SPs: Why and how did you become an SP and how have your attitudes changed over time?

[island-guy]

nd1 I appreciate your overall concern regarding the 'stalker' issue, truly. I don't really understand, however; Do you believe there is any more of a likelyhood of a woman attracting a 'stalker' in this industry than in any other? If so ...do you have statistics of some kind to back up your belief or is it more a 'gut feeling'? I ask because ...having spent more years in regular industry than some ladies here have been alive, I can honestly say that it is my experienced opinion there is far less 'stalker' material floating around this industry than any other I have ever worked in.

Most stalkers are actually ex's of the person they are stalking. Sure there are those hardcore wackos who stalk celebrities or people that they've never met, but most of the stalking that goes on is ex boyfriends, ex girlfriends, ex lovers, etc..

With that in mind, I would say that a girl who spends her days having sex with her customers is more likely to end up stalked than a girl who works as, say a bank teller. It would take a hardcore delusional person to somehow dream up the idea that the bank teller "wanted him", because he would be going by her smile or something like that. In the case of an SP, you get people like the OP of this thread who convince themselves that they are such great lovers that any girl that they have sex with has the hots for them and wants them, even that she enjoys it when they break her restrictions and do something non-consensual with her.

Add that to the fact that some girls in the industry are NOT blameless when it comes to the stalker issue, some girls actually encourage the guys to think that they are in a relationship with him, they let him take them shopping, etc.. and let him feel that it is no longer a pay for time arrangement but in their heads they are keeping track of how much of his money they are spending and how much time they are spending with him and making sure that he is paying MORE than their hourly rate.

It still takes a speshul kind of person to go out and stalk another person, even if the stalkee has done some things to set themself up to be stalked, a normal person doesn't just turn into a stalker.

One other interesting statistic is that the majority of stalkers are women, not men. At least the ones who go into the statistics, maybe women stalkers just get reported more than men do, I don't know.

So, while it may be the case that there aren't more "stalker types" in this business than in others, it is likely the case that the nature of the relationships that exist in this business is more likely to elicit the stalking behaviour from the nutjob who was prone to that type of behaviour in the first place. Again, the super-hardcore nutjobs are beyond sane thought so they don't really count. (ie: I'm following her around to protect her from the squirrel army)

 

[vancity_cowboy]

It would take a hardcore delusional person to somehow dream up the idea that the bank teller "wanted him", because he would be going by her smile or something like that.

i'll have you know i've broken MANY a bank tellers' heart with my uber-sexy banter!

 

[island-guy]

i'll have you know i've broken MANY a bank tellers' heart with my uber-sexy banter!

See, my point is proven

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

So, while it may be the case that there aren't more "stalker types" in this business than in others, it is likely the case that the nature of the relationships that exist in this business is more likely to elicit the stalking behaviourfrom the nutjob who was prone to that type of behaviour in the first place. Again, the super-hardcore nutjobs are beyond sane thought so they don't really count. (ie: I'm following her around to protect her from the squirrel army)

Sorry Island-guy but I must, in my own opinion, disagree completely. It is my belief that the 'stalker types' are far too insecure to be drawn to this as a hobby. The clients here, from my personal experiences, are hard working, confident family guys or divorced guys or single guys who are not interested in a solid relationship because they are, perhaps, already in one that is not quite sufficient or because they are avoiding being in one and in doing so have found this hobby to be a convenience.

From what I can tell the majority of clients in this hobby are far different than the clients who can afford only to hang out for hours fixating on, for example, waitresses in a bar or retailers in a mall. I don't believe that most 'loner/stalker' types who wander the downtown core, malls, streets etc. seeking a lady on whom they can fixate and fantasize are equipped mentally (dare I say perhaps not financially) to pursue this as a hobby. I know of 2 SP's who say they had stalkers. During the same amount of years I worked in a downtown highrise for a high paying, large finance company there were around 20 of the roughly 50 women who worked there that spoke of stalker type behavior whether it be while at work or at play.
My point is not an absolute ...it is simply my opinion based on very wide and personal knowledge. Again, IMHO.

By the way Island-guy ...is there really a Squirrel Army ?
BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit

 

[Aeiyah]

I've been told by clients who have seen me since day one that my demeanor is more relaxed than before.

I can certainly attest to that. You definitely were a lot more guarded about yourself the first time I met you than you are now.

 

[nd1]

Bounded Intimacy

nd1 I appreciate your overall concern regarding the `stalker` issue, truly. I don`t really understand, however; Do you believe there is any more of a likelyhood of a woman attracting a `stalker` in this industry than in any other? If so ...do you have statistics of some kind to back up your belief or is it more a `gut feeling`? I ask because ...having spent more years in regular industry than some ladies here have been alive, I can honestly say that it is my experienced opinion there is far less `stalker` material floating around this industry than any other I have ever worked in.

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this and I am very happy to learn that your clients are "FAR AND ABOVE more respectful, more caring, more honest, more kind than the majority of people in other areas of life." If I ever make your acquaintance, I hope you`ll find me worthy to join their ranks.

I do not have statistics on stalkers of ladies of this industry, but I do have some anecdotal evidence. Quite the opposite of what you`ve experienced, in only 2 years` time, I have heard about or witnessed at least 5 or 6 stalking incidents happening to ladies of the industry. In my "other" life, I honestly cannot recall even 1.

Like IslandGuy suggested, I don`t think clients in this industry are any more jerks and creeps than elsewhere, but the nature of the business is just that it`s more emotional and intimate, which tend to open the door to stalking behaviour. Just human nature and chemistry (i.e., hormones), I suppose. As IslandGuy has been quite erudite in his analysis, I need not belabour it again.

Everything in moderation folks ...nd1, you can`t expect us (SP`s) to `turn off` human nature and not share things with people we spend intimate time with, that would make intimacy far less ...intimate. IMHO

The term "bounded intimacy" is sometimes used to describe what happens behind closed door between a client and his lady of the industry. The clients of course come looking for intimacy and, the illusory and fantastical nature of the relationship aside, it would be nice that the ladies provide the same with at least some degree of genuineness, to the point of even enjoying the otherwise business transaction. All that are all just human nature. But please remember that it is, at the end of the day, a business transaction, with payments involved, and the intimacy, as real as it may get, exists only within the boundaries of time, space and mutual consent.

Respecting those boundaries makes for a successful client-lady relationship. Most clients are rational and respectful, but some will try to breach those boundaries -- taking advantage of a lady`s generosity with regard to time, trying to get the lady to see him off-the-clock, playing all sorts of mind games, bullying the lady into easing her restrictions, etc. I doubt that most ladies are comfortable with them, nor should they. It`s one thing to offer some of that in a mutually consented to "submissive service", it`s quite another when the client think it`s his rights not to respect those boundaries, and, by extension, the lady as a person who is entitled to her rights of privacy.

Yep, he`s creepy

Thus my allusion to Cameron Hooker. Or maybe someone has identified himself with Anne Desclos` Sir Stephen and René just a tad too much...