Now that I think about it, it has been awhile since I'd started my training as a submissive one.
With that said, there are a number of things that I remember most about my training and that I've become emotionally attached to....
Very early on, when I began sessioning with my Mistress, She made it known to me that She wanted me to completely shave my genital and anal areas, and to keep them that way for Her - nice and smooth and clean.
I remember it well, as it was my Mistress making Herself so very comfortable at the time, as She had planted Herself right down and onto my face.
In fact, it was shortly afterwards that I'd received an e-mail from Her and She went on to tell me just how She'd felt about being in such a position of command, and doing as She pleased, as it were:
"I have been desiring for quite some time to plant My round ass on your face, thus covering and restricting your mouth and nose.
What really thrills ME though about facesitting is the absolute closeness.
The intimacy that this act of humiliation evokes is, however, a game of senses.
Even though the object of desire is pressing right down and on top of the submissive's face, it is the status and the rule, not just the layer of fabric that separates.
A very sexy and a huge turn-on for ME!
It turns ME on to be able to sit on your face without considering if you're liking it or not.
This power, making the part of MY body that touches your nose and mouth, wet and hot, intoxicates ME, and then, I am wanting to do it more and more...."
Come to think of it, She'd made it clear that my face and chest were to be clean-shaven and smooth, as well!
Oh yes, how could I forget, my underarms - they were to be shaved, too!
What amazed me even more was just how focused that attention to detail made me feel about my sex and how it in turn increased the sensitivity levels of my private areas, in particular, my cock and balls.
Her ordering me to go about my day going commando didn't help matters, either!
At first, I wondered why it was that She ordered me to do that for Her?
Well, I soon found out why.....
It was uncomfortable, to say the least.
And yet, I must say, it did have a sexy feel to it!
Besides that, She'd wanted to make sure that I never forgot Her.
Okay, so I don't think that I'd ever forget Her, as my Mistress has left an indelible mark on my mind.
As time went on, it was when my Mistress had gone away for extended periods of time, that She'd went so far as arrange for me to "visit" with Her lovely assistant(s).
Here is just one example of this arrangement and how She'd set that up for me:
"Sweet submissive,
It pleases ME to know that you are in appreciation of fine taste and scents!
One might be inclined to think that you were masturbating while thinking of ME.
I do have a remedy for submissives that take that type of control upon themselves (without direction & permission).
I think, perhaps, an entire afternoon of intensive training in the art of tease and denial with MY beautiful assistant would be in order?
MY lovely assistant cares for MY home while I am away.
She is quite aware of MY nature, also discreet.
I will have tasks for you to perform, so that I may prepare you for MY return.
In exchange for your dedication I will have MY assistant reward you."
Yes, being so very up close and personal with a beautiful Mistress does have it's privileges:
She really didn't have to say much to get my attention and for me to figure out just what was on Her mind.
Case in point:
"Missing My boy......"
That was it, the most recent text-message that I'd received from my Mistress.
And, that did it, as I knew exactly what I'd be doing later on in the day.
I must say that the tone of that text was so very similar and not unlike the other all too familiar and somewhat inviting refrain from my Mistress:
"I am sitting here having tea waiting to use YOU...."
Ahem, I do remember it well,......for some reason(s)?
With that said, my Mistress has encouraged me to share just some of the details of the training that She's been putting me through, lately.
You could say that my Mistress incorporates a rather unique and somewhat different technique in my chastity training that appears to be a slight variation to the training that others may have heard or read about.
In a sense, She enjoys keeping me extremely frustrated, sexually, that is, by encouraging erections and lots of stimulation, but strictly forbidding ejaculation and orgasm.
Of course, that is until She gives me Her blessing for me to enjoy them!
I must say that my Mistress fully understands and enjoys the physiological effects that this sort of intense teasing and denial training has on me, and what effect it has on my mind.
It was actually some time ago that my Mistress admittedly even told me that:
"SWEET submissive,
If you must know, I do have many things that I want to explore with you, and your cock and balls and ass and nipples and, of course, your mind....which I find dirty in the sexiest way!"
Now that I think about it, there was a rather interesting article that I'd read recently which touched on this very subject.
It was there that I'd read the following:
"Chastity, when redefined in the context of "Erotic Sexual Denial", is equated with orgasm denial as part of total power exchange (TPE).
TPE is an established part of BDSM and chastity is simply an extension of this philosophy in which a partner, usually the submissive male, gives up their access to orgasm to another person, his Mistress.
Chastity belts are usually used for denial of stimulation.
Though it can be debated that if a person is in submission to a Dominant and orgasm control is part of their verbal agreement, that it should be followed with or without a chastity device.
My take on that is that a chastity device is simply a physical extension of the ownership that is taken by the Dominant.
Also, many couples practice chastity play outside a formal D/s setting.
Taking a more tantric approach to short term orgasm control is to ultimately increase the male orgasm at a future date.
It is said that males can be kept in denial for extended periods of up to several weeks (periods around 2 - 4 weeks each time are often quoted as being trouble free), although there will be an emotional
and psychological impact from the artificial suppression of such a powerful drive.
"Most" chastity games are held over a period of a few days to a week.
That being said, in some D/s relationships both the submissive male and Dominant Female find that extreme long term chastity works for them.
It is possible to keep a submissive male in chastity for periods of 3, 6, 9 or even 12 months or longer.
This is extreme orgasm denial, control and submission.
It can be an amazing experience for both the Dominant and submissive when practiced and managed properly with open communication……”
Now, with that in mind, I recall my Mistress writing to me in no uncertain terms, and enquiringly so:
"SWEET submissive one,
I see that MY constant wave of teasing followed by denial is driving you insane with concupiscence,......hmmm?
Good boy! That's how I always want it to be.
I look at tease as a heightened awareness of someone else's control over one's level of pleasure.
Whereas denial requires absolute concentration by both players, teasing and erotic stimulations are the fun part, but the challenging part is really the testing of one's endurance.
It is not about the goal or reward, as there is no winner, only the mutual co-operation, like a sexy dance as it were..."
And, when I think of it, my Mistress' training of me, of late, can best be described as distance training.
You could say that we have a contract of sorts in place in which I have given complete control of my orgasms to my Mistress.
With that said, my Mistress is aware that I have little risk of incidental orgasms without Her permission.
At least She seems to think so!
As I'd mentioned before, my Mistress prefers that I'm sexually aroused and frustrated by not being allowed to orgasm.
This She does by ordering me to stroke “Her" cock (yes, it's "Her" cock since She owns and controls me completely), at least 3 times per day, while I'm thinking of Her.
I do recall my Mistress mentioning to me that, as She put it:
"I own you and your cock - your cock is for MY use and pleasure ONLY, nobody elses! Do you understand?"
And, I remember replying back to Her, to the affirmative, that I understood and that I was in agreement with Her ownership of me.
Besides that I do know that my Mistress also loves to make use of my lips, tongue, nose, nipples, and ass.
Okay, so I was ordered to stroke my cock (eerr, I meant to say, "Her" cock) until I'm just about to approach orgasm, and then to back off and NOT ejaculate!
My Mistress would provide me with inspiration for the first few days, with opportunistic texts, emails, and phone calls.
Typically, some were in a teasing sort of way, Her making known to me Her thoughts and intentions of the day and how She intended to use me.
Okay, so there was this one e-mail that stands out and was the one that my Mistress went so far as to make me aware of Her bisexual tendencies.
It also got me thinking even more so about Her and about what may just be:
"In contemplation, I love to play in MY jacuzzi with the jets directed upon MY erect nipples, succulent toes, and firm round buttocks.
Sometimes, I place each leg straddled on either side of MY tub and lay back with MY back arched.
I'm spread-eagled and enveloped into a state of total bliss, until I cannot contain MY orgasms squirting into a state of rapturous pleasure.
Sliding out of the bath, I then step into the steamroom, MY strong delicate fingers caressing MY soft body.
I will call to MY assistant to dry ME, and prepare MY table for MY massage.
Secretly, I'm thinking of YOU smelling MY panties, as Her hands embrace between MY thighs forcing Her fingers in between.
I pretend to fall asleep as She explores the tender juicy folds of MY pussy..."
Ahem,....so now where was I?
Okay, so for the first couple of days, my body responds to the teasing with a typical response, taking several minutes to get to a point close to orgasm, then taking a few minutes to settle back down upon realizing that a release will not take place.
As the days passed by, I am now beginning to become aroused very quickly…..just a fleeting thought, a word, some sight or sound that reminds me of my Mistress, will make me erect
(often at inopportune times, which I know my Mistress enjoyed hearing about!).
Now, the time it took to approach orgasm was very fast.
Within a minute or two, I began to back down so as not to cum.
But now, my body is craving a release, so the “cuming down” period becomes longer and longer with each day, and will eventually reach a point where I'm feeling as though I'm fighting back an orgasm and dealing with an embarrassing erection for hours.
As some of you may know and understand, the “cycling” of the male sexual organs without release, does result in an uncomfortable “ache” (ie. blue balls), eventually, and my Mistress enjoys (and understands) this effect completely.
She knows that this ache is a constant reminder of Her for me, and that it in turn initiates a vicious cycle: I can't think of anything else but Her, which makes me very aroused sexually!!
I'm NOT allowed to orgasm, so the effect and ache had increased progressively by the hour!
During my previous tease and denial session, which ended last Thursday, I had gone 16 days between ejaculations.
By the fourth day, I had begun the constant thought cycle, and I was actually on a business trip at the time.
My Mistress thoroughly enjoyed the torture that I'd endured, going to meetings and client dinners, often in a state of complete arousal, then going back to my hotel room, alone and frustrated, and finding e-mails that were teasing me even more!
I am very proud of my restraint, choosing not to orgasm against my Mistress’ wishes, despite not having a physical apparatus on me to prevent doing so.
Her chastity device of choice for me is Her control over my mind!
It was on Thursday morning that my Mistress sent me an e-mail indicating that She wanted me to take matters in my own hands, as it were, and to play with "Her" cock.
Of course, just reading what She had sent me, made "Her" cock begin to twitch and to get hard, instantly!
In Her e-mail She'd indicated that She first wanted to confirm my schedule for the day, and that She would call me at some point and simply say the word “NOW!”,….nothing else, just “NOW!".
And, I was to immediately stop what I was doing, excuse myself to a private room, and to play with myself, getting myself all worked up as I fantasized about Her.
I was to call Her back as soon as I had completed my task, and report the details to Her.
I'd spent the morning working and even took in a few conference calls prior to leaving later on that morning.
Throughout the morning, my Mistress had called me a couple of times, both times evoking an excited response in "Her" cock.
But, both times the calls were just to say, "Hello!" and then to talk a bit,….not the call with the "N" word.
Finally, as I was just about to hang up on my last phone call, and I'd picked up my bags and was about to leave for the airport, I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket.
Once I saw that it was my Mistress calling me, it caused "Her" cock to spring to attention, again!
When I answered Her call, I heard only the word "NOW!” and then a click!!
I dropped my bags to the floor, tossed my phone onto my bed, and scrambled to undo my pants.
As I was tugging down on my pants, I could feel not only just how hard and erect "Her" cock was, I could, also, feel the beginning of something wonderful!
I barely got my pants below the head of "Her" erect cock, when I felt just a bit of pre-cum on it's tip.
The mere brushing of my hands through the fabric of my pants, as I fumbled around, had been enough to stimulate and initiate that wonderful sense of arousal in me!
With my pants down to my ankles, I immediately cupped my hands in front of "Her" cock, to play with it, but I wasn't allowed to cum.
Oh, the need to cum was suddenly even more urgent than ever!
But my Mistress had other plans, as usual...
My Mistress had ordered me to lick up all of that pre-cum from "Her" cock, and I did so dutifully and obediently.
I phoned my Mistress, but She did not pick up, knowing that I would leave a detailed message describing where I was and how I had accomplished my task at hand for Her.
As I was doing this, in the back of my memory and still echoing in my mind, was something that my Mistress had told me quite some time ago:
"You know how it turns ME on, right?
Just knowing that MY sweet pet isn't having an orgasm and is even suffering while masturbating, that is just such a powerful feeling for ME!
Now, your balls must be all achy and full and soooo sensitive to the touch, at even just the thought of ME?"
After I had phoned my Mistress, I was wondering how receptive She was to me and to what I had told Her?
Well, I soon found out, as She had e-mailed me back Her reply:
"Even smaller submissive,
That was an entertaining message that you had left ME.
It pleases ME to hear you gobble and continue on…..
I will be unavailable for a few days but I should like to return to an entertaining e-mail from you.”
The way I see it, I've definitely got my work cut out for me, yet again!
With that said, there are a number of things that I remember most about my training and that I've become emotionally attached to....
Very early on, when I began sessioning with my Mistress, She made it known to me that She wanted me to completely shave my genital and anal areas, and to keep them that way for Her - nice and smooth and clean.
I remember it well, as it was my Mistress making Herself so very comfortable at the time, as She had planted Herself right down and onto my face.
In fact, it was shortly afterwards that I'd received an e-mail from Her and She went on to tell me just how She'd felt about being in such a position of command, and doing as She pleased, as it were:
"I have been desiring for quite some time to plant My round ass on your face, thus covering and restricting your mouth and nose.
What really thrills ME though about facesitting is the absolute closeness.
The intimacy that this act of humiliation evokes is, however, a game of senses.
Even though the object of desire is pressing right down and on top of the submissive's face, it is the status and the rule, not just the layer of fabric that separates.
A very sexy and a huge turn-on for ME!
It turns ME on to be able to sit on your face without considering if you're liking it or not.
This power, making the part of MY body that touches your nose and mouth, wet and hot, intoxicates ME, and then, I am wanting to do it more and more...."
Come to think of it, She'd made it clear that my face and chest were to be clean-shaven and smooth, as well!
Oh yes, how could I forget, my underarms - they were to be shaved, too!
What amazed me even more was just how focused that attention to detail made me feel about my sex and how it in turn increased the sensitivity levels of my private areas, in particular, my cock and balls.
Her ordering me to go about my day going commando didn't help matters, either!
At first, I wondered why it was that She ordered me to do that for Her?
Well, I soon found out why.....
It was uncomfortable, to say the least.
And yet, I must say, it did have a sexy feel to it!
Besides that, She'd wanted to make sure that I never forgot Her.
Okay, so I don't think that I'd ever forget Her, as my Mistress has left an indelible mark on my mind.
As time went on, it was when my Mistress had gone away for extended periods of time, that She'd went so far as arrange for me to "visit" with Her lovely assistant(s).
Here is just one example of this arrangement and how She'd set that up for me:
"Sweet submissive,
It pleases ME to know that you are in appreciation of fine taste and scents!
One might be inclined to think that you were masturbating while thinking of ME.
I do have a remedy for submissives that take that type of control upon themselves (without direction & permission).
I think, perhaps, an entire afternoon of intensive training in the art of tease and denial with MY beautiful assistant would be in order?
MY lovely assistant cares for MY home while I am away.
She is quite aware of MY nature, also discreet.
I will have tasks for you to perform, so that I may prepare you for MY return.
In exchange for your dedication I will have MY assistant reward you."
Yes, being so very up close and personal with a beautiful Mistress does have it's privileges:
She really didn't have to say much to get my attention and for me to figure out just what was on Her mind.
Case in point:
"Missing My boy......"
That was it, the most recent text-message that I'd received from my Mistress.
And, that did it, as I knew exactly what I'd be doing later on in the day.
I must say that the tone of that text was so very similar and not unlike the other all too familiar and somewhat inviting refrain from my Mistress:
"I am sitting here having tea waiting to use YOU...."
Ahem, I do remember it well,......for some reason(s)?
With that said, my Mistress has encouraged me to share just some of the details of the training that She's been putting me through, lately.
You could say that my Mistress incorporates a rather unique and somewhat different technique in my chastity training that appears to be a slight variation to the training that others may have heard or read about.
In a sense, She enjoys keeping me extremely frustrated, sexually, that is, by encouraging erections and lots of stimulation, but strictly forbidding ejaculation and orgasm.
Of course, that is until She gives me Her blessing for me to enjoy them!
I must say that my Mistress fully understands and enjoys the physiological effects that this sort of intense teasing and denial training has on me, and what effect it has on my mind.
It was actually some time ago that my Mistress admittedly even told me that:
"SWEET submissive,
If you must know, I do have many things that I want to explore with you, and your cock and balls and ass and nipples and, of course, your mind....which I find dirty in the sexiest way!"
Now that I think about it, there was a rather interesting article that I'd read recently which touched on this very subject.
It was there that I'd read the following:
"Chastity, when redefined in the context of "Erotic Sexual Denial", is equated with orgasm denial as part of total power exchange (TPE).
TPE is an established part of BDSM and chastity is simply an extension of this philosophy in which a partner, usually the submissive male, gives up their access to orgasm to another person, his Mistress.
Chastity belts are usually used for denial of stimulation.
Though it can be debated that if a person is in submission to a Dominant and orgasm control is part of their verbal agreement, that it should be followed with or without a chastity device.
My take on that is that a chastity device is simply a physical extension of the ownership that is taken by the Dominant.
Also, many couples practice chastity play outside a formal D/s setting.
Taking a more tantric approach to short term orgasm control is to ultimately increase the male orgasm at a future date.
It is said that males can be kept in denial for extended periods of up to several weeks (periods around 2 - 4 weeks each time are often quoted as being trouble free), although there will be an emotional
and psychological impact from the artificial suppression of such a powerful drive.
"Most" chastity games are held over a period of a few days to a week.
That being said, in some D/s relationships both the submissive male and Dominant Female find that extreme long term chastity works for them.
It is possible to keep a submissive male in chastity for periods of 3, 6, 9 or even 12 months or longer.
This is extreme orgasm denial, control and submission.
It can be an amazing experience for both the Dominant and submissive when practiced and managed properly with open communication……”
Now, with that in mind, I recall my Mistress writing to me in no uncertain terms, and enquiringly so:
"SWEET submissive one,
I see that MY constant wave of teasing followed by denial is driving you insane with concupiscence,......hmmm?
Good boy! That's how I always want it to be.
I look at tease as a heightened awareness of someone else's control over one's level of pleasure.
Whereas denial requires absolute concentration by both players, teasing and erotic stimulations are the fun part, but the challenging part is really the testing of one's endurance.
It is not about the goal or reward, as there is no winner, only the mutual co-operation, like a sexy dance as it were..."
And, when I think of it, my Mistress' training of me, of late, can best be described as distance training.
You could say that we have a contract of sorts in place in which I have given complete control of my orgasms to my Mistress.
With that said, my Mistress is aware that I have little risk of incidental orgasms without Her permission.
At least She seems to think so!
As I'd mentioned before, my Mistress prefers that I'm sexually aroused and frustrated by not being allowed to orgasm.
This She does by ordering me to stroke “Her" cock (yes, it's "Her" cock since She owns and controls me completely), at least 3 times per day, while I'm thinking of Her.
I do recall my Mistress mentioning to me that, as She put it:
"I own you and your cock - your cock is for MY use and pleasure ONLY, nobody elses! Do you understand?"
And, I remember replying back to Her, to the affirmative, that I understood and that I was in agreement with Her ownership of me.
Besides that I do know that my Mistress also loves to make use of my lips, tongue, nose, nipples, and ass.
Okay, so I was ordered to stroke my cock (eerr, I meant to say, "Her" cock) until I'm just about to approach orgasm, and then to back off and NOT ejaculate!
My Mistress would provide me with inspiration for the first few days, with opportunistic texts, emails, and phone calls.
Typically, some were in a teasing sort of way, Her making known to me Her thoughts and intentions of the day and how She intended to use me.
Okay, so there was this one e-mail that stands out and was the one that my Mistress went so far as to make me aware of Her bisexual tendencies.
It also got me thinking even more so about Her and about what may just be:
"In contemplation, I love to play in MY jacuzzi with the jets directed upon MY erect nipples, succulent toes, and firm round buttocks.
Sometimes, I place each leg straddled on either side of MY tub and lay back with MY back arched.
I'm spread-eagled and enveloped into a state of total bliss, until I cannot contain MY orgasms squirting into a state of rapturous pleasure.
Sliding out of the bath, I then step into the steamroom, MY strong delicate fingers caressing MY soft body.
I will call to MY assistant to dry ME, and prepare MY table for MY massage.
Secretly, I'm thinking of YOU smelling MY panties, as Her hands embrace between MY thighs forcing Her fingers in between.
I pretend to fall asleep as She explores the tender juicy folds of MY pussy..."
Ahem,....so now where was I?
Okay, so for the first couple of days, my body responds to the teasing with a typical response, taking several minutes to get to a point close to orgasm, then taking a few minutes to settle back down upon realizing that a release will not take place.
As the days passed by, I am now beginning to become aroused very quickly…..just a fleeting thought, a word, some sight or sound that reminds me of my Mistress, will make me erect
(often at inopportune times, which I know my Mistress enjoyed hearing about!).
Now, the time it took to approach orgasm was very fast.
Within a minute or two, I began to back down so as not to cum.
But now, my body is craving a release, so the “cuming down” period becomes longer and longer with each day, and will eventually reach a point where I'm feeling as though I'm fighting back an orgasm and dealing with an embarrassing erection for hours.
As some of you may know and understand, the “cycling” of the male sexual organs without release, does result in an uncomfortable “ache” (ie. blue balls), eventually, and my Mistress enjoys (and understands) this effect completely.
She knows that this ache is a constant reminder of Her for me, and that it in turn initiates a vicious cycle: I can't think of anything else but Her, which makes me very aroused sexually!!
I'm NOT allowed to orgasm, so the effect and ache had increased progressively by the hour!
During my previous tease and denial session, which ended last Thursday, I had gone 16 days between ejaculations.
By the fourth day, I had begun the constant thought cycle, and I was actually on a business trip at the time.
My Mistress thoroughly enjoyed the torture that I'd endured, going to meetings and client dinners, often in a state of complete arousal, then going back to my hotel room, alone and frustrated, and finding e-mails that were teasing me even more!
I am very proud of my restraint, choosing not to orgasm against my Mistress’ wishes, despite not having a physical apparatus on me to prevent doing so.
Her chastity device of choice for me is Her control over my mind!
It was on Thursday morning that my Mistress sent me an e-mail indicating that She wanted me to take matters in my own hands, as it were, and to play with "Her" cock.
Of course, just reading what She had sent me, made "Her" cock begin to twitch and to get hard, instantly!
In Her e-mail She'd indicated that She first wanted to confirm my schedule for the day, and that She would call me at some point and simply say the word “NOW!”,….nothing else, just “NOW!".
And, I was to immediately stop what I was doing, excuse myself to a private room, and to play with myself, getting myself all worked up as I fantasized about Her.
I was to call Her back as soon as I had completed my task, and report the details to Her.
I'd spent the morning working and even took in a few conference calls prior to leaving later on that morning.
Throughout the morning, my Mistress had called me a couple of times, both times evoking an excited response in "Her" cock.
But, both times the calls were just to say, "Hello!" and then to talk a bit,….not the call with the "N" word.
Finally, as I was just about to hang up on my last phone call, and I'd picked up my bags and was about to leave for the airport, I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket.
Once I saw that it was my Mistress calling me, it caused "Her" cock to spring to attention, again!
When I answered Her call, I heard only the word "NOW!” and then a click!!
I dropped my bags to the floor, tossed my phone onto my bed, and scrambled to undo my pants.
As I was tugging down on my pants, I could feel not only just how hard and erect "Her" cock was, I could, also, feel the beginning of something wonderful!
I barely got my pants below the head of "Her" erect cock, when I felt just a bit of pre-cum on it's tip.
The mere brushing of my hands through the fabric of my pants, as I fumbled around, had been enough to stimulate and initiate that wonderful sense of arousal in me!
With my pants down to my ankles, I immediately cupped my hands in front of "Her" cock, to play with it, but I wasn't allowed to cum.
Oh, the need to cum was suddenly even more urgent than ever!
But my Mistress had other plans, as usual...
My Mistress had ordered me to lick up all of that pre-cum from "Her" cock, and I did so dutifully and obediently.
I phoned my Mistress, but She did not pick up, knowing that I would leave a detailed message describing where I was and how I had accomplished my task at hand for Her.
As I was doing this, in the back of my memory and still echoing in my mind, was something that my Mistress had told me quite some time ago:
"You know how it turns ME on, right?
Just knowing that MY sweet pet isn't having an orgasm and is even suffering while masturbating, that is just such a powerful feeling for ME!
Now, your balls must be all achy and full and soooo sensitive to the touch, at even just the thought of ME?"
After I had phoned my Mistress, I was wondering how receptive She was to me and to what I had told Her?
Well, I soon found out, as She had e-mailed me back Her reply:
"Even smaller submissive,
That was an entertaining message that you had left ME.
It pleases ME to hear you gobble and continue on…..
I will be unavailable for a few days but I should like to return to an entertaining e-mail from you.”
The way I see it, I've definitely got my work cut out for me, yet again!
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