with anything, addiction is not a black and white yes/no answer. It is a spectrum from use-abuse-addiction.

Many people can "use" sex, and indulge in the benefits and upside, deriving pure joy and pleasure. Just like many people can "use" alcohol, cocaine, gambling, etc.

However, if, what used to work no longer provides the thrills it once did (tolerance building, another hallmark of addiction) the people will generally amp up the behaviors, and begin to "abuse" whatever it is that they derive pleasure from. Pleasure starts to become harder and harder to find consistently, and the first dark thoughts or experiences start to accompany the pursuit of happiness.

Addiction is the result of crossing the "pickle line" (when does a cucumber soaking in vinegar and spices become a pickle?). Now, your body and brain chemistry has been altered enough that your cravings for your "fix" no longer have a logical component to them, rather they are rooted in an unconscience drive. The shame that so many addicts feel (shame is not monopolized by sex addisct alone) is often rooted in the struggle of the conscieous, logical mind and the enevitable losing battle with the compulsion or drive to "get high" even when aware of the negative consequences.

Some substances or behaviors can have such a profound impact on the user that this timeline can be compressed very small (there aren't many recreational users of crack cocaine... The pickle line is generally crossed upon first use)

So yeah, you can be addicted to ANYTHING. No matter what your "vice", if it is compulsive (you do it even if you don't want to, or try not: jerk off even if you don't feel horney, just to get the "high" of orgasm, that's compulsion), if there is tolerance building (increased behaviors or usage increasing to get the same effect), and if there are negative consequences to your life in some form (lots of denial surrounds this for most addicts; they aren't aware, or won't admit how bad thing are)

I would say the problem isn't "sex addiction", the problem is "addiction", and sex just happens to be the way addiction is manifested. Helps explain why the 12-step groups that are based on AA help deal with so many other addictions.

The same could be said of any other addiction. That being so doesn't make addiction a fantasy.

Anything which is obsessive/compulsive is an addiction, and have seriously negative effects on your life and the lives of those around you.