I agree, this is getting borderline pathetic. If even have of what sadgirl describes is true; then this guy sounds like a complete turd. Sorry to be so harsh.
First time for everything; but I agree.
Sorry everyone
- Thread starter sadgirl
- Start date
Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you
Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 4 Thankyou for all of your advice
Hi Everyone, your asking me questions and I am going to try and answer.
Why do I think he is using escorts....he asked me about 8 months ago how I would feel if he just got a blowjob from an escort or at a massage parlor. I told him I of course didn't like the idea, he could not understand as he said there would be no emotional bond. I asked him how he would feel if I did it. He said no way.
He changed his tune and said it was just a question and I should not get so upset about it. One morning soon after he got up (plumber) and had a shower and completely trimmed himself up (cologne etc) even went as far as trimming those little hairs down below. I asked him what he was doing he replied just want to feel and look good today. Never done this before. That day for 2hrs he is the owner of the company and needs to be available at all times became unavailable his phone was shut off. I do have his phone records and credit card records as well as banking records as we share our finances. I cannot trace anything for that day, but he also carries alot of cash which i cannot keep track of.
I do know that when he came home that day he was very into me but the day prior I didn't exist .
He now does not have cash flow and I control the banking, so it seems like he is putting alot of $40 out, he is not going high end anymore. Makes me think he is using massage parlors.
I want to be wrong about my thought and I maybe completly of base. I have huge trust issues due to past relationship.
Like one of you said maybe he just likes sex with different women, I know he loves me, he treats me great.
I use to model and still do some here and there. I get complimented on my body and looks often, so it's not like he has it so bad .
I make great money and have been told by others i am a great catch for him. Yes I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out if he is faithful, I am the type of woman that needs evidence , I need to catch him so i can move on.
Sounds terrible , I just need to know.
So what is it I should look for to find if he is going to a massage parlor or escorts.
Once again thankyou.
You are all so understanding , you are giving me more then what I expected.
Your all very supportive, this is a great site.
No jokin , I actually thought about being an escort if this doesn't work between us.
Originally Posted by Jodie Hi Sadgirl,
Hi Jodie, it is my gut feeling telling me this, I am at the point it is making me sick and I just want to deal with it. I am at the point where I need to snoop around for my gratification of knowing the unknown. Yes he stated he would never be with anyone else but is always asking me questions about how I would feel if he did, and what the consequences would be to our relationship. When I tell him he laughs and says i could never leave him because I love him to much. This leads me to being insecure.
So yes Jodie any info you can give me will help. I have my life invested with this man, financially also...I have worked to hard to lose it all 2 years from now instead if I find out now, I may be able to come out ok.
Thanks
Christine
It's not a crazy question at all.
If you don't mind sharing, what is it that makes you believe he is addicted to escorts and/or that he might not be loyal to you? Are you trying to find out whether he is seeing escorts now, or are you looking for information because you're worried he might start to see escorts (again?) after you're married?
Have you spoken to him on this issue before? Has he outright stated that he promises to be loyal and monogamous? If so, why do you think you're getting that gut feeling that you shouldn't trust him?
I can certainly tell you what to look for and where to look for it, but realize that in snooping around, you would be violating his trust, and if you were wrong in your assumptions and got caught snooping, the consequences could be devastating. 
Hi Jodie, it is my gut feeling telling me this, I am at the point it is making me sick and I just want to deal with it. I am at the point where I need to snoop around for my gratification of knowing the unknown. Yes he stated he would never be with anyone else but is always asking me questions about how I would feel if he did, and what the consequences would be to our relationship. When I tell him he laughs and says i could never leave him because I love him to much. This leads me to being insecure.
So yes Jodie any info you can give me will help. I have my life invested with this man, financially also...I have worked to hard to lose it all 2 years from now instead if I find out now, I may be able to come out ok.
Thanks
Christine
Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you
I call bullshit.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you
Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 4 Thankyou for all of your advice
Hi Everyone, your asking me questions and I am going to try and answer.
Why do I think he is using escorts....he asked me about 8 months ago how I would feel if he just got a blowjob from an escort or at a massage parlor. I told him I of course didn't like the idea, he could not understand as he said there would be no emotional bond. I asked him how he would feel if I did it. He said no way.
He changed his tune and said it was just a question and I should not get so upset about it. One morning soon after he got up (plumber) and had a shower and completely trimmed himself up (cologne etc) even went as far as trimming those little hairs down below. I asked him what he was doing he replied just want to feel and look good today. Never done this before. That day for 2hrs he is the owner of the company and needs to be available at all times became unavailable his phone was shut off. I do have his phone records and credit card records as well as banking records as we share our finances. I cannot trace anything for that day, but he also carries alot of cash which i cannot keep track of.
I do know that when he came home that day he was very into me but the day prior I didn't exist .
He now does not have cash flow and I control the banking, so it seems like he is putting alot of $40 out, he is not going high end anymore. Makes me think he is using massage parlors.
I want to be wrong about my thought and I maybe completly of base. I have huge trust issues due to past relationship.
Like one of you said maybe he just likes sex with different women, I know he loves me, he treats me great.
I use to model and still do some here and there. I get complimented on my body and looks often, so it's not like he has it so bad .
I make great money and have been told by others i am a great catch for him. Yes I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out if he is faithful, I am the type of woman that needs evidence , I need to catch him so i can move on.
Sounds terrible , I just need to know.
So what is it I should look for to find if he is going to a massage parlor or escorts.
Once again thankyou.
You are all so understanding , you are giving me more then what I expected.
Your all very supportive, this is a great site.
No jokin , I actually thought about being an escort if this doesn't work between us.
Originally Posted by Jodie Hi Sadgirl,
Hi Jodie, it is my gut feeling telling me this, I am at the point it is making me sick and I just want to deal with it. I am at the point where I need to snoop around for my gratification of knowing the unknown. Yes he stated he would never be with anyone else but is always asking me questions about how I would feel if he did, and what the consequences would be to our relationship. When I tell him he laughs and says i could never leave him because I love him to much. This leads me to being insecure.
So yes Jodie any info you can give me will help. I have my life invested with this man, financially also...I have worked to hard to lose it all 2 years from now instead if I find out now, I may be able to come out ok.
Thanks
Christine
It's not a crazy question at all.
If you don't mind sharing, what is it that makes you believe he is addicted to escorts and/or that he might not be loyal to you? Are you trying to find out whether he is seeing escorts now, or are you looking for information because you're worried he might start to see escorts (again?) after you're married?
Have you spoken to him on this issue before? Has he outright stated that he promises to be loyal and monogamous? If so, why do you think you're getting that gut feeling that you shouldn't trust him?
I can certainly tell you what to look for and where to look for it, but realize that in snooping around, you would be violating his trust, and if you were wrong in your assumptions and got caught snooping, the consequences could be devastating. 
Hi Jodie, it is my gut feeling telling me this, I am at the point it is making me sick and I just want to deal with it. I am at the point where I need to snoop around for my gratification of knowing the unknown. Yes he stated he would never be with anyone else but is always asking me questions about how I would feel if he did, and what the consequences would be to our relationship. When I tell him he laughs and says i could never leave him because I love him to much. This leads me to being insecure.
So yes Jodie any info you can give me will help. I have my life invested with this man, financially also...I have worked to hard to lose it all 2 years from now instead if I find out now, I may be able to come out ok.
Thanks
Christine
Sorry everyone, this is a crazy question to post on here I know.
I am getting married very soon, I really believe that my hubby to be is addicted to escorts. I am in my late 30's and have been thru one marriage already and I really want this one to be loyal.
If anyone even the escorts can give me any ideas what to look for to find if he is being un faithful to me I would reall appreciate it. I have nothing against what you do, but I do if it's my man. Please ladies and gents help me out.
Thankyou to all of you
I call bullshit.
(I'm assuming this is a legit post, not some poser playing the jilted woman. If you are who you say you are, you've revealed plenty of personal info that the man in question will easily identify you, and maybe that's the point--bringing it out in the open).
Just be thankful he was upfront in saying he will cheat on you (with at the very least BJs at MPs) before you got married.
If you are supplying him with all the BJs he could possibly want (I didn't see that mentioned in the "role-playing" post), then he already is.
Reduced frequency of sex with you (while he's asking about MP BJs) is a dead-giveaway.
You won't change him, so if you want to go ahead with the marriage, either accept he will cheat (your definition, obviously not his), or get ready for the messy divorce. (Financially, you will come out ahead of the game, but that's small consolation if you really wanted the relationship to work.)
Interesting thread.
1) I am a bit disappointed at the overall consensus that all men cheat. Maybe I am unique. When I am in a relationship, even when the dating gets past date 3 or 4 (and definitely before it gets physical) I don't poon. I don't cheat when I in a relationship until it is actually over. Even if it means no sex for a year and at the end it costs me a house (but I am not bitter
). Hell even when I see SPs once I find one I like I usually only see that one for months etc.
2) If you don't trust him, and you care if he is pooning or not, don't marry him. It makes no difference if he is or isn't, the fact that you think he is, is driving you nuts and you probably don't need that. You will always be suspicious and that will wear on both of you. I guess you might want to ask yourself if you caught him what would you do? Would it be all over?
1) I am a bit disappointed at the overall consensus that all men cheat. Maybe I am unique. When I am in a relationship, even when the dating gets past date 3 or 4 (and definitely before it gets physical) I don't poon. I don't cheat when I in a relationship until it is actually over. Even if it means no sex for a year and at the end it costs me a house (but I am not bitter
). Hell even when I see SPs once I find one I like I usually only see that one for months etc.2) If you don't trust him, and you care if he is pooning or not, don't marry him. It makes no difference if he is or isn't, the fact that you think he is, is driving you nuts and you probably don't need that. You will always be suspicious and that will wear on both of you. I guess you might want to ask yourself if you caught him what would you do? Would it be all over?
Interesting thread.
1) I am a bit disappointed at the overall consensus that all men cheat. Maybe I am unique. When I am in a relationship, even when the dating gets past date 3 or 4 (and definitely before it gets physical) I don't poon. I don't cheat when I in a relationship until it is actually over. Even if it means no sex for a year and at the end it costs me a house (but I am not bitter
2) If you don't trust him, and you care if he is pooning or not, don't marry him. It makes no difference if he is or isn't, the fact that you think he is, is driving you nuts and you probably don't need that. You will always be suspicious and that will wear on both of you. I guess you might want to ask yourself if you caught him what would you do? Would it be all over?
I don't cheat I break up first.
I just find it hard to stick to one woman.
When I am in a long term relationship my sex drive goes way down. It is sort of a toss up. It would be great to be with other women for just physical pleasure.
On point 1, no one is saying that all men cheat, but the man in question will, since he told her he doesn't consider MP BJs cheating (and she does).
On point 2, she is naive thinking he might be cheating, when it's obvious he already is.
She has to reconcile herself that "no emotional bond" BJs are aleady happening, and will continue to happen, and be thankful if that's as far as it goes, or forget about marrying him.
I think Nina is right on here and her points 1 and 2 are very good advice.
Nature vs Nuture
It has been presented in this thread that men are predisposed to cheat. While this may be true for some for others it is not. I think a lot of it depends on how you were raised, the relationships you had to model your own upon (ie parents) one's you've experienced, attitudes on sex etc, etc. I have a friend who has a very healthy sex drive but he has been with a woman for 5 years and is very happy with his sexual situation while I know others who cheat freely.
To me, cheating implies dishonesty. It also has to do with a breach of trust and intimacy and sex is a big part of it and according to the Judeo-Christian ethic, the biggest part. People cheat because they are looking for an outlet for their unfufilled sexual wants and desires. The easiest solution to that is to find a like-minded mate who can fufill these desires with a high rate of success. Th goal is to be proactive and not get involved with someone who isn't like-minded as you in the first place. I know that there is no way for me to be faithful if I'm always wondering what I'm missing so I want to experience all I can so when I do find someone I want to be involved with for a long time, the urge to cheat will be minimal at most.
It has been presented in this thread that men are predisposed to cheat. While this may be true for some for others it is not. I think a lot of it depends on how you were raised, the relationships you had to model your own upon (ie parents) one's you've experienced, attitudes on sex etc, etc. I have a friend who has a very healthy sex drive but he has been with a woman for 5 years and is very happy with his sexual situation while I know others who cheat freely.
To me, cheating implies dishonesty. It also has to do with a breach of trust and intimacy and sex is a big part of it and according to the Judeo-Christian ethic, the biggest part. People cheat because they are looking for an outlet for their unfufilled sexual wants and desires. The easiest solution to that is to find a like-minded mate who can fufill these desires with a high rate of success. Th goal is to be proactive and not get involved with someone who isn't like-minded as you in the first place. I know that there is no way for me to be faithful if I'm always wondering what I'm missing so I want to experience all I can so when I do find someone I want to be involved with for a long time, the urge to cheat will be minimal at most.
