The most functional word is....

[Randy Whorewald]

Well it's Shit ........ That's right,

Shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider this You can be shit faced, Shit out of luck, Or have shit for brains.With a little effort, you can get your shit together,find a place for your shit Or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit,Buy shit, sell shit,Lose shit, find shit,Forget shit, And tell others to eat shit and die.

Some people know their shit,while others can't tell the difference between shit and shine.

There are lucky shits Dumb shits, Crazy shits,and sweet shits.

There is bull shit,Horse shit,and chicken shit you can throw shit, Sling shit, catch shit, shoot shit,or duck when shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit,or serve shit, You can be happier than a pig in shit,or You can find yourself in deep shit. Some days are cold as shit,some days are hot as shit,and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit,things can look like shit,and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit,the right shit,the wrong shit,or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit,have a mountain of shit,or find yourself up shit's creek without a paddle.

Sometimes every thing you touch turns to shit.

And others times you fall in abucket of shit and come outsmelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you know your shit,you don't need to know anything else!

Pass this shit along, if you give a shit.

 

[Avery]

Randy, your post is a load of shit!!

 

[gravitas]

FUCK​

catch all for anything

 

[Rod Steel]

gawd, to rip off George Carlin and not credit him is a crime. It's not like you came up with that on your own Randy.

Yeh Randy, thats just plain shitty!! LOL.

Actually, I believe I saw that on one of the joke sites a while baack too and theren was no reference to George Carlin there. Are you sure about that Methos?? It looks like whoever wrote it wanted it passed along which would appear to indicate its not copyrighted.

 

[Rod Steel]

Randy this is how you're suppoosed to give credit on jokes:

George Bush: Read my lips, no nude shit. But a thousand points of shit.

Saddam Hussein: This shit happening will be the mother of all shit
happenings.

Martin L. King: I have a shit...

John F. Kennedy: Ich bin ein Scheisser.

Vladimir Lenin: The fastest and most complete way to destroy a culture is
to make its shit happen.

Joseph McCarthy: Are you now, or have you ever been, a happening shit?

Richard Nixon: I am not a shit.

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall if shit happened.

Nancy Reagan: Just say, `Shit happened.'

Socrates: I am shit. But I know I am shit.

Aristotle: Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens
in its original shape.

Galileo: They say shit isn't happening. Nevertheless it still happens

Blaise Pascal: We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.

R. Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

A. Einstein: God does not play shit.

W. Heisenberg: The more accurately we observe when shit happened, the less
accurately we observe how big the shit was that
happened.

E. Schrodinger: There's a 50% chance that shit happened. And a 50% chance
that it didn't.

F. Nietzche: If shit had never happened, man would create shit.

Ayn Rand: Reason and shit are corollaries. Where reason is used, shit
happens.

Sturgeon: 90% of everything is shit.

Yuri Gagarin: Shit was blue.

Neil Armstrong: For me, that was just a little shit. But when that shit
happened, it was one giant leap for mankind.

Bart Simpson: I will not say, `Shit happened' in the class.

Al Bundy: This is shit. This is shit when you get married and drop
the shit on the ground.

Bill Cosby: Shit is happening to _The Simpsons_.

 

[totravel]

He left out one of my favorites--shitload--as in "to make a shitload of money".
One of my favorite George Carlin routines is "Baseball and Football"
http://home.earthlink.net/~sscutchen/baseball/Quotes/baseball_vs_football.htm
It loses something on the printed page, his delivery of it was priceless.

 

[dirtydan]

gawd, to rip off George Carlin and not credit him is a crime. It's not like you came up with that on your own Randy.

Let's see if I remember it correctly, "I'm a Shit! Shit of the Mountain!"

 

[hitrack]

the many uses for the word fukk is good too, has a nice little flash video to go with it.

Fukk the fukkin fukkers

 

[Evan]

Adding to the F-bomb ...

Fukk! Fukkin' fukker's fukking fukked!

 

[old pooner]

I think I need to shit.

 

[Rod Steel]

Sung to "Do Re Me"

Fuck a duck, a female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo.
Finger-bang an orangutang,
Let an elephant do you.

Fell the penis of an eel,
Whack! the asshole of a yak.
Masturbate with a gnu,
And that will bring you back to,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...
(repeat as needed)

 

[john23]

I think I need to shit.

I second that. BRB...

 

[gravitas]

the many uses for the word fukk is good too

"I don give a fuck about those fucking fuckers or what the fuck they had to say. All I wanted to do was fuck their hot fucking sister and the get all fucking pissed off, its not like I wanted ass fuck their mom. The fuck of it all is that they've fucked off with my car which means I'll have to boot fuck their sorry asses once I hunt them the fuck down. If I don't get my truck back I'll be fucked, if I do get it back I'll be 'like fuckin eh!'."

 

[Rod Steel]

Power of Fuck

A good fuck costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory sometimes lasts a lifetime. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made richer by it. A good fuck creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged. A good fuck is sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a good fuck. Give them one of yours, as none needs a good fuck so much as he who has no more to give.

 

[old pooner]

Look at all you guys....like bunch of shitty kids.....especially you Randy!

Oh, don't hold it against him Szabina, I'm sure he's a nice guy when you get to know him.

 

[neo-pervert]

It think really that shit and fuck have lost their edge especially as kids these days are way mroe radical than they used to be.

I find, "cocksucker motherfucker" and "rotten fuckin' whoores" to be the most effective in terms of expressing just about anything in general from happiness to disbelief and from sadness to anger...but thats only how we talk in my family...

 

[Avery]

I find, "cocksucker motherfucker" and "rotten fuckin' whoores" to be the most effective in terms of expressing just about anything in general from happiness to disbelief and from sadness to anger...but thats only how we talk in my family...

The Sopranos?

 

[Randy Whorewald]

gawd, to rip off George Carlin and not credit him is a crime. It's not like you came up with that on your own Randy.

I agree it would be a crime to rip off George Carlin, one of my favourite Satirical comics / free-speech activists and not credit him, Methos.

Fortunately, this is not George Carlin's work. You may have this little Gem confused with Carlin's "Seven Dirty Words" which you can read in its entirety herehttp://www.erenkrantz.com/Humor/SevenDirtyWords.shtml .

or herehttp://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/comic/george-carlin/

A joke or insult never caused hardship to anyone. Not having food on your table or a roof over your head is a hardship. Having an illness and no medical insurance is a hardship.

Like many of the Perberts here, I obtained this piece from one of the numerous Internet joke sites, only because I gave a shit. It is not a Whorewald creation. (I never claimed it was). The author is unknown and asked it to be passed on. If it puts a smile on just ONE person's face it will have been worth it.

 

[visioneast]

Shit... I am wasting my precious time reading all these shit.