The Lie of Female Sexuality

[CLUB78]

So I was reading another thread where they were talking about the differences between gay and straight male sexuality. How easy it is for gay men to have casual sex and attend gay sex parties and the like. This patently false. A painfully shy gay man has just as much trouble approaching another man as any other painfully shy person would.

Social grace and is a language that has a million different dialects and there is a set of rules of decorum in each as well. If you are a bear in a club where everyone is looking for twinks you're sol. Gay men can be just as picky as any other men, and I've known plenty of gay guys who pay/paid for sex...either as sugar daddies or hiring male SPs.

As far as being a woman goes, well, that's just living within the confines of the dichotomy that is set before us. Not only does a woman who is openly sexually free run the risk of judgement, she runs the risk of outright violence against her. Which, to add insult to injury, will likely be justified by a shocking number of people. "She said she enjoyed sex...with men...I heard her. Not only that she was wearing stilettos and dancing!" In some parts of the world, women are imprisoned or killed for being raped. Imagine what happens if she has consensual sex.

Is it any wonder why women aren't open with their sexuality? It's not really a shocker either to discover that maternal societies and polygamous societies go hand in hand.

Women who are free of lifetime hangups like sex. As much as if not more than men. Unfortunately, most women have had their sexuality messed up somewhere along the way through shaming and violence. From the first bikini on a 3 year old girl (really? female 3-yr-old nipples are somehow different than male 3 year old nipples?) to the first accusation of a skirt looking too slutty to the first time one of us is groped, fondled, ass-slapped or pinched against our will "because of what we look like" we are sent a pretty clear message.

Don't be a sexual creature and show shame over your body or suffer the consequences. The self-ownership over your own body only goes so far as you don't get arrogant about it or forget your place. You are just a girl after all.

 

[chilli]

Women hold the power in who they choose as life and sexual partners - if women practiced better discernment and slept with "good men" they wouldn't have this problem.

But let's be honest - when it comes to women's emotions - they are generally all over the place.

 

[susi]

ahhh chilli.....so naiive....if only it were so simple....

"good men"? how can this be defined...? and choice.....there's another bomb......

did you read what she wrote? it talks about the things society imposes...sexual interference...unwanted advances...shaming for dressing or looking a certain way....its not choice at all or a matter of finding a "good man"...mama mia.....

no disrespect chilli, but your statement is exactly what she's talking about....

love susie

 

[Blonde Brynn]

Women hold the power in who they choose as life and sexual partners - if women practiced better discernment and slept with "good men" they wouldn't have this problem.

But let's be honest - when it comes to women's emotions - they are generally all over the place.

If women are "all over the place," then how is it that men are the ones who need someone else to take responsibility for their actions?

 

[monk001]

If women are "all over the place," then how is it that men are the ones who need someone else to take responsibility for their actions?

Who says men need someone else to take responsibility for their action? This is news to me. I've never need any body else to take responsibility for any thing that I've done in my adult life.
I'm not saying that some men don't, but you're making this sound like it's some running pandemic.

 

[Blonde Brynn]

Who says men need someone else to take responsibility for their action? This is news to me. I've never need any body else to take responsibility for any thing that I've done in my adult life.
I'm not saying that some men don't, but you're making this sound like it's some running pandemic.

My statement was specifically about the quoted assertion that women should change their behaviour and seek out only "good men" (as if we can tell from sight or smell or something) in order to avoid abuse from, I guess, "bad men." How you extrapolated that to mean I think men are asking us to do that in general is beyond me.

To make my point clear: the first quoted paragraph states that women can keep men from doing most bad things to them, and possess the psychic capabilities required to make sure they only associate with men who will not do anything bad to them. The second paragraph states that women can not even control their own selves. My statement was meant not to imply anything about men, but to point out how the two ideas above are contradictory.

 

[sdw]

ahhh chilli.....so naiive....if only it were so simple....

"good men"? how can this be defined...? and choice.....there's another bomb......

did you read what she wrote? it talks about the things society imposes...sexual interference...unwanted advances...shaming for dressing or looking a certain way....its not choice at all or a matter of finding a "good man"...mama mia.....

no disrespect chilli, but your statement is exactly what she's talking about....

love susie

The fallout from "unwanted advances" is why I don't ask civilian women out anymore. I really am too old to try and figure out if this woman is a grenade with the pin already pulled or is willing to have a coffee. I don't bother anymore. Instead, I contact a lovely SP once a week or so.

It really isn't that hard to figure out that an aggressive, jealous man who "hits you when you need it" is not a "good man". My niece has that one figured out. She just broke up with a boy that thought he would impress her by picking a fight with some guy that was checking her out. Her attitude is that he'll eventually start hitting her.

 

[dickotoole]

78 - As far as being a woman goes, well, that's just living within the confines of the dichotomy that is set before us. Not only does a woman who is openly sexually free run the risk of judgement, she runs the risk of outright violence against her. Which, to add insult to injury, will likely be justified by a shocking number of people. "She said she enjoyed sex...with men...I heard her. Not only that she was wearing stilettos and dancing!" In some parts of the world, women are imprisoned or killed for being raped. Imagine what happens if she has consensual sex.

We men live within the confines as well. You are so right about "women's role" in it except I don't think they run a "risk" of violence and judgment - it is a certainty. And when men find out a woman is horny and fucking all his buds he can't understand or accept why she won't fuck him. I have been on both ends of that one and when a buddies ol' lady was fuckin everyone except me I wondered "how the fuck is this happening, I am better looking than half of them, got a bigger dick, am a better fuck (long time sports friends and sometimes swingers)" but she didn't like me. So we didn't fuck ever. It's still hard for me to believe.

You say society tells women how to be and it starts with wearing bikinis at 3 - or suggest that line of thinking. But isn't it the case that they want to attract men (dress slutty) and then select the "one" who gets to play hotdog and donut with her. So, don't women do this shit to themselves? I mean, if it was really about getting a good man, as chilli says, wouldn't a selection process that didn't involve overt sexuality. And if it is about getting fucked and not being judged eye contact works way better than short skirts and cleavage. It seems to me that there is a societal bias for blonde, big titted, tiny waisted, round assed horny bitches but if we turned off the TVs, stopped reading magazines, and shut off the computers those types of women might still be the preference here in north America. Women feed this whole charade by going out with fat bastards = men are all about how their mates look, women care but it ain't the number one or two or . . . thing. Men will take a lot of personality issues for a sweet horny pussy. Some women will take some personality issues for some good dick but only for so long. Men will stay married until they lose their sex drive.

 

[nickcan]

A painfully shy gay man has just as much trouble approaching another man as any other painfully shy person would.

I am straight but have been asked out by gay men once too many times.
Most gay men are very forward/direct and if I were gay it would be very easy for me.
Never had a woman who doesn't know me ask me out.

 

[mimi]

Interesting responses...I understand the point the OP is trying to make is: the playing field is not level; women get marginalized for having the same healthy interest in NSA sex as men. Geez, I thought things had gotten better in recent years. I know the era I grew up in did penalize women for having a healthy interest in sex....you were called a slut, and it wasn't said in a positive way. For some reason this healthy interest in sex seemed to frighten people. I can't for the life of me understand how my wanting to fuck guys could possible affect world peace, or my local community...and a lot of fun would be had by all.

So, that attitude was so pervasive it actually made me nervous about showing how much fun I was having during sex; I worried the guy would think I was a slut, and somehow that was bad, so I would try to stay cool and a bit aloof; not make it seem like I was 'too' interested.

Flash ahead to a conversation with an ex-escort, just recently, around my age, and she talked about her first non escort sexual relationship and how she really held back because she was afraid he would think she was a slut (a middle age slut)...and how she missed escort sex cause she could just let go and be 'wanton'...and I could totally relate having come from the same background, the same school of thought on women's sexuality....

 

[CLUB78]

You say society tells women how to be and it starts with wearing bikinis at 3 - or suggest that line of thinking. But isn't it the case that they want to attract men (dress slutty) and then select the "one" who gets to play hotdog and donut with her. So, don't women do this shit to themselves? I mean, if it was really about getting a good man, as chilli says, wouldn't a selection process that didn't involve overt sexuality. And if it is about getting fucked and not being judged eye contact works way better than short skirts and cleavage. It seems to me that there is a societal bias for blonde, big titted, tiny waisted, round assed horny bitches but if we turned off the TVs, stopped reading magazines, and shut off the computers those types of women might still be the preference here in north America. Women feed this whole charade by going out with fat bastards = men are all about how their mates look, women care but it ain't the number one or two or . . . thing. Men will take a lot of personality issues for a sweet horny pussy. Some women will take some personality issues for some good dick but only for so long. Men will stay married until they lose their sex drive.

I'm all for nudity, never mind bikinis. What I'm saying is not that a bikini is sexualizing female children, but why on earth does a female child have to cover her nipples if a male child doesn't have to? Why does any woman? Because our nips are bigger? Is it the tits attached to them? Some men actually have "tits" since it is essentially just extra breast tissue. Should they cover up too due to extra bouncy chests?

I don't dress to attract men either. I normally just dress however I'm inspired that day, what's clean, and the weather. Sometimes it's influenced by a movie I've watched or a book or magazine I've read. Also I dress based on what time of the month it is, how skinny or fat I feel, what clothes I have that may go with other clothes I have, how does it hang off my frame, does it chop me in 2 or make a continuous flattering line, do the colors look good with my eyes,hair, skin, is it at all age appropriate, the reasons I wear what I wear on a particular day in a particular combination has an endless number of reasons.


...And if this myriad of reasons result in my wearing something that certain men find sexually arousing, most of the time I have no fucking clue. One time I was wearing this green stretchy cotton skater dress (matte of course) with matching green tights and knee high brown suede boots and brown sweater wrap cardigan. It made me feel like an elf. So I'm in the store getting my daughter a donut as she races around in her usual style, with my eyes constantly on her. I'm saying hi to people too because I live in a smaller place and you know people and I try to be friendly. At the counter the clerk tells me that some guy hasn't taken his eyes off me once the whole time he was in here, essentially leering, like it was a compliment.

I wasn't complimented, I was creeped out.

 

[mimi]

^Yes, I think that is a h.u.g.e misunderstanding...that women dress for men...I think most women dress for other women, and I spend more time looking at other women's clothes than I do at men, although, most days I just put on what suits the weather and try to make sure my socks are the same colour.

 

[CLUB78]

I have had people claim I was coming on to them for all sorts of reasons, too. Once because I told bodily function jokes during a stand-up routine. This guy I had known for years thought my humor was an invitation to grab my ass after I came off stage so I kicked him in the crotch. I felt it was the appropriate response under the circumstances, plus it pissed me right the fuck off frankly.

 

[CLUB78]

I am straight but have been asked out by gay men once too many times.
Most gay men are very forward/direct and if I were gay it would be very easy for me.
Never had a woman who doesn't know me ask me out.

I bet they weren't the painfully shy gay guys, just saying. In my experience.

 

[dickotoole]

78 - "And if this myriad of reasons result in my wearing something that certain men find sexually arousing, most of the time I have no fucking clue."

Really, you have no clue what men find sexually arousing? Really . . . I guess there is no point in any perbite to visit you ahahahahahaa. Of course you know what mean find sexually arousing. Of course you know that men find just about anything arousing if the woman is sexually attractive. Of course you know that a little skin and show and bounce draws attention. I don't know how many times I have been with a girlfriend and another girl walks buy and does something to grab attention only to hear my girl guffaw or make comment on how slutty or desperate she is . . .. Women know this shit at a very young age while men only learn by women teaching them IF they even have a mind to learn it.

I get your original point and agree with it. I just don't think any of us are totally innocent in it all.

 

[CLUB78]

The fallout from "unwanted advances" is why I don't ask civilian women out anymore. I really am too old to try and figure out if this woman is a grenade with the pin already pulled or is willing to have a coffee. I don't bother anymore. Instead, I contact a lovely SP once a week or so.

It really isn't that hard to figure out that an aggressive, jealous man who "hits you when you need it" is not a "good man". My niece has that one figured out. She just broke up with a boy that thought he would impress her by picking a fight with some guy that was checking her out. Her attitude is that he'll eventually start hitting her.

This is why it's easier to bump into people, I'm not saying stalking...but if you see her with a coffee cup just go to that coffee place just casually say, "Hey, it appears we both enjoy coffee. Perhaps we share other mutual interests. Let's sit and discuss this, shall we?" Then look her up and down and say "Ahwoogaa!"

I don't know how to ask a woman out as a man. I've asked guys out all the time though. Admittedly most of them told me that it was the first time a woman had asked them out.

 

[sdw]

This is why it's easier to bump into people, I'm not saying stalking...but if you see her with a coffee cup just go to that coffee place just casually say, "Hey, it appears we both enjoy coffee. Perhaps we share other mutual interests. Let's sit and discuss this, shall we?" Then look her up and down and say "Ahwoogaa!"

I don't know how to ask a woman out as a man. I've asked guys out all the time though. Admittedly most of them told me that it was the first time a woman had asked them out.

Woman at Starbucks, I had just retrieved my hot chocolate and was headed for a seat when I said HI to a woman "maybe when you are finished ogling my tits, you will want to rip my knickers off", very loudly. That's what I mean about a grenade with the pin pulled. It took absolutely nothing to set her off. Starbucks asked her to leave.

Life is too short to put up with that kind of crap very often. So, I don't.

 

[cherise]

but why on earth does a female child have to cover her nipples if a male child doesn't have to? Why does any woman? Because our nips are bigger? Is it the tits attached to them?

we dont have to....a law was passed years ago that says women may go topless as well . my son had been proud to inform of this at the time,and when i asked him if he wanted to go shopping with me if i wasnt weaing a shirt he went red in the face and uttered a barely audible "um no way"

 

[CLUB78]

Woman at Starbucks, I had just retrieved my hot chocolate and was headed for a seat when I said HI to a woman "maybe when you are finished ogling my tits, you will want to rip my knickers off", very loudly. That's what I mean about a grenade with the pin pulled. It took absolutely nothing to set her off. Starbucks asked her to leave.

Life is too short to put up with that kind of crap very often. So, I don't.

I'd say "I would, but it would take too long to rip the knickers off such a giant cunt." That's me though

 

[sdw]

I'd say "I would, but it would take too long to rip the knickers off such a giant cunt." That's me though

lol, THAT would have resulted in the Starbucks staff calling the police to arrest me - - - and you know it.

There are a whole lot of places the wise man doesn't go when talking to a woman. Men must be of impeccable manners if there is any chance of a witness being around if they are stupid enough to argue with an unknown woman in public. Otherwise, the Man is GUILTY and the lynch mob can hang him high.