The impossible case student Episode 2: My 10 years of struggling in the dating market

[Impossiblecasestudent]

Hello everyone,

As I mentioned in my first thread, I’ve struggled in the dating scene for the past 10 years (from age 19 to 29). I wanted to make this post to clarify something: when I previously mentioned “pick up,” I wasn’t trying to glorify it. In fact, I now realize that much of the pickup culture is deeply misogynistic, and I regret ever being drawn into it. Looking back, it actually harmed me more than it helped.

Because I’m on the autism spectrum, it can sometimes be hard for me to tell whether what I’m writing might come across as offensive when my real intention is just to share my experience. So, to the mods: if anything here comes off as objectifying women, please feel free to remove it. That’s not my goal at all.

A little about me: I’m almost 6’5”, I have autism, and I also have a recessed chin and jawline. At 19, I bought into the whole “PUA” (pick-up artist) world. I want to be clear that I don’t advocate for it — quite the opposite. The community itself was often harsh and dismissive toward me, labeling me a “hard case” and belittling me. At the time, I mistook that cruelty for tough-love criticism.

Over the years, no matter what I tried, I was told I was doing something wrong. Meanwhile, I watched other guys seemingly do everything “wrong” and still end up in relationships. That left me feeling like I was just broken beyond repair.

Now, at 29, I’ve decided to step away from dating completely. I don’t go to bars anymore, and instead I want to focus on building my career, improving myself, and from time to time, seeing professionals when I feel the need for intimacy or connection.

I’m hoping I can be welcomed on this forum as I share my experiences, and maybe connect with others who have struggled in similar ways.

And just to be upfront — I did use a bit of ChatGPT to help me make sure this post wasn’t coming across as objectifying towards women. I really just wanted to share how the PUA community harmed me over the last 10 years, and to explain how I’m now moving into a new chapter of my life.

 

[westwoody]

Start off by admitting PUA is a bullshit ideology that only appeals to total assholes.

Stop going on about being 6’5”, my sister’s husband is the same height and they’re married since 1968.

 

[Impossiblecasestudent]

Start off by admitting PUA is a bullshit ideology that only appeals to total assholes.

Stop going on about being 6’5”, my sister’s husband is the same height and they’re married since 1968.

Thanks for the feedback. You’re right, PUA is a toxic ideology and it hurt me more than it helped. I only brought up my height because I was trying to explain how I got labeled a “hard case,” but I see now that focusing on that might not have been the best way to put it. My main point was really just to show how damaging the PUA community was to me, and why I’ve decided to move on from it.

 

[hycina]

Pro tip: You're bad "picking up" women? Wanna know how you fix that?

1. Stop viewing women as an endgame to get laid or get a gf. View them as a person just like you would a guy. Stop trying to desperately get attached to any woman you can. Most women can smell desperation from five km away. Until you get past your social anxiety, just swear off trying to get a gf or get laid for a little while and just go out of your way to try and make friends with girls like you would if they were a guy. Have nothing in mind other than to make friends.

2. Build up some sense of self with self-love and confidence. Go to therapy if you need to cause it's obvious you don't really think a whole lot of yourself. Your about me reduced yourself to your height, your autism, and your jawline. That's a pretty pathetic about me. You're more than that. Build up a sense of self not cause you wanna get laid, but do it for yourself. Your future self will thank you cause you'll have a deeper meaning of happiness because it's from your internal source, not external sources like women. That's the true prize, pussy doesn't make you happy. You do. Women will be more likely to like you, if you like yourself.

 

[rinamood]

Over the years, no matter what I tried, I was told I was doing something wrong. Meanwhile, I watched other guys seemingly do everything “wrong” and still end up in relationships. That left me feeling like I was just broken beyond repair.

Now, at 29, I’ve decided to step away from dating completely. I don’t go to bars anymore, and instead I want to focus on building my career, improving myself, and from time to time, seeing professionals when I feel the need for intimacy or connection.

Getting into a relationship isn't a big "win" or any proof of rightness. A huge loss that many people could agree with is when you date or even marry the wrong person, and the damage that occurs with separation. How do you know if their relationship is a happy or fulfilling one? How do you know if they respect each other and treat each other well? If someone else is accepting these guys using methods considered the "wrong ways to date", how does that have any relevance to what YOU are doing yourself? Stop comparing and judging yourself based off of some guys who aren't you, and judge yourself based off of your developing morals and standards.

You're right on how the PUA mentality is highly damaging. It will take a long time to unlearn, but the first step is recognizing that every human is different, having different preferences, boundaries, and expectations. The best you can do is listen first, process later, and decide for yourself what makes sense to you. That's one way to help find yourself and who YOU WANT TO BE.

I strongly agree with taking time to build your specs because of course they matter. Don't take life too seriously or you'll fall into getting fixated and even spiral. As an ND person, I highly recommend observing the interactions you have with other people and learning some behavioural pattern recognition through your own experiences. If you go into another echo chamber like the PUA community, your pattern recognition would just be completely inaccurate and out-of-touch. In the 3D world, there's a lot more data to build and work off of so you can better navigate situations as you figure it out.

Build in your 30s. Enjoy your 40s. The future is waiting for you to build it 💪

 

[RalphiEboy]

Hello everyone,

As I mentioned in my first thread, I’ve struggled in the dating scene for the past 10 years (from age 19 to 29). I wanted to make this post to clarify something: when I previously mentioned “pick up,” I wasn’t trying to glorify it. In fact, I now realize that much of the pickup culture is deeply misogynistic, and I regret ever being drawn into it. Looking back, it actually harmed me more than it helped.

Because I’m on the autism spectrum, it can sometimes be hard for me to tell whether what I’m writing might come across as offensive when my real intention is just to share my experience. So, to the mods: if anything here comes off as objectifying women, please feel free to remove it. That’s not my goal at all.

A little about me: I’m almost 6’5”, I have autism, and I also have a recessed chin and jawline. At 19, I bought into the whole “PUA” (pick-up artist) world. I want to be clear that I don’t advocate for it — quite the opposite. The community itself was often harsh and dismissive toward me, labeling me a “hard case” and belittling me. At the time, I mistook that cruelty for tough-love criticism.

Over the years, no matter what I tried, I was told I was doing something wrong. Meanwhile, I watched other guys seemingly do everything “wrong” and still end up in relationships. That left me feeling like I was just broken beyond repair.

Now, at 29, I’ve decided to step away from dating completely. I don’t go to bars anymore, and instead I want to focus on building my career, improving myself, and from time to time, seeing professionals when I feel the need for intimacy or connection.

I’m hoping I can be welcomed on this forum as I share my experiences, and maybe connect with others who have struggled in similar ways.

And just to be upfront — I did use a bit of ChatGPT to help me make sure this post wasn’t coming across as objectifying towards women. I really just wanted to share how the PUA community harmed me over the last 10 years, and to explain how I’m now moving into a new chapter of my life.

Welcome 🤗

 

[Workerbee]

10 years? Thats a warm up