SP's and their SO's.Is a lasting relationship possible??

[thepilot]

I read an interesting thread a while back. GMB started it (see below) and it was insightful in terms of how some of us perceive cheating.

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=37907&highlight=cheating

What I found intrigung was there were a number of board members who had actually become involved in relationships with SP`s, myself included.How many are still in these relationships, I do not know. I felt that my response to GMB`s thread would be more about the relationship itself, why anyone would get involved with an SP to begin with, and if so would you do it again? Hence new thread.

So I would like to invite comments from both SP`s and SP SO`s as to why a relationship could work or why it is doomed to fail. Do we get involved with an SP because of our egos? "Hey guys, she can fuck anyone ,but she choose me." type of mentality or is it genuine feelings for the woman?

SP`s get hit on all the time. They could enter into a relationship every week if they so choose. It sounds as though most do not or they lead us to believe they are carefree,(Better for business I suppose) or do they think failure is inevitable so why start?As a client I was fortunate enough to begin dating and socializing outside the work place. I became her lover.I knew how she earned her living, so there was no secret and I knew I would have to cope with jealousy, which I did. She was who she was,and I was not about to change her. There were other concerns though. What did I have to offer? She was popular,made lots of $$$,was wined and dined,lots of sex,travelled,given gifts and much more.For example, If I met her in another city and wished to take her on a tour of whatever, she would sometimes tell me "I have already been there...with a client."

The good SP`s experience a lot of things. The good and the bad. IMHO they become jaded ,to tire or dull through repetition or excess.They also must compartmentalize their emotions to get through the day, almost like a switch. At times I felt I was switched out and made to feel like a client. Patronized. All I had to offer her was my love.SP`s are caregivers.I wanted to be her caregiver. In the end that couldn`t hold her. From my perspective,it ended not because of her career although I have reservations on her thoughts and feelings resulting from her career choice.It may have ended the same way if she had been a secretary, I can only speculate.

 

[BS Detector]

I can't believe I am getting sucked into resonding to another of the "falling for an SP" type of threads because all it ever turns into is me needing to wear my flame retardent suit but thankfully certain assholes are not here anymore to tell me that to care about someone is proving that you are "capable of crossing that line" (if the she happens to work as an SP). To answer your questions:

why a relationship could work or why it is doomed to fail. Do we get involved with an SP because of our egos? "Hey guys, she can fuck anyone ,but she choose me." type of mentality or is it genuine feelings for the woman?

It can work if the feelings are genuine and not a case of him simply looking for free sex or her toying with his feelings to keep business flowing. I met an SP I cared about a great deal and she knew it was not about free sex because she told me I treated her with more respect than any guy she ever met, in or out of the business and also because I stopped the FS with her but kept seeing her thru work. It was my way of still seeing her and showing her that she was about more than sex to me. So not only was it NOT about free sex, it was a case of paying but not partaking. Now however, I feel like I was used because we never did go out for a "date" despite numerous attempts on my part and a few promises from her that we would, even though it was assured that nothing would be expected even then.

If it is real, the jobs (his or hers) will NOT be relevant.


It will NOT work if the feelings are not sincere and genuine. If either one is using the other: free sex; keep the sucker coming back with more $$; or whatever...Again, the jobs (his or hers) are irrelevant.


If the feelings are genuine, it will still require good communication (like any relationship), perhaps a little more understanding than usual because of her job and...Her job can NOT be used against her later in an argument. That is fighting dirty if he goes into the relationship KNOWING what she does or did. I just don't know how a guy can judge a lady in the business anyway because he is in to too, just from the opposite end if it so who is he to judge?

 

[BS Detector]

• How can it be special when you want to tell her you find her beautiful when she hears that from 5 different chumps a day?
  
• How can she believe it is special when you tell her you want to worship her when she hears that all the time too?
  
• I worry that things I might say would remind her of 10 other customers of hers

Not saying this is THE solution to the good points you raise but...If you love her, it will be for more than her looks so tell her about THOSE things you love about her knowing most clients are fixated on her looks for example.

Don't TELL her how you want to worship her...SHOW her you do.

 

[DJLAW]

How can it be special when you want to tell her you find her beautiful when she hears that from 5 different chumps a day? How can she believe it is special when you tell her you want to worship her when she hears that all the time too? I worry that things I might say would remind her of 10 other customers of hers and how can she help but not put you in that light in her mind as well.

interesting. what is the SPs take on this? how can a guy be special to you if you hear the same thing all the time from other guys?

ladies?

 

[BS Detector]

Well put BS. Feelings must be mutually sincere and genuine. We know how we feel, they know how we feel,just not sure of the SP's motivation or feelings.

Thanks Buddy and you're right. I should have included the word "mutually".

 

[thepilot]

If it is real, the jobs (his or hers) will NOT be relevant.

It will NOT work if the feelings are not sincere and genuine. If either one is using the other: free sex; keep the sucker coming back with more $$; or whatever...Again, the jobs (his or hers) are irrelevant.

Makes sense BS. The feelings must be mutually sincere and genuine. We know our true feelings and tell them our true feelings. Just uncertain if what we hear back is genuine. This is their craft. The best of the SP's are great "people" persons. Are they capable of deeper feelings? I believe so, yet from what I've read on this board,the relationships don't last.
Why? Ladies?

 

[BS Detector]

You said "don't tell her you worship her, show her"

This made me think, SP's are very money oriented, every guy they see gives them money, and sometimes extra money as tips, and sometimes nice gifts.

By giving gifts often it might look like you are trying to buy her love....... is gifting too often a bad idea?

Well by paying, you're buying something anyway. Gifts are nice once in a while but not always cuz then they will stop being a surprise. I don't think this is any different than with any other lady. That is why I feel so strongly that the job is not relevant. I don't think present show you are buying love but being appreciative of her. It does not have to be limited to gifts either but just the way you talk to her, with respect. I guess the bottom line is if you really enjoy your time with a lady and do not look at her simply as an 'end' to fulfill your sexual need, it will show and she in turn will appreciate you over some guy who just wants to poke her in every hole she has.

Do women in general lose respect for a guy that is too nice and always pouring on compliments and presents?

LOL...This could be my problem

 

[Audrey]

interesting. what is the SPs take on this? how can a guy be special to you if you hear the same thing all the time from other guys?
ladies?

For me:
- When I am wanted soley for who I am, not what I look like.
- Driving half way across town & back, even though he only has 5 minutes to spare once he gets there. Just because he wantes to give me a hug & tell me how much he loves me. (this also relates to my thread in that a cake eater wouldn't put in that much effort if all I was to him was free sex.
- Its about gestures not about things.
- Its about conveying your emotions & having them felt without saying a word.
- Its about quality of words vs quantity.
- Its wanting nothing more than to hold me & fall asleep & then wake up & watch me as I am still sleeping.

 

[richrad]

if you think with the right head you will know what to do

 

[FuZzYknUckLeS]

Couldn't agree more.

 

[Lurker 123]

For me:
- When I am wanted soley for who I am, not what I look like.
- Driving half way across town & back, even though he only has 5 minutes to spare once he gets there. Just because he wantes to give me a hug & tell me how much he loves me.
- Its about gestures not about things.
- Its about conveying your emotions & having them felt without saying a word.
- Its about quality of words vs quantity.
- Its wanting nothing more than to hold me & fall asleep & then wake up & watch me as I am still sleeping.

That is an excellent piece of advice ,especially the last sentence! I have fallen in love with a sp and I truely believe that the above points are the reasons why she likes me!

 

[Lurker 123]

Well by paying, you're buying something anyway. Gifts are nice once in a while but not always cuz then they will stop being a surprise. I don't think this is any different than with any other lady. That is why I feel so strongly that the job is not relevant. I don't think present show you are buying love but being appreciative of her. It does not have to be limited to gifts either but just the way you talk to her, with respect. I guess the bottom line is if you really enjoy your time with a lady and do not look at her simply as an 'end' to fulfill your sexual need, it will show and she in turn will appreciate you over some guy who just wants to poke her in every hole she has.

In short, no matter what you do or buy ,be thoughtful !
Before you buy a gift, observe your lady friend. Trying to find out what she is missing , what fits her best or what she is longing for.

If you can find the right gift, your lady friend will see you as a caring person who stands out from the crowd!

 

[thepilot]

Gifts and cuddling etc are wonderful feelings.Some great insights ladies and gentlemen but can it last due to the type of relationship?

 

[Discombobbled]

Yes I will get flamed for this but, dysfunction actracts dysfuction. I'm not ragging on SPs but there are dysfunctional qualities to the activity. Way back when, my therapist told me that the people you are most attracted to, are the worst people for you. Simply because the supposed chemistry that attracted people was nothing more than dysfunctions that fed off of each other. At first, I thought he was full of shit, but I came to realize what he was saying was true. Those women that I had the most chemical attraction to, were the women that didn't work out. The women I had a moderate attraction to seemed to work out without the drawn out, kick ass, I hate your guts, fights that always ended in fabulous sex. Unfortunately, that only goes so far.

Many years later, I have an SO who I am very happy with. Other men come on to her all the time and that's ok to a point. In the end, she's as beautiful and sexy as any other woman, but my dysfunction didn't let me see it all those years ago.

 

[thepilot]

Yes I will get flamed for this but, dysfunction attracts dysfuction. I'm not ragging on SPs but there are dysfunctional qualities to the activity.

I have often questioned myself about why I am attracted to SP's as well.Bad girls attract bad boys. What makes it good, is also what can destroy. They are the "femme fatale", and we can antcipate the ending to that.

 

[Discombobbled]

Not all sp's are dysfunctional. cant lump us all in one catergory. thats like saying all men are assholes. There are a few good ones out there.

You're absolutely right. Not all SPs are completely dysfunctional. Personally, I think we're all dysfunctional in some manner, simply because we're human beings. After 40 years of life, I do believe that dysfunctions attract dysfunctions. However, the concept all depends on the meaning you place on dysfunction.

To me, dysfunction means all those beliefs and behaviours we were taught in our family of origin. Some are good, some not so good. For instance, in my family a person's worth was measured by how much hard work they did. When I look at that belief now, it seems rediculous. Yet there is still a part of me that wants believe it's true, and wants to act out that belief.

So, in my mind, dysfunctions exist in all of us, but they aren't a judgment of who we are or what we do. They just are what they are, and they can become problematic in our lives, especially in relationships.

My experience in life is that we often gravitate towards those people who will engage in our 'dysfunctional' behaviours. When it comes to male/female relationships, it is clearly identified by that intense feeling of 'sexual chemistry' one gets with certain people. Very rarely does one manage to keep these highly 'sexual chemistry' relationships together beyond five years, simply because the 'chemistry' is nothing more than an inherent understanding that the other person will play out or engage in one's personal dysfunctions. Simply dysfunctions play off of each other, and are attracted to each other.

In the end, dysfunctions aren't inherently negative, they're just behaviours learned from our family of origin that don't always suit the conceptions and workings of the wider world, and don't always serve us well.

I think I've said enough, and it's 1 hour before New Years so I should probably start pounding booze (I need to keep up my dysfunction). So, Happy Fuckin New Years everyone!!

 

[Ariel]

Well thanks for your elaboration Dis but just because you experienced such doesn't mean everyone else is the same I can see and understand what you are saying. Really though you are reminding me of my last psych partner.(No insult intended because he was pretty cool) Taking everything to the extreme as far as behavioral issues tho and all by the book. Sorry but you are kinda doing that You can argue on what i've said if you want but i doubt you can argue with my statement that its not wise to ever comment on anothers situation unless you've walked at least a mile in their shoes.

 

[Discombobbled]

Well thanks for your elaboration Dis but just because you experienced such doesn't mean everyone else is the same I can see and understand what you are saying. Really though you are reminding me of my last psych partner.(No insult intended because he was pretty cool) Taking everything to the extreme as far as behavioral issues tho and all by the book. Sorry but you are kinda doing that You can argue on what i've said if you want but i doubt you can argue with my statement that its not wise to ever comment on anothers situation unless you've walked at least a mile in their shoes.

Thanks for your tempered and thoughful response Ariel Yet I think one needs to remember the purpose of the post:

So I would like to invite comments from both SP's and SP SO's as to why a relationship could work or why it is doomed to fail. Do we get involved with an SP because of our egos? "Hey guys, she can fuck anyone ,but she choose me." type of mentality or is it genuine feelings for the woman?

I don't think my analysis is based upon generality, although it could apply in many circumstances. My post was meant to address the issue at hand. A more specific question would require a more specific answer. That being said, my prose above is based upom my on experiences in life. I'm not a psych student, although I do have substantial interest in the area. I've never untertaken any empirical studies, nor do I have any publications in the discipline. My conclusions above are based upon my own observations and experiences of life, mixed with a little education on the matter. I'm certainly no expert (my area is law) but I generally think I'm bright enough to see the obvious once it has been pointed out to me.

My understanding comes from the most competent psychotherapist I know, and I've seen a few. He was primarily responsible for my transformation from a 'family member' to an individual with unlimited potential. I still have baggage weighing me down, I drink too much and I'm not perfect. But that is entirely different from someone who would have ended up drinking too much, running a backhoe for a living and fucking different women every night, opposed to someone who has several publications and has made some difference in the world.

I still drink way too much, which is generally based upon the baggage I spoke of earlier, but the vast majority of people who have been through what I've been through end up in jail or dead before their 30s. I'm nowhere near either. One blessing I've had from my life experience is that I'm now able to understand most of my 'dysfunctional behaviour'. I see it for what it is and I make a conscious choice, and all consequences are mine alone. Unfortunately, most people aren't able to discern these problems. They think that what happens to them simply 'happens to them' opposed to being the creator of their reality. People are different, but in the end, we're just skin monkeys with oversized brains, and most of our behavior can be pre-determined.

Be well

 

[georgebushmoron]

You're absolutely right. Not all SPs are completely dysfunctional. Personally, I think we're all dysfunctional in some manner, simply because we're human beings. After 40 years of life, I do believe that dysfunctions attract dysfunctions. However, the concept all depends on the meaning you place on dysfunction.

To me, dysfunction means all those beliefs and behaviours we were taught in our family of origin. ...

My experience in life is that we often gravitate towards those people who will engage in our 'dysfunctional' behaviours.

Perhaps you shouldn't use such a value-laden term as "dysfunction". People like SPs get very angry and can not be objective in a discussion when negative words are used about them. Perhaps a better word would be "pattern" - its lack of value makes it more accurate anyways, I think.

But I would like to add to this discussion about the hazard to possible longevity of a relationship with an SP. It is something I've discovered in my ongoing relationship with an SP which I find quite negative.

There was a time when a girl, long before becoming an SP, when she thought that prostitution would be the last thing she could ever do because it ran against her sense of self and her moral values. Just as a pooner, we might have also once said to ourselves that we are far above paying for sex.

For innumerable reasons and excuses, a girl who decides to become an SP then crosses that threshold. The first few sessions are awkward, but eventually she adapts her sense of inner self to the reality at present (and perhaps with the help of some reality-altering devices such as booze or drugs). However, her moral self has to take a permanent hit - the value which she once held of never prostituting herself is gone and can not be regained. While we pooners are usually comfortable with that, as we wouldn't be pooners without their willingness to sell sex, pooners in a serious relationship with the SP better take heed.

Why? Because I believe that for a woman, her sexual identity is perhaps her most precious resource. Society tells her she is a virgin, pure, whore, slut, devout, fornicator, adultress, etc. Whether she likes it or not, she tells herself these things too. With the loss of the "I'll never do that for money" value also will come the loss of other values. In the future, she may find herself willing to again compromise another tightly held value seeing as she survived such a major compromise in the past "relatively unscathed". For example, she might say, "I'll never cheat on you". But what does that mean? I find that usually for an SP, it means, "I'll never cheat on you if you treat me well" - a dubious promise. For many a virtuous woman, "I'll never cheat on you" means "I'll never cheat on you because I have more self-respect than that": a virtue that has not yet been compromised. That is not to say that I believe SPs are prone to cheating, it is just an example. I am saying that SPs are prone to compromise on their moral values.

As a pooner dating an SP, I am constantly confronted with having to evaluate her moral character as I must also evaluate my own; after all, I too am prone to moral compromise. In deciding to pursue a relationship for the long term, one ought to be able to respect the moral character of your partner. Dating an SP or a pooner can make this more difficult.

 

[Discombobbled]

Perhaps you shouldn't use such a value-laden term as "dysfunction". People like SPs get very angry and can not be objective in a discussion when negative words are used about them. Perhaps a better word would be "pattern" - its lack of value makes it more accurate anyways, I think.

But I would like to add to this discussion about the hazard to possible longevity of a relationship with an SP. It is something I've discovered in my ongoing relationship with an SP which I find quite negative.

There was a time when a girl, long before becoming an SP, when she thought that prostitution would be the last thing she could ever do because it ran against her sense of self and her moral values. Just as a pooner, we might have also once said to ourselves that we are far above paying for sex.

For innumerable reasons and excuses, a girl who decides to become an SP then crosses that threshold. The first few sessions are awkward, but eventually she adapts her sense of inner self to the reality at present (and perhaps with the help of some reality-altering devices such as booze or drugs). However, her moral self has to take a permanent hit - the value which she once held of never prostituting herself is gone and can not be regained. While we pooners are usually comfortable with that, as we wouldn't be pooners without their willingness to sell sex, pooners in a serious relationship with the SP better take heed.

Why? Because I believe that for a woman, her sexual identity is perhaps her most precious resource. Society tells her she is a virgin, pure, whore, slut, devout, fornicator, adultress, etc. Whether she likes it or not, she tells herself these things too. With the loss of the "I'll never do that for money" value also will come the loss of other values. In the future, she may find herself willing to again compromise another tightly held value seeing as she survived such a major compromise in the past "relatively unscathed". For example, she might say, "I'll never cheat on you". But what does that mean? I find that usually for an SP, it means, "I'll never cheat on you if you treat me well" - a dubious promise. For many a virtuous woman, "I'll never cheat on you" means "I'll never cheat on you because I have more self-respect than that": a virtue that has not yet been compromised. That is not to say that I believe SPs are prone to cheating, it is just an example. I am saying that SPs are prone to compromise on their moral values.

As a pooner dating an SP, I am constantly confronted with having to evaluate her moral character as I must also evaluate my own; after all, I too am prone to moral compromise. In deciding to pursue a relationship for the long term, one ought to be able to respect the moral character of your partner. Dating an SP or a pooner can make this more difficult.

GBM, I've always enjoyed your thoughful posts and I've taken some knowledge from those posts.

Yet, this post seems a little unfinished. Seems you want to say something, but are unwilling to do so. The surface shit generally appeases the masses, but it leaves some of us gasping. If you're gonna post it, say what the fuck you want to say!